My Health Woes Over the Past Month
...because what is Livejournal for, if not being a whiny bitch?
Week 1: Strep Throat
Brief but nearly deadly. Slept for 36 hours straight, waking only to pee and weep from self-pity and the pain of swallowing my own saliva.
Week 2: Brief Hiatus
Started a novel, was unprecedentedly happy. A fondly remembered time.
Week 3: The Cough
It started as a polite little burst of air, then escalated quickly to a stabbing lung-pain every time I tried to inhale, which is sadly a necessary process for us mammals. Then I started drinking Magical Hippie Herbal Remedies, which made me hack up more phlegm than David Sedaris on a bad day. Then came the congestion, which involved a burning throat and an inability to "breathe".
Week 4: Misery and Consumption
All this exhaustion and spending all my time in bed or watching Family Guy on my computer (it's all I can handle, intellectually) has made for a bad case of the ol' depressives. I burst into tears over such things as:
1. Myself playing "Cinder and Smoke" on the guitar
2. Puppies
3. Human affection
4. How much pain this goddamn cough inflicts on me
Then I went to Health Services and cried (again) and they gave me lots of drugs. And told me I had "mucus plugs" in my lungs, which is something that no one should ever have to be told, ever. But so here I am, pallid and debilitated yet vaguely coherent due to the meth-drugs in my Sudafed. Also my pants are suspiciously loose. (It's the Sick Diet! You only get to ingest tea and soup, and spend muscle-atrophying amounts of time in bed, and that body-wracking cough is a real good workout!)
I expect piles and buckets of sympathy. And I pray that you all are spared The Consumption.
Week 1: Strep Throat
Brief but nearly deadly. Slept for 36 hours straight, waking only to pee and weep from self-pity and the pain of swallowing my own saliva.
Week 2: Brief Hiatus
Started a novel, was unprecedentedly happy. A fondly remembered time.
Week 3: The Cough
It started as a polite little burst of air, then escalated quickly to a stabbing lung-pain every time I tried to inhale, which is sadly a necessary process for us mammals. Then I started drinking Magical Hippie Herbal Remedies, which made me hack up more phlegm than David Sedaris on a bad day. Then came the congestion, which involved a burning throat and an inability to "breathe".
Week 4: Misery and Consumption
All this exhaustion and spending all my time in bed or watching Family Guy on my computer (it's all I can handle, intellectually) has made for a bad case of the ol' depressives. I burst into tears over such things as:
1. Myself playing "Cinder and Smoke" on the guitar
2. Puppies
3. Human affection
4. How much pain this goddamn cough inflicts on me
Then I went to Health Services and cried (again) and they gave me lots of drugs. And told me I had "mucus plugs" in my lungs, which is something that no one should ever have to be told, ever. But so here I am, pallid and debilitated yet vaguely coherent due to the meth-drugs in my Sudafed. Also my pants are suspiciously loose. (It's the Sick Diet! You only get to ingest tea and soup, and spend muscle-atrophying amounts of time in bed, and that body-wracking cough is a real good workout!)
I expect piles and buckets of sympathy. And I pray that you all are spared The Consumption.