Song Against Everything.
"And the first one tore a picture
Of a dead and hanging man
Who was kissing foreign fishes
That flew right out from this hands
And when I put my arms around him
I felt the blushing blood run through my cheeks
And an eeriness surrounded when his tongue began to speak
And he said...Oh boy you are so pretty
Enough to wrap tight in rice-paper string...
And when I finally kissed him the whole world began to ring
Lost like a bell that's tipping over
With two cracks along both sides
And I knew the world was over so I took a look outside
And watched the fires that were reaching
Up to the weather vane and the tops of trees
And the waiting scene and the sunday dream
They're all waiting here for me"
So for about two days I got all toghter about 3 hours of sleep.
I stood up late last night, just thinking, about everyone and everything I know, it drove me insane. about Ben, and the conversation I had on AIM, and my Dad...
I feel so awful right now, I can't even begin to explain why, believe me I wish I knew. I think its more about all these stupid arguments with Ben about Ren and why I have to pretend to like him so he doesnt feel so guilty leaving me by myself and going to chill. Why do I have to pretend, why do you need me to be fake to you so you can feel better? Arent my feelings important anymore? just because I hate him, doesnt mean you cant hang out with him, but when you ditch all our other friends and make me a fucking tag along, thats where I get mad. and no matter what you say you arent a tag along, you volentaraly leave the group and hang with him. so then it's just me and David and Caitlin watching you guys smoke weed in the cold, like pathetic losers with no house. It's sad really, you cant just wait after school? GOD... must you be stoned ALL the time? I know I'm the biggest pothead, but I know my limitations as well. And I cant tell Ben this either! I have, but we always just yell at each other and my point doesnt get across to him. You want to know the reason Zak hardly hangs out? He feels as if so many people interfered with how good out friendships were, mainly Ren. As soon as Ren came, the group spread out. and I feel so disconected from everyone now that David is leaving, and it torchers me everytime I see him, it's painful and I almost just want him to go so I can forget I lost another friend so I can return to my state of not wanting any kind of friends, so I just skip out and leave, because it's all just a fucking hassle, I wish I had the capability to just wash my hands and not care, BUT WE ARE ALL FRIENDS. And I feel a certin loyalty to the ones that arent self absorbed and rude for no god damned reason. If one of us isnt there, it just isnt the same. Just stop giving me hell and just accept the fact that I hate him, at least I dont make you stay if you don't want, which you ALWAYS do to me. I need a good friend. Period. Maybe then he'll know how it feels to be second best next to friends.
And does no one care about Eternal sunshine winning SOMETHING? More specifically Best Screen play?
I want to be important to someone again, mean something to someone.
I want to sleep, but my mind wont stop moving.
Of a dead and hanging man
Who was kissing foreign fishes
That flew right out from this hands
And when I put my arms around him
I felt the blushing blood run through my cheeks
And an eeriness surrounded when his tongue began to speak
And he said...Oh boy you are so pretty
Enough to wrap tight in rice-paper string...
And when I finally kissed him the whole world began to ring
Lost like a bell that's tipping over
With two cracks along both sides
And I knew the world was over so I took a look outside
And watched the fires that were reaching
Up to the weather vane and the tops of trees
And the waiting scene and the sunday dream
They're all waiting here for me"
So for about two days I got all toghter about 3 hours of sleep.
I stood up late last night, just thinking, about everyone and everything I know, it drove me insane. about Ben, and the conversation I had on AIM, and my Dad...
I feel so awful right now, I can't even begin to explain why, believe me I wish I knew. I think its more about all these stupid arguments with Ben about Ren and why I have to pretend to like him so he doesnt feel so guilty leaving me by myself and going to chill. Why do I have to pretend, why do you need me to be fake to you so you can feel better? Arent my feelings important anymore? just because I hate him, doesnt mean you cant hang out with him, but when you ditch all our other friends and make me a fucking tag along, thats where I get mad. and no matter what you say you arent a tag along, you volentaraly leave the group and hang with him. so then it's just me and David and Caitlin watching you guys smoke weed in the cold, like pathetic losers with no house. It's sad really, you cant just wait after school? GOD... must you be stoned ALL the time? I know I'm the biggest pothead, but I know my limitations as well. And I cant tell Ben this either! I have, but we always just yell at each other and my point doesnt get across to him. You want to know the reason Zak hardly hangs out? He feels as if so many people interfered with how good out friendships were, mainly Ren. As soon as Ren came, the group spread out. and I feel so disconected from everyone now that David is leaving, and it torchers me everytime I see him, it's painful and I almost just want him to go so I can forget I lost another friend so I can return to my state of not wanting any kind of friends, so I just skip out and leave, because it's all just a fucking hassle, I wish I had the capability to just wash my hands and not care, BUT WE ARE ALL FRIENDS. And I feel a certin loyalty to the ones that arent self absorbed and rude for no god damned reason. If one of us isnt there, it just isnt the same. Just stop giving me hell and just accept the fact that I hate him, at least I dont make you stay if you don't want, which you ALWAYS do to me. I need a good friend. Period. Maybe then he'll know how it feels to be second best next to friends.
And does no one care about Eternal sunshine winning SOMETHING? More specifically Best Screen play?
I want to be important to someone again, mean something to someone.
I want to sleep, but my mind wont stop moving.