In Front of the Last Portal to Kaeleer, The Causeway, Saturday Morning
Karla checked her itinerary another time, waiting for the portal that would take her home. Seven layovers, including a long one in...Revolutionary France? Huh. That sounded interesting. Maybe she'd pick up some tips for her eventual bid to regain Glacia from her uncle--wait. No reason to think of that now. Nope, no thinking, time to look over the itinerary again, it didn't matter that she'd practically memorized it. It was a nice distraction from--Oh, look! Another one in Pompeii, and the itinerary was stressing the fact that it was for November 22, 79AD. And, hey! Her last stop would be four hour layover during "The Blitz" in London! That sounded like...some kind of fair, or something! A bit of fun and excitement before...
Before...
Dinah. Momoko. Tahiri. Hayley. Leda. Priestly. Countless others that she hadn't known, but had reached out across the multiverses to let them know that something was wrong, that worlds were disappearing into the ever-night.
Before she ended up in Kaeleer. Before she stood with her people as Kaeleer finished its descent into the Darkness and faded away to a memory in the minds of the very few who remained on Fandom island.
But she didn't want to think about that. About nothingness and darkness--a darkness she could only hope was the same as the loving embrace of the Darkness and not a complete obliteration of everything she'd ever known. Of course, what else was there to think of? How she'd taken the coward's way out and left handwavy messages for the friends she couldn't bear to say goodbye to in person? How she'd kissed Warren's sleeping face one last time and crept away while she still had the nerve to leave and do what was right?
Hopefully, Fandom would do what they did best and figure out some way to fix whatever was going wrong before the island itself was swallowed up. Maybe they'd even find some way to reverse it, though she doubted that. It didn't matter. Her place wasn't here. It was with her people, watching over them until the stars blinked out and there was nothing left.
And then there was no more time for thoughts; the portal was opening in front of her. Taking one last breath of Fandom air, Karla prepared to step through. *Goodbye,* she sent on a psychic thread to anyone who would hear. *I will love you for as long as I can.*
Warren
He'd been sleeping. Warren wasn't entirely aware what had woke him up. Wind against the window, maybe Thor stirring in his cage. A kiss goodbye...
Whatever the case was, he'd gotten a message. It was the first thing he'd zeroed in on that morning, and he hadn't even bothered to throw on more than the pants that he was already wearing before opening his window and jumping out into the cold morning air. It might be too late. There wasn't time to worry about anything like that. Not when she was...
Might already be...
At the end of the Causeway, he could see a portal. And if the sight of the person about to step through it didn't confirm where that portal was headed to, the I love you in his mind did.
Whatever the case was, he came down on Karla in a full falcon dive, rolling as he hit so that the brunt of the impact with the icy ground would be to his shoulder, not to her.
A message.
She'd tried to leave him forever with a message.
Karla
"Oof!"
Karla would be the first to admit that the message had been a really crummy way to say goodbye. But what else was she supposed to do? Wake him up and spend their last moments together fighting?
Of course, that looked to be on the agenda anyway, what with getting tackled and all. She couldn't help but wince as she heard Warren's shoulder hit the ground. He'd been going very fast the and ground was very hard.
This was what she'd been trying to avoid!
"No, Warren! Please! I have to go!" Okay, that probably wouldn't work. "You rumpled me!"
Neither would that.
Warren
Because being rumpled wasn't really going to matter much where she was trying to get to anyhow, was it?
"You were going to just leave? Just... Just leave a message and go?" Warren's teeth were grit for the few more seconds it took for his shoulder to heal, and then he was picking himself up again, helping Karla to her feet. Ignoring the icy cold biting at him as he stood barefoot and half-dressed in the cold. "And not even bother to say goodbye before running off to not exist anymore? I'm sorry, Karla. You get rumpled."
Warren was so mean. Truly.
Karla
"What did you want me to say?" Karla said, taking his hand to stand up. "I'm sorry, I love you, but I have to do this? It's hard enough for me to go now. Saying goodbye to you--it just makes a difficult thing that much harder."
If he'd asked her to stay, in those soft hours before real morning, when they were lying in bed together...
Karla hadn't been sure she could have said no. So she'd taken the easy way out. The coward's way out.
"I said goodbye. You just...weren't awake to hear it." Hadn't been awake to see her tears. To see her look once more over her shoulder before she'd forced herself through the door. "I left a note."
That sounded weak and hollow in her own ears.
Warren
"Oh. You left a note."
Warren's own words were pretty weak to match. There were a hundred other words that could have leapt up in their place. Begging. Yelling. Reasoning. And hollow was the best he had.
"I could have left a note. What would you have done if I had?"
He suspected that she wouldn't have forgiven him, once he was gone forever with nothing but a letter and a whisper on the wind.
Karla
Okay, well, yes. There would have been a reckoning at the very least, while she found some way to put him back together long enough to deliver the most blistering diatribe she could think of. But this was different.
"It's not the same!" See? "You don't understand--this has nothing to do with what I want. You think I want to go home? That I want to leave you? I have to do this! So, yes, I left a note because I couldn't run the risk that I would choose you over what's right! I'm sorry. But they need me. I have to be there."
Warren
"This isn't about me, Karla," Warren replied, his voice dropping low. "What are you even going to do for them, there? How is this any different? I'm less likely to run because I don't have a home to run to?"
People on the island were desperately searching for a solution, and Karla was going to throw in the towel and die, instead. Or just... cease existing, before it was all really over at all.
No. Warren didn't understand.
Karla
"No," Karla said quietly, shaking her head. "It's because you have no reason to stare down into the abyss as it swallows you whole."
Karla wasn't returning to Kaeleer because it was her home. She was returning to Kaeleer because she had a duty.
"What can I do for them there? I can stand with them. I can vanish with them. I can be their Queen when they need me most. Morton is there. Julian is there. Cora. The people who have believed in me, worked for me, sacrificed for me, in order to give me a chance. I can be the Queen they deserve in the last few days we have and when Kaeleer vanishes, I can make sure that they don't go alone. I owe it to them, Warren."
Her voice broke a little and she turned her face away. "I didn't ask you to come with me because I can't. It's not your duty--and more than that...I need to know that you'll go on, when I don't."
Warren
She was giving up, then. Squaring her chin and bravely giving up.
That left a sick twist in Warren's guts.
"... Yeah. You'd think I would. Wouldn't you."
Go on without her. Like she wasn't the beginning and end of his entire world. And if she'd asked him to go... maybe he would have.
Maybe. Only he had no intention of letting her leave.
Karla
"Yes," Karla said, looking back at him. "Yes, I do. Because I know you and you're strong. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. And this--this won't break you. You'll go on and you will live and if there's any part of me left, I will be so proud of you when you do."
Her voice cracked and broke on that last, but she kept going. "There is more to you than me. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is. And I won't let you give up all that there is just to give me an escort into the Darkness. You are worth more than that. Worth more than that to me, even. So you will live and it will hurt, but if you do, than something of me will go on, too. And that's the only thing that letting me walk through this portal with my head high."
Warren
Oh, god. Warren... Warren wanted to just ball himself up and stop completely, right then and there. For all the things they'd been through, all the things they'd survived, here she was, talking about how much he was worth, while she was throwing herself away.
He would live and it would hurt.
He couldn't breathe.
He already felt mostly gone.
"Do I get one last hug, at least?"
Mostly gone, and sick inside.
Karla
Karla was trying desperately, desperately not to cry. She had to be strong. She could not bend. Because if she bent, if she cried--she might not be able to go through.
But she couldn't deny him this. She'd tried to go once without saying goodbye. She couldn't do it twice.
"Yes. I--of course." She stepped forward into his arms and clung to him. Tried to memorize the scent of cornchips and the feel of his skin. They would be the last things she thought of before the end. Held him tight like there was never letting go.
Because there would be. There had to be.
"I will love you until there is nothing left of me."
Warren
Warren wrapped his arms around her and nodded, just a little bit. He knew. Right now, she would love him until there was nothing left. And he was going to hold on to those words the way he was holding on to her, his arms tightening around her, his wings reaching forward, hiding the both of them away.
From between them, he could see the portal, bright and vicious and impatient, waiting to rip her away from him and out of reality forever.
"I love you," he murmured, and his grip tightened, ever so slightly.
She would love him until there was nothing left. Which would be both a very long time, if Warren had any say in the matter at all, and utterly wrong, if he knew her in the least.
Karla
She had tried not to cry. Had tried to be strong and brave and unflinching. But, in the end, Karla was only seventeen and just a girl and afraid. Afraid of what would happen after she stepped through the portal. Afraid of what would happen when the Nothing came. Afraid to say goodbye to the only man, the only person she had ever been in love with.
Her self-control wavered as he whispered his love back and she couldn't keep the tears back. Just a few, but enough to leave a trail of salt on his skin. The heart of the woman broke even as the Queen stood firm. "I have never doubted that."
And then she tried to step back.
Warren
And his arms held firm, his hands clasping at his arms, claws sinking deep into his own flesh, not caring if it healed there. All the better for his grip.
There weren't words. Not for this. Not for what he was about to do. But he shook his head, and his wings closed more tightly around them both.
Karla
It took a moment for Karla to realize what he was doing. At first, she thought it was just a natural resistance to letting her go. But then his wings tightened and she understood.
"What?" She gasped, shaking her head, not believing he would actually-- "No, Warren, let me go!" He was. He actually was. She began to struggle in his grip, fighting to break free. "You have to let me go!"
Warren
The panic. The panic came first, that heart-grabbing notion that the entire world was about to fall out underfoot. And when you struggled against your bonds and protested, they never gave an inch.
"I can't," he said, almost too quiet to be heard. "I can't let you do this."
They never understood, when you panicked and fought, what it was you were fighting for.
Maybe he didn't, either. But he wasn't letting go.
Karla
Karla sputtered at that. "You can't what?! I'm not asking your permission!"
Behind her, the portal pulsed and shimmered. She was running out of time. "Dammit, Warren, I don't want to hurt you!" she cried. "But I will! This is bigger than you or me or what we want! Please, I'm begging you! Let go of me."
Warren
Warren smiled. Almost. It was tired. It was more than a little broken. He didn't feel that smile in the least. But it was there.
"Protecting. Isn't that what... I mean, it's part of..."
Protocol. Everything about being a Male in Kaeleer. And here he was, doing it. For all the wrong reasons, maybe. He had no idea, anymore. Hell, he couldn't even finish the thought. It felt... obscene, somehow, to say any more than that, while he watched the last portal to her dying home begin to fade away.
He was doing exactly what he had to do. Blood or Landen or human or mutant. It didn't matter.
He wasn't letting go.
Karla
"This is not--"* Karla was really struggling now. Warren was strong; she'd always known that, but his strength had never been used against her before. Not like this. "You can't do this!" She was trying to sound strong, trying to sound determined and in control, but that last comment came out sounding like a wail.
"My people! They need me! I swore vows!" She slammed her head up, trying to clip him in the nose, biting and scratching, and kicking. Taking all the lessons she'd learned from Lucivar, aiming for groin and instep and vulnerable parts. She couldn't bring herself to hurt his wings or rake his arm with her snaketooth, but every other weapon she had in her limited arsenal was fair game. "DAMN YOUR EYES, WARREN, LET ME GO!"
Warren
Warren took the punishment, feeling his nose break, feeling her nails rip at his bare chest, scratches healing almost as quickly as she could cause them. He made a strangled sound deep in his throat as she slammed her knee against his groin. He countered by catching her leg between his knees and pulling her even closer with his wings, leaving her no room to move her arms.
He deserved it. He deserved the punishment every bit as much as she deserved the right to give it to him. But if he were to let go...
He didn't say a word. What was there to say? That leaving was insane, that it would accomplish nothing, that it was suicide? She knew that. He just bit the inside of his cheek until the coppery tang of blood hit his tongue. He held on.
He still wasn't letting go.
Karla
Warren was like a python, clinging to her, hindering her movements. It didn't stop Karla from trying to claw her way free. She didn't want to hurt him, she just wanted to get away. Tears streamed down her face. Not from him, of course. He hadn't harmed her, even with all the abuse she'd delivered to him. Hadn't laid a violent finger on her, except to clutch her more tightly.
He was killing her.
"WARREN, YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE! DAMMIT, LET ME GO!" Karla shrieked as the portal pulsed and began irising closed. "LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GOOOO! IF YOU LOVE ME AT ALL, LET ME GO TO MY PEOPLE! WARREN, PLEEEEEEASE!"
Warren
If you love me at all.
And if you love it, you set it free. That's what people always said. Hell, he'd be the first person to talk about the virtues of that saying, considering the decade that he'd spent staring out at the world with his wings strapped down. And right now, he didn't believe a word of it. He was damn near choking on a mouthful of blood, his face and chest and arms streaked with it. And he was holding on so tightly that he was worried that if she struggled any more, he might accidentally crack her ribs or something.
But now, his eyes were on the portal, watching it shrink. Watching her last hope of vanishing with her people inch down until it was practically nothing at all.
If you love something, let it go.
He'd made his one last hug count.
He loosened his grip.
Karla
The portal was no bigger around than a child's ball, but Karla tried to lunge for it anyway. Maybe there was some way she could--But no. It closed even as she stumbled towards it. And she was still here. Still at Fandom.
Somewhere, universes away, her people were being erased from reality and she was not there with them. Her heart was a stone in her chest. She tasted ashes in her mouth--the remains of her pride, her duty, everything. Everything hurt. Everything was pain and rage and ice.
"I hate you."
Tears were still streaming down her face, but her voice was calm. "How could you do this to me? I thought you understood--I am a Queen. My place is with my people. And you denied me that. I can't--I don't--We're through."
Warren
Through.
It wasn't really a great revelation. Him wrapping his arms around her and holding her back hadn't been about them. As much as he desperately needed her, as much as he felt like some huge piece of him had been ripped away at that word. This wasn't about Warren simply refusing to be alone.
His hands fell to his sides, fingertips still dripping blood from the gouges that he'd put into his own arms, now mostly healed over. His wings were still curled forward slightly, half obscuring him from view. He couldn't even feel the cold right now. Everything was numb.
"I know."
Karla
Karla wasn't looking at him anyway. It hurt too much. Her back was stiff and unyielding, her fists clenched and her nails digging into her palms. Her eyes were trained on the space where the portal had occupied. "Then why--"
She shook her head. "No. I don't care. Fuck you." Ice shattered into furious rage. She whirled around to face him; her face even paler than normal. "I hate you! I hate you I hate you! I hate you! You had no right! None! You--you--!" Her face crumpled. "You made me betray every oath I ever swore! How could you?"
Warren
How could he?
It had been the simplest choice he had ever made, and the one that hurt the most to carry out all the same.
Warren exhaled sharply at her words. At the barrage of loathing and accusations. He'd known they were coming, and all the same, her words still knocked the wind out of him. And he wanted to explain. He wanted so badly to tell her that she could do her people so much more good from here, still alive, still existing.
And he couldn't. He couldn't even breathe. All he could do was stand there and shiver, folding his wings around himself a little more. He wanted to hide himself away in them, now. Bury himself in feathers and snow and not breathe and never come out again, and for the first time since he'd come to the island, that actually seemed like an option that people would let him get away with.
But there weren't words.
Karla
"You are a coward."
The words hung in the air between them. Hard. Painful. Cutting. They felt like her.
They weren't true. Even now, some part of her knew that. But she wanted to hurt him, gut him, claw out his heart the way he'd done to her.
"And now you've made one of me, too."
Warren
He was.
He was. Oh, god, he was. He'd never been strong like everyone else, and now there was this, and... And he inhaled again.
"They're your people."
And he wasn't.
"And you're still alive." But he was looking up, finally. He was squaring his jaw. And for a moment, just for a heartbeat, he was looking at his father again. What you want. And that moment crept up his throat, cold and tired and terrified and hollowed-out, but the most solid truth that he had within his grasp in that instant. "So stop trying to kill yourself and do them some good from here."
Karla
"They were," Karla said, coldly. "Now they are nothing. Like my honor. My principles. My vows. Nothing."
No. Warren wasn't her 'people.' He didn't need her, depend on her. Not like they did. Not the faceless mass who preyed on her mind and her conscience, demanding that she become someone else. Something else. He was hers. Just hers.
Or, well, he had been.
"As a Healer, as a Black Widow--I swore on my Jewels that I would protect the people who depended on me. And you took that away from me. You held me back and took away my choice. We don't know if we can stop it. And even if we could stop it, we don't know if we can reverse it. And the people who looked to me--who have been depending on me to come back and take care of them--they're gone. My whole future is gone. I promised I would--and now--they're gone and what good am I if I couldn't even be there for them at the end of it all?!"
Warren
How many times had she seen the end of the world?
How many times had she been there to stop the end of the world? So many worlds? Raven's, Rinoa and Squall's, leaving messages on his machine and scaring the hell out of him, leaving him worried sick, but pulling through all the same. Hell, reality had been shredding itself, once, when he'd found himself in Rapture, and she'd stood through that. He was certain there were things she had faced before he'd ever set foot on the island.
And now, the second it actually touched the world that was her own, that was the end? That was 'we don't know if we can fix it, so I'll stop looking for a way and go down with the ship?'
What the fuck was that, Karla?
"Not knowing if we can stop it never stopped you from doing the impossible before." Warren turned. She didn't want to hear it. He was going to say it anyhow. "Bring them back, Queen."
And then he started to walk, bare feet against frigid ground. He couldn't fly. He didn't have it in him to fly, just then. Just one foot in front of the other, flesh against frost, not daring to look back or even stumble until he was out of sight.
And then he hit his knees.
Karla
Karla waited for him to leave. Waited until he was gone.
And then she sank to the ground and keened. Wordless wailing filled with grief and heartbreak and pain.
She couldn't acknowledge his words yet. Not yet. Right now, all there was was agony.
[Preplayed with the amazing not_a_parakeet who likes to make me cry because she is mean!]
Before...
Dinah. Momoko. Tahiri. Hayley. Leda. Priestly. Countless others that she hadn't known, but had reached out across the multiverses to let them know that something was wrong, that worlds were disappearing into the ever-night.
Before she ended up in Kaeleer. Before she stood with her people as Kaeleer finished its descent into the Darkness and faded away to a memory in the minds of the very few who remained on Fandom island.
But she didn't want to think about that. About nothingness and darkness--a darkness she could only hope was the same as the loving embrace of the Darkness and not a complete obliteration of everything she'd ever known. Of course, what else was there to think of? How she'd taken the coward's way out and left handwavy messages for the friends she couldn't bear to say goodbye to in person? How she'd kissed Warren's sleeping face one last time and crept away while she still had the nerve to leave and do what was right?
Hopefully, Fandom would do what they did best and figure out some way to fix whatever was going wrong before the island itself was swallowed up. Maybe they'd even find some way to reverse it, though she doubted that. It didn't matter. Her place wasn't here. It was with her people, watching over them until the stars blinked out and there was nothing left.
And then there was no more time for thoughts; the portal was opening in front of her. Taking one last breath of Fandom air, Karla prepared to step through. *Goodbye,* she sent on a psychic thread to anyone who would hear. *I will love you for as long as I can.*
Warren
He'd been sleeping. Warren wasn't entirely aware what had woke him up. Wind against the window, maybe Thor stirring in his cage. A kiss goodbye...
Whatever the case was, he'd gotten a message. It was the first thing he'd zeroed in on that morning, and he hadn't even bothered to throw on more than the pants that he was already wearing before opening his window and jumping out into the cold morning air. It might be too late. There wasn't time to worry about anything like that. Not when she was...
Might already be...
At the end of the Causeway, he could see a portal. And if the sight of the person about to step through it didn't confirm where that portal was headed to, the I love you in his mind did.
Whatever the case was, he came down on Karla in a full falcon dive, rolling as he hit so that the brunt of the impact with the icy ground would be to his shoulder, not to her.
A message.
She'd tried to leave him forever with a message.
Karla
"Oof!"
Karla would be the first to admit that the message had been a really crummy way to say goodbye. But what else was she supposed to do? Wake him up and spend their last moments together fighting?
Of course, that looked to be on the agenda anyway, what with getting tackled and all. She couldn't help but wince as she heard Warren's shoulder hit the ground. He'd been going very fast the and ground was very hard.
This was what she'd been trying to avoid!
"No, Warren! Please! I have to go!" Okay, that probably wouldn't work. "You rumpled me!"
Neither would that.
Warren
Because being rumpled wasn't really going to matter much where she was trying to get to anyhow, was it?
"You were going to just leave? Just... Just leave a message and go?" Warren's teeth were grit for the few more seconds it took for his shoulder to heal, and then he was picking himself up again, helping Karla to her feet. Ignoring the icy cold biting at him as he stood barefoot and half-dressed in the cold. "And not even bother to say goodbye before running off to not exist anymore? I'm sorry, Karla. You get rumpled."
Warren was so mean. Truly.
Karla
"What did you want me to say?" Karla said, taking his hand to stand up. "I'm sorry, I love you, but I have to do this? It's hard enough for me to go now. Saying goodbye to you--it just makes a difficult thing that much harder."
If he'd asked her to stay, in those soft hours before real morning, when they were lying in bed together...
Karla hadn't been sure she could have said no. So she'd taken the easy way out. The coward's way out.
"I said goodbye. You just...weren't awake to hear it." Hadn't been awake to see her tears. To see her look once more over her shoulder before she'd forced herself through the door. "I left a note."
That sounded weak and hollow in her own ears.
Warren
"Oh. You left a note."
Warren's own words were pretty weak to match. There were a hundred other words that could have leapt up in their place. Begging. Yelling. Reasoning. And hollow was the best he had.
"I could have left a note. What would you have done if I had?"
He suspected that she wouldn't have forgiven him, once he was gone forever with nothing but a letter and a whisper on the wind.
Karla
Okay, well, yes. There would have been a reckoning at the very least, while she found some way to put him back together long enough to deliver the most blistering diatribe she could think of. But this was different.
"It's not the same!" See? "You don't understand--this has nothing to do with what I want. You think I want to go home? That I want to leave you? I have to do this! So, yes, I left a note because I couldn't run the risk that I would choose you over what's right! I'm sorry. But they need me. I have to be there."
Warren
"This isn't about me, Karla," Warren replied, his voice dropping low. "What are you even going to do for them, there? How is this any different? I'm less likely to run because I don't have a home to run to?"
People on the island were desperately searching for a solution, and Karla was going to throw in the towel and die, instead. Or just... cease existing, before it was all really over at all.
No. Warren didn't understand.
Karla
"No," Karla said quietly, shaking her head. "It's because you have no reason to stare down into the abyss as it swallows you whole."
Karla wasn't returning to Kaeleer because it was her home. She was returning to Kaeleer because she had a duty.
"What can I do for them there? I can stand with them. I can vanish with them. I can be their Queen when they need me most. Morton is there. Julian is there. Cora. The people who have believed in me, worked for me, sacrificed for me, in order to give me a chance. I can be the Queen they deserve in the last few days we have and when Kaeleer vanishes, I can make sure that they don't go alone. I owe it to them, Warren."
Her voice broke a little and she turned her face away. "I didn't ask you to come with me because I can't. It's not your duty--and more than that...I need to know that you'll go on, when I don't."
Warren
She was giving up, then. Squaring her chin and bravely giving up.
That left a sick twist in Warren's guts.
"... Yeah. You'd think I would. Wouldn't you."
Go on without her. Like she wasn't the beginning and end of his entire world. And if she'd asked him to go... maybe he would have.
Maybe. Only he had no intention of letting her leave.
Karla
"Yes," Karla said, looking back at him. "Yes, I do. Because I know you and you're strong. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. And this--this won't break you. You'll go on and you will live and if there's any part of me left, I will be so proud of you when you do."
Her voice cracked and broke on that last, but she kept going. "There is more to you than me. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is. And I won't let you give up all that there is just to give me an escort into the Darkness. You are worth more than that. Worth more than that to me, even. So you will live and it will hurt, but if you do, than something of me will go on, too. And that's the only thing that letting me walk through this portal with my head high."
Warren
Oh, god. Warren... Warren wanted to just ball himself up and stop completely, right then and there. For all the things they'd been through, all the things they'd survived, here she was, talking about how much he was worth, while she was throwing herself away.
He would live and it would hurt.
He couldn't breathe.
He already felt mostly gone.
"Do I get one last hug, at least?"
Mostly gone, and sick inside.
Karla
Karla was trying desperately, desperately not to cry. She had to be strong. She could not bend. Because if she bent, if she cried--she might not be able to go through.
But she couldn't deny him this. She'd tried to go once without saying goodbye. She couldn't do it twice.
"Yes. I--of course." She stepped forward into his arms and clung to him. Tried to memorize the scent of cornchips and the feel of his skin. They would be the last things she thought of before the end. Held him tight like there was never letting go.
Because there would be. There had to be.
"I will love you until there is nothing left of me."
Warren
Warren wrapped his arms around her and nodded, just a little bit. He knew. Right now, she would love him until there was nothing left. And he was going to hold on to those words the way he was holding on to her, his arms tightening around her, his wings reaching forward, hiding the both of them away.
From between them, he could see the portal, bright and vicious and impatient, waiting to rip her away from him and out of reality forever.
"I love you," he murmured, and his grip tightened, ever so slightly.
She would love him until there was nothing left. Which would be both a very long time, if Warren had any say in the matter at all, and utterly wrong, if he knew her in the least.
Karla
She had tried not to cry. Had tried to be strong and brave and unflinching. But, in the end, Karla was only seventeen and just a girl and afraid. Afraid of what would happen after she stepped through the portal. Afraid of what would happen when the Nothing came. Afraid to say goodbye to the only man, the only person she had ever been in love with.
Her self-control wavered as he whispered his love back and she couldn't keep the tears back. Just a few, but enough to leave a trail of salt on his skin. The heart of the woman broke even as the Queen stood firm. "I have never doubted that."
And then she tried to step back.
Warren
And his arms held firm, his hands clasping at his arms, claws sinking deep into his own flesh, not caring if it healed there. All the better for his grip.
There weren't words. Not for this. Not for what he was about to do. But he shook his head, and his wings closed more tightly around them both.
Karla
It took a moment for Karla to realize what he was doing. At first, she thought it was just a natural resistance to letting her go. But then his wings tightened and she understood.
"What?" She gasped, shaking her head, not believing he would actually-- "No, Warren, let me go!" He was. He actually was. She began to struggle in his grip, fighting to break free. "You have to let me go!"
Warren
The panic. The panic came first, that heart-grabbing notion that the entire world was about to fall out underfoot. And when you struggled against your bonds and protested, they never gave an inch.
"I can't," he said, almost too quiet to be heard. "I can't let you do this."
They never understood, when you panicked and fought, what it was you were fighting for.
Maybe he didn't, either. But he wasn't letting go.
Karla
Karla sputtered at that. "You can't what?! I'm not asking your permission!"
Behind her, the portal pulsed and shimmered. She was running out of time. "Dammit, Warren, I don't want to hurt you!" she cried. "But I will! This is bigger than you or me or what we want! Please, I'm begging you! Let go of me."
Warren
Warren smiled. Almost. It was tired. It was more than a little broken. He didn't feel that smile in the least. But it was there.
"Protecting. Isn't that what... I mean, it's part of..."
Protocol. Everything about being a Male in Kaeleer. And here he was, doing it. For all the wrong reasons, maybe. He had no idea, anymore. Hell, he couldn't even finish the thought. It felt... obscene, somehow, to say any more than that, while he watched the last portal to her dying home begin to fade away.
He was doing exactly what he had to do. Blood or Landen or human or mutant. It didn't matter.
He wasn't letting go.
Karla
"This is not--"* Karla was really struggling now. Warren was strong; she'd always known that, but his strength had never been used against her before. Not like this. "You can't do this!" She was trying to sound strong, trying to sound determined and in control, but that last comment came out sounding like a wail.
"My people! They need me! I swore vows!" She slammed her head up, trying to clip him in the nose, biting and scratching, and kicking. Taking all the lessons she'd learned from Lucivar, aiming for groin and instep and vulnerable parts. She couldn't bring herself to hurt his wings or rake his arm with her snaketooth, but every other weapon she had in her limited arsenal was fair game. "DAMN YOUR EYES, WARREN, LET ME GO!"
Warren
Warren took the punishment, feeling his nose break, feeling her nails rip at his bare chest, scratches healing almost as quickly as she could cause them. He made a strangled sound deep in his throat as she slammed her knee against his groin. He countered by catching her leg between his knees and pulling her even closer with his wings, leaving her no room to move her arms.
He deserved it. He deserved the punishment every bit as much as she deserved the right to give it to him. But if he were to let go...
He didn't say a word. What was there to say? That leaving was insane, that it would accomplish nothing, that it was suicide? She knew that. He just bit the inside of his cheek until the coppery tang of blood hit his tongue. He held on.
He still wasn't letting go.
Karla
Warren was like a python, clinging to her, hindering her movements. It didn't stop Karla from trying to claw her way free. She didn't want to hurt him, she just wanted to get away. Tears streamed down her face. Not from him, of course. He hadn't harmed her, even with all the abuse she'd delivered to him. Hadn't laid a violent finger on her, except to clutch her more tightly.
He was killing her.
"WARREN, YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE! DAMMIT, LET ME GO!" Karla shrieked as the portal pulsed and began irising closed. "LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GOOOO! IF YOU LOVE ME AT ALL, LET ME GO TO MY PEOPLE! WARREN, PLEEEEEEASE!"
Warren
If you love me at all.
And if you love it, you set it free. That's what people always said. Hell, he'd be the first person to talk about the virtues of that saying, considering the decade that he'd spent staring out at the world with his wings strapped down. And right now, he didn't believe a word of it. He was damn near choking on a mouthful of blood, his face and chest and arms streaked with it. And he was holding on so tightly that he was worried that if she struggled any more, he might accidentally crack her ribs or something.
But now, his eyes were on the portal, watching it shrink. Watching her last hope of vanishing with her people inch down until it was practically nothing at all.
If you love something, let it go.
He'd made his one last hug count.
He loosened his grip.
Karla
The portal was no bigger around than a child's ball, but Karla tried to lunge for it anyway. Maybe there was some way she could--But no. It closed even as she stumbled towards it. And she was still here. Still at Fandom.
Somewhere, universes away, her people were being erased from reality and she was not there with them. Her heart was a stone in her chest. She tasted ashes in her mouth--the remains of her pride, her duty, everything. Everything hurt. Everything was pain and rage and ice.
"I hate you."
Tears were still streaming down her face, but her voice was calm. "How could you do this to me? I thought you understood--I am a Queen. My place is with my people. And you denied me that. I can't--I don't--We're through."
Warren
Through.
It wasn't really a great revelation. Him wrapping his arms around her and holding her back hadn't been about them. As much as he desperately needed her, as much as he felt like some huge piece of him had been ripped away at that word. This wasn't about Warren simply refusing to be alone.
His hands fell to his sides, fingertips still dripping blood from the gouges that he'd put into his own arms, now mostly healed over. His wings were still curled forward slightly, half obscuring him from view. He couldn't even feel the cold right now. Everything was numb.
"I know."
Karla
Karla wasn't looking at him anyway. It hurt too much. Her back was stiff and unyielding, her fists clenched and her nails digging into her palms. Her eyes were trained on the space where the portal had occupied. "Then why--"
She shook her head. "No. I don't care. Fuck you." Ice shattered into furious rage. She whirled around to face him; her face even paler than normal. "I hate you! I hate you I hate you! I hate you! You had no right! None! You--you--!" Her face crumpled. "You made me betray every oath I ever swore! How could you?"
Warren
How could he?
It had been the simplest choice he had ever made, and the one that hurt the most to carry out all the same.
Warren exhaled sharply at her words. At the barrage of loathing and accusations. He'd known they were coming, and all the same, her words still knocked the wind out of him. And he wanted to explain. He wanted so badly to tell her that she could do her people so much more good from here, still alive, still existing.
And he couldn't. He couldn't even breathe. All he could do was stand there and shiver, folding his wings around himself a little more. He wanted to hide himself away in them, now. Bury himself in feathers and snow and not breathe and never come out again, and for the first time since he'd come to the island, that actually seemed like an option that people would let him get away with.
But there weren't words.
Karla
"You are a coward."
The words hung in the air between them. Hard. Painful. Cutting. They felt like her.
They weren't true. Even now, some part of her knew that. But she wanted to hurt him, gut him, claw out his heart the way he'd done to her.
"And now you've made one of me, too."
Warren
He was.
He was. Oh, god, he was. He'd never been strong like everyone else, and now there was this, and... And he inhaled again.
"They're your people."
And he wasn't.
"And you're still alive." But he was looking up, finally. He was squaring his jaw. And for a moment, just for a heartbeat, he was looking at his father again. What you want. And that moment crept up his throat, cold and tired and terrified and hollowed-out, but the most solid truth that he had within his grasp in that instant. "So stop trying to kill yourself and do them some good from here."
Karla
"They were," Karla said, coldly. "Now they are nothing. Like my honor. My principles. My vows. Nothing."
No. Warren wasn't her 'people.' He didn't need her, depend on her. Not like they did. Not the faceless mass who preyed on her mind and her conscience, demanding that she become someone else. Something else. He was hers. Just hers.
Or, well, he had been.
"As a Healer, as a Black Widow--I swore on my Jewels that I would protect the people who depended on me. And you took that away from me. You held me back and took away my choice. We don't know if we can stop it. And even if we could stop it, we don't know if we can reverse it. And the people who looked to me--who have been depending on me to come back and take care of them--they're gone. My whole future is gone. I promised I would--and now--they're gone and what good am I if I couldn't even be there for them at the end of it all?!"
Warren
How many times had she seen the end of the world?
How many times had she been there to stop the end of the world? So many worlds? Raven's, Rinoa and Squall's, leaving messages on his machine and scaring the hell out of him, leaving him worried sick, but pulling through all the same. Hell, reality had been shredding itself, once, when he'd found himself in Rapture, and she'd stood through that. He was certain there were things she had faced before he'd ever set foot on the island.
And now, the second it actually touched the world that was her own, that was the end? That was 'we don't know if we can fix it, so I'll stop looking for a way and go down with the ship?'
What the fuck was that, Karla?
"Not knowing if we can stop it never stopped you from doing the impossible before." Warren turned. She didn't want to hear it. He was going to say it anyhow. "Bring them back, Queen."
And then he started to walk, bare feet against frigid ground. He couldn't fly. He didn't have it in him to fly, just then. Just one foot in front of the other, flesh against frost, not daring to look back or even stumble until he was out of sight.
And then he hit his knees.
Karla
Karla waited for him to leave. Waited until he was gone.
And then she sank to the ground and keened. Wordless wailing filled with grief and heartbreak and pain.
She couldn't acknowledge his words yet. Not yet. Right now, all there was was agony.
[Preplayed with the amazing not_a_parakeet who likes to make me cry because she is mean!]