(no subject)
i have every reason in hell to hate you.
but i can't.
i know i'll wait forever, just so you can fuck me over again. and it'll be a cycle. the thing is, i truly believe that you're scared. you're scared to take this leap with me. but you know what? i'm scared too. i was scared the whole time-but i didn't turn my back on you. i was ALWAYS there for you, even when i needed you to be there for me. being in love with someone isn't like turning the lights on and off. it doesn't happen like that. we didn't even have enough time being together for that to happen. that and so many other things are the reasons i KNOW you're still in love with me. yes, you have another girlfriend. and yes, i want to beat the living shit out of her. and yes, if she mans the fuck up, i will. but look.
i just want you to grow up and mature so we can be happy together again.
i KNOW you miss me.
YOU know you miss me.
your phone calls and texts prove that.
it's funny, because i'll never let myself even crush on somebody EVER again. yet i'm willing to give you a second chance. why? WHY am i SO in love with you? in love, this thing i never even believed in before you came in my life. i always thought it was the stuff of fairy tales. ALWAYS. never ONCE did i even have doubts in my mind that it could possibly be real. never. and then, you came, and you swept me off my feet. we are so perfect for each other. you know that as well as i do. we're pieces of a puzzle-we just fit. always have. always will.
but then again...
maybe you never loved me at all? maybe this whole time i've thought i've known you SO well, i never really knew you at all. maybe this whole time you were just in this to get some. maybe that was the plan from the first night you met me. it would make sense, especially the way you came up to me. maybe you fooled everyone. me, your friends, your family, everyone. maybe you don't care about me at all.
but you know what?
i'm almost positive none of the above is true. because i believe i truly know you. i truly know when you're happy, and i truly know when you're sad. i can hear it in your voice, i can see it in your eyes, i can feel it. even when you aren't saying anything, and you're not even here. i mean...you said 'i love you alina' in your sleep almost every night. that can't possibly be a coinscidence.
i love you.
i am in love with you.
i always will be.
you have my heart, and i don't want it back.
whether you want it or not,
i don't want it back.
it's useless to me now.
it's current condition is completely in your hands.
i can't even see it, and most likely won't for a while.
but you know what?
it's useless to me now.
useless, useless, useless.
and i'm okay with that.
it's funny, because even through all these thoughts, i am still happy. i am SO happy. i'm happy with my life, even though it's like jenga and i just lost.
"i'm on my way to the top of the world and i gave it away"
but i can't.
i know i'll wait forever, just so you can fuck me over again. and it'll be a cycle. the thing is, i truly believe that you're scared. you're scared to take this leap with me. but you know what? i'm scared too. i was scared the whole time-but i didn't turn my back on you. i was ALWAYS there for you, even when i needed you to be there for me. being in love with someone isn't like turning the lights on and off. it doesn't happen like that. we didn't even have enough time being together for that to happen. that and so many other things are the reasons i KNOW you're still in love with me. yes, you have another girlfriend. and yes, i want to beat the living shit out of her. and yes, if she mans the fuck up, i will. but look.
i just want you to grow up and mature so we can be happy together again.
i KNOW you miss me.
YOU know you miss me.
your phone calls and texts prove that.
it's funny, because i'll never let myself even crush on somebody EVER again. yet i'm willing to give you a second chance. why? WHY am i SO in love with you? in love, this thing i never even believed in before you came in my life. i always thought it was the stuff of fairy tales. ALWAYS. never ONCE did i even have doubts in my mind that it could possibly be real. never. and then, you came, and you swept me off my feet. we are so perfect for each other. you know that as well as i do. we're pieces of a puzzle-we just fit. always have. always will.
but then again...
maybe you never loved me at all? maybe this whole time i've thought i've known you SO well, i never really knew you at all. maybe this whole time you were just in this to get some. maybe that was the plan from the first night you met me. it would make sense, especially the way you came up to me. maybe you fooled everyone. me, your friends, your family, everyone. maybe you don't care about me at all.
but you know what?
i'm almost positive none of the above is true. because i believe i truly know you. i truly know when you're happy, and i truly know when you're sad. i can hear it in your voice, i can see it in your eyes, i can feel it. even when you aren't saying anything, and you're not even here. i mean...you said 'i love you alina' in your sleep almost every night. that can't possibly be a coinscidence.
i love you.
i am in love with you.
i always will be.
you have my heart, and i don't want it back.
whether you want it or not,
i don't want it back.
it's useless to me now.
it's current condition is completely in your hands.
i can't even see it, and most likely won't for a while.
but you know what?
it's useless to me now.
useless, useless, useless.
and i'm okay with that.
it's funny, because even through all these thoughts, i am still happy. i am SO happy. i'm happy with my life, even though it's like jenga and i just lost.
"i'm on my way to the top of the world and i gave it away"