PARTY TIME!.........Haha, had you there for a second!
Yeah, I was going to go to my first party today in two and a half years, but things didn't really work out. This will probably sound really pathetic of me, but it was going to be with my little brother's eight grade friends, and since I know his friends really well I thought I could have a good time there. Well, my father found out about my idea, and wouldn't let this slide. He felt that someone who's so much older than these kids shouldn't go to their party. Of course, I wasn't very pleased with this, and tried to talk my way into going. But, it was to no avail.
After this, I felt rather depressed, and I laid(sp) in bed and began to think about what I usually think about in school (i.e., how much I suck). Then, my mom comes in, and tries to make me feel better by telling me what the whole situation was (Which I knew...). Anyway, when I mentioned that I never go to any social events, she compared this to how she never went to parties in high school. Being the asshole that I am, I replied to this with, "Yeah," in a tone of voice that makes it seem like I don't care at all. She then left, and finished the conversation with, "I really wish you wouldn't ignore the pain that I've felt through life, because I know how harsh pain can be." Hearing this, made me slip into an even deeper depression, thinking that I'm such a fucking asshole who doesn't do anything but cause pain for people. So I stayed in my bed for about an hour, while listening to my mother cry out loud while I cried to myself, and when I got the idea to write about this frustration in my journal, I decided to get up and actually do something.
So, what did I learn from all of this? That I really do suck and that I'm a rude, pig-headed, really stupid, asshole that can't do anything right it seems. Oh wait, I already knew that. Yay.
Now, excuse me while I go back to bed and feel sorry for myself, and think about how childish/angsty I sound in this journal entry. Wish me luck! ^__________^
*Starts crying.....seriously*
After this, I felt rather depressed, and I laid(sp) in bed and began to think about what I usually think about in school (i.e., how much I suck). Then, my mom comes in, and tries to make me feel better by telling me what the whole situation was (Which I knew...). Anyway, when I mentioned that I never go to any social events, she compared this to how she never went to parties in high school. Being the asshole that I am, I replied to this with, "Yeah," in a tone of voice that makes it seem like I don't care at all. She then left, and finished the conversation with, "I really wish you wouldn't ignore the pain that I've felt through life, because I know how harsh pain can be." Hearing this, made me slip into an even deeper depression, thinking that I'm such a fucking asshole who doesn't do anything but cause pain for people. So I stayed in my bed for about an hour, while listening to my mother cry out loud while I cried to myself, and when I got the idea to write about this frustration in my journal, I decided to get up and actually do something.
So, what did I learn from all of this? That I really do suck and that I'm a rude, pig-headed, really stupid, asshole that can't do anything right it seems. Oh wait, I already knew that. Yay.
Now, excuse me while I go back to bed and feel sorry for myself, and think about how childish/angsty I sound in this journal entry. Wish me luck! ^__________^
*Starts crying.....seriously*