I had a dream, Joe
Well I did. I guess I always do, I just don't remember them often. I have been told that I am repressing something and I can't really argue that, it is possible I suppose. This wasn't a particularly good dream. I sorta forgot, I will try to remember right now. It involved an "evil" being that could enter bodies, and some fairy that "fixed" things. Hmm, it seemed a lot scarier in my dream. The odd thing is that I didn't really want to wake up from the dream. I did a couple times, and was so drawn into it that I put my alarm on snooze several times. In retrospect, the thing I find most frightening is that I want to escape reality so badly, I would willingly enter a "reality" that I know for a fact is worst than the one I preside in currently. There is some aspect of me that I hate. I despise it, and it is very hard to face. I can't even describe what it is, because I don't know, but I put on false faces to avoid it, even when I am by myself. Whatever it is, it only comes out when I am super drunk, and then the people who witness it can't describe it to me and I can't remember. I can spend hours speculating about what it is, but that won't help none, now will it? A simple answer of course would be that I hate what the surgery has made me, but that is merely a scapegoat for what has been brewing since long before. Has my family been cursed? I know nothing good comes out of drinking, but I also know that I only want to do that. I don't know why, perhaps I shouldn't be worried as to why.