App
Character: Namie Yagiri
Series: Durarara!! (DRRR!!)
Character Age: 25
Job: Clinical Drug Trial Proctor
Canon: Durarara!! is a collection of intertwining story lines set in Ikebukuro, many with themes of "twisted" love. To name a few, there's the guy in love with a headless fairy, the one in love with a head, and the crazy informant who shows his love for humanity by completely ruining the lives of everyone he meets. As the series progresses, it gets more convoluted, since no one is quite what they seem. Even the characters that appear normal at face value have dark secrets they're trying to hide from those closest to them. Amongst the indisputably warped members of the cast is Namie Yagiri, the no-nonsense division chief of a small pharmaceutical company that's been dabbling in human experimentation.
On the surface, Namie seems like a respectable woman. Even though her family owns the company she works for, she earned her position through her own merit. Unfortunately, the underlying force behind her accomplishments is her one-sided love for her younger brother, Seiji. To call her "obsessed" would be an understatement: She'll happily help him cover up a murder and takes sadistic pleasure in eliminating competition for his affection. While her brother can do no wrong in her eyes, she views everyone else in a cynical light: People are fake, acting kind so long as it gets them what they want. As a result, she treats others coldly and with disdain. She has little tolerance for B.S., and when she detects it, she'll bluntly call the liar out with a cutting remark. Even someone who scares her can't silence her deadpan snark and aren't spared from being undermined to serve her ulterior motives. Of course, if that person is a dick who actually deserves to get knocked down a peg or two, it's not necessarily a bad thing. In spite of her brother complex and condescending attitude, her diligence and efficiency with tasks at hand are admirable. Pair that with her smarts, and you've got a useful ally-- or a dangerous person to underestimate.
Sample Post: I don't really care if you feel sick; if you're looking for a physician, you've come to the wrong place. I'm Namie Yagiri. My area of expertise is pharmaceuticals, and I have no intention of wasting my time playing "House." Of course, it wouldn't take a diagnostician to figure out that the only thing you suffer from is acute stupidity, and there isn't a drug that can treat that. While I can't do anything about your pre-existing condition, camp has recently produced medication to alleviate camp effects. It is currently unknown if they're fit for human consumption, but I'll be able to determine that when you try it.
I know you didn't sign up for this. You'd have to be a masochist to willingly put something from the creators of Tuesday soup in your mouth. Or other places, in the case of the suppositories. But before you put up a fight or try to escape, take a look around you and assess your situation: You're imprisoned in an inter-dimensional zombie summer camp until the murderer of Director Sayre's fiancée is discovered. As if that wasn't enough, you should consider the hazards as well. If you were to leave right now, almost everything out there would try to maim or molest you, and that includes some of your fellow campers. While the scenario sounds like some ridiculous, haphazard mix of science fiction, horror, mystery and animated Japanese pornography, it's clear being the guinea pig for a few medications is the least of your worries. Besides, even if you die, you'll simply revive, so I'll be able to run tests on you over and over again.
Is that unfair? Naturally. But you don't have a say on the matter, so save your breath and let this be a lesson on how unfair life truly is. Anyone who says otherwise is naive or a liar. Yes, that includes your so-called "friends," who pretend to care about you. Don't be fooled by the way they spew that disgusting Hallmark card nonsense about "friendship." If you think they're being sincere, you're just deluding yourself. The only reason they'd put up with all your bitching and whining, and bolster your self-esteem is to quell their own feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. I'm not saying that to be harsh; I'm being honest. If you find the truth hurtful, you can take comfort in the fact that I'll make them suffer just as much as you.
Or maybe camp actually did something right for once, and you won't suffer at all. You'll just have to try your luck, since I'm testing two medications today. I'm letting you choose the one you want, so if anything bad happens, you'll only have yourself to blame. They've been differentiated by color, but I'll tell you right now that neither the red one or the blue one will wake you from this dream. Rest assured, even if your unwilling participation is a tough pill to swallow, at least the drugs aren't.
Voting went here. (@94.6%; 53 in, 3 out)