The Village of Haven, Arceria, Kaeleer, Tuesday Evening (Fandom time)
Karla could hardly contain her excitement. She'd gotten a psychic thread from Helene earlier in the afternoon, requesting her presence at the meeting hall that evening. All day, apprentice and journeymaid Black Widows had been cleaning and airing out the building, the last of the patients having returned home to recuperate the evening before. That could have just been Helene's common sense sense at work. No one who could read psychic scents would want to gather in a makeshift hospital; too much pain and fear and discomfort lingered in the walls.
Common sense or no, Karla was fairly certain that wasn't why the young Black Widows had spent all day diligently scrubbing down every inch of the building.
When a journeymaid proved herself adept at the Craft and practices of the Hourglass, she was acknowledged by her coven and promoted, receiving an hourglass pendant with all of the sand in the lower half as visible proof to all that she was a student no longer, but a full-fledged Black Widow. Karla had been a journeymaid for years, since before leaving Helene's coven to return to the estate and Hobart. In the intervening years, she'd grown up, practiced her Craft, helped friends and acquaintances work through mental and emotional trauma, founded a village to save Black Widows, and rule Haven as Queen for a full season. If there was a more thorough way to prove herself worthy of attaining full Black Widow status, she couldn't think of what it was.
So, after putting in her day in the fields and eating a hearty dinner (not that Warren was around to see, blast him), Karla got ready for her investiture ceremony. She reluctantly decided against wearing Widows Weeds (not everyone had theirs and it would be rude seem too eager), so she settled for a nice dress and brushing her hair and then blithely skipping her way from their cottage to the meeting hall.
She had a cheerful smile for Helene when an apprentice opened the door and led her way in, one that turned into brilliant when she saw who else had shown up. Jaenelle and Gabrielle had also been invited--Helene must have considered this a very special occasion indeed. Her smile faltered a moment later when she saw Luthvian's forbidding countenance near her friends, but regained its merriness when she realized Helene had probably just invited every Black Widow Karla knew. And it never hurt to be polite to the mother of Saetan's youngest son.
This was probably going to be one of the happiest nights of Karla's life.
Karla
Karla stuttered, looking from face to face to solemn face. "What?" she sputtered. "I don't think I heard you right. What did you say?"
Her eyes flew to Jaenelle, who looked sorrowful, but resolute. "Please...anybody...I don't understand..."
Helene
"This pains me to say as much as it does for you to hear," Helene said gravely, the lines in her face deepening with compassion. That compassion struck Karla, making her almost wish for something else, a gleeful smugness, maybe, like she was picking up from Luthvian. "But the Hourglass has decided. You are not yet ready to become a full Black Widow. You will remain a journeymaid for another of your Fandom years."
Luthvian
"That's two years here," Luthvian said, a hint of a smile touching her lips. "So, two full years here, perhaps?"
She had never liked Karla. At all. Jaenelle, well, their relationship was complicated, especially with Lucivar's decision to serve her instead of his own mother to fulfill his immigration requirements for Kaeleer. Karla, however, had been nothing but brash and arrogant the few times they'd met, forgetting that while Luthvian may not have been a Queen, she was still a Black Widow from a long-lived race and therefore due that much more respect. Seeing her get her comeuppance was delightful.
She would have to find some way to thank Jaenelle for ensuring she was part of the proceedings.
Jaenelle
Jaenelle was not at all amused, either by what was happening or Luthvian's unsubtle enjoyment of it. "I hardly thing setting a strict deadline will be necessary, Sister," she replied coolly. "Several months after Karla's graduation and return to Kaeleer will be sufficient, I'm sure. Helene?"
Helene
"That will be fine, Lady," Helene said, her eyes fixed on Karla's face. "A few weeks here was enough to show us that Journeymaid Karla was unsuitable for advancement. I doubt we will need much longer than that when she returns."
Karla
Karla was doing her best to maintain her composure in front of all these eyes, from two elderly women who had made it over the mountains somehow in the dead of winter, traveling with only one another down to a little girl of no more than seven, who had been sent by her mother to Haven with another group of refugees once the girl had begun displaying some of the early characteristics of a natural Black Widow. She wasn't going to break in front of them, wouldn't cry, wouldn't beg them to reconsider.
"But why?" she asked, voice hoarse. "All I've done--my Craft--learned my potions, my poisons--why?"
Helene
"It was a hard decision," Helene said, striving for serenity against Karla's stricken expression. "But a firm one. You are correct; your Craft is elegant, your work with herbs exemplary. I have listened to your reports of ways you acted as a Black Widow with your friends and, through those, the quality of your training and commitment to your calling stand clear."
Even now, while she was dashing all of Karla's hopes, with the worst blow still yet to come, Helene couldn't help but be proud of all the girl had done, was still proud to have been the leader of the coven that had trained her.
"Those qualities weighed on our minds heavily as we discussed your status," she assured Karla, "and if it were based on merit alone, you would have earned your place within the coven long ago."
Karla
"I don't understand!" Karla snapped, interrupting Helene. She didn't want platitudes, damn it! She wanted answers! "You say 'merit alone' like there's more to becoming a Black Widow than that! If I've earned that place, why aren't you giving it to me?"
Luthvian
"Because, in addition to merits, there are also flaws," Luthvian replied crisply, as tired of all this gentle ass-patting as Karla was. "And yours outweigh your merits, which, by all reports, make them quite appalling indeed."
She caught the glare that Janelle and the other one, the Dea al Mon witch, were throwing her, but she didn't stop. This was something Karla needed to hear and maybe if she'd heard it long ago, they wouldn't all be standing here now.
"You're an immature child, Karla." No smile now, not for this kind of set down. She was all teacher, cold and forbidding. "You've had everything fall into your hand like ripe fruit and it's spoiled you. Look at you now, coming in here, demanding to be promoted as if it's your right instead of something you have to work for. I've trained girls like you a millions times over. Petty, snotty children who simply expect to be rewarded without putting any effort in." Several voices rose up at that, but she spoke over them all. "You may be less lazy than most of them--" marginally "--but you're still just as determined to have your way, regardless of what your betters think about it."
Karla
Silence reigned after Luthvian finished her spiel. Karla looked around, searching for sympathy, for anger on her behalf, for something that said that these women didn't all believe as Luthvian did...
And all Karla saw were eyes that slid away from hers.
It felt like there was no air in the room. She was dizzy, lightheaded. For a moment, all Karla wanted to do was sink to the floor and put her head between her knees.
"I...see..." she said, voice small.
Helene
Helene reached for Karla's hands, clasping them gently. "That is an incomplete picture, my dear," she said, though she did not gainsay it. There were elements of truth in there that Karla would have to face and acknowledge if she ever wanted to progress. "You are impatient and headstrong and while everyone who has been a part of your life knows that you haven't had an easy time of it, Lady Luthvian is correct that you've been indulged. You have learned some bad habits over the years and they were not corrected in time. For that, the Hourglass begs your forgiveness. We did not curb those behaviours in time and it's those very behaviours that are holding you back. We did not give you the proper help when it was needed and now you're beyond all help we can give."
Karla
Karla felt like one of the mockingjays from Panem, only able to repeat the last few words she heard. "I'm beyond all help?"
Gabrielle
"Not like that, Karla!" Okay, so, technically, this wasn't their turn to talk yet, but since Luthvian didn't seem to be letting that stop her, Gabrielle wasn't going to, either. "She just means this isn't something the rest of us can fix for you. It's going to have to be a change completely of your own devising. That's all."
Under her breath, she added, "Maybe we could just explain everything succinctly, instead of taking all these long breaks at the worst possible moments?"
Karla
"...But you agree with them," Karla said, turning a little to look at Gabrielle. "You're here because you stand with them."
Gabrielle
Gabrielle didn't flinch away from Karla's stare, raising her chin and straightening her shoulders. "I do. I am. And, hopefully, whenever Lady Helene gets around to explaining you'll understand why."
Jaenelle
Janelle coughed once, elbowing Gabrielle in the side--could we not antagonize the locals, dear?--and stepped between them, drawing Karla's eyes to her instead. This was supposed to happen later, but Jaenelle saw no reason to draw it out.
"Lady Luthvian, Gabrielle, and I have been asked here not as members of the Hourglass, but as Healers. We're the only three Healers who have worked with you closely and we can speak to your strengths and weaknesses." She saw Karla's eyes widen, saw her beginning to form the word 'No,' but she pressed on. "We are the triumvirate of Healers required to decide whether you remain a journeymaid Healer as well, or if you should be allowed to become a full Healer as well."
She was sorry, Karla. She was so damn sorry.
Luthvian
As the witch who had been Healer the longest, it was Luthvian's right to pronounce their decision. Jaenelle had planned to co-opt that, she knew, but she'd paused to have a small moment of communion with Karla instead. Luthvian saw that opportunity and took it.
"Thus, we three, full Healers in our own right--" ouch Karla, even your little friends were outstripping you "--declare that we find Journeymaid Karla unfit and unready to be promoted to full Healer status. We will reconvene in two years to decide whether that decision should be rescinded or, as is likely, it should remain."
It was the same amount of time as the Black Widow edict, but Luthvian preferred to stress the Kaeleeran timeframe.
"Two-thirds of this triumvirate vouch for Journeymaid Karla's proficiency with Healing Craft and duties of being a Healer. Of course, these two are her friends and may not be the most...neutral...of judges. I suggest a full demonstration of her Healing prowess as part of the discussion two years hence."
Peanut Gallery
"Hey now!" one of the Black Widows objected. "Lady Karla saw us through an epidemic! Between her Healing and the medicines she brewed, she kept us all alive and back to health as quick as possible!"
Luthvian
Luthvian gave the other witch a smile. "With all due respect, Sister, which one of us is the Healer?" She paused a moment, her smile showing more teeth. "That's right, it's not you. Not to mention that I am several centuries your senior, as well as an aristo, my dear. I understand that my ideas as to what qualifies as 'Healing prowess' are slightly more...stringent...than yours."
Helene
"Thank you, Sister," Helene snapped, drawing the focus back to her. She stopped visibly grinding her teeth together and forced a smile of her own. "We appreciate your insight and I'm sure the other Healers that judge Journeymaid Karla in two years' time will take your suggestion under advisement."
Hopefully by then, Karla will have worked with enough Glacian Healers to form a pool large enough that they wouldn't have to include Luthvian.
Karla
Luthvian's announcement hadn't come as much of a shock to Karla. Once she realized that her friends hadn't been invited to see her become a full Black Widow, it had been pretty easy to figure our why they'd been invited.
Granted, she hadn't figured it out until right before Luthvian began speaking, but then, she was still kind of reeling from the first suckerpunch to the gut.
"I see," she said again, though this time her voice was a little firmer than before. She utterly, completely, and categorically refused to show weakness in front of Luthvian. "So. I am unfit to be promoted to either full Healer or full Black Widow status. Gabrielle suggested there were reasons beyond those already stated. I should like to hear them, if I may."
See? Calm. Controlled. Mature.
Helene
The detached formality in Karla's tone made Helene bow her head for a moment. It hurt, to hear the little girl she held as she sobbed for her parents use that voice on her. It hurt to have to stomp on that little girl's dreams so utterly.
But they were doing this for her. Because if they didn't, Karla might never stop this cycle of behaviour she'd started. And that would be dangerous.
That thought foremost in mind, Helene hardened her heart and her voice before replying. "It is your own behaviour that drove us to this point. You inability to care for yourself, your decision to run yourself into the ground time and time again for little purpose, your refusal to listen to those who care for you. Those are the reasons we are keeping you a journeymaid. All your skills, all your Craft, all your hard work mean nothing if you aren't capable of acting like an adult and eating when you should!"
Karla
What?
No, seriously, what?
"Was Warren in on this?" Karla yelped. "Did he somehow convince you to...to...punish me because I skipped a few meals?"
She was going to kill him. Just flat out kill him. Then maybe see if Saetan can't find some way to make him demon-dead to kill him again.
"That is so unfair! He doesn't have any idea--"
Luthvian
The sting of Karla's cheek against Luthvian's palm was immensely satisfying.
"Sorry," she said to the assembled witches while Karla reeled backwards a few steps. "I was overcome by the shrill screeching that is a teenage girl whining about how unfair life is."
Karla
"How dare you--"
Luthvian
"Shut up, little girl," Luthvian said, more than willing to go toe to toe with Karla about this. "You can whine about how this is unfair, how this is a punishment, about how this is someone else's fault. You can even believe it--I haven't seen enough evidence to prove you're smart enough to not piss upwind, never mind take responsibility for your own actions. But if you do decide to do those things, you will do them later. Right now the grownups are talking and you will keep your mouth shut until and unless you have something valuable to say."
She snorted at that. Not bloody likely.
Helene
If Karla thought she was going to get any help from Helene, she was sorely mistaken. Her lips were tightly pressed, practically bloodless.
"I am ashamed of you, Karla," she said. "Ashamed. Accusing your Consort-to-be of sneaking around behind your back to...what? Punish you?"
LOOK WHAT YOU DID, KARLA. JUST LOOK. YOU MADE HER AGREE WITH LUTHVIAN.
"First, that shows a fundamental confusion about what this is. It's not a punishment--it's a necessary step to making sure you can take care of yourself like an adult. How do you expect to be held responsible for the lives of others if you can't handle basic personal maintenance? This also shows a deep misunderstanding of the character of the male you profess to love. Would you really think this is something he'd push? Or that he's the only one who noticed? The only person blind and insensible to your idiocy is you!"
Jaenelle
Jaenelle glided forward, eyes a deep midnight instead of the blue of summer skies. Her hair danced in air currents no one else could sense. No one else needed to. They all understood: Witch was present.
"Tell her the rest," Witch demanded.
Helene
The sudden appearance of Witch was enough to knock Helene off her stride. Her anger evaporated, awe in its place. "Are you s-sure, Lady? I mean--we can--"
Jaenelle
"Tell her. The rest." Witch repeated, her eyes sweeping up to pin Karla with her gaze. "Tell her. We'll see if she wishes to blame Warren for this as well. Or if it is enough to shock her into admitting the truth."
Karla
Th-The rest?" Karla asked in a whisper; she could feel the weight of the Abyss in Witch's every look, every syllable.
Helene
Even with Witch waiting expectantly for her to explain, Helene took a moment to breathe. This next thing...everything before it was easy compared to what was coming. "Hell's fire, Mother Night, and may the Darkness be merciful, Karla, I'm sorry. But we've agreed. We're asking you to step down as Queen."
Karla
Up until that moment, Karla would have bet money that nothing would be momentous enough to pull her attention away from an angry Witch glaring in her direction. And in that moment, Karla realized just how wrong she'd been.
There were no words capable of expressing all her feelings: her hurt, her shock, her anger, her despair. No words and she wouldn't allow herself the relief of keening them instead.
She just...was. She stood stock still, mind and world spinning, and tried to catch hold of something, anything that made sense.
Luthvian
"I don't see why she looks so surprised," Luthvian said. "It's not like this hasn't been apparent since the beginning of the meeting--"
Jaenelle
"Shut the Hell up, Luthvian."
The Abyss was draining out of Jaenelle's eyes, her face, but there was still enough present in her voice to make Luthvian shut her mouth with a snap and step backwards.
"You are not fit to be Queen right now, Karla," Jaenelle said, compassion but no pity in her. "I love you, you're my Sister, but I can't deny this truth. It's the same reason I am not fit to be Queen. You will burn yourself out, trying to fix every little thing, ignoring your own basic needs to focus on others. And that can't be."
Jaenelle bowed her head. "I helped you down this path. You looked to me as an example, and I showed you someone willing to punish and abuse her own body because that was the instrument that had once been used to punish and abuse me. I should have said something, done something more. But I didn't. And I'm sorry."
Gabrielle
Luthvian began speaking, but no sound issued forth. She grew more and more agitated, clearly trapped in an aural shield too strong to break.
Gabrielle allowed herself a smirk while the rest of the assembled witches pretended not to notice.
Helene
"It was Jaenelle's explanation that convinced me this was the right course," Helene said. "She accepts more blame than she is due, of course. I remember how you were when you were younger, shorting yourself on sleep to sneak out of the estate at night and Heal people Hobart and his males had injured. But it did make one thing crystal clear to me. This decision is not just about you, my dearest. We're asking you to step down for our own good as well."
She gestured to the two youngest apprentices, who were standing by the far wall, tears in their eyes. "You are loved in the village, Karla. Not just for saving us, or creating this village, but for you. For the hours you spent holding hands and wiping brows. For the time you took to listen to the newcomers and make them feel welcome. Even for the braids you let the children put in your hair and the gown you lent so Gudrun could feel beautiful when she married. You are loved and you are looked up to. And we cannot afford to let the people of this village follow your example. You would make a martyr of yourself, but you would be followed by many others who sought to be like you."
Karla
Karla closed her eyes and drew in several long, shaky breaths. "I...understand," she said, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. "I didn't think of it that way."
Gabrielle
"Think of this instead," Gabrielle said, stepping forward. "You understand how bad what you're doing to yourself is, but only because it's now being reflected onto other people. Before that, you didn't see it at all. Karla, that's not healthy. And to be the Queen you want to be, you owe it to your people to be better."
Karla
Karla's heart was still too full for much in the way of conversation, so she simply nodded to show she'd at least heard what Gabrielle had to say. Then she nodded again, a deeper nod. "You have given me much to think about." The words were barely a whisper. "With your permission, I believe I should go home and begin that thinking."
Helene
"Of course, my dear," Helene said kindly. The apprentices darted forward to open the door, one of them pausing just long enough to wrap her arms around Karla's hip in an impulsive hug, before leading her away.
The room was quiet as they watched Karla head home, many of them surely wondering if they'd done the wrong thing. Fortunately, Helene had moved past that stage and had come to peace with her decision. It still hurt, but at least she was no longer second-guessing herself.
Which left only one question. "Are you going to take that shield down, Sister?"
Gabrielle
Gabrielle looked back over her shoulder to see Luthvian still yelling within the shield, a vein throbbing in her temple, then turned back to Helene.
"Nahhh," she decided. "Let's let her scream it out first."
[NFB for long-distance. For interaction if you'd have a reason to be around and/or want to deal with a sobbing witch. After this post, Karla and co are back on-island!]
Common sense or no, Karla was fairly certain that wasn't why the young Black Widows had spent all day diligently scrubbing down every inch of the building.
When a journeymaid proved herself adept at the Craft and practices of the Hourglass, she was acknowledged by her coven and promoted, receiving an hourglass pendant with all of the sand in the lower half as visible proof to all that she was a student no longer, but a full-fledged Black Widow. Karla had been a journeymaid for years, since before leaving Helene's coven to return to the estate and Hobart. In the intervening years, she'd grown up, practiced her Craft, helped friends and acquaintances work through mental and emotional trauma, founded a village to save Black Widows, and rule Haven as Queen for a full season. If there was a more thorough way to prove herself worthy of attaining full Black Widow status, she couldn't think of what it was.
So, after putting in her day in the fields and eating a hearty dinner (not that Warren was around to see, blast him), Karla got ready for her investiture ceremony. She reluctantly decided against wearing Widows Weeds (not everyone had theirs and it would be rude seem too eager), so she settled for a nice dress and brushing her hair and then blithely skipping her way from their cottage to the meeting hall.
She had a cheerful smile for Helene when an apprentice opened the door and led her way in, one that turned into brilliant when she saw who else had shown up. Jaenelle and Gabrielle had also been invited--Helene must have considered this a very special occasion indeed. Her smile faltered a moment later when she saw Luthvian's forbidding countenance near her friends, but regained its merriness when she realized Helene had probably just invited every Black Widow Karla knew. And it never hurt to be polite to the mother of Saetan's youngest son.
This was probably going to be one of the happiest nights of Karla's life.
Karla
Karla stuttered, looking from face to face to solemn face. "What?" she sputtered. "I don't think I heard you right. What did you say?"
Her eyes flew to Jaenelle, who looked sorrowful, but resolute. "Please...anybody...I don't understand..."
Helene
"This pains me to say as much as it does for you to hear," Helene said gravely, the lines in her face deepening with compassion. That compassion struck Karla, making her almost wish for something else, a gleeful smugness, maybe, like she was picking up from Luthvian. "But the Hourglass has decided. You are not yet ready to become a full Black Widow. You will remain a journeymaid for another of your Fandom years."
Luthvian
"That's two years here," Luthvian said, a hint of a smile touching her lips. "So, two full years here, perhaps?"
She had never liked Karla. At all. Jaenelle, well, their relationship was complicated, especially with Lucivar's decision to serve her instead of his own mother to fulfill his immigration requirements for Kaeleer. Karla, however, had been nothing but brash and arrogant the few times they'd met, forgetting that while Luthvian may not have been a Queen, she was still a Black Widow from a long-lived race and therefore due that much more respect. Seeing her get her comeuppance was delightful.
She would have to find some way to thank Jaenelle for ensuring she was part of the proceedings.
Jaenelle
Jaenelle was not at all amused, either by what was happening or Luthvian's unsubtle enjoyment of it. "I hardly thing setting a strict deadline will be necessary, Sister," she replied coolly. "Several months after Karla's graduation and return to Kaeleer will be sufficient, I'm sure. Helene?"
Helene
"That will be fine, Lady," Helene said, her eyes fixed on Karla's face. "A few weeks here was enough to show us that Journeymaid Karla was unsuitable for advancement. I doubt we will need much longer than that when she returns."
Karla
Karla was doing her best to maintain her composure in front of all these eyes, from two elderly women who had made it over the mountains somehow in the dead of winter, traveling with only one another down to a little girl of no more than seven, who had been sent by her mother to Haven with another group of refugees once the girl had begun displaying some of the early characteristics of a natural Black Widow. She wasn't going to break in front of them, wouldn't cry, wouldn't beg them to reconsider.
"But why?" she asked, voice hoarse. "All I've done--my Craft--learned my potions, my poisons--why?"
Helene
"It was a hard decision," Helene said, striving for serenity against Karla's stricken expression. "But a firm one. You are correct; your Craft is elegant, your work with herbs exemplary. I have listened to your reports of ways you acted as a Black Widow with your friends and, through those, the quality of your training and commitment to your calling stand clear."
Even now, while she was dashing all of Karla's hopes, with the worst blow still yet to come, Helene couldn't help but be proud of all the girl had done, was still proud to have been the leader of the coven that had trained her.
"Those qualities weighed on our minds heavily as we discussed your status," she assured Karla, "and if it were based on merit alone, you would have earned your place within the coven long ago."
Karla
"I don't understand!" Karla snapped, interrupting Helene. She didn't want platitudes, damn it! She wanted answers! "You say 'merit alone' like there's more to becoming a Black Widow than that! If I've earned that place, why aren't you giving it to me?"
Luthvian
"Because, in addition to merits, there are also flaws," Luthvian replied crisply, as tired of all this gentle ass-patting as Karla was. "And yours outweigh your merits, which, by all reports, make them quite appalling indeed."
She caught the glare that Janelle and the other one, the Dea al Mon witch, were throwing her, but she didn't stop. This was something Karla needed to hear and maybe if she'd heard it long ago, they wouldn't all be standing here now.
"You're an immature child, Karla." No smile now, not for this kind of set down. She was all teacher, cold and forbidding. "You've had everything fall into your hand like ripe fruit and it's spoiled you. Look at you now, coming in here, demanding to be promoted as if it's your right instead of something you have to work for. I've trained girls like you a millions times over. Petty, snotty children who simply expect to be rewarded without putting any effort in." Several voices rose up at that, but she spoke over them all. "You may be less lazy than most of them--" marginally "--but you're still just as determined to have your way, regardless of what your betters think about it."
Karla
Silence reigned after Luthvian finished her spiel. Karla looked around, searching for sympathy, for anger on her behalf, for something that said that these women didn't all believe as Luthvian did...
And all Karla saw were eyes that slid away from hers.
It felt like there was no air in the room. She was dizzy, lightheaded. For a moment, all Karla wanted to do was sink to the floor and put her head between her knees.
"I...see..." she said, voice small.
Helene
Helene reached for Karla's hands, clasping them gently. "That is an incomplete picture, my dear," she said, though she did not gainsay it. There were elements of truth in there that Karla would have to face and acknowledge if she ever wanted to progress. "You are impatient and headstrong and while everyone who has been a part of your life knows that you haven't had an easy time of it, Lady Luthvian is correct that you've been indulged. You have learned some bad habits over the years and they were not corrected in time. For that, the Hourglass begs your forgiveness. We did not curb those behaviours in time and it's those very behaviours that are holding you back. We did not give you the proper help when it was needed and now you're beyond all help we can give."
Karla
Karla felt like one of the mockingjays from Panem, only able to repeat the last few words she heard. "I'm beyond all help?"
Gabrielle
"Not like that, Karla!" Okay, so, technically, this wasn't their turn to talk yet, but since Luthvian didn't seem to be letting that stop her, Gabrielle wasn't going to, either. "She just means this isn't something the rest of us can fix for you. It's going to have to be a change completely of your own devising. That's all."
Under her breath, she added, "Maybe we could just explain everything succinctly, instead of taking all these long breaks at the worst possible moments?"
Karla
"...But you agree with them," Karla said, turning a little to look at Gabrielle. "You're here because you stand with them."
Gabrielle
Gabrielle didn't flinch away from Karla's stare, raising her chin and straightening her shoulders. "I do. I am. And, hopefully, whenever Lady Helene gets around to explaining you'll understand why."
Jaenelle
Janelle coughed once, elbowing Gabrielle in the side--could we not antagonize the locals, dear?--and stepped between them, drawing Karla's eyes to her instead. This was supposed to happen later, but Jaenelle saw no reason to draw it out.
"Lady Luthvian, Gabrielle, and I have been asked here not as members of the Hourglass, but as Healers. We're the only three Healers who have worked with you closely and we can speak to your strengths and weaknesses." She saw Karla's eyes widen, saw her beginning to form the word 'No,' but she pressed on. "We are the triumvirate of Healers required to decide whether you remain a journeymaid Healer as well, or if you should be allowed to become a full Healer as well."
She was sorry, Karla. She was so damn sorry.
Luthvian
As the witch who had been Healer the longest, it was Luthvian's right to pronounce their decision. Jaenelle had planned to co-opt that, she knew, but she'd paused to have a small moment of communion with Karla instead. Luthvian saw that opportunity and took it.
"Thus, we three, full Healers in our own right--" ouch Karla, even your little friends were outstripping you "--declare that we find Journeymaid Karla unfit and unready to be promoted to full Healer status. We will reconvene in two years to decide whether that decision should be rescinded or, as is likely, it should remain."
It was the same amount of time as the Black Widow edict, but Luthvian preferred to stress the Kaeleeran timeframe.
"Two-thirds of this triumvirate vouch for Journeymaid Karla's proficiency with Healing Craft and duties of being a Healer. Of course, these two are her friends and may not be the most...neutral...of judges. I suggest a full demonstration of her Healing prowess as part of the discussion two years hence."
Peanut Gallery
"Hey now!" one of the Black Widows objected. "Lady Karla saw us through an epidemic! Between her Healing and the medicines she brewed, she kept us all alive and back to health as quick as possible!"
Luthvian
Luthvian gave the other witch a smile. "With all due respect, Sister, which one of us is the Healer?" She paused a moment, her smile showing more teeth. "That's right, it's not you. Not to mention that I am several centuries your senior, as well as an aristo, my dear. I understand that my ideas as to what qualifies as 'Healing prowess' are slightly more...stringent...than yours."
Helene
"Thank you, Sister," Helene snapped, drawing the focus back to her. She stopped visibly grinding her teeth together and forced a smile of her own. "We appreciate your insight and I'm sure the other Healers that judge Journeymaid Karla in two years' time will take your suggestion under advisement."
Hopefully by then, Karla will have worked with enough Glacian Healers to form a pool large enough that they wouldn't have to include Luthvian.
Karla
Luthvian's announcement hadn't come as much of a shock to Karla. Once she realized that her friends hadn't been invited to see her become a full Black Widow, it had been pretty easy to figure our why they'd been invited.
Granted, she hadn't figured it out until right before Luthvian began speaking, but then, she was still kind of reeling from the first suckerpunch to the gut.
"I see," she said again, though this time her voice was a little firmer than before. She utterly, completely, and categorically refused to show weakness in front of Luthvian. "So. I am unfit to be promoted to either full Healer or full Black Widow status. Gabrielle suggested there were reasons beyond those already stated. I should like to hear them, if I may."
See? Calm. Controlled. Mature.
Helene
The detached formality in Karla's tone made Helene bow her head for a moment. It hurt, to hear the little girl she held as she sobbed for her parents use that voice on her. It hurt to have to stomp on that little girl's dreams so utterly.
But they were doing this for her. Because if they didn't, Karla might never stop this cycle of behaviour she'd started. And that would be dangerous.
That thought foremost in mind, Helene hardened her heart and her voice before replying. "It is your own behaviour that drove us to this point. You inability to care for yourself, your decision to run yourself into the ground time and time again for little purpose, your refusal to listen to those who care for you. Those are the reasons we are keeping you a journeymaid. All your skills, all your Craft, all your hard work mean nothing if you aren't capable of acting like an adult and eating when you should!"
Karla
What?
No, seriously, what?
"Was Warren in on this?" Karla yelped. "Did he somehow convince you to...to...punish me because I skipped a few meals?"
She was going to kill him. Just flat out kill him. Then maybe see if Saetan can't find some way to make him demon-dead to kill him again.
"That is so unfair! He doesn't have any idea--"
Luthvian
The sting of Karla's cheek against Luthvian's palm was immensely satisfying.
"Sorry," she said to the assembled witches while Karla reeled backwards a few steps. "I was overcome by the shrill screeching that is a teenage girl whining about how unfair life is."
Karla
"How dare you--"
Luthvian
"Shut up, little girl," Luthvian said, more than willing to go toe to toe with Karla about this. "You can whine about how this is unfair, how this is a punishment, about how this is someone else's fault. You can even believe it--I haven't seen enough evidence to prove you're smart enough to not piss upwind, never mind take responsibility for your own actions. But if you do decide to do those things, you will do them later. Right now the grownups are talking and you will keep your mouth shut until and unless you have something valuable to say."
She snorted at that. Not bloody likely.
Helene
If Karla thought she was going to get any help from Helene, she was sorely mistaken. Her lips were tightly pressed, practically bloodless.
"I am ashamed of you, Karla," she said. "Ashamed. Accusing your Consort-to-be of sneaking around behind your back to...what? Punish you?"
LOOK WHAT YOU DID, KARLA. JUST LOOK. YOU MADE HER AGREE WITH LUTHVIAN.
"First, that shows a fundamental confusion about what this is. It's not a punishment--it's a necessary step to making sure you can take care of yourself like an adult. How do you expect to be held responsible for the lives of others if you can't handle basic personal maintenance? This also shows a deep misunderstanding of the character of the male you profess to love. Would you really think this is something he'd push? Or that he's the only one who noticed? The only person blind and insensible to your idiocy is you!"
Jaenelle
Jaenelle glided forward, eyes a deep midnight instead of the blue of summer skies. Her hair danced in air currents no one else could sense. No one else needed to. They all understood: Witch was present.
"Tell her the rest," Witch demanded.
Helene
The sudden appearance of Witch was enough to knock Helene off her stride. Her anger evaporated, awe in its place. "Are you s-sure, Lady? I mean--we can--"
Jaenelle
"Tell her. The rest." Witch repeated, her eyes sweeping up to pin Karla with her gaze. "Tell her. We'll see if she wishes to blame Warren for this as well. Or if it is enough to shock her into admitting the truth."
Karla
Th-The rest?" Karla asked in a whisper; she could feel the weight of the Abyss in Witch's every look, every syllable.
Helene
Even with Witch waiting expectantly for her to explain, Helene took a moment to breathe. This next thing...everything before it was easy compared to what was coming. "Hell's fire, Mother Night, and may the Darkness be merciful, Karla, I'm sorry. But we've agreed. We're asking you to step down as Queen."
Karla
Up until that moment, Karla would have bet money that nothing would be momentous enough to pull her attention away from an angry Witch glaring in her direction. And in that moment, Karla realized just how wrong she'd been.
There were no words capable of expressing all her feelings: her hurt, her shock, her anger, her despair. No words and she wouldn't allow herself the relief of keening them instead.
She just...was. She stood stock still, mind and world spinning, and tried to catch hold of something, anything that made sense.
Luthvian
"I don't see why she looks so surprised," Luthvian said. "It's not like this hasn't been apparent since the beginning of the meeting--"
Jaenelle
"Shut the Hell up, Luthvian."
The Abyss was draining out of Jaenelle's eyes, her face, but there was still enough present in her voice to make Luthvian shut her mouth with a snap and step backwards.
"You are not fit to be Queen right now, Karla," Jaenelle said, compassion but no pity in her. "I love you, you're my Sister, but I can't deny this truth. It's the same reason I am not fit to be Queen. You will burn yourself out, trying to fix every little thing, ignoring your own basic needs to focus on others. And that can't be."
Jaenelle bowed her head. "I helped you down this path. You looked to me as an example, and I showed you someone willing to punish and abuse her own body because that was the instrument that had once been used to punish and abuse me. I should have said something, done something more. But I didn't. And I'm sorry."
Gabrielle
Luthvian began speaking, but no sound issued forth. She grew more and more agitated, clearly trapped in an aural shield too strong to break.
Gabrielle allowed herself a smirk while the rest of the assembled witches pretended not to notice.
Helene
"It was Jaenelle's explanation that convinced me this was the right course," Helene said. "She accepts more blame than she is due, of course. I remember how you were when you were younger, shorting yourself on sleep to sneak out of the estate at night and Heal people Hobart and his males had injured. But it did make one thing crystal clear to me. This decision is not just about you, my dearest. We're asking you to step down for our own good as well."
She gestured to the two youngest apprentices, who were standing by the far wall, tears in their eyes. "You are loved in the village, Karla. Not just for saving us, or creating this village, but for you. For the hours you spent holding hands and wiping brows. For the time you took to listen to the newcomers and make them feel welcome. Even for the braids you let the children put in your hair and the gown you lent so Gudrun could feel beautiful when she married. You are loved and you are looked up to. And we cannot afford to let the people of this village follow your example. You would make a martyr of yourself, but you would be followed by many others who sought to be like you."
Karla
Karla closed her eyes and drew in several long, shaky breaths. "I...understand," she said, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. "I didn't think of it that way."
Gabrielle
"Think of this instead," Gabrielle said, stepping forward. "You understand how bad what you're doing to yourself is, but only because it's now being reflected onto other people. Before that, you didn't see it at all. Karla, that's not healthy. And to be the Queen you want to be, you owe it to your people to be better."
Karla
Karla's heart was still too full for much in the way of conversation, so she simply nodded to show she'd at least heard what Gabrielle had to say. Then she nodded again, a deeper nod. "You have given me much to think about." The words were barely a whisper. "With your permission, I believe I should go home and begin that thinking."
Helene
"Of course, my dear," Helene said kindly. The apprentices darted forward to open the door, one of them pausing just long enough to wrap her arms around Karla's hip in an impulsive hug, before leading her away.
The room was quiet as they watched Karla head home, many of them surely wondering if they'd done the wrong thing. Fortunately, Helene had moved past that stage and had come to peace with her decision. It still hurt, but at least she was no longer second-guessing herself.
Which left only one question. "Are you going to take that shield down, Sister?"
Gabrielle
Gabrielle looked back over her shoulder to see Luthvian still yelling within the shield, a vein throbbing in her temple, then turned back to Helene.
"Nahhh," she decided. "Let's let her scream it out first."
[NFB for long-distance. For interaction if you'd have a reason to be around and/or want to deal with a sobbing witch. After this post, Karla and co are back on-island!]