(no subject)
so late. the photons of that distant, scintillating orb will forsake this side of the earth for two more hours. then daybreak. the dull, inexorable pain in my stomach will intensify. at night, reality always seems to stare me in the face. surrounded by people, yet so alone it's sickening. it reminds me that i have no one. it signifies another ubiquitous gouge in the cell-walls of my consciousness, one for each night in seventeen and a half years that i've spent alone. i wonder if i'll ever stop sullenly scraping that rock.
i can feel the chemicals digging in, and it makes a smile break across my face. the aching, and shaking. all the anti-smoking ad slogans, posters, and commercials i've ever seen run in an endless loop in my mind's eye. a quick glance at the inverted N on my lacerated blue jeans reminds me that nothing fucking matters. except for her... i'll let the ravenous smoke inside. i'll let my eyelids slam shut. i'll let my precious brain cells die like cancer patients. it's my body after all...
i need a cigarette.
i can feel the chemicals digging in, and it makes a smile break across my face. the aching, and shaking. all the anti-smoking ad slogans, posters, and commercials i've ever seen run in an endless loop in my mind's eye. a quick glance at the inverted N on my lacerated blue jeans reminds me that nothing fucking matters. except for her... i'll let the ravenous smoke inside. i'll let my eyelids slam shut. i'll let my precious brain cells die like cancer patients. it's my body after all...
i need a cigarette.