so
i can't sleep...i'm actually wide awake at the moment. I kinda hate this, bc i know in the am i am gonna be ferociously exhausted :-/ oh well...the things i do when i'm in college right??? whatever, i haven't been this way before...i woke up at like 7am this morning and really didn't get any sleep at all last night, so i have no idea what the deal is. all i know is that i am awake...wide awake...and ready to go for a walk to clear my effing head...so much shit, so little time...
i guess this is how it is...
well...i'm not exactly sure what to update about...i cut and dyed my hair last night...that was random and fun i suppose...for all of you who really really secretly desire to know what it looks like...the longest layer of hair is almost shoulder length...and the color is called "egyptian plum" also referred to as burgandy...so there...i'll post pics up on myspace and facebook and possibly a link to em here if you guys want to see them badly enough. Oh well...i thought i was ok, now i just can't effin sleep. I had a nice chat with Dan right before he signed off to go to sleep, we talked about love and past relationships...he's a good guy to talk to. i really appreciated his perspective on things and it gave me some insight on what i should do and what i shouldn't do...like i worry too damn much, i should stop...or i need to move on and try and forget about it...i like that one, but that one would be really hard to do...you can't just forget about someone you care so much about. this guy is in my thoughts constantly...his eyes, smile, it's just neverending...his goofiness...but now i realize that i need to move on. i asked out a guy, yes, a guy the other night and he said yes...his name is kurt and he's really awesome and nice...so hopefully that may turn out well...i know we will at least stay friends. the whole thing with j just totally blew over...so i've kinda given up on that. if he wants me, he should say something,otherwise, why bother with it. if he wants me later on, that's his fault for not saying something sooner. i can't wait on everything. i deserve better than that. i deserve a good man...someone who will treat me well...someone who will understand my flaws and not judge me for my past mistakes, someone who will like me for me...i thought i found you, but then you disappeared like a candle in the wind...
there's too much on my mind to be able to sleep at all...
there're things in my heart which need to be let out...set free from this horrible cage they've been in for too long now. I need to let out my cry and hopefully no one will see the sadness in my eyes...the hope i've left behind...it's so hard to leave something behind when you feel so lonely...
this is turning out to be a long entry, but i feel like this needs to be said, so i don't care what you think, and i will keep typing...so keep reading if you like...but this is for me...i'm allowed to be selfish at least once in my lifetime ...correct??? ok then...here we go again...
here's a shinedown song that i really like...and i hope you guys do too...it'll make this soooooo long...but i'll use a link so people won't get pissed (linda) lol... http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shinedown/shedsomelight.html
ok...there's obviously more to this...i hate to say it, but i'm lonely...desperation is holding my hand and trying to help me learn to crawl into the remorse of room called life...sounds stupid right? well i don't think so...and in my entries, i'm right...so you're wrong! yea, you can kiss it...lol...anyways where was i? oh yea, desperation for some light...some light to help me see the place i'm going...those two paths...i can only choose one...the road less traveled by seems the better choice in frost's poem...but if the road less traveled is so much better than the one traveled by more, wouldn't that mean that more people would want to travel down that road??? seems kind of paradoxical (is that a word?) oh well...i'm just in a deep thinking mood right now...i need a hug, a tic tac, and a pillow...tic tacs are good...especially those orange ones...mmmmm....
look...now i'm just speaking nonsense. let me get on a new topic...sylvia plath...let's chat about my sylvia plath...what a poet...what a poet indeed. she is by far my favorite poet (don't worry i still like frost and dickinson) but sylvia had that raw human emotion that i connected to...read her poem "two views of a cadaver room" and you will know exactly what i am talking about. She just so bitterly, yet eloquently, expresses the way she feels and it makes me feel good to read what she writes...because it makes me not feel so alone.
i am fearing that people may be angry with me for making this entry so long, so i'll wrap it up...i wish to write more...maybe tomorrow, maybe not, maybe never...only time will tell...
and the tears roll down her cheek as she steps out into the windy world...with only her heart and her soul to keep her from blowing away...
~ashes to ashes~
i guess this is how it is...
well...i'm not exactly sure what to update about...i cut and dyed my hair last night...that was random and fun i suppose...for all of you who really really secretly desire to know what it looks like...the longest layer of hair is almost shoulder length...and the color is called "egyptian plum" also referred to as burgandy...so there...i'll post pics up on myspace and facebook and possibly a link to em here if you guys want to see them badly enough. Oh well...i thought i was ok, now i just can't effin sleep. I had a nice chat with Dan right before he signed off to go to sleep, we talked about love and past relationships...he's a good guy to talk to. i really appreciated his perspective on things and it gave me some insight on what i should do and what i shouldn't do...like i worry too damn much, i should stop...or i need to move on and try and forget about it...i like that one, but that one would be really hard to do...you can't just forget about someone you care so much about. this guy is in my thoughts constantly...his eyes, smile, it's just neverending...his goofiness...but now i realize that i need to move on. i asked out a guy, yes, a guy the other night and he said yes...his name is kurt and he's really awesome and nice...so hopefully that may turn out well...i know we will at least stay friends. the whole thing with j just totally blew over...so i've kinda given up on that. if he wants me, he should say something,otherwise, why bother with it. if he wants me later on, that's his fault for not saying something sooner. i can't wait on everything. i deserve better than that. i deserve a good man...someone who will treat me well...someone who will understand my flaws and not judge me for my past mistakes, someone who will like me for me...i thought i found you, but then you disappeared like a candle in the wind...
there's too much on my mind to be able to sleep at all...
there're things in my heart which need to be let out...set free from this horrible cage they've been in for too long now. I need to let out my cry and hopefully no one will see the sadness in my eyes...the hope i've left behind...it's so hard to leave something behind when you feel so lonely...
this is turning out to be a long entry, but i feel like this needs to be said, so i don't care what you think, and i will keep typing...so keep reading if you like...but this is for me...i'm allowed to be selfish at least once in my lifetime ...correct??? ok then...here we go again...
here's a shinedown song that i really like...and i hope you guys do too...it'll make this soooooo long...but i'll use a link so people won't get pissed (linda) lol... http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shinedown/shedsomelight.html
ok...there's obviously more to this...i hate to say it, but i'm lonely...desperation is holding my hand and trying to help me learn to crawl into the remorse of room called life...sounds stupid right? well i don't think so...and in my entries, i'm right...so you're wrong! yea, you can kiss it...lol...anyways where was i? oh yea, desperation for some light...some light to help me see the place i'm going...those two paths...i can only choose one...the road less traveled by seems the better choice in frost's poem...but if the road less traveled is so much better than the one traveled by more, wouldn't that mean that more people would want to travel down that road??? seems kind of paradoxical (is that a word?) oh well...i'm just in a deep thinking mood right now...i need a hug, a tic tac, and a pillow...tic tacs are good...especially those orange ones...mmmmm....
look...now i'm just speaking nonsense. let me get on a new topic...sylvia plath...let's chat about my sylvia plath...what a poet...what a poet indeed. she is by far my favorite poet (don't worry i still like frost and dickinson) but sylvia had that raw human emotion that i connected to...read her poem "two views of a cadaver room" and you will know exactly what i am talking about. She just so bitterly, yet eloquently, expresses the way she feels and it makes me feel good to read what she writes...because it makes me not feel so alone.
i am fearing that people may be angry with me for making this entry so long, so i'll wrap it up...i wish to write more...maybe tomorrow, maybe not, maybe never...only time will tell...
and the tears roll down her cheek as she steps out into the windy world...with only her heart and her soul to keep her from blowing away...
~ashes to ashes~