Doubt - Chapter 11 (Secrets and Lies)
Title:Doubt
Author:glasheen25
Pairing/Characters:Nancy/Ned, Nancy/Frank
Series:post-files
Word Count:3569
Rating:R
Summary:In the first instance Ned misses his flight, missing Nancy's birthday in the process. In the second instance Ned makes his flight, arriving on time. How a seemingly inconsequential event could lead Nancy's life in two completely different directions.
Spoilers:None
Warnings:None
‘Are you okay?” Rubbing at her eyes blearily, Bess appeared wearily at the door, her pink robe tied loosely around her hips. Ever conscientious about her appearance, Bess nearly always displayed a full face of make-up and a perfectly coordinated outfit, and she looked younger somehow standing there, her long blonde hair trailing untidily over her shoulders.
“I’m so sorry, Bess, I wouldn’t have disturbed you if I thought you would still be asleep,” Nancy murmured in apology, following her friend into the darkened apartment, all the blinds and curtains tightly drawn, displaying Bess’s determination at keeping even the tiniest hint of daylight out.
“It’s nine o’ clock on a Saturday morning. What the hell did you think I’d be doing?”
“Shopping,” Nancy replied sweetly, tentatively holding out a folded paper bag of still warm muffins as a peace offering. Bess was not known for her morning cheer, though her weakness for sugar and chocolate meant she was easily swayed by a baked good or two. “You always say that Saturday is sacred shopping time.”
“I doubt shops even open this early,” Bess responded grumpily, but a smile softened her face just the same. “Now that I’m awake, I might as well put on the kettle.”
Wandering through the cosy living room, Nancy had to blink. Piles of clothes and shoes were heaped and scattered haphazardly around the floor. A bloated make-up bag overflowed out onto the kitchen table; bottles of foundation and eyeshadow palates were scattered among the pair of hair straighteners and the hefty hair dryer Bess was presumably taking as well.
“Are you planning on making the move to Paris permanent?” she joked, pitying the baggage handlers at the airport.
“No, why?” she asked, confusion crossing her pretty face as she poured milk into a steaming mug of coffee for Nancy.
“No reason,” Nancy replied innocently as she accepted the steaming cup of coffee. Caffeine was the one drug she hadn’t been totally able to quit.
Comfortably untidy, Bess’s apartment was filled with just the right amount of clutter to make the place feel homely and warm without making it appear overcrowded. The pink painted walls were plastered with photographs of family and friends, and the scuffed leather sofa was strewn with a multitude of pink and cream patterned cushions.
Dragging a brush impatiently through her sleep tangled lengths of hair, Bess turned to Nancy curiously. “Not that I don’t love seeing you, Nan but why are you here, anyway? You sounded kind of upset on the phone earlier.”
Pushing some of the cushions aside to make room on the sofa, Nancy sat gracefully down, crossing her long stockinged legs and sighing as Bess looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to begin.
“Stupid husband stayed out all night and never fucking rang me.”
The words tumbled out of Nancy’s mouth in one fluid rush and Bess could see the frustration in her friend’s face that had obviously nothing to do with Ned’s late night.
“He should have rang you, Nancy,” Bess agreed reasonably, breaking off a miniscule piece of her blueberry muffin and nibbling at it delicately, the crumbs scattering wildly all over the floor. “But you know what guys are like when they drink. Useless,” she concluded knowingly, rolling her eyes in a display of superiority. “Ned probably lost his phone, dropped it down the toilet or something. Anyway, what’s the big deal? He’s back, isn’t he?”
“Yes, but that’s not the point, Bess,” Nancy sighed in exasperation, needing her friend to indulge her and listen in complete agreement while she vented furiously about her husband. Which was ridiculous, really, considering that what she was doing to Ned was infinitely worse than any series of late night parties he could possibly have.
“Well, what is the point, Nancy?” Bess demanded grouchily, the effects of her early waking already starting to weigh on her. “If I told you two years ago that you would come crying to me about your husband staying out late, you would have laughed. So out with it. We both know that there is more going on here than you just being pissed with Ned over a night’s partying.”
Sighing heavily, Nancy replaced her mug of coffee on the table before turning to her friend hesitantly. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth yesterday when I said I might be pregnant,” Nancy winced, twisting her fingers uncomfortably on her lap as she forced the words out of her mouth. “I’m actually just over three months pregnant. The baby will be here at the end of September.”
“You’re serious?” Bess spluttered in shock, dusting stray muffin crumbs off her fingers as she crossed the room to give Nancy a hesitant congratulatory hug. “That’s great news.”
“But why haven’t you told Ned?” Bess questioned her in surprise, taking a seat on the sofa next to Nancy and pulling her legs up under her. “Are you worried he won’t take the news well or something?”
“No, the opposite. I knew he’d be delighted and once I told him, that would be it.”
Nancy felt almost embarrassed, explaining to Bess why she had kept the pregnancy a secret for so long. What the hell was wrong with her? This was a good thing. She was married to a wonderful husband and they had a fantastic life together and the baby would be just another addition to that perfection. She should be fucking delighted. Smiling twenty four seven. But the truth was, she wasn’t.
She could see her thoughts echoed in Bess’s face and Nancy felt instantly uncomfortable.
“This is about the FBI, isn’t it?" Bess prompted her knowingly, reaching for a cushion and pressing it comfortingly to her chest.
“Yes. I’m a horrible person, I know,” Nancy admitted, tears prickling at her eyes at the memory of her unfair treatment of Ned that morning. “I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’m going to miss out on when I have the baby. And it’s not just the FBI, it’s everything. This baby is going to completely change our lives and I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that.”
“Nancy, you don’t have a choice. The baby is coming whether you’re ready or not,” Bess sighed quietly, gazing at her friend with sympathy. “And I know you’re afraid of all the things that are going to change for you and Ned but some of these things are going to be good. My god, Nan, you and Ned are going to have a baby. Are you not just the tiniest bit excited?”
“Sometimes,” Nancy admitted grudgingly, though she did allow a small smile cross her face. “Ned will be the greatest father and I suppose, having a baby can’t be all bad.”
“You see, you’re working those maternal instincts already,” Bess joked, wrapping an arm warmly around her friend’s shoulders. Nancy always seemed to be so together, so in control of herself, and it was a bit of a shock to see her so lost.
Nancy didn’t look completely convinced, but she forced a smile just the same, turning to Bess with a twinkle in her eyes. “Well, it’s good to know I can rely on you, Bess. When the baby arrives, I guess if me and Ned a holiday to get over the stress of parenthood, or whatever, we’ll know where to leave the baby.”
The look of horror on Bess’ face was priceless and forced a chuckle from Nancy’s lips, though the new fear of relaying the news of her pregnancy to Ned was never far from her mind.
“I don’t really do the whole baby thing, Nan.” Bess shuddered visibly, clutching her pillow even tighter towards her chest, as though the action would shield her from the threat of Nancy’s proclamation. “A night’s babysitting, maybe, but really anything more than a few hours is not happening."
“Bess, thanks so much for this,” Nancy murmured gently to her friend after a pause, the mood suddenly turning serious. “I feel better than I have in weeks. I should have come to you about this ages ago.”
“Damn right you should have,” Bess quipped jovially in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I’m like goddamn Doctor Phil or something. I should be charging you people. Now, how about some breakfast, Nan? All this Dr. Phil stuff has left me seriously starving. I think I have some eggs in the fridge.”
Nancy hadn’t eaten a meal in weeks without the food sticking uncomfortably in her stomach, but now, she felt inexplicably freed.
“Do you think you could do one of those amazing omelettes like you did last time?” Nancy pleaded with a wide-eyed expression, her stomach grumbling in anticipation of some much needed food. Nancy never bothered much with cooking; her rare attempts at making anything even remotely complicated usually resulted in a sad mess resembling anything but the glossy photograph in the cookbook. Bess, however, worked miracles in the kitchen. Nancy often was left staring at her friend in astonishment at the dishes she managed to concoct out of a few basic ingredients. “Please, Bess. You can’t deny a pregnant woman food, it’s inhumane.”
“I’m not Hannah,” Bess retorted with mock annoyance, though she headed to the kitchen all the same, humming some vaguely recognizable song as she noisily rummaged through the fridge for the necessary ingredients.
Left alone with her thoughts, Nancy sipped absently at the cold remains of her coffee as she mulled over her conversation with Bess. It will be okay, she realized, her mood somewhat brighter as she slid her empty mug onto the table.
---
It was late afternoon by the time Nancy finally brought herself to go home. The sky was already darkening, bringing with it the plummeting temperatures Chicago had become accustomed to over the previous weeks. The snow had been steadily falling all day, and was even now drifting down gently, the glistening flakes settling lightly in Nancy’s hair as she rummaged in her bag for keys. Her fingers twisted tightly around the hard metal, Nancy was suddenly gripped with an overwhelming feeling of doubt and indecision, her earlier optimism about her capabilities as a mother dissipated. When she was talking to Bess earlier, it had all seemed so easy, so plausible. Now, she wasn’t so sure.
Ned practically ran out to meet her the second he heard her key turn in the lock.
“Nancy, I’m so sorry, babe, I was an asshole. You were right to be mad at me. I swear to God it will never happen again.”
That was the thing Nancy loved about Ned; his absolute determination to right a situation even if his responsibility in the cause of it was negligible in comparison to Nancy’s previous fuck-ups.
A victim of both their heavy workloads, the house was generally untidy by at least Edith’s standards, their clothes left heaped in the laundry baskets, shoes left strewn untidily by the door and junk mail left to pile up on the hall table for weeks before Nancy finally summoned up the energy to sort and file it. But today, the house was spotless, she noted in happy surprise; a delicious smell of food wafted from the kitchen.
“Nan, I’m so sorry,” Ned tried again, reaching out tentatively and pulling her into his arms, Nancy resisting for only a moment before reciprocating his affection eagerly. “What can I do to make it up to you?” he murmured teasingly, obviously sensing her thaw, his breath grazing her ear as he pressed his lips against her neck.
“I think you know,” Nancy managed with difficulty, her eyes squeezed shut in anticipation as Ned impatiently pulled open the buttons of her shirt, his lips warm on her skin.
The last button undone, Nancy’s black bra blazoned from the now open shirt, Ned’s fingers trailing longingly over the expanse of bare skin. Their eyes met and something in her husband’s expression rendered Nancy speechless.
“I love you, so much,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers and dragging him towards the stairs. “And I’m going to show you just how much,” she promised enticingly, a mischievous glint in her eyes as Ned grabbed her and kissed her hard.
--
The room was shrouded in darkness when Nancy finally woke up, her head nestled comfortably against Ned’s chest. Rubbing her eyes groggily, Nancy gently disentangled herself from Ned’s arms and, glancing at the illuminated face of her cell phone, realized it was almost three o’ clock in the morning.
Not surprising, Nancy thought smugly, a warm glow surging through her at the memory of the very thoroughly satisfying love making session with her husband.
Hearing Ned stir quietly beside her, Nancy nestled back beneath the cocoon of blankets, into the warmth of his arms.
“Hey, you,” Ned murmured sleepily, reaching out and tracing a hand affectionately over her cheek.
“Hey, you,” Nancy replied affectionately, pressing her lips against his. At her advances, Ned responded eagerly despite his sleepy state, pushing Nancy down gently onto their bed and kissing her longingly.
“Wow, we really tired ourselves out, huh,” he murmured lovingly, his fingers already creeping beneath her skimpy nightgown. “What time is it, anyway?”
“Three o’ clock,” Nancy uttered through tightly squeezed lips, moaning softly as he impatiently pushed her down onto the bed and kissed her heatedly.
“Are you up for a repeat performance and maybe some of that dinner?” he murmured softly and despite herself, Nancy couldn’t help but laugh, hearing the enthusiasm in his voice. Ned always did love his food.
Afterwards, still basking in the afterglow of their love making, Nancy turned to face Ned, adoration radiating from her face
“You’re amazing, you know that?” she prompted him softly, edging a little further into the warmth of his embrace as she moved to kiss him softly.
Tightening his hold on her, Ned kissed her heatedly in response, his fingers trailing down the length of her back. “I love you, so much,” he murmured, his fingers warm against her skin.
Swallowing hard, Nancy raised her head to face his resolutely, her blue eyes peering into his intently. “Ned, I’m pregnant.”
His fingers entangled in her red-blonde hair, Ned stopped suddenly as though in shock, his eyes peering into hers. “You’re having a baby? Our baby,” he corrected, as though to him himself, his expression transforming as the reality of the news sank in.
“Yes,” Nancy admitted, unable to stop the tears prickling at her eyes as an expression of what could only be described as utter joy crossed Ned’s face.
“My God, Nan, this is brilliant news,” he enthused, pulling Nancy into his arms and holding her close. “Brilliant news,” he continued, a tone close to reverence creeping into his voice. “You never even told me you suspected you might be pregnant. When did you find out?”
“Two months ago,” Nancy had to admit, the words almost choking her as she forced them out.
Ned had been idly running his fingers along the bare skin of Nancy’s arm but at her reply he stopped short, staring into her eyes as though unable to believe what she had just said.
“Two months.” Ned uttered the words quietly to himself as though taking a chance to consider the information silently to himself. “Two whole months. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ned’s tone was more perplexed than angry, but Nancy was sure it wouldn’t be long before the old, familiar anger crept in.
“I don’t know,” Nancy shrugged helplessly, tears burning in her eyes as she lowered her gaze to the floor. “I don’t fucking know, okay?”
Ned’s anger, which had been quietly bubbling under the surface, suddenly came forcefully to a head. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” he spat out heatedly, his frustration evident in every word. “How can I think you give a shit about us when you treat me like this, like I don’t even matter?”
The tears flowing freely down her cheeks, Nancy turned to Ned, horror on her face at the unspeakable pain she knew she was causing him. “I do care about you, Ned. How can you say that?” she uttered, reaching out to rest her fingers gently on his skin, her voice breaking as he pushed her hand forcefully away.
“Nancy, you lied to me every day for the past two months when you knew and didn’t bother telling me. How do you think that makes me feel? How can I ever trust you again, about anything?”
His tone was cold and distant, and as he turned away from her in the bed, Nancy felt sick. What the fuck had she done?
Panicking, Nancy kicked her way out of the thick layer of blankets and, struggling to her feet, pulled on the clothes she had so hastily discarded on the floor when Ned was so desperate to get her into bed.
Could that really have been only a few hours ago? The way things were now between them, it could have been years.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Ned demanded coldly, sitting up in the bed and glaring at her furiously. “We need to talk about this.”
Her breath caught in her throat, Nancy only sighed in response. “Look, Ned, I need time to think. I need to get away from here,” she finally brought herself to say, her keys enclosed in her fist as she practically ran toward the bedroom door.
“Don’t be stupid, Nancy, it’s freezing out there,” Ned pleaded with her, the coldness in his voice tempered by concern.
Shrugging as though to say she didn’t care, Nancy stalked out of the house, never looking back once.
Outside, the world was swathed in a falling veil of snow. Sliding her key into the car door, Nancy could hardly see through her tears. When she had imagined telling Ned about the pregnancy, it hadn’t been anything like this.
Of course Ned was right, she considered dully, pulling away from the curb with unwise speed, considering the condition of the road. She should have told him months ago. She was a terrible wife. God only knew what kind of a mother she’d make. A terrible one, she was sure.
Visibility was poor as Nancy distractedly negotiated the glimmering ice-glazed roads, the sky deathly black, not even a glimmer of light from the moon or stars allowed through. All the weather stations had forecast a blizzard and as a consequence the roads were unnervingly quiet, people with evidently far more sense than Nancy heeding the almost constant warnings on the radio to avoid unnecessary travel. Making away her slowly through streets of impressive stately homes, Nancy’s mind was racing. What the hell was she even doing out here; it was crazy to be out in these conditions. She should go back home, talk to Ned and sort things out. He never stayed mad at her for long anyway, she considered with measured sigh, making a careful turn onto another street of similarly beautiful homes, the trees lining the sidewalk, dusted with a heavy frosting of gleaming white.
Her mind so consumed with her conflicted thoughts about the fight with Ned, Nancy hardly knew what she was doing, but her attention was momentarily distracted by a blur of blue flashing lights emerging from the hazy darkness.
It must be an accident, Nancy decided dully, not surprised considering the dangerous driving conditions.
Making the decision to slow down, Nancy brought her car almost to a crawl, when an almost blinding white light came hurtling through the thick darkness, startling her.
“What the hell,” she exclaimed, startled, turning the wheel violently in an effort to avoid the inevitable collision, but it was too late. What followed was a terrific explosion of sound and then nothing, as Nancy lapsed into unconsciousness.
Author:glasheen25
Pairing/Characters:Nancy/Ned, Nancy/Frank
Series:post-files
Word Count:3569
Rating:R
Summary:In the first instance Ned misses his flight, missing Nancy's birthday in the process. In the second instance Ned makes his flight, arriving on time. How a seemingly inconsequential event could lead Nancy's life in two completely different directions.
Spoilers:None
Warnings:None
‘Are you okay?” Rubbing at her eyes blearily, Bess appeared wearily at the door, her pink robe tied loosely around her hips. Ever conscientious about her appearance, Bess nearly always displayed a full face of make-up and a perfectly coordinated outfit, and she looked younger somehow standing there, her long blonde hair trailing untidily over her shoulders.
“I’m so sorry, Bess, I wouldn’t have disturbed you if I thought you would still be asleep,” Nancy murmured in apology, following her friend into the darkened apartment, all the blinds and curtains tightly drawn, displaying Bess’s determination at keeping even the tiniest hint of daylight out.
“It’s nine o’ clock on a Saturday morning. What the hell did you think I’d be doing?”
“Shopping,” Nancy replied sweetly, tentatively holding out a folded paper bag of still warm muffins as a peace offering. Bess was not known for her morning cheer, though her weakness for sugar and chocolate meant she was easily swayed by a baked good or two. “You always say that Saturday is sacred shopping time.”
“I doubt shops even open this early,” Bess responded grumpily, but a smile softened her face just the same. “Now that I’m awake, I might as well put on the kettle.”
Wandering through the cosy living room, Nancy had to blink. Piles of clothes and shoes were heaped and scattered haphazardly around the floor. A bloated make-up bag overflowed out onto the kitchen table; bottles of foundation and eyeshadow palates were scattered among the pair of hair straighteners and the hefty hair dryer Bess was presumably taking as well.
“Are you planning on making the move to Paris permanent?” she joked, pitying the baggage handlers at the airport.
“No, why?” she asked, confusion crossing her pretty face as she poured milk into a steaming mug of coffee for Nancy.
“No reason,” Nancy replied innocently as she accepted the steaming cup of coffee. Caffeine was the one drug she hadn’t been totally able to quit.
Comfortably untidy, Bess’s apartment was filled with just the right amount of clutter to make the place feel homely and warm without making it appear overcrowded. The pink painted walls were plastered with photographs of family and friends, and the scuffed leather sofa was strewn with a multitude of pink and cream patterned cushions.
Dragging a brush impatiently through her sleep tangled lengths of hair, Bess turned to Nancy curiously. “Not that I don’t love seeing you, Nan but why are you here, anyway? You sounded kind of upset on the phone earlier.”
Pushing some of the cushions aside to make room on the sofa, Nancy sat gracefully down, crossing her long stockinged legs and sighing as Bess looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to begin.
“Stupid husband stayed out all night and never fucking rang me.”
The words tumbled out of Nancy’s mouth in one fluid rush and Bess could see the frustration in her friend’s face that had obviously nothing to do with Ned’s late night.
“He should have rang you, Nancy,” Bess agreed reasonably, breaking off a miniscule piece of her blueberry muffin and nibbling at it delicately, the crumbs scattering wildly all over the floor. “But you know what guys are like when they drink. Useless,” she concluded knowingly, rolling her eyes in a display of superiority. “Ned probably lost his phone, dropped it down the toilet or something. Anyway, what’s the big deal? He’s back, isn’t he?”
“Yes, but that’s not the point, Bess,” Nancy sighed in exasperation, needing her friend to indulge her and listen in complete agreement while she vented furiously about her husband. Which was ridiculous, really, considering that what she was doing to Ned was infinitely worse than any series of late night parties he could possibly have.
“Well, what is the point, Nancy?” Bess demanded grouchily, the effects of her early waking already starting to weigh on her. “If I told you two years ago that you would come crying to me about your husband staying out late, you would have laughed. So out with it. We both know that there is more going on here than you just being pissed with Ned over a night’s partying.”
Sighing heavily, Nancy replaced her mug of coffee on the table before turning to her friend hesitantly. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth yesterday when I said I might be pregnant,” Nancy winced, twisting her fingers uncomfortably on her lap as she forced the words out of her mouth. “I’m actually just over three months pregnant. The baby will be here at the end of September.”
“You’re serious?” Bess spluttered in shock, dusting stray muffin crumbs off her fingers as she crossed the room to give Nancy a hesitant congratulatory hug. “That’s great news.”
“But why haven’t you told Ned?” Bess questioned her in surprise, taking a seat on the sofa next to Nancy and pulling her legs up under her. “Are you worried he won’t take the news well or something?”
“No, the opposite. I knew he’d be delighted and once I told him, that would be it.”
Nancy felt almost embarrassed, explaining to Bess why she had kept the pregnancy a secret for so long. What the hell was wrong with her? This was a good thing. She was married to a wonderful husband and they had a fantastic life together and the baby would be just another addition to that perfection. She should be fucking delighted. Smiling twenty four seven. But the truth was, she wasn’t.
She could see her thoughts echoed in Bess’s face and Nancy felt instantly uncomfortable.
“This is about the FBI, isn’t it?" Bess prompted her knowingly, reaching for a cushion and pressing it comfortingly to her chest.
“Yes. I’m a horrible person, I know,” Nancy admitted, tears prickling at her eyes at the memory of her unfair treatment of Ned that morning. “I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’m going to miss out on when I have the baby. And it’s not just the FBI, it’s everything. This baby is going to completely change our lives and I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that.”
“Nancy, you don’t have a choice. The baby is coming whether you’re ready or not,” Bess sighed quietly, gazing at her friend with sympathy. “And I know you’re afraid of all the things that are going to change for you and Ned but some of these things are going to be good. My god, Nan, you and Ned are going to have a baby. Are you not just the tiniest bit excited?”
“Sometimes,” Nancy admitted grudgingly, though she did allow a small smile cross her face. “Ned will be the greatest father and I suppose, having a baby can’t be all bad.”
“You see, you’re working those maternal instincts already,” Bess joked, wrapping an arm warmly around her friend’s shoulders. Nancy always seemed to be so together, so in control of herself, and it was a bit of a shock to see her so lost.
Nancy didn’t look completely convinced, but she forced a smile just the same, turning to Bess with a twinkle in her eyes. “Well, it’s good to know I can rely on you, Bess. When the baby arrives, I guess if me and Ned a holiday to get over the stress of parenthood, or whatever, we’ll know where to leave the baby.”
The look of horror on Bess’ face was priceless and forced a chuckle from Nancy’s lips, though the new fear of relaying the news of her pregnancy to Ned was never far from her mind.
“I don’t really do the whole baby thing, Nan.” Bess shuddered visibly, clutching her pillow even tighter towards her chest, as though the action would shield her from the threat of Nancy’s proclamation. “A night’s babysitting, maybe, but really anything more than a few hours is not happening."
“Bess, thanks so much for this,” Nancy murmured gently to her friend after a pause, the mood suddenly turning serious. “I feel better than I have in weeks. I should have come to you about this ages ago.”
“Damn right you should have,” Bess quipped jovially in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I’m like goddamn Doctor Phil or something. I should be charging you people. Now, how about some breakfast, Nan? All this Dr. Phil stuff has left me seriously starving. I think I have some eggs in the fridge.”
Nancy hadn’t eaten a meal in weeks without the food sticking uncomfortably in her stomach, but now, she felt inexplicably freed.
“Do you think you could do one of those amazing omelettes like you did last time?” Nancy pleaded with a wide-eyed expression, her stomach grumbling in anticipation of some much needed food. Nancy never bothered much with cooking; her rare attempts at making anything even remotely complicated usually resulted in a sad mess resembling anything but the glossy photograph in the cookbook. Bess, however, worked miracles in the kitchen. Nancy often was left staring at her friend in astonishment at the dishes she managed to concoct out of a few basic ingredients. “Please, Bess. You can’t deny a pregnant woman food, it’s inhumane.”
“I’m not Hannah,” Bess retorted with mock annoyance, though she headed to the kitchen all the same, humming some vaguely recognizable song as she noisily rummaged through the fridge for the necessary ingredients.
Left alone with her thoughts, Nancy sipped absently at the cold remains of her coffee as she mulled over her conversation with Bess. It will be okay, she realized, her mood somewhat brighter as she slid her empty mug onto the table.
---
It was late afternoon by the time Nancy finally brought herself to go home. The sky was already darkening, bringing with it the plummeting temperatures Chicago had become accustomed to over the previous weeks. The snow had been steadily falling all day, and was even now drifting down gently, the glistening flakes settling lightly in Nancy’s hair as she rummaged in her bag for keys. Her fingers twisted tightly around the hard metal, Nancy was suddenly gripped with an overwhelming feeling of doubt and indecision, her earlier optimism about her capabilities as a mother dissipated. When she was talking to Bess earlier, it had all seemed so easy, so plausible. Now, she wasn’t so sure.
Ned practically ran out to meet her the second he heard her key turn in the lock.
“Nancy, I’m so sorry, babe, I was an asshole. You were right to be mad at me. I swear to God it will never happen again.”
That was the thing Nancy loved about Ned; his absolute determination to right a situation even if his responsibility in the cause of it was negligible in comparison to Nancy’s previous fuck-ups.
A victim of both their heavy workloads, the house was generally untidy by at least Edith’s standards, their clothes left heaped in the laundry baskets, shoes left strewn untidily by the door and junk mail left to pile up on the hall table for weeks before Nancy finally summoned up the energy to sort and file it. But today, the house was spotless, she noted in happy surprise; a delicious smell of food wafted from the kitchen.
“Nan, I’m so sorry,” Ned tried again, reaching out tentatively and pulling her into his arms, Nancy resisting for only a moment before reciprocating his affection eagerly. “What can I do to make it up to you?” he murmured teasingly, obviously sensing her thaw, his breath grazing her ear as he pressed his lips against her neck.
“I think you know,” Nancy managed with difficulty, her eyes squeezed shut in anticipation as Ned impatiently pulled open the buttons of her shirt, his lips warm on her skin.
The last button undone, Nancy’s black bra blazoned from the now open shirt, Ned’s fingers trailing longingly over the expanse of bare skin. Their eyes met and something in her husband’s expression rendered Nancy speechless.
“I love you, so much,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers and dragging him towards the stairs. “And I’m going to show you just how much,” she promised enticingly, a mischievous glint in her eyes as Ned grabbed her and kissed her hard.
--
The room was shrouded in darkness when Nancy finally woke up, her head nestled comfortably against Ned’s chest. Rubbing her eyes groggily, Nancy gently disentangled herself from Ned’s arms and, glancing at the illuminated face of her cell phone, realized it was almost three o’ clock in the morning.
Not surprising, Nancy thought smugly, a warm glow surging through her at the memory of the very thoroughly satisfying love making session with her husband.
Hearing Ned stir quietly beside her, Nancy nestled back beneath the cocoon of blankets, into the warmth of his arms.
“Hey, you,” Ned murmured sleepily, reaching out and tracing a hand affectionately over her cheek.
“Hey, you,” Nancy replied affectionately, pressing her lips against his. At her advances, Ned responded eagerly despite his sleepy state, pushing Nancy down gently onto their bed and kissing her longingly.
“Wow, we really tired ourselves out, huh,” he murmured lovingly, his fingers already creeping beneath her skimpy nightgown. “What time is it, anyway?”
“Three o’ clock,” Nancy uttered through tightly squeezed lips, moaning softly as he impatiently pushed her down onto the bed and kissed her heatedly.
“Are you up for a repeat performance and maybe some of that dinner?” he murmured softly and despite herself, Nancy couldn’t help but laugh, hearing the enthusiasm in his voice. Ned always did love his food.
Afterwards, still basking in the afterglow of their love making, Nancy turned to face Ned, adoration radiating from her face
“You’re amazing, you know that?” she prompted him softly, edging a little further into the warmth of his embrace as she moved to kiss him softly.
Tightening his hold on her, Ned kissed her heatedly in response, his fingers trailing down the length of her back. “I love you, so much,” he murmured, his fingers warm against her skin.
Swallowing hard, Nancy raised her head to face his resolutely, her blue eyes peering into his intently. “Ned, I’m pregnant.”
His fingers entangled in her red-blonde hair, Ned stopped suddenly as though in shock, his eyes peering into hers. “You’re having a baby? Our baby,” he corrected, as though to him himself, his expression transforming as the reality of the news sank in.
“Yes,” Nancy admitted, unable to stop the tears prickling at her eyes as an expression of what could only be described as utter joy crossed Ned’s face.
“My God, Nan, this is brilliant news,” he enthused, pulling Nancy into his arms and holding her close. “Brilliant news,” he continued, a tone close to reverence creeping into his voice. “You never even told me you suspected you might be pregnant. When did you find out?”
“Two months ago,” Nancy had to admit, the words almost choking her as she forced them out.
Ned had been idly running his fingers along the bare skin of Nancy’s arm but at her reply he stopped short, staring into her eyes as though unable to believe what she had just said.
“Two months.” Ned uttered the words quietly to himself as though taking a chance to consider the information silently to himself. “Two whole months. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ned’s tone was more perplexed than angry, but Nancy was sure it wouldn’t be long before the old, familiar anger crept in.
“I don’t know,” Nancy shrugged helplessly, tears burning in her eyes as she lowered her gaze to the floor. “I don’t fucking know, okay?”
Ned’s anger, which had been quietly bubbling under the surface, suddenly came forcefully to a head. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” he spat out heatedly, his frustration evident in every word. “How can I think you give a shit about us when you treat me like this, like I don’t even matter?”
The tears flowing freely down her cheeks, Nancy turned to Ned, horror on her face at the unspeakable pain she knew she was causing him. “I do care about you, Ned. How can you say that?” she uttered, reaching out to rest her fingers gently on his skin, her voice breaking as he pushed her hand forcefully away.
“Nancy, you lied to me every day for the past two months when you knew and didn’t bother telling me. How do you think that makes me feel? How can I ever trust you again, about anything?”
His tone was cold and distant, and as he turned away from her in the bed, Nancy felt sick. What the fuck had she done?
Panicking, Nancy kicked her way out of the thick layer of blankets and, struggling to her feet, pulled on the clothes she had so hastily discarded on the floor when Ned was so desperate to get her into bed.
Could that really have been only a few hours ago? The way things were now between them, it could have been years.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Ned demanded coldly, sitting up in the bed and glaring at her furiously. “We need to talk about this.”
Her breath caught in her throat, Nancy only sighed in response. “Look, Ned, I need time to think. I need to get away from here,” she finally brought herself to say, her keys enclosed in her fist as she practically ran toward the bedroom door.
“Don’t be stupid, Nancy, it’s freezing out there,” Ned pleaded with her, the coldness in his voice tempered by concern.
Shrugging as though to say she didn’t care, Nancy stalked out of the house, never looking back once.
Outside, the world was swathed in a falling veil of snow. Sliding her key into the car door, Nancy could hardly see through her tears. When she had imagined telling Ned about the pregnancy, it hadn’t been anything like this.
Of course Ned was right, she considered dully, pulling away from the curb with unwise speed, considering the condition of the road. She should have told him months ago. She was a terrible wife. God only knew what kind of a mother she’d make. A terrible one, she was sure.
Visibility was poor as Nancy distractedly negotiated the glimmering ice-glazed roads, the sky deathly black, not even a glimmer of light from the moon or stars allowed through. All the weather stations had forecast a blizzard and as a consequence the roads were unnervingly quiet, people with evidently far more sense than Nancy heeding the almost constant warnings on the radio to avoid unnecessary travel. Making away her slowly through streets of impressive stately homes, Nancy’s mind was racing. What the hell was she even doing out here; it was crazy to be out in these conditions. She should go back home, talk to Ned and sort things out. He never stayed mad at her for long anyway, she considered with measured sigh, making a careful turn onto another street of similarly beautiful homes, the trees lining the sidewalk, dusted with a heavy frosting of gleaming white.
Her mind so consumed with her conflicted thoughts about the fight with Ned, Nancy hardly knew what she was doing, but her attention was momentarily distracted by a blur of blue flashing lights emerging from the hazy darkness.
It must be an accident, Nancy decided dully, not surprised considering the dangerous driving conditions.
Making the decision to slow down, Nancy brought her car almost to a crawl, when an almost blinding white light came hurtling through the thick darkness, startling her.
“What the hell,” she exclaimed, startled, turning the wheel violently in an effort to avoid the inevitable collision, but it was too late. What followed was a terrific explosion of sound and then nothing, as Nancy lapsed into unconsciousness.