The Girl in the Tree.
Ok so I am hope for another outstandingly exciting evening. It's actually a lot easier to just come home to do laundry anyway because as I've heard through the grapevine it's quite difficult to get a machine. So anyway on my drive home today I was feeling kind of crappy, like maybe I'm not getting as much out of this program as I should be or whatever. And I'm spacing out about something...which I always do while I'm driving. And I find myself eventually in Litchfield and I don't know if anyone else will know what I'm talking about but like right when you're about to fall off of a horse, and you know it's coming and there's nothing you can do. Well I had this feeling for the first time in a car. I was I guess following to closely, which I am well known for. But I like to believe that I am a pretty good driver and can generally brake pretty quickly if need be. So anyway I suddenly discover that traffic is braking and I can see myself sliding into the car in front of me. I was just thinking to myself oh crap I'm going to have to deal with insurance, and police, and my car will be fucked, I can't drive back to Mass. tomorrow...And I was able to stop. I didn't run into the car, I was definetly shaken but I didn't even touch the car in front of me. But for some reason after it happened I just started crying and crying. I started thinking of everything in my life, and why I haven't been living up to the potential that I know I am capable of. Why I have waited so long to really challange myself. Why I kept wussing out these past couple years. And why it took me so goddamned long to get it back. But I will tell you. After this second week at training I am more pumped and more ready to kick ass in the yoga world. And the entire world in general. I've been wussing around my life and not standing up for the things that are really and truely important to me. I have a feeling that life it going to be very different when I'm completely through with this trainging. Lots of people treat yoga like it's this cop out for people that couldn't make it as gymnasts, or dancers...but let me tell you these are some of the most intelligent, most well-rounded, interesting people that I have ever met. And it will be virtually impossible to remain the same person coming out that I was going in. Today this girl was sitting in a tree. I was walking to my car she said, "Have you ever climbed this tree?" I said; "No, but it looks very inviting..maybe I will someday." And she said, "You really should, there's something up here for you." And I just said, "I definitely will." And she said as I walked away, "I really mean it, you'll know what I mean." It was awesome...like had I been anywhere else I would have written her off as some druggy bum that just wanted to hear herself talk. But I didn't even really think it was interesting until I had driven away. So anyway...I've been doing A LOT of intense thinking about myself in this past week, more so even than in the first week. Everyone there tells me not to even try to explain what we do because no one will understand me. But it's crazy because I can feel energy now. I know that I have so much stored energy and I know that I can do wonderful things with it, but I just don't know exactly how yet. So I guess we'll see what week number 3 has in store for me...oh I also taught 2 half hour classes! woohooo