(no subject)
Hmm so today was alright, i sat and stared at the work wondering how necessary it was, would it be more of a hassel to try to organize, just to cause a mess, ending up just everything thrown back in, in a mess, due to running out of time... but i finally started and thought i better do something since we aren't busy... so it got semi organized, but than i was running late to church... than it ended up being on studying the bible through to come up with what the truth is on these critical issues, such as women preachers, im sure baptisim, tongues etc... will come too... and honestly all this tension grew in me... he said " why is there all these different denominations, why can't we just follow the bible and be one like in the new testament... " that sounds good and makes since, yet honestly most of the people there have only been christians for a few years and they seem to mostly just be familiar with "church of christ" but for me ive seen it all, been there, done that, heard both sides to every issue, come to my own convictions... and am tired of it... i don't want to discuss it any more, it irritates me... there are bound to be heated debates, or else everyone is going to agree, which is even more dangerous, b/c really issues aren't black and white or there wouldn't be so much controversay over them in the first place... so i was discouraged... i want to just be encouraged, move past doctrine and gray issues and focus on life applicable issues, focus on Godly character... and no its important to these people to study for themselves and come to there own convicions i just am not looking forward to being apart of it... i was trying to explain this to Chris b/c i was so frustrated that we are doing these new studies... and of couse i came accross as angry at him, or at his chruch... and then i was more frustrated b/c he was taking it the wrong way and of course thats more conflict with us, and everytime he gets upset at me i just want to cry, i hate it... and im just tired and overwhelmed and its like i didn't need this tonight.... and cooper keeps calling me, which you know, he's like my best friend, but i feel like its wrong to talk to him, well kinda, cuz i have a boyfirend, and its like i feel he still has hope for us and i really don't want that at all... but if i avoid him, he is like why are you avoiding me... and on and on...