where's mary j. blige when i need her....

[givemean_a]

i'm not big on drama.
the last time i knowingly got involved in drama was the sixth grade when i was jack of the duo jack and jill and had some crazy solo in some stupid song on stage in front of weepy eyed parents.
but alas the drama i'm not big on isn't the stage produced kind.

i'm just not into having things i say in confidence turn into statements to be used as fodder v. someone else.
i'm actually really disappointed 
in myself for not thinking about what i was saying
in her for doing it.

i'm not mad
honestly.
i'm just irritated.

i don't want to be part of this stupid triangle
i want to be friends with her
and her.
and not be the middle ground.
because the middle ground is where all the blood ends up. and i'm not into that.

i tossed around the idea of retreating totally from the whole situation 
and i haven't fully decided yet either way.
and i probably won't retreat totally.
because i'm that girl.

but things like this that happen just cement that while we would be awesome...things just aren't where they should be and they probably won't be for a while if they ever are.

i started this entry a long time ago
but i'm having a hard time writing it.
i just have mixed emotions about the whole thing.
but i am disappointed.
and i can't let her think that was ok.
but it wasn't axe murder either
i can forgive. 
i can forget.

i just don't like drama.