The Favor [can't be too early, can't be too late!]
Title: The Favor
Challenge: phoenix_flash's request for a strange Tsunade pairing. (naruto_flashfic )
Word Count: 1371
Notes: Eight days overdue...with no real reason for it, except my looking at the calendar one day and thinking "dear god it's already my birthday? flashfic's due soon...how much is done?" I'm really sorry. I hope the crackish nature of the story makes up for it.
--
Jiraiya was a man on a mission.
More notably, a mission completely unrelated to porn or the gathering of porn-type knowledge.
No, today he had more important things to do than write porn. Today--
He had to ask Tsunade for a favor. Not an unusual thing--Tsunade was all-around capable of helping in a crisis--but today's favor was exceptionally big. If he didn't catch her at just the right moment...well, it had happened before. He remembered it clearly.
Once, back in the good ol' days of youth (but not so good and ol' that Tsunade wasn't drinking yet), Jiraiya had approached Tsunade with an idea. Well, more like a suggestion, really...
"Tsunade, meet Chinko. Chinko, Tsunade." He raised his eyebrows at Tsunade, who stared blankly over the empty sake bottle she was trying to pour a last drop out of.
"It's so great to meet you, Tsunade," Chinko purred.
Tsunade continued to stare blankly. "Uh...you too...?"
Jiraiya sighed. Tsunade was clearly not getting the picture here. "Well, I was just talking to Chinko here, and guess what? She's bisexual! So I was thinking--"
And she hadn't taken to his idea at all. Punched him right through the wall of the bar, as a matter of fact. He had taken a long time trying to figure out why she had refused the idea, and had soon come to the conclusion that it was because Tsunade had only had one bottle of sake that evening. Hardly any at all, really; like a single locust against the open fields of her tolerance. Except a better metaphor...
Anyway, Jiraiya's conclusion was that Tsunade needed to be more drunk if he wanted to gather any favors from her.
But that idea hadn't turned out too well either...
"Tsunade?" Jiraiya was considering getting worried. This was the fifth bar he had walked into without any sign of Tsunade. And yet this was definitely one of her drinking nights.
Then he spotted a blond head, way in the back corner. Surrounded by empty bottles of sake, cheeks flushed, she created the perfect picture-definition of "sloshed." He approached warily, well-aware that the danger in angering her didn't lessen as she grew more and more intoxicated. He had to be very cautious.
"Tsunade?"
She looked up at him, blinking frequently. "Jiraiya?" She asked. Or, rather, she would have asked if she was sober. Being drunk, it actually sounded more like "Jeer...uh?"
He sighed inwardly, but pushed forward. "Hey, Tsunade...I was wondering if I could borrow a bit of money from you."
"Gluh...?" He presumed this meant "Why?" in drunken Tsunade.
"Well...I kind of spent the money I've got on me, and um...I misplaced my checkbook. And I didn't realize I did...and bought a few friends some drinks..."
Tsunade stared at him, eyes half-closed.
"Okay, a lot of friends a lot of drinks, and I really need the money to pay for it." Jiraiya pulled his best pitiful face on Tsunade, knowing that it was rare she could ever resist it.
Tsunade leaned on her hand, unimpressed.
Frantic--he had promised the barkeep to have the money within the hour--Jiraiya got down on his knees and started full-out begging.
Then he heard a loud snore. He froze, and turned around. The rest of the bar was staring, muffling their laughter at the idiot who was begging from a sleeping drunk.
Not only did he feel like a complete idiot for not realizing Tsunade had fallen asleep, but Jiraiya had been forced to clean dishes and serve drinks for weeks to pay off his debt. Orochimaru kept coming to that bar just to gloat with a very superior air. Tsunade had been none the wiser about any of it.
Besides humiliating him, this attempt at getting a favor showed Jiraiya that Tsunade could also drink too much. Careful observation of Tsunade on drinking binges for several years gave Jiraiya a volume of alcohol Tsunade should drink before he asked for favors. This number had proven true when she was in her twenties, and when she only looked twenty, and he was trusting it to work today.
Presuming that Tsunade had sneaked her usual amount of alcohol while Shizune wasn't looking, now would be the perfect time to ask. On that thought, he burst through the doors of the Hokage Tower, radiating importance. The shinobi working in the office could tell, just by looking at him, that he absolutely needed to talk to Tsunade. They didn't question him, just moved out of the way. Jiraiya rushed past and nodded his thanks, smirking inwardly. Was it possible for anyone but him to be as amazing and awesome as him?
He didn't think so.
"Jiraiya-sama!" Jiraiya winced. The possibly fatal wrench in his plans--Shizune, the only person who could see through his bullshit (besides a sober Tsunade, of course). Still, if he had any hopes of getting his favor, Jiraiya had to play his part.
"Shizune, nice to see you, but if you don't mind--!" He coughed importantly, and moved to walk past Shizune. "I have something very serious to discuss with Tsunade."
Shizune moved in his way. "I apologize, Jiraiya-sama, but Tsunade-sama is in the middle of something. I would suggest that you not interrupt."
Jiraiya cursed--why now, of all times, was she busy? She was never busy! Shizune must have caught on to his plan, and was trying to stop him. Thinking quickly, he pinched a nerve in Shizune's neck and leaned her against the wall in a sitting position. He would apologize to her later, but she would have interfered if he hadn't knocked her out. Jiraiya pushed open the door to Tsunade's office. Or started to, at least.
Then he heard a familiar female voice crying out in what could only be called ecstasy.
Jiraiya's hand froze on the door as he struggled with a powerful internal conflict. One side of him (his more powerful, insistent side) was throwing all kinds of...interesting images at his brain, showing him the kind of situation that could be going on behind that door.
...this was a valuable research opportunity, you see. A once-in-a-lifetime chance. He had to watch secretly, or at least listen.
The other side of him was reminding Jiraiya that he was on a mission. He had to interrupt, damn the consequences, and get Tsunade to give him that favor.
And how, exactly, the first side argued, would interrupting this...occasion gain him any favors from Tsunade? No matter what the actual context, a cry like that meant she wanted whatever was going on to continue. An interruption would be worse than talking to her before she'd gotten any alcohol into her system.
The second side acknowledged the first side's point. They would just have to wait it out...and it wasn't like she could drink any more while she was...busy.
On that thought, Jiraiya pulled out a notebook and started recorded everything he heard.
And he heard a lot.
Tsunade was very vocal while Jiraiya was hunched outside her door--she moaned lowly, laughed huskily, and often complemented her significant other's curves. Needless to say, Jiraiya wrote down every word. Especially about the curves.
Shortly (though it felt like hour after paradisaical hour to Jiraiya), Tsunade stopped speaking. Jiraiya moved out of the doorway, to allow her partner to leave. When no one left the office, he presumed they had gone out the window. For ninja, this was not unheard of.
Jiraiya didn't suspect a thing...until he heard Tsunade snoring. Quickly piecing everything together, he threw open the door--
To reveal Tsunade asleep on her desk, an old-fashioned, gourd-shaped sake bottle in her hand and several empty bottles scattered around the room.
Jiraiya groaned inwardly, and smacked a palm against his forehead. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realized, when Tsunade's "partner" didn't say a word the entire time--or when the ending lacked believability! She was just drinking! And there had gone his chance--his perfect opportunity to get that ultimate favor of all favors from Tsunade...
Mourning his loss, Jiraiya didn't hear Shizune waking up until she struggled to her feet and said weakly, "I did suggest you not interrupt, Jiraiya-sama."
--
Challenge: phoenix_flash's request for a strange Tsunade pairing. (naruto_flashfic )
Word Count: 1371
Notes: Eight days overdue...with no real reason for it, except my looking at the calendar one day and thinking "dear god it's already my birthday? flashfic's due soon...how much is done?" I'm really sorry. I hope the crackish nature of the story makes up for it.
--
Jiraiya was a man on a mission.
More notably, a mission completely unrelated to porn or the gathering of porn-type knowledge.
No, today he had more important things to do than write porn. Today--
He had to ask Tsunade for a favor. Not an unusual thing--Tsunade was all-around capable of helping in a crisis--but today's favor was exceptionally big. If he didn't catch her at just the right moment...well, it had happened before. He remembered it clearly.
Once, back in the good ol' days of youth (but not so good and ol' that Tsunade wasn't drinking yet), Jiraiya had approached Tsunade with an idea. Well, more like a suggestion, really...
"Tsunade, meet Chinko. Chinko, Tsunade." He raised his eyebrows at Tsunade, who stared blankly over the empty sake bottle she was trying to pour a last drop out of.
"It's so great to meet you, Tsunade," Chinko purred.
Tsunade continued to stare blankly. "Uh...you too...?"
Jiraiya sighed. Tsunade was clearly not getting the picture here. "Well, I was just talking to Chinko here, and guess what? She's bisexual! So I was thinking--"
And she hadn't taken to his idea at all. Punched him right through the wall of the bar, as a matter of fact. He had taken a long time trying to figure out why she had refused the idea, and had soon come to the conclusion that it was because Tsunade had only had one bottle of sake that evening. Hardly any at all, really; like a single locust against the open fields of her tolerance. Except a better metaphor...
Anyway, Jiraiya's conclusion was that Tsunade needed to be more drunk if he wanted to gather any favors from her.
But that idea hadn't turned out too well either...
"Tsunade?" Jiraiya was considering getting worried. This was the fifth bar he had walked into without any sign of Tsunade. And yet this was definitely one of her drinking nights.
Then he spotted a blond head, way in the back corner. Surrounded by empty bottles of sake, cheeks flushed, she created the perfect picture-definition of "sloshed." He approached warily, well-aware that the danger in angering her didn't lessen as she grew more and more intoxicated. He had to be very cautious.
"Tsunade?"
She looked up at him, blinking frequently. "Jiraiya?" She asked. Or, rather, she would have asked if she was sober. Being drunk, it actually sounded more like "Jeer...uh?"
He sighed inwardly, but pushed forward. "Hey, Tsunade...I was wondering if I could borrow a bit of money from you."
"Gluh...?" He presumed this meant "Why?" in drunken Tsunade.
"Well...I kind of spent the money I've got on me, and um...I misplaced my checkbook. And I didn't realize I did...and bought a few friends some drinks..."
Tsunade stared at him, eyes half-closed.
"Okay, a lot of friends a lot of drinks, and I really need the money to pay for it." Jiraiya pulled his best pitiful face on Tsunade, knowing that it was rare she could ever resist it.
Tsunade leaned on her hand, unimpressed.
Frantic--he had promised the barkeep to have the money within the hour--Jiraiya got down on his knees and started full-out begging.
Then he heard a loud snore. He froze, and turned around. The rest of the bar was staring, muffling their laughter at the idiot who was begging from a sleeping drunk.
Not only did he feel like a complete idiot for not realizing Tsunade had fallen asleep, but Jiraiya had been forced to clean dishes and serve drinks for weeks to pay off his debt. Orochimaru kept coming to that bar just to gloat with a very superior air. Tsunade had been none the wiser about any of it.
Besides humiliating him, this attempt at getting a favor showed Jiraiya that Tsunade could also drink too much. Careful observation of Tsunade on drinking binges for several years gave Jiraiya a volume of alcohol Tsunade should drink before he asked for favors. This number had proven true when she was in her twenties, and when she only looked twenty, and he was trusting it to work today.
Presuming that Tsunade had sneaked her usual amount of alcohol while Shizune wasn't looking, now would be the perfect time to ask. On that thought, he burst through the doors of the Hokage Tower, radiating importance. The shinobi working in the office could tell, just by looking at him, that he absolutely needed to talk to Tsunade. They didn't question him, just moved out of the way. Jiraiya rushed past and nodded his thanks, smirking inwardly. Was it possible for anyone but him to be as amazing and awesome as him?
He didn't think so.
"Jiraiya-sama!" Jiraiya winced. The possibly fatal wrench in his plans--Shizune, the only person who could see through his bullshit (besides a sober Tsunade, of course). Still, if he had any hopes of getting his favor, Jiraiya had to play his part.
"Shizune, nice to see you, but if you don't mind--!" He coughed importantly, and moved to walk past Shizune. "I have something very serious to discuss with Tsunade."
Shizune moved in his way. "I apologize, Jiraiya-sama, but Tsunade-sama is in the middle of something. I would suggest that you not interrupt."
Jiraiya cursed--why now, of all times, was she busy? She was never busy! Shizune must have caught on to his plan, and was trying to stop him. Thinking quickly, he pinched a nerve in Shizune's neck and leaned her against the wall in a sitting position. He would apologize to her later, but she would have interfered if he hadn't knocked her out. Jiraiya pushed open the door to Tsunade's office. Or started to, at least.
Then he heard a familiar female voice crying out in what could only be called ecstasy.
Jiraiya's hand froze on the door as he struggled with a powerful internal conflict. One side of him (his more powerful, insistent side) was throwing all kinds of...interesting images at his brain, showing him the kind of situation that could be going on behind that door.
...this was a valuable research opportunity, you see. A once-in-a-lifetime chance. He had to watch secretly, or at least listen.
The other side of him was reminding Jiraiya that he was on a mission. He had to interrupt, damn the consequences, and get Tsunade to give him that favor.
And how, exactly, the first side argued, would interrupting this...occasion gain him any favors from Tsunade? No matter what the actual context, a cry like that meant she wanted whatever was going on to continue. An interruption would be worse than talking to her before she'd gotten any alcohol into her system.
The second side acknowledged the first side's point. They would just have to wait it out...and it wasn't like she could drink any more while she was...busy.
On that thought, Jiraiya pulled out a notebook and started recorded everything he heard.
And he heard a lot.
Tsunade was very vocal while Jiraiya was hunched outside her door--she moaned lowly, laughed huskily, and often complemented her significant other's curves. Needless to say, Jiraiya wrote down every word. Especially about the curves.
Shortly (though it felt like hour after paradisaical hour to Jiraiya), Tsunade stopped speaking. Jiraiya moved out of the doorway, to allow her partner to leave. When no one left the office, he presumed they had gone out the window. For ninja, this was not unheard of.
Jiraiya didn't suspect a thing...until he heard Tsunade snoring. Quickly piecing everything together, he threw open the door--
To reveal Tsunade asleep on her desk, an old-fashioned, gourd-shaped sake bottle in her hand and several empty bottles scattered around the room.
Jiraiya groaned inwardly, and smacked a palm against his forehead. How could he have been so stupid? He should have realized, when Tsunade's "partner" didn't say a word the entire time--or when the ending lacked believability! She was just drinking! And there had gone his chance--his perfect opportunity to get that ultimate favor of all favors from Tsunade...
Mourning his loss, Jiraiya didn't hear Shizune waking up until she struggled to her feet and said weakly, "I did suggest you not interrupt, Jiraiya-sama."
--