It's officially been one month since I last posted on LiveJournal. And that post was a photo. But I can't let go, or bring myself to quit forever
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I feel tired, but okay with myself. I used to feel a smidgen of disappointment in who I've become since I left Tokyo, and the social circle I had there. Like I'd become stupider, or more superficial. I don't feel any different, identity-wise, but that nagging smidgen is gone.
Try this one on for size - what if you actually just became more self-aware at some point? What if what you perceived as an increase in self-suckage was actually just a greater awareness of the real inner you, away from the heavy stimulation of a big city and constant interaction with friends of a certain mind set.
I don't know your situation, of course. I just noticed that during busy periods with constant social interaction, it was all a happy blur, then after it died down I felt a little let-down at first. All those ideas about my identity that I was absorbing from others stopped bombarding me, and I missed the fix they provided - nothing like positive regard from friends!
As a little more time passed, it was like my head cleared and I started to question how much of my behavior with them was actually me, and how much was me feeding back to them what they told me I was like. We Prefer This and We Think That. Do I really Think That? (Whatever it was.) I thought I did at the time, but there was lots of pushing and pulling by all those people.
Alls I'm saying is, what if you have just become more in touch with what you really prefer, as opposed to what you thought you ought to prefer?
Try this one on for size - what if you actually just became more self-aware at some point? What if what you perceived as an increase in self-suckage was actually just a greater awareness of the real inner you, away from the heavy stimulation of a big city and constant interaction with friends of a certain mind set.
I don't know your situation, of course. I just noticed that during busy periods with constant social interaction, it was all a happy blur, then after it died down I felt a little let-down at first. All those ideas about my identity that I was absorbing from others stopped bombarding me, and I missed the fix they provided - nothing like positive regard from friends!
As a little more time passed, it was like my head cleared and I started to question how much of my behavior with them was actually me, and how much was me feeding back to them what they told me I was like. We Prefer This and We Think That. Do I really Think That? (Whatever it was.) I thought I did at the time, but there was lots of pushing and pulling by all those people.
Alls I'm saying is, what if you have just become more in touch with what you really prefer, as opposed to what you thought you ought to prefer?
Just throwing it out there.
Good luck!
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