(no subject)
As time goes on I get increasingly more annoyed with parties. I get sick of the alcohol, the smoking. I think I'm getting more closeminded as time passes as well. I've been straight edge for 8 years or so now, woohoo go me. No one even cares about these things anymore. I never did it to find a sense of belonging or to be in some sort of clique. 99% of my friends aren't straight edge anyway. Maybe I'm just jaded or turning into a grumpy old man.
A lot of things have been going on lately. I just finished moving into a new place I'm actually happy to be at. I've been waiting for that for years. I just finished moving everything a day or two ago.
I haven't been seeing most of my friends lately and I guess paying the price. It's easier to stay at home and do nothing when you don't want to do anything else. I'm going to be completely broke come tomorrow because of rent. I'll have less than $5 for two weeks.
I've been getting shit for hours lately but still haven't been able to practice with my bands because I usually work on weekends. I've got a lot of new lyrics I have to write for The Final Collapse. I'm excited for the new direction our songs are going in.
I love Megan. I need to learn to control my temper. She's been trying to save me from my self-pity and childish ways. She means more than anyone ever has or will. I seem to be all she has here and I'm screwing it up.
There are so many things I want to do, most of them pertaining to music and writing. I just wish I was still creative. I've been at a loss as to what to do with my life. I keep waiting for something magical to happen but I need to do things myself. I'm too scared to put change into motion because I don't like the unknown.
I'm at my mom's right now because the nerve endings in her legs are causing her very bad pains. She has so many medical problems lately it's kind of scaring me. She just turned 39 but her having doctor appointments and going to the hospital have always been a normal staple in my life. I can't imagine how she feels. Having a husband that cheated on her that's always out to sea. She's constantly bed ridden and my brothers don't help her out nearly as much as they should but I suppose that I don't either. I'm worried about how long she'll be around and why she has to endure so much shit. My little sister isn't taken care of enough. My brothers don't play with her much and always pick on her. I have to get her off to school tomorrow and take my mother to a doctor's appointment.
I'm drained and my emotions are shot right now. Things have been horrible lately and I've only myself to blame. In having extreme self-control over certain things I've grown helpless in others. I only hope I can stop.
A lot of things have been going on lately. I just finished moving into a new place I'm actually happy to be at. I've been waiting for that for years. I just finished moving everything a day or two ago.
I haven't been seeing most of my friends lately and I guess paying the price. It's easier to stay at home and do nothing when you don't want to do anything else. I'm going to be completely broke come tomorrow because of rent. I'll have less than $5 for two weeks.
I've been getting shit for hours lately but still haven't been able to practice with my bands because I usually work on weekends. I've got a lot of new lyrics I have to write for The Final Collapse. I'm excited for the new direction our songs are going in.
I love Megan. I need to learn to control my temper. She's been trying to save me from my self-pity and childish ways. She means more than anyone ever has or will. I seem to be all she has here and I'm screwing it up.
There are so many things I want to do, most of them pertaining to music and writing. I just wish I was still creative. I've been at a loss as to what to do with my life. I keep waiting for something magical to happen but I need to do things myself. I'm too scared to put change into motion because I don't like the unknown.
I'm at my mom's right now because the nerve endings in her legs are causing her very bad pains. She has so many medical problems lately it's kind of scaring me. She just turned 39 but her having doctor appointments and going to the hospital have always been a normal staple in my life. I can't imagine how she feels. Having a husband that cheated on her that's always out to sea. She's constantly bed ridden and my brothers don't help her out nearly as much as they should but I suppose that I don't either. I'm worried about how long she'll be around and why she has to endure so much shit. My little sister isn't taken care of enough. My brothers don't play with her much and always pick on her. I have to get her off to school tomorrow and take my mother to a doctor's appointment.
I'm drained and my emotions are shot right now. Things have been horrible lately and I've only myself to blame. In having extreme self-control over certain things I've grown helpless in others. I only hope I can stop.