Diagnosis: Unknown
Well, it's a Sunday, my dear friends, and that means that I'm dying -- most likely of something rare. Happens every other Sunday of months ending in 'y' and 'r.'
Ok, not really... But something *is* rotten in the state of Denmark. Basically, the situation is this: I have some physical symptoms going on that of and by themselves are nothing to write home about. In fact, these incidences are so subtle that I've been viewing them as individual, passing/fleeting anonyoyances (i.e. "ugh! I have to pee AGAIN. I just went 10 minutes ago. Damn my small bladder.") Well over the past couple of days I finally started wondering if everything could be related, and so I sat down and made a list of grievences.
.. overeating / binging (marked increased appetite)
.. weight gain (predominantly in my mid section)
.. new acne / breakouts (on back, sides, chest/clavicle bones, and face)
.. mini rashes (mostly on legs -- looks like a shaving rash but isn't)
.. low sex drive (sad but true)
.. trouble sleeping (falling asleep, staying asleep, getting up to pee)
.. excessive urination (frequency, urge, etc)
.. thinning of hair (lots down the shower drain, thinning of ponytail)
.. recurring ovarian cysts, swollen lymph nodes (comes and goes)
.. frequent infections / treatment for allergies (low immunity)
What is up with all of that??? I've looked up some stuff, and PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and Cushing's Disease are possibilities -- but I lack certain hallmarks of both: a round, fat face for Cushings, and irregular menses for PCOS. Granted, I do take the pill and that may be what keeps me regulated, but still... I don't fit a textbook diagnosis of anything. And again, by themselves, these various symptoms are just pains in the proverbial ass -- Eww, I'm breaking out... Argh, I'm sick again! ...Why can't I stop eating?! etc.
For any of you medical types out there, I'd aprpeciate your input. I've called my old endocrinologist to set up an appt, but in the meantime I hate that I don't know what's going on. Especially since I keep overeating -- I feel like I'm actually killing myself. It's like I've lost the connection between my mouth and my brain with regards to being full. I mean, my waist will feel strained, I'll feel like I'm stuffed -- and yet I can't seem to turn on the mechanism that stops me from shoving another spoonful of a pazookie into my mouth. At first I thought that my binges were just a couple of isolated incidents due to my diet. I thought "well you just ate a lot today because you've been restricting yourself with the diet, and so you really went for it. And plus, you can't help yourself around ___, cause you love it." That may very well be the case... if I had been really restricting myself. But one look at my food diary at www.calorie-count.com shows that I actually *haven't* been following a low-cal diet all that well. Granted, I'm eating more things that are labeled '100 cal' or 'low/non fat,' but I'm eating TONS of them. Here's a quick rundown of what my binge episodes have looked like:
Souplantation with Kim and Paula
In the past, I've always been happy to go to Souplantation and get a salad with all of the fixins, a cup of soup, and a piece of sourdough bread with butter. Then for dessert I'd get some chocolate frozen yogurt with sprinkles. Fair enough, right? Well on the night in question, take everything I just described and add to it a bowl of pasta, a muffin, cookies, some chocolate mousse, banaya royale pudding, toffee pieces, caramel sauce, a brownie -- shall I go on?? I even took a muffin wrapped in a napkin in my purse for later. After we parted ways, I even went so far as to drive to Whole Foods (at 9pm) to stock up on food for the next day. ...And I had had both breakfast and lunch that day, so it's not like I was starving. Isolated incident? Behold my next binge...
BJ's with Jackie
Jackie is new to the My Gym family, and one day we had a two hour break, so we decided to go out to lunch together. I had planned on being a good girl -- avoiding the pizza for a sandwich/salad combo. Well, take that SS combo and add to it a pazookie (which I ate 75% of by myself), and a chilli nachos appetizer. Afterward, stuffed as I was, I even accepted Jackie's offer of getting Coffee Bean! Then at the subsequent meeting at My Gym, I proceeded to munch on two plates worth of Chex Mix, some Starburst candies, and even a few mini Snickers (which I don't even like all that much). Later on that night, J and I saw The Departed together (great movie, btw) and "controlling myself" meant that I ate a whole bag of Starburst by myself. WTF??
The party to end all parties
Ahh, this brings me to last night, wherein I helped host the My Gym Birthday Party from HELL. The kids were totally misbehaved little shits (strong wording, I know -- but if you'd have been there, you'd empathize!), and the parents had over-ordered on the food to the umpteenth degree -- and so the teachers and the trash cans inherited all of the leftovers afterward (in lieu of a tip, I suppose). To be honest with you guys, I can't even remember all that I scarfed down, but I think it looked something like this: one full plate of pasta salad, 1 regular salad, a piece of pita bread with hummus, crackers, an entire basket of tortilla strips with BBQ sauce, two giant chocolate chip cookies, a 6" turkey sub, a piece of pesto pizza, some garlic breadsticks, a slice of birthday cake w/extra frosting on the side, a small bag of Doritos, etc etc etc...
...Something is definitely wrong. To eat all of that in one DAY is a lot, but one meal?? And again, I wasn't starving -- I had eaten at IHOP (of all places) for breakfast, had a big frozen yogurt w/cookie dough and an iced tea for lunch, and had gone Costco sample tasting with J in the midafternoon -- and I got at least 2 of every sample. Que pasa??!
This is SO. NOT. ME. I used to be the queen of undereating and throwing away food I didn't want. ... Now I'm licking my plates clean. Literally. By the time I turn 23 (on Nov 4), I'm going to weigh 400 lbs!! Or I'll be dead -- since I think I must be damaging my internal organs. I was so sick from all of that overeating last night that I was nauseated, sweating, and running to the bathroom every 10 minutes. And sleep? HA! It was awful. And no, for those who are wondering -- I'm not pregnant, that I know for sure. I'm just now realizing though that this all has to be the sign of some bigger issue. And taking into account all of my other (albeit subtle) symptoms, don't you agree? Eeeeaaarrrrgggghhh!
::le sigh::
In other news, I'm being stalked by body repair guys at Trader Joe's in Studio City. As I'd previously mentioned in entries past, I've become a total food/grocery nut. As a result, I can be found at Trader Joe's, Albertson's or Ralphs almost every other day. This past week, I ended up at TJ's two days in a row. On Friday, I was stopped by some guy with a thick East Coast accent who assured me that "for just $150 [he] could bang out my big dent in my left rear fender and make it look PERFECT" again. Or maybe he said "poifect," -- it was hard to tell thru the accent. Why did I say yes? Maybe it was because I knew I had $1000 worth of damage (I'd been quoted before -- which I didn't tell him, but in his Big Sell he mentioned that he worked for Toyota of Downtown and that if I were to take my car into them it'd be a $1000 repair). Or maybe it was because he had his 3 children with him, all of whom were also trying to sell me on their Dad.
Anyway, I gave him 10 minutes and went into Trader Joe's. His kids came and got me 15 mins later, so I dropped my basket (which is why I came back the next day), and went outside. Well, he'd popped out the dent, so yay for that. ...And he'd also slathered some plaster on where the paint had been messed up, which made it look almost uglier than when I had a giant dent. I paid him (and am now RIDICULOUSLY broke) but I'm still non-plussed about the ugly plaster. And now all I want for my birthday is for someone to paint it!
So what are the odds of the same thing happening to me less than 18 hours later?? I was getting into my car on Sat in the same TJ's parking lot when all of a sudden some cholo pulled up behind me in an old Cadillac and started his pitch: "Heeey, I see you have some body damage. What if I told you I could fit it and make it look PERFECT and if you weren't satisfied you wouldn't owe me a dime? I'm a professional!" It is important to note at this point, that (a) it was the EXACT speech I'd received the day before from Mr. Family Man, (b) I was officially broke, and (c) was pissed that I was still being solicited for body damage repair when I had JUST PAID someone else to fix it! So I told him no. No no no no. No. Nooooo. Did I mention 'no'? He continued to push me for another 5 mins (saying he'd make it "perfect" for $350) even though I told him in no uncertain terms that this had just happened to me yesterday, that I was in no mood to go through it again, that I was now broke, and that he was wasting his time on me. When he finally got the message and went away, all I could think of was WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE AT TRADER JOE'S??! 2 days in a row? Riduclous.
Well that's all for now. I gotta go and take care of my newly formed acne. :(
Miss you guys...