(no subject)
Warning: If you dont want to hear me venting about my "friend" life then I suggest that you just keep moving on down. This might not come across as to pretty.
Today was a day.. I am in a major bitchy mood and my hormones are way off wack. Not that I am trying to use that as an excuse... its just a fact that they are. Tonight I walked out of Chruch.. with the thought in my head.. do I really have any "real" friends? I felt so down and so discouraged. So not wanted. My heart hurts. I find myself caring so much.. about everyone. Esp my friend and I know I am overbearing sometimes and I speak my mind if its something that wants to be heard or not. But that is me. I feel as if no one really knows me and that they dont care to. The people that do are so far away.. and that upsets me, and its really hard.
K: Where do I begin? You are my friend.. my best freind these days. I talk to you more then I talk to anyone.. its a big thing when we go 24 hours with no phone call. And im not going to say that you arent there for me.. you are. The things you say sometimes though.. even when you are "joking" really hurt me sometimes. Its like you dont know me.. you got onto me a while back for me pointing out all the bad and not any of the good, and I tried to fix that. But what do you do to me? Its always im over reacting, or this and that. You seem to accept me but do you really? Do you care about how I feel? You think that I compete with everyone for your attention.. I dont. Its called being your friend. You make it out to seem like everyone want you.. and its this big ego thing for you. All these girls want me and my attention so be lucky you have it.. what the freak is that? I dont make you call me.. I dont make you hang out with me.. I enjoy spending time with you because I am your friend.. I enjoy talking to you because I am your friend. I bring you cashews to you at work after a rough day to maybe just see you smile at something. Not because I am in love with you, but because I care about you as a person. Has anyone ever done that for me? nope. Not that I am trying to make a sob story.,. its not that at all. I do it because that is what I would want my freind to do for me. I know im complicated, but sometimes I just feel like you dont know me. The person that I am closest to. doesnt even know me. I'm not saying its all your fault... but it just hurts sometimes.. esp on night like tonight when you say things that get to me, and you do it because you know that they are.
R: I dont even know where to start. Communication for us has been lacking for a while now and I dont know what to do about it. You dont seem like you will talk to me. I dont know what type of a mood or how you are from day to day.. or hour to hour. I invite you over Friday night.. and then Sat night and dont see you at all. And then its the whole no one care about me mood so I dont care about them. What has happened. You me and Kyle cant even hang out anymore. You think I judge you. You cant come to me and tell me these things? I dont know what to say anymore. You are an amazing person and I love you dearly. We have had good times, but it hurts me so much when you are back and forth. I dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes when I call its good sometimes I can tell its bad. I dont judge you.. you are your own person and you can do what you want. Just me upfront and honest with me. Talk to me.. dont just assume things. I cant do this when I dont know whats going on in your head. Friendships work both ways.. and right now I dont even think we are on the same streets. We are trying but we arent even close. I dont want there to be competition. Kyle and I are what we are.. you and Kyle are what you are.. I dont care what you and Kyle do I just dont want to know or be around it sometimes because it makes me really uncomfortable. I dont understand it. But I cant go on with things this way.. we all cant compete with eachother. When I ask you to do something half the time you dont come or get weird. You leave my house at 3 in the morning after I go to bed.. You get upset when I do something and dont invite you. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant do all this anymore.
Tristan: that is just a book in itself.. I dont even think I can be friends with him.
David: You helped me tonight more then you know.. thanks.
Everyone im sorry that it had to come across like this, but its the only way I know how. This is how I best describe myself and get it all out in a clear thought. Not the way I really want to do it... but it is what it is.. sorry.
Today was a day.. I am in a major bitchy mood and my hormones are way off wack. Not that I am trying to use that as an excuse... its just a fact that they are. Tonight I walked out of Chruch.. with the thought in my head.. do I really have any "real" friends? I felt so down and so discouraged. So not wanted. My heart hurts. I find myself caring so much.. about everyone. Esp my friend and I know I am overbearing sometimes and I speak my mind if its something that wants to be heard or not. But that is me. I feel as if no one really knows me and that they dont care to. The people that do are so far away.. and that upsets me, and its really hard.
K: Where do I begin? You are my friend.. my best freind these days. I talk to you more then I talk to anyone.. its a big thing when we go 24 hours with no phone call. And im not going to say that you arent there for me.. you are. The things you say sometimes though.. even when you are "joking" really hurt me sometimes. Its like you dont know me.. you got onto me a while back for me pointing out all the bad and not any of the good, and I tried to fix that. But what do you do to me? Its always im over reacting, or this and that. You seem to accept me but do you really? Do you care about how I feel? You think that I compete with everyone for your attention.. I dont. Its called being your friend. You make it out to seem like everyone want you.. and its this big ego thing for you. All these girls want me and my attention so be lucky you have it.. what the freak is that? I dont make you call me.. I dont make you hang out with me.. I enjoy spending time with you because I am your friend.. I enjoy talking to you because I am your friend. I bring you cashews to you at work after a rough day to maybe just see you smile at something. Not because I am in love with you, but because I care about you as a person. Has anyone ever done that for me? nope. Not that I am trying to make a sob story.,. its not that at all. I do it because that is what I would want my freind to do for me. I know im complicated, but sometimes I just feel like you dont know me. The person that I am closest to. doesnt even know me. I'm not saying its all your fault... but it just hurts sometimes.. esp on night like tonight when you say things that get to me, and you do it because you know that they are.
R: I dont even know where to start. Communication for us has been lacking for a while now and I dont know what to do about it. You dont seem like you will talk to me. I dont know what type of a mood or how you are from day to day.. or hour to hour. I invite you over Friday night.. and then Sat night and dont see you at all. And then its the whole no one care about me mood so I dont care about them. What has happened. You me and Kyle cant even hang out anymore. You think I judge you. You cant come to me and tell me these things? I dont know what to say anymore. You are an amazing person and I love you dearly. We have had good times, but it hurts me so much when you are back and forth. I dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes when I call its good sometimes I can tell its bad. I dont judge you.. you are your own person and you can do what you want. Just me upfront and honest with me. Talk to me.. dont just assume things. I cant do this when I dont know whats going on in your head. Friendships work both ways.. and right now I dont even think we are on the same streets. We are trying but we arent even close. I dont want there to be competition. Kyle and I are what we are.. you and Kyle are what you are.. I dont care what you and Kyle do I just dont want to know or be around it sometimes because it makes me really uncomfortable. I dont understand it. But I cant go on with things this way.. we all cant compete with eachother. When I ask you to do something half the time you dont come or get weird. You leave my house at 3 in the morning after I go to bed.. You get upset when I do something and dont invite you. I dont know what to do anymore. I cant do all this anymore.
Tristan: that is just a book in itself.. I dont even think I can be friends with him.
David: You helped me tonight more then you know.. thanks.
Everyone im sorry that it had to come across like this, but its the only way I know how. This is how I best describe myself and get it all out in a clear thought. Not the way I really want to do it... but it is what it is.. sorry.