too fly
NO. There's two flies in my room :( idk how they got here, but I'm like oh great I hope they're not in here when I got to sleep. Last week was quite a picnic. 2 days were not with noemi, so I got a lot of help from the nurse was with. Noemi helps me too, but she gives me more responsibility, and it's hard to stay on top of everything. The third day Noemi came back, but we got floated to telemetry.
Well I'll be damned. 5 patients, 10 on that wing, only 1 other nurse who happened to be a sac graduate I remembered. I was stressed about the 5 patients, but once the morning meds and charting were finished, it was super easy. I was like I have 5 patients and note one of them is going to shit themselves? It was true! more patients, less sick, less overall work. Not one of them shit themselves. I mean YEHAW. I was actually second guessing my choice to snub telemetry. Still though. I have 3 weeks left with noemi, and I'm getting more scared about what will happen after that. I'm afraid things will not go as planned. ahhhh I just want to get picked up for an internship. I'm afraid of working by myself. doing discharges, admissions, and calling doctors, and social workers just overwhelms me. I feel like i don't have enough time to learn about the patients during my work. When family and doctors ask me questions I panic and try to give my best answer. I don't feel like I've done bad with the doctors, but sometimes I think the families aren't satisfied with what I know about their family member. It's not enough for them or appropriate to be too busy to know everything about their family member. I'm going to yoga now. I work the next three days, and then have my first weekend off in maybe 2-3weeks. I'm walking stage on saturday for SAC. My dad isn't talking to me right now, and I don't think he'll be at my graduation. It's funny because he was being an asshole about my mom and my brother. I've heard the things he said to me being said in the past to them, and I've made sure to stay out of it, but when he said it directly to me he got me involved. So I stood up to him because he was being irresponsible, mean and irrational. I wasn't even mean or insulting. I was honest. He didn't like that and told Roger he won't be talking to me for a while.
This makes my blood boil because I was already mad at him for hearing he was talking shit. There I am trying to defend him to my brother and my mom and she throws it in my face that my dad was talking shit about me (like he's some kind of friend talking shit) when I was looking for a job. I hated him because I took on his suggestions and let him control me and became a nurse to shut him the fuck up. Of course there are other reasons I became a nurse. I never said a word to him about it because I didn't want to fight.. like fuck he can be such an asshole, and I try so hard not to fight with him. What I'm saying is he tries to control everyone and convince them to be a nurse, and I was his only success story. I kept my mouth shut, gave him what he wanted, and when he went too far and I had to stand up for the mother of his children he acts like I did something wrong...
he's acting like a fucking child. Not speaking to me because he didn't like what I told him. He's my DAD..not my friend...
He's keeping roger away from his family because somehow he thinks being at the nazi stick up the ass clean house is better for him when his grades have fucking sucked all year
still after all these years, yelling obscenities about my mom to Roger, just like he use to to me. He is such a monster sometimes, and I have avoided him and stayed the fuck away from him well to avoid it. I couldn't let him get away with talking directly to me like that. He's a 39 year old man. I really think he's going to miss my graduation, and I don't know if I can forgive him. I think he wants to hurt me more than he is just being stubborn. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him but he ignores my messages... I'm getting so mad thinking about it. I'm really not surprised, but I am mad that he would act like that with me when he was so wrong... He's pretty much the only reason I signed up to walk stage. I don't think anyone would've cared to see me walk as much as him. Then again the only time I seem to have his approval is when I make some kind of academic achievement. Ugh I've been feeling sad and like I'm in trouble, but after writing this I am just fucking pissed off. I have work tomorrow. I'm going to work out and get rid of some of this tension.
Well I'll be damned. 5 patients, 10 on that wing, only 1 other nurse who happened to be a sac graduate I remembered. I was stressed about the 5 patients, but once the morning meds and charting were finished, it was super easy. I was like I have 5 patients and note one of them is going to shit themselves? It was true! more patients, less sick, less overall work. Not one of them shit themselves. I mean YEHAW. I was actually second guessing my choice to snub telemetry. Still though. I have 3 weeks left with noemi, and I'm getting more scared about what will happen after that. I'm afraid things will not go as planned. ahhhh I just want to get picked up for an internship. I'm afraid of working by myself. doing discharges, admissions, and calling doctors, and social workers just overwhelms me. I feel like i don't have enough time to learn about the patients during my work. When family and doctors ask me questions I panic and try to give my best answer. I don't feel like I've done bad with the doctors, but sometimes I think the families aren't satisfied with what I know about their family member. It's not enough for them or appropriate to be too busy to know everything about their family member. I'm going to yoga now. I work the next three days, and then have my first weekend off in maybe 2-3weeks. I'm walking stage on saturday for SAC. My dad isn't talking to me right now, and I don't think he'll be at my graduation. It's funny because he was being an asshole about my mom and my brother. I've heard the things he said to me being said in the past to them, and I've made sure to stay out of it, but when he said it directly to me he got me involved. So I stood up to him because he was being irresponsible, mean and irrational. I wasn't even mean or insulting. I was honest. He didn't like that and told Roger he won't be talking to me for a while.
This makes my blood boil because I was already mad at him for hearing he was talking shit. There I am trying to defend him to my brother and my mom and she throws it in my face that my dad was talking shit about me (like he's some kind of friend talking shit) when I was looking for a job. I hated him because I took on his suggestions and let him control me and became a nurse to shut him the fuck up. Of course there are other reasons I became a nurse. I never said a word to him about it because I didn't want to fight.. like fuck he can be such an asshole, and I try so hard not to fight with him. What I'm saying is he tries to control everyone and convince them to be a nurse, and I was his only success story. I kept my mouth shut, gave him what he wanted, and when he went too far and I had to stand up for the mother of his children he acts like I did something wrong...
he's acting like a fucking child. Not speaking to me because he didn't like what I told him. He's my DAD..not my friend...
He's keeping roger away from his family because somehow he thinks being at the nazi stick up the ass clean house is better for him when his grades have fucking sucked all year
still after all these years, yelling obscenities about my mom to Roger, just like he use to to me. He is such a monster sometimes, and I have avoided him and stayed the fuck away from him well to avoid it. I couldn't let him get away with talking directly to me like that. He's a 39 year old man. I really think he's going to miss my graduation, and I don't know if I can forgive him. I think he wants to hurt me more than he is just being stubborn. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him but he ignores my messages... I'm getting so mad thinking about it. I'm really not surprised, but I am mad that he would act like that with me when he was so wrong... He's pretty much the only reason I signed up to walk stage. I don't think anyone would've cared to see me walk as much as him. Then again the only time I seem to have his approval is when I make some kind of academic achievement. Ugh I've been feeling sad and like I'm in trouble, but after writing this I am just fucking pissed off. I have work tomorrow. I'm going to work out and get rid of some of this tension.