sique
For real? It's August 2nd?
oh my gosh..
well this is the first time in a long time that I'm not dreading going back to school. I'm not too excited to take management, but I am looking forward to seeing the people who are still in the program. I miss having people to talk to like Melissa and whoever else is nearby. I just hope to death I am hired soon after I finish the course. I don't know when the financial aid thing is gonna happen, and it is likely that I will have $0 in the bank for some time. Still, I am ready to do something different with my everyday life. I applied again for an externship at University, but still did not get a call. I have a few ideas of why. It was kind of crazy when I was picking what I applied for because I had the chance to apply for 3 positions at once, so I did in order to increase my chances of getting a job at all, and one of the things I picked was obstetrics. That would mean I could have to be present or even help during abortions. I've been curious about abortions for some time. I don't know how I would feel if I was put in that position- to have one OR help with one, that is. Ironically, the position I really wanted (because there was no opportunity to apply for the PICU) was the NICU where we would be preserving the life of newborns in critical conditions. I'm afraid of being a graduate nurse and not being hired because of my lack of experience. I really tried and probably could've gotten an office job, but I was holding out for a call from the hospitals and in the end I see that maybe I should've applied for office jobs too. I just didn't want to get an office job and work for 3 weeks then have to quit to work at a hospital. I thought it might be inprofessional, but I guess I overthought it.
Anyway, last weekend did go well. I got some new little heals, some trouser jeans, and a beautiful shirt. We spent some time with friends too. I'm starting to miss some of mine. I haven't seen Lawrence, Chris, or Britney for a few weekends now. I'm afraid Daniel's mom might be averse toward me. Last time we talk she was demanding to know where this party was that she swore Daniel would be at just cause I told her that I had mentioned to him there would be one that night he was trying to skip out on jail. I knew for a fact that he wouldn't be there, and I couldn't let her dramatic self go make a scene and have it be my fault. I've always liked her, but I've also had little respect for her parenting
style and sense of logic/reason. It's frustrating thinking she might be the reason I haven't been able to contact Daniel. I sent a message to his sister asking for the mailing address for him, and she said she would give it to me in 2 days. I let 4 days go by before I texted her again, and this time she didn't answer. I talked to Chris last night and he said supposedly only family is allowed to write to him. I thought that sounded fishy because if that was the case Crystal would've just said that, and if Ted Bundy could get a lot of fanmail while he was in jail, then I think Daniel would be able to. He also thinks his mom is behind this. I just don't want Daniel to think that we don't care or that we forgot about him. I especially don't want his birthday to go by without a single letter from a friend. It's in about a week. I let all this time go by, and now I'm wondering if I would've gotten a letter if I had asked sooner. I was just avoiding his mom.
I noticed I don't feel like I can say everything I want when I come here anymore.
I also noticed I'm not the same person I was in the past. I miss that person. Either that or I miss what she had in that part of my history. I dwell too much. This is why I feel ready to go back to school. I know I might feel resistant to it when the time comes, especially if I get that bitch for a teacher, but I'm sure those 8 weeks will fly by. When I know it's the end of an era time seems to just ...
This summer had a lot of disappointments, dullness, and sadness. I will nonetheless consider if necessary for me to have accepted the fact that I will move onto adult life where summer is a season and summer vacation is no longer than a week. I see the timing of the way things happened with me failing clinical and it being the reason I didn't finish the program in May as an advantage and something I needed. Last summer I spent a lot of time crying and overwhelmed with what I thought might happen to me and Mike. I was not at all looking foward to retaking clinical, and I was even more terrified of Pediatrics and Critical Care! They seemed so scary and time consuming. Although they were, mike and I came out the end of it just fine. I was most afraid of not having time for school and Mike. Looking back on it, even though I get really sick of school and the people at the end of every school year, it was a good year. I was happier. I admired teachers. I loved patients. I loved where I was, and I loved what I learned. I'm ready to tie it all together and get some fire under my ass so I can really study for the exams ahead.
oh my gosh..
well this is the first time in a long time that I'm not dreading going back to school. I'm not too excited to take management, but I am looking forward to seeing the people who are still in the program. I miss having people to talk to like Melissa and whoever else is nearby. I just hope to death I am hired soon after I finish the course. I don't know when the financial aid thing is gonna happen, and it is likely that I will have $0 in the bank for some time. Still, I am ready to do something different with my everyday life. I applied again for an externship at University, but still did not get a call. I have a few ideas of why. It was kind of crazy when I was picking what I applied for because I had the chance to apply for 3 positions at once, so I did in order to increase my chances of getting a job at all, and one of the things I picked was obstetrics. That would mean I could have to be present or even help during abortions. I've been curious about abortions for some time. I don't know how I would feel if I was put in that position- to have one OR help with one, that is. Ironically, the position I really wanted (because there was no opportunity to apply for the PICU) was the NICU where we would be preserving the life of newborns in critical conditions. I'm afraid of being a graduate nurse and not being hired because of my lack of experience. I really tried and probably could've gotten an office job, but I was holding out for a call from the hospitals and in the end I see that maybe I should've applied for office jobs too. I just didn't want to get an office job and work for 3 weeks then have to quit to work at a hospital. I thought it might be inprofessional, but I guess I overthought it.
Anyway, last weekend did go well. I got some new little heals, some trouser jeans, and a beautiful shirt. We spent some time with friends too. I'm starting to miss some of mine. I haven't seen Lawrence, Chris, or Britney for a few weekends now. I'm afraid Daniel's mom might be averse toward me. Last time we talk she was demanding to know where this party was that she swore Daniel would be at just cause I told her that I had mentioned to him there would be one that night he was trying to skip out on jail. I knew for a fact that he wouldn't be there, and I couldn't let her dramatic self go make a scene and have it be my fault. I've always liked her, but I've also had little respect for her parenting
style and sense of logic/reason. It's frustrating thinking she might be the reason I haven't been able to contact Daniel. I sent a message to his sister asking for the mailing address for him, and she said she would give it to me in 2 days. I let 4 days go by before I texted her again, and this time she didn't answer. I talked to Chris last night and he said supposedly only family is allowed to write to him. I thought that sounded fishy because if that was the case Crystal would've just said that, and if Ted Bundy could get a lot of fanmail while he was in jail, then I think Daniel would be able to. He also thinks his mom is behind this. I just don't want Daniel to think that we don't care or that we forgot about him. I especially don't want his birthday to go by without a single letter from a friend. It's in about a week. I let all this time go by, and now I'm wondering if I would've gotten a letter if I had asked sooner. I was just avoiding his mom.
I noticed I don't feel like I can say everything I want when I come here anymore.
I also noticed I'm not the same person I was in the past. I miss that person. Either that or I miss what she had in that part of my history. I dwell too much. This is why I feel ready to go back to school. I know I might feel resistant to it when the time comes, especially if I get that bitch for a teacher, but I'm sure those 8 weeks will fly by. When I know it's the end of an era time seems to just ...
This summer had a lot of disappointments, dullness, and sadness. I will nonetheless consider if necessary for me to have accepted the fact that I will move onto adult life where summer is a season and summer vacation is no longer than a week. I see the timing of the way things happened with me failing clinical and it being the reason I didn't finish the program in May as an advantage and something I needed. Last summer I spent a lot of time crying and overwhelmed with what I thought might happen to me and Mike. I was not at all looking foward to retaking clinical, and I was even more terrified of Pediatrics and Critical Care! They seemed so scary and time consuming. Although they were, mike and I came out the end of it just fine. I was most afraid of not having time for school and Mike. Looking back on it, even though I get really sick of school and the people at the end of every school year, it was a good year. I was happier. I admired teachers. I loved patients. I loved where I was, and I loved what I learned. I'm ready to tie it all together and get some fire under my ass so I can really study for the exams ahead.