you're so obessesed with letting go
well it has finally come and gone. the last day, that i thought at one time, of my life. i can honestly say that i have only realized about twice that i am out of school and done for good. i honestly thought i was going to be all depressed about it, but im not. when september comes, thats a different story.
my views during the past 4 years have changed yearly it seems. 9th grade was just the time i had no idea what life was going to throw me from the beginning of rekant to having my first girlfriend. i did so much in one year than i did my whole life. 10th grade was no different. i was one of the founders of the FTC scene, not much to be proud of, but when you can take 4 no name kids, 1 of them goes to that school and throw a ridiculous fucking show and next day be a somebody is fucking amazing. 10th grade also brought the year of fucking up. i fucked up BIG TIME, and she knows it. it was the year i was scared of failure, i was scared to even attempt anything because i was scared of the thought of failure. 1 regret. 11th grade brought the year of rekant and NTL. from selling out hp numerous times, to playing to no one at all. if i could do something over again and not be able to change anything would be 11th grade, because thats when i found out who i was. one little night in the woods with 2 cases of beast, pete, mcilhenny, and blaney. we made the best of a lame situation when everyone left to go home. we got shit faced. some more than others opened up emotionally and thats what made me realize that if i could be a part of this moment, i am a part of something. from late night bus rides home, to nights in the woods. i knew i had people to turn to. then the mentality of regrets are for suckers came into my head, and i lived by it, but didnt think it through. i started ruining chances again, this time just not caring, when before i'd beat the shit out of myslef over it. i cant really regret it since i didnt think it through. 12th grade brought climax, and the end of the story. the climax- my life ending right in front of my eyes. rekant started to turn sour. we were becoming old news to people. we weren't playing the trendy thing to play, and people in the band were having a change of heart. i respect his desicion, but i dont respect his motives, or the words he has for some. so i openly will say it... FUCK YOUR GOD, because when you believe in false idols more than you can believe in yourself, your friends, and your peers, you lost something, and honestly you wont get it back. i know i've grown up. im proud i have, but theres a part of me that wishes i was that 9th grader that was ignorant to the world, and just thought anything was fun, but FUCK THAT. i'm content on life, and what it has layed out for me. graduating didnt really hit me until i walked into that armory and sat down for the beginning of the ceremony. all my friends and family around cheering us on. i had teary eyes the whole ceremony. i was scared to walk up on the stage, because it was the last time i'd have that rush. that rush that just destroys every bad thought you have at the moment and give you the courage for anything. i know i've made friends i'll never forget, but will they forget me? i dont have time to worry, because life isn't full of time to kill. it's just so appropriate i end on this note. goodbye to my friends, and hello to the new life i'll lead with those who mean the most.
my views during the past 4 years have changed yearly it seems. 9th grade was just the time i had no idea what life was going to throw me from the beginning of rekant to having my first girlfriend. i did so much in one year than i did my whole life. 10th grade was no different. i was one of the founders of the FTC scene, not much to be proud of, but when you can take 4 no name kids, 1 of them goes to that school and throw a ridiculous fucking show and next day be a somebody is fucking amazing. 10th grade also brought the year of fucking up. i fucked up BIG TIME, and she knows it. it was the year i was scared of failure, i was scared to even attempt anything because i was scared of the thought of failure. 1 regret. 11th grade brought the year of rekant and NTL. from selling out hp numerous times, to playing to no one at all. if i could do something over again and not be able to change anything would be 11th grade, because thats when i found out who i was. one little night in the woods with 2 cases of beast, pete, mcilhenny, and blaney. we made the best of a lame situation when everyone left to go home. we got shit faced. some more than others opened up emotionally and thats what made me realize that if i could be a part of this moment, i am a part of something. from late night bus rides home, to nights in the woods. i knew i had people to turn to. then the mentality of regrets are for suckers came into my head, and i lived by it, but didnt think it through. i started ruining chances again, this time just not caring, when before i'd beat the shit out of myslef over it. i cant really regret it since i didnt think it through. 12th grade brought climax, and the end of the story. the climax- my life ending right in front of my eyes. rekant started to turn sour. we were becoming old news to people. we weren't playing the trendy thing to play, and people in the band were having a change of heart. i respect his desicion, but i dont respect his motives, or the words he has for some. so i openly will say it... FUCK YOUR GOD, because when you believe in false idols more than you can believe in yourself, your friends, and your peers, you lost something, and honestly you wont get it back. i know i've grown up. im proud i have, but theres a part of me that wishes i was that 9th grader that was ignorant to the world, and just thought anything was fun, but FUCK THAT. i'm content on life, and what it has layed out for me. graduating didnt really hit me until i walked into that armory and sat down for the beginning of the ceremony. all my friends and family around cheering us on. i had teary eyes the whole ceremony. i was scared to walk up on the stage, because it was the last time i'd have that rush. that rush that just destroys every bad thought you have at the moment and give you the courage for anything. i know i've made friends i'll never forget, but will they forget me? i dont have time to worry, because life isn't full of time to kill. it's just so appropriate i end on this note. goodbye to my friends, and hello to the new life i'll lead with those who mean the most.