(no subject)
This is the absolute best (or worst) I think they're gonna do, so don't complain at me if it's not possible for all of the records to be right. I also haven't thoroughly studied all the schedules, so some of it's just guesswork, homerism, and what I thought of last year's team. Fun fun!
AFC East
Miami Dolphins 0-16 - Nobody likes Florida
New York Jets 12-4 - Favre will get a ring, and instantly retire. New York responds with apathy
Buffalo Bills 5-11 - Buffalo will still be horrible: New York responds with apathy
New England Patriots 13-3 - They're gonna stumble a little bit, and I feel like the weight of 18-1 is gonna make Brady a little less careful. I'd say 18-1, but that won't happen with Brett in the division.
AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 8-8 - I'm gonna go on a limb and guess for disappointment. Just a strange gut feeling, but I'm noted for pessimism.
Cincinnati Bengals 9-7 - Maybe even a playoff spot for once. Expect some surprises. Johnson gets injured in the first game, or has a hell of a season. The spirits aren't clear which.
Baltimore Ravens 6-10 - Nobody will be ravin' for you.
Cleveland Browns 3-13 - Frowntown for Browntown.
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars 9-7 - I don't believe the hype.
Tennessee Titans 6-10 - They don't have no players!
Houston Texans 9-7 - SHOCKAAAAA
Indianapolis Colts 14-2 - Time for Peyton to start manning up to Eli's example
AFC West
San Diego Chargers 13-3 - Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightningg striiiiiiiiiiiiiking agaaaaaaaaaaain
Denver Broncos 2-14 - Broncos go bonko. Might even move to Utah in a few years.
Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 - May Dante Hall's ghost lift you boys to victory
Oakland Raiders will lose more games than they actually played in.
NFC East
Washington Redskins 8-8 - A wash.
Dallas Cowboys 10-6 - ROOOOOOOMOOOOOOO COP
New York Giants 9-7 - Eli gets hurt, and they will regret ditching the Hefty Lefty.
Philadelphia Eagles 5-11 - All the Chunky's soup in the world won't help them now
NFC North
Detroit Lions 12-4 - Holy shit, when did they get good?
Chicago Bears 0-16 - The Chicago No-go.
Green Bay Packers 8-8 - Without Brett, they're still mediocre, but Rodgers will show promise... and get traded to Minnesota
Minnesota Vikings 15-1 - Minnesota Purple Nurples the league. Jawsome!
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8-8 - Wait for it
Atlanta Falcons 8-8 - Keep waiting
Carolina Panthers 8-8 - Almost there
New Orleans Saints 8-8 - NONE OF THESE TEAMS ARE WINNERS! GET IT?
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks 11-5 - Good season, but just short of greatness. Maybe a late trade'll give them a boost they need.
Arizona Cardinals 3-13 - Warner is once again the noose around a decent team's neck. Might not be this bad, but it will be ugly.
St. Louis Rams 10-6 Hey! We don't have Kurt Warner! We're gonna have a great year!
San Francisco 49ers 16-0 - The ghosts of Tecmo Super Bowl will haunt the Golden Gate City. Haunt them with an 18-1 year!
AFC East
Miami Dolphins 0-16 - Nobody likes Florida
New York Jets 12-4 - Favre will get a ring, and instantly retire. New York responds with apathy
Buffalo Bills 5-11 - Buffalo will still be horrible: New York responds with apathy
New England Patriots 13-3 - They're gonna stumble a little bit, and I feel like the weight of 18-1 is gonna make Brady a little less careful. I'd say 18-1, but that won't happen with Brett in the division.
AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 8-8 - I'm gonna go on a limb and guess for disappointment. Just a strange gut feeling, but I'm noted for pessimism.
Cincinnati Bengals 9-7 - Maybe even a playoff spot for once. Expect some surprises. Johnson gets injured in the first game, or has a hell of a season. The spirits aren't clear which.
Baltimore Ravens 6-10 - Nobody will be ravin' for you.
Cleveland Browns 3-13 - Frowntown for Browntown.
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars 9-7 - I don't believe the hype.
Tennessee Titans 6-10 - They don't have no players!
Houston Texans 9-7 - SHOCKAAAAA
Indianapolis Colts 14-2 - Time for Peyton to start manning up to Eli's example
AFC West
San Diego Chargers 13-3 - Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightningg striiiiiiiiiiiiiking agaaaaaaaaaaain
Denver Broncos 2-14 - Broncos go bonko. Might even move to Utah in a few years.
Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 - May Dante Hall's ghost lift you boys to victory
Oakland Raiders will lose more games than they actually played in.
NFC East
Washington Redskins 8-8 - A wash.
Dallas Cowboys 10-6 - ROOOOOOOMOOOOOOO COP
New York Giants 9-7 - Eli gets hurt, and they will regret ditching the Hefty Lefty.
Philadelphia Eagles 5-11 - All the Chunky's soup in the world won't help them now
NFC North
Detroit Lions 12-4 - Holy shit, when did they get good?
Chicago Bears 0-16 - The Chicago No-go.
Green Bay Packers 8-8 - Without Brett, they're still mediocre, but Rodgers will show promise... and get traded to Minnesota
Minnesota Vikings 15-1 - Minnesota Purple Nurples the league. Jawsome!
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8-8 - Wait for it
Atlanta Falcons 8-8 - Keep waiting
Carolina Panthers 8-8 - Almost there
New Orleans Saints 8-8 - NONE OF THESE TEAMS ARE WINNERS! GET IT?
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks 11-5 - Good season, but just short of greatness. Maybe a late trade'll give them a boost they need.
Arizona Cardinals 3-13 - Warner is once again the noose around a decent team's neck. Might not be this bad, but it will be ugly.
St. Louis Rams 10-6 Hey! We don't have Kurt Warner! We're gonna have a great year!
San Francisco 49ers 16-0 - The ghosts of Tecmo Super Bowl will haunt the Golden Gate City. Haunt them with an 18-1 year!