The Hanged Man VS The Fool
Title: The Hanged Man VS The Fool
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing/Focus: 2minkey
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Minho is torn between two amazing people. One is his soulmate, the other is the love of his life. He needs to choose between the two of them. But he can't, at least not until he stumbles into a shop where he meets someone who will help him make the biggest decision of his life. Sometimes all you need is an outsider's point of view to know what, or in Minho’s case ‘who’, you truly want in life.
A/N: This fic is for my daughter's, patzmelody01, birthday! HAPPY BIRFDAY HONEY!!!!
I had just finished my usual morning jog, but didn’t want to go back to my apartment just yet. My morning jogs were starting to last longer and longer these days as my problems started to pile up on me. I used to use run two to three miles. I’m up to almost six now. Perhaps it’s because my jogs are the only time during my day that I can actually think about what’s going on. I can think about what I should do and who I should be with. But I never get anywhere near a final decision. If anything, I end up more confused than when took the first few steps to start my jog. Today wasn’t any different.
“Good morning Minho,” Hyorin greets me with a big smile as I enter the coffee shop.
“Morning Hyorin,” I reply, walking up the counter and return her smile with a small one of my own.
“The usual?”
“Of course.”
“How was the jog?” she asks as she starts to prepare my usual morning drink of choice.
“It was nice, not long enough though.”
“Really? How many miles did you run?”
“Six.”
“And that’s not long enough?”
“No.”
“That’s six miles too long if you ask me,” she says with a laugh and places my drink in front of me. I pay for my drink and wave her off when she tries to give me the change, “Thanks Minho.”
“No problem Hyorin. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be here, that is unless my lazy brother decides he wants to open the shop for once which I doubt will happen,” she laughs again and I join her this time.
“Okay, well you have a great day.”
“You too, I hope you figure out whatever you need to figure out soon. I’m afraid you’ll end up jogging right out of the city one day.”
“That won’t happen, I have too much tying me here for that to happen,” she smiles at me and we exchange waves before I exit the shop. And it’s true what I said to her. I have too much tying me to this city for me to just up and leave. And they’re the reason for my long jogs every morning.
I start to stretch out my muscles as I slowly make my way back to my apartment. I’m about halfway home when something catches my eye. Well if I’m totally honest, it catches my eye every morning while I’m walking home. It isn’t the bright yellow sign or the black letters that spell out ‘Tarot Reading’ on it that draws me towards it; it’s the promise of knowing my future. I know that fortune telling is a bunch of bullshit for the most part, but I could use all the help I can get to solve my problem. I never go in though. I always somehow talk myself out of it and end up going right home for a shower and some breakfast.
Today is different as I am now running across the street to the shop and throwing open the door. I’m surprised to see that the shop is even open this early. I take a few tentative steps inside before a soft voice greets me.
“I’m not open yet, how did you get in?” a lady who didn’t look any older than 30 asks as she walks out of a back room.
“The door,” I point behind me, “Was unlocked.”
“That’s odd. I could have sworn I locked it after I got here five minutes ago. Oh well, I guess I am open earlier than usual today,” she gives me a warm smile and I nod.
“I can leave and come back if you want. I didn’t realize you weren’t open.”
“Nonsense, You were led here and it’s obvious that I am supposed to help you. I’ve seen you look at my shop every morning on your way home. I’m glad to see that you have finally decided to come in. I think I can help you with your problem.”
“How did you know?”
“Your aura gives you away,” she smiles at me again and motions for me to come further in the shop, “Come on in. There’s no need for you to be nervous.”
I take a few more steps in, my body relaxing as I got further into the store. I took a look at the odd knick knacks around me before looking up at the lady again, “I’d like a tarot reading.”
“Of course you do,” she holds back the curtains to the back room she had walked out of when I first got her, “Come on back.”
I follow her into the room and instantly get a big whiff of vanilla and lavender. Whatever tension that was left in my body quickly dissolves. There’s a table in the middle of the room, a chair on each side, and a deck of cards with a crystal sitting in the middle of it.
“Have a seat.”
I nod and take a seat and wait for her to join me. She doesn’t immediately come to sit across from me and I turn around to look at the entrance to the room. I hear the front door being closed and the soft click of the lock. I should be nervous, but surprisingly I’m not. I turn around in my chair and study the room. It’s dimly lit and I can barely make out the intricate design that goes across the ceiling of the room.
The lady returned to the room and sat across from me. She gave me a warm smile and took the crystal off the cards before beginning to shuffle them, “My name is Bora. And what is your name? You don’t have to tell if you don’t want to, but it does help me give you a more accurate reading.”
“Minho,” I answer, my eyes watching as the cards mix together, catching a glimpse of the cards every once in awhile.
“It’s nice to meet you Minho. And what brings you here today? Is it your health? You look pretty healthy to me, though, so it can’t be that. Maybe it’s your job? Your face doesn’t show the usual lines that come with a stressful job, though. Or is it matters of the heart that brings you here…” she’s silent for awhile as she studies me. She hums and smile at me again, “I see. So it’s your heart that brings you here.”
“H-how did you k-know?” I ask as I try to swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat.
“By the way you reacted when I mentioned it.”
“O-oh?”
“Yes, you flinched and your eyes got dark. It seems as though that’s where your stress lies. Your shoulders have tensed up a bit and I can see that they are still tense. Relax or you will get a crick in your neck.”
“I didn’t realize I reacted.”
“Most people don’t. Our bodies give us away more than we like to admit. Even though our brain and mouths refuse to admit certain things, our bodies aren’t. They have their own agenda and react without our approval and without us knowing it. What’s that famous poker saying?” she stopped her movements and looked up, deep in thought, “Ah that’s right. Everyone has a tell. And it’s very true regardless of whether or not you play poker. Our bodies betray us more than we know and quite stealthily at that.”
“Hm, I never really thought of that.”
“Think about it, you’ll realize I’m correct,” she places the cards back in the middle of the table, the crystal going back to rest on it, “Now does your heart want to know?”
“I want to know what’s in store for me,” I pause and wonder whether or not to tell her more. It doesn’t take me long to decide to tell her. It’s not like I’ll be seeing her again after this and she does seem to have a trusting face.
“You can trust me. I won’t repeat what is said within this room. It’s a silent agreement I have with all of my customers. So please don’t hesitate to tell me a little bit of your problems. Think of this as another form of therapy if you want.”
“Would it help if you knew more about my situation?”
“It wouldn’t help, but if you feel uncomfortable telling me then you don’t have to. All I ask is that you think about it while we do the reading. Clear your mind of all your other thoughts and problems and just think about the one you want an answer to.”
“That won’t be hard since it’s the only think I can think about these days.”
“Would you like to tell me?”
I nod my head at her, “Yes. I’ll tell you.”
“You don’t need to tell me everything. Names are not necessary.”
“I’m in love with two guys. They’re the complete opposite of each other. One is younger than me and can still be childish at times, but it’s one of the traits that I love most about him. He reminds me to take it easy sometimes and to slow down and enjoy life. The other is a couple months older than me, but likes to take care of me. He can act like an umma sometimes, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone who is looking out for my well being. And in return I look out for him.”
“Ah, I see. They are quite different.”
“You wouldn’t believe how different they are,” I tell her.
“Well then, let’s begin shall we?”
“Okay.”
“Let’s start with a more general reading. A past, present, and future one.”
“You’re the expert here. I’ll go with whatever you say.”
Past, Present, Future
Bora took the crystal off of the deck of cards and motioned towards them, “Cut the deck please. As many times as you like.”
“Okay,” I took the deck and cut into three before piling it back into one stack. I do that a few more times before pushing it back towards the center of the table.
“Done?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she grabs the deck and flips over the top three cards. I look over each one and read the title to each, wondering what exactly they mean. Wheel of Fortune, Seven of Cups, and Death. Wait… Death? That can’t be a good thing. I start to get nervous and feel my palms begin to sweat. I wipe them on my sweats and take a deep breath, my eyes never leaving the cards in front of my. The ‘Death’ card standing out the most. I’m starting to think that coming in here wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Could I just leave?
“You’re nervous,” her voice cuts through my thoughts and I look up at her, “Relax.”
“How’d you?”
“Your body gave you away again,” she gives me a warm smile, “It’s best that you don’t take the titles of all the cards to heart. Just because the name normally has a negative connotation to it, doesn’t always mean something bad.”
“Oh,” I still can’t help the nervousness that’s boiling in the pit of my stomach. I look back at the cards.
“Shall we begin?” she asks me and all I can do is nod. I’m already here, so I might as well stay and see what she has to say. There’s no harm to it right? I mean I don’t have to believe what she says either. I just came in here to see if I can have a little more light shed onto my situation.
“So as you have already read for yourself we have the Wheel of Fortune, Seven of Cups, and Death cards for this first reading. And they represent Past, Present, and Future respectively,” she motions from left to right. “We’ll begin with the Past of course.”
She pushes the first card towards me and I study the card. The background consists of different sized gears; it’s almost like looking into a watch. In the middle of the card there is a man holding a large gear in his hands the center piece to all the rest of them it seems.
“The wheel of fortune has been spun,” Bora tells me and I look up at her, “This is one of the few cards that is exactly as its title. As you probably have guessed this card has to do with luck. And it seems like it has been on your side for quite some time, am I right?”
I nod my head, “I guess you can say that I’ve been lucky. I mean, I definitely am blessed to live the life I have and to have an amazing job that I love to do.”
“Did you have to work hard at achieving your goals in the past?”
“Of course, I make sure I work just as hard as everyone else to succeed in life. I don’t think I’m exempt from hard work just because of who I am.”
“Oh, you have misunderstood my question. What I mean is that, do you think you’re where you are today with little effort on your part?”
“Perhaps,” I stop to think about my answer, “I mean I didn’t really have to go to so many different companies to get the job I have. It almost just fell into my lap.”
“And hence the wheel of fortune has been spun. It can also mean a beginning to a new cycle. Either way, this card is a good sign regardless of where it shows up. And perhaps it’s best that it shows up in your past.”
I nod and continue to look at the card. I guess this is a good start. I’m still afraid of what she’ll say when she gets to that third card. Death… I don’t care what she says there can’t be anything good about that card. But I’ll just think about that later, she’s about to start talking about the second card: The Seven of Cups. This card seems a little dark and I’m nervous again. There are six people on the card, dressed all in black. There’s one that is facing forward while the rest have their backs towards you. The one facing forward seems to be holding a card in his hand. I’m curious to see what this one means.
“Next we have the seven of cups,” again she pushes the card towards me, “This card represents the present. After what you told me about your reason for being here, I’m not surprised to see this card in your reading.”
“Why is that?”
“This is a card of reflection.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that there is a choice to be made by this person,” she points to the one person that’s facing forward in the picture, “Most of the time when this card shows up, the question has to do with love. Much like your situation you described to me earlier. Would you like to elaborate on it more? If not we can just continue on. ”
I nod my head and stare at the card, “Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”
“Yes I do. I also believe that just because you meet your soul mate, doesn’t mean that you have to spend the rest of your life involved with them. Sometimes the love of your life and your soul mate are two different people.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Yes,” she nods at me, “Soul mates are misconstrued by most people. Yes there are times when that person is the love of your life, but most of the time a person ends up giving up that person to be with their soul mate. So I’m glad to hear that you’re really thinking this through. Do you have an idea who is who in your situation?”
“I think Taemin is my soul mate and Key is the love of my life. I’m not sure, though, because it changes sometimes. There are times where I love one so much that I can’t see my life without them, so it goes back and forth.”
“I see, well let’s discuss this last card and then move onto a more specific reading okay?”
“Sure. I am a little scared of what you have to say about this card though,” I motion to the third and final card. The card labeled ‘Death.’
“There’s no reason to be scared. Like I said before don’t pay attention to the title. It’s not always what you think. Death doesn’t mean something bad,” she pushes the last card in front of me and I stare at it, “This card is actually more positive than you think. It symbolizes a new beginning.”
I look up at her in confusion, “New beginning?”
“Yes, something has to die or rather end before something new can begin right?” I nod my head in agreement, “That’s what this card means. It means the end of a cycle that has served its purpose and the beginning of a new one. So in a way it’s a phase in your life. This is you making your decision and starting your life with one of the two people you’re in love with. That doesn’t sound too bad, right?”
“No, it’s not. It actually makes a lot of sense now,” she gives me a warm smile and gathers up the cards. I sit back in my chair and watch as she starts to shuffle the cards again. She places the stack in front of me and motions towards it. I cut the deck a few times before pushing it back towards her.
Two Lovers Reading
There are now eleven cards on the table between us. Ten of the cards make a cross while one is off to the side. I point to that card first and Bora just smiles at me.
“Normally that card isn’t part of the reading, but I decided to add it in for you. I think any kind of insight will be able to help you with your decision.”
“You have no idea. I have been going through this for almost a year now. I need to finally make a decision and soon would be ideal. I don’t want to keep stringing one along.”
“So this card,” she pushes the loan card towards me, “This is you.”
“M-me?” I point to myself and then down at the card.
“Yes,” she seems to giggle a little at my reaction, but I pay no attention to it. I want to know what this card means, “Now it may not be a spot on description of you, but I think you’ll find a little truth in its meaning. However, in the few minutes we have spent together, I can tell that this card describes you well.”
“Really?” I look at her and she gives me a warm smile, “What does this card mean?”
“This is the King of Wands,” she taps a finger on the card, “He is a charming and responsible man. He’s vaulted for his loyalty and generosity.”
I slowly take in what she’s saying, digesting each word carefully as she seems to be describing exactly who I am. I think back to the way other people have described me and the four words she used were ones that I hear often. Key always tells me how generous I am, maybe not out right, but in more subtle ways. Like when the way he would act surprised when I would give him a shirt or something I knew he had been eyeing. The way he would jump into my arms and kiss all over my face as a way to show his gratitude. A small smile crosses my face when I think of the last time that happened.
“He is also very honest and passionate. The type of person you go for moral support and encouragement.”
Taemin then pops into my head. He often comments, well more like teases, me on the amount of passion I have when it comes to sports. It’s not unknown that I have a very competitive spirit. Most people say that it’s a flaw, but Taemin likes it. He likes that I can be so passionate about the smallest of things. How my passion can go from the field into the bedroom. He’s also told me on various occasions that he likes to come to me when he needs reassurance and support. Apparently, he knows that I mean every word I say and though they may not be the most elaborate of words, they are truthful and hold a lot of meaning to them. The smile Taemin would always give me after I would say such words to him flood my mind. That soft smile was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.
“He is also a very family oriented person,” I finally look up at her and I nod my head. My members know that I consider them part of my family. I’ve even been teased once about my answer on a variety. I was asked what I would do with a free day and I said I wanted to go to the movies with my members. A few of the other guys on the variety said that I was only saying that to protect my image, but like Bora had just said, I am an honest person. I meant what I said. I still want to go out and just have a relaxing day with my members. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your family. Onew, Jonghyun, Key, and Taemin are my family.
“Now let’s get to the real part of this reading,” Bora motions to each one of the crosses on the table, “Which one would you like to learn about first?”
I look at them. She told me to think of a specific person when she laid each one out. I thought about Taemin when she was laying out the cards on the left and Key when she was laying out the cards on the right. I motion to the cross on the left, “This one.”
“Okay. So before I start to decipher each card, I will tell you what question it answers,” she points to the card that’s closest to her, “This card asks of person #1.”
“Taemin,” I say without thinking.
“Okay, Taemin, has a potential of being a true love to you,” I nod my understanding and she continues, “He is the hanged man. He stands at the doorway of your life looking in, wondering what it will be like to be with you… Exclusively.
The hanged man shows devotion and willingness to adapt to whatever changes that may occur. He symbolizes a waiting period to be followed by a kind of rebirth or transformation. Normally a sacrifice has to be made to achieve this change.”
“Minho hyung,” Taemin says as he sits beside me on the couch. His hand lands on my knee and gives it a light squeeze.
“Yeah?”
“I know that you and I aren’t exclusive, and that we haven’t been for almost a year now,” I nod my head for him to continue, “I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t miss it just being you and me. But I understand that you have started to develop feelings for Key hyung as well. And I know that you owe it to yourself to see just what they are.”
“I’m sorry Taemin,” I cut him off. “I know it’s wrong for me to be dating the both of you at the same time. It’s not fair to either of you. You should be able to have my undivided attention without having to worry about someone else occupying my thoughts.”
Taemin lifts his hand and shakes his head, “It’s okay Minho hyung. Key hyung and I have talked about it. We both understand your situation. Although we don’t like our arrangement, we’re both willing to keep it up. I mean this seems like the only way for us to be able to come to a solution right?”
“I still feel bad for doing this to the both of you. I just,” I take a deep breath and place my hand on top of his, “I just love you both so much. I know it’s selfish, but I can’t help it. My heart is torn in two; half lies in your hands and the other in Key’s.”
Taemin turns his hand that is on my knee over and laces our fingers together, “And we love you too. Believe me when I say that neither one of us wants to share you with the other, but at the same time… Neither one of us want to let you go. We love you that much. I just want you to know that I’m willing to wait. I know that the potential our love has is great. That we can have something amazing together… even more amazing than how things were before. I’m here for the long haul Minho hyung. I’m not going to give up on our love anytime soon. I’m completely devoted to it and to you.”
“I love you too Taemin,” I lean down and place a soft kiss on his lips that he happily returns.
“Now we have the ace of cups, the one and only card in your reading that is reversed.”
“What does that mean?”
“It just means that it has the reversed meaning of an upright card.”
“Oh okay,” I wipe the sweat on my hands off on my pants and wait for her to continue with the reading.
“This card represents the possible obstacles facing you being with Taemin. It’s odd to see this card in this position after seeing the Hanged Man.”
“Why is that?”
“This card’s reverse meaning is change for the worst. A failure of love and possibly a loss of faith as well,” I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat.
I was just getting back from the gym, Onew and Key were filling in for Eunhyuk and Leeteuk at Kiss the Radio and Jonghyun was at a physical therapy appointment. So that left me and Taemin. Taemin had been spending a lot of time in our practice room, so I might have the dorm to myself for once. I was looking forward to it. It was easier to really think when I was alone and there wasn’t anyone barging into the room asking me where something was or what I wanted to eat for breakfast.
I slipped off my shoes and made my way to the kitchen to grab some water when I heard something. A sound I was awfully familiar with. It was panting, more specifically it was Taemin I heard panting. I started to make my way towards his room and the sound got louder as I got closer to it.
“Youngwon,” he moaned, “I’m so close.”
“Me too baby,” a voice I’ve never heard before responds. And then I can hear the familiar sound of his bed squeaking and the soft sound of it hitting the wall. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what they’re doing in there. And yet, here I am standing outside their door listening to it happen. Listening to the man I love having sex with another guy. I sink down the wall opposite the door and just stare at it. It doesn’t take long for Taemin to reach his climax and his partner follows right afterwards. Tears are streaming down my face as I listen to their conversation.
“Taemin…”
“Yeah?”
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, these past couple months have been amazing.”
“They have.”
“Leave him.”
“What?”
“Leave him and be with me. I can make you so much happier and you don’t have to worry about me loving another person. I just want to love you.”
“Youngwon…”
“Just think about it baby. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I can’t stay to hear anything else. I have a feeling that they’ll be going at it again and I don’t want to be around when that happens. I force myself to get off the floor, brushing the tears from my eyes, and leave he dorm. I’ve never felt this kind of pain and betrayal before. How could he do this to me? To us? And yet I still love him so very much…
“Let’s move on,” she says and points to the card to the next card. The card is in the center of the whole cross and I’m getting more nervous to find out what each one means. The last card brought up a bad memory as it is, but I nod my head for her to continue anyways, “This card stands for the benefits of being with Taemin. The Ten of Cups, which again is funny that it shows up. He’s a walking contradiction according to this card.”
“Oh? What does it mean?”
“It means security and lasting happiness.”
“So that’s a good thing.”
“Yes, but it also depends on how you view it. Sometimes this can mean being stuck in a rut.”
“But I like security and I like being happy.”
“So then it’s all just a good thing and we can continue on with the reading?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she gives me a look that I can’t decipher, but it’s gone before I can ask about it, “This card here asks what you should do to keep Taemin in your life.”
“He’s already in my life and I know that he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”
“You know what I mean Minho. What you need to do to keep him as your lover and it kind of corresponds to this card,” she goes back to the reversed Ace of Cups.
“How so?”
“The Two of Swords is a resolution of differences. You need to forgive Taemin for what he did to make you lose faith in him,” she points to the Ace of Cups again, “You won’t be able to do move on with him until you do.”
“I don’t know if I can. He hurt me pretty badly.”
“Yes, but if you want to be with him and love him enough, you’ll do it. That’s the only way for you two to be together. You need to resolve you issues with him,” I can feel her eyes on me, “Have you even talked to him about what he did?”
“N-no,” I stutter out,” H-he doesn’t know that I know.”
“And why is that?”
“Because if I tell him, I’ll have to stop pretending that it didn’t really happened. At least if I keep it to myself, I can convince myself that none of it actually occurred. That I was just hearing things, and that my brain was playing tricks on me.”
“Do you truly believe that?”
I shake my head, “But I want to.”
“Minho, you need to talk to him about it, regardless of whether or not you choose to be with him over Key. You need to talk to him just to get that weight lifted off your shoulders.”
“I can’t do that to him. It’ll break his heart if he knew that I know about him and Youngwon. I don’t want him to feel guiltier than he already does.”
“But it’s already breaking your heart to know about it.”
“I’m willing to hurt for both of us.”
“You truly are the King of Wands.”
“What’s this last card?” I point a shaky finger at the card that’s closest to me, hoping to get off the subject. The pain in my chest was starting to intensify and I needed a distraction, any kind of distraction.
She seems to get the point and sends me a soft smile before looking down at the card, “This is the card that I think you want to know the most about. Will you be happy with Taemin?”
“I’m not sure if I want to know the answer to that question.”
“We can skip it and move onto the next part of the reading if you like. Although, I think you really want to know the answer.”
“I do, but I’m also afraid of knowing it.”
“Well nothing is definite when it comes to the future. That’s the good thing about it; it’s not set in stone. It’s constantly changing and even the smallest decision can set off a chain reaction. So do you want to forgo this card and continue?”
“I want to know what it means,” I finally manage to choke out. I stepped into the shop for answers and I had to get them, even if I don’t believe them. Bora has been spot on so far, and I need to see this thing out all the way through.
“The Four of Wands, your hard work will pay off. Although this is more of a card with a professional meaning, but I think it works in your case as well.”
“Is it because Taemin and I work together?”
“Well that and the fact that you have obviously put in a lot of work into your relationship with him. And by the cards around it, romance plays an important role in your relationship.”
“So I’ll be happy with Taemin?”
“Perhaps, but like I said, the future isn’t set in stone. And this,” she motions to her cards, “Are just a way to give you insight into your life and what could happen in it. Shall we move onto Key’s portion?”
“Give me a moment. I need to digest all of this before we proceed,” I sit back in my chair and take a few deep breaths. I stare at the cards that were laid out for Taemin. There was a lot to take in and it’s all just flooding my mind right now.
“I’ll go get us some tea,” she says and I see her leave the table out of the corner of my eyes. I reach my hand out and touch the last card she explained to me. The Four of Wands. Is it weird that I’m kind of letting the fate of not only mine but Key and Taemin’s hearts lie in the hands of these cards? It is, I know it is, but I’m running out of options here. I’ve talked to so many people and all of them keep telling me the same damn thing. They can’t make the decision for me. That I need to make the choice myself, but all I want is some insight. I want someone’s opinion. What they would do if they were in my position, but no one wants to put themselves in my shoes it seems. I wouldn’t want to either though.
“Are you ready to continue Minho?” Bora asks as she reenters the room and sets a tea cup in front of me. I grab the cup and take a sip of the warm, soothing liquid.
“No, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to continue. You gave me a lot to think over already as it is.”
“We can wait a little longer, I don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t want to hold you up.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I want to help you, so please don’t feel like you need to rush on my account.”
I nod my head and take another sip of my tea, “We can continue.”
“Okay,” she pushes Taemin’s cross to the side and slides Key’s in front of us, “So the cards in this formation mean the same thing as the other.”
“Okay.”
“This top card once again asks if Key has the potential to be your true love.”
“The Fool?” I read the title and she nods at me, “I know I shouldn’t automatically attach the definition that I think of when I hear the word to this card, but I can’t help it. Being called a fool is never a good thing.”
She chuckles at me and I have to give her a look, “In this case, being called a ‘fool’ isn’t so bad.”
“I figured as much. So what does the card mean?”
“Well first of all it tells me that an important decision is to be made. So that part we know is true from what you told me when we started this whole thing. But more importantly this card symbolizes new beginnings.”
“New beginnings?”
“Yes, it may seem weird that this card means that.”
“Just a little.”
“But when you think about it, new beginnings are a mystery to us all. None of us start something completely ready and knowing all we need to know.”
“That’s true.”
“New beginnings aren’t always bad right? Sometimes it’s exactly what we need in our life. And normally with The Fool, it’s a beginning filled with optimism and the promise of happiness.”
“Hm,” I lean back and cover my mouth with my right hand, massaging the sides of my face a little, “A new beginning with Key…”
I’m not sure when, why, or even how it happened, but all I know is that I woke up one morning and wandered into the kitchen in a half awake state to see Key busy cooking our breakfast. His back was towards me and he was moving around the room, completely unaware of my presence. So I leaned against the entrance to the kitchen and just watched him, a small smile forming on my lips. I thought Key always looked his best when he first woke up in the morning with his bed hair and face devoid of any type of make up. And I know it seems cheesy, but he kind of glows when the early morning sun hit his soft, milky white skin.
“Oh Minho,” Key said as he turned around to face me, his hand gripping his chest, “You scared me. When did you wake up?”
“Not too long ago.”
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Just a couple minutes.”
“Why were you being so quiet?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you, you seemed like you were in the zone,” I finally take a step towards him and I can see that there’s a light brushing of pink on his high cheekbones.
“Oh, well I’m normally in my own little world when I’m cooking breakfast. It’s really the only time that I have to myself to really think since the rest of you are asleep and the dorm is quiet.”
“Well if you need peace and quiet, just let me know. I can always think of a way to get all of us out of the dorm so you can have your alone time,” I take the last few steps to him and instinctively wrap my arms around his slim waist.
“Minho, what are you doing?”
“Just let me hold you for a minute,” I tell him as I pull his body closer to mine, “I just want to hold you right now.”
“Oh okay,” he rests his hands on my elbows, his gaze on the floor underneath our feet, “Are you feeling okay though?”
I nod my head and he finally looks up to me. Key lifts one of his hands and rests it on my forehead to check if I was feeling warm. I grab his hand and place a soft kiss on the back of it, “I’m okay. I just want to hold you.”
“But why?” our eyes are locked and he hasn’t tried to remove his hand from mine.
I squeeze his hand and place it over my heart, wanting him to know just how fast he was making it beat, “Because you look absolutely breathtaking right now.”
“Minho…” he murmured as he tried to pull away from me. I know exactly what or rather who he’s thinking about right now because he entered my mind as well. But I didn’t want to think about him right now and I don’t want Key to think about him either. I just want us to have each other on our minds.
“Key… Don’t,” I say and pull him closer again, “Just don’t think about it.”
“But Minho…” and that’s when I pull him right up against me and our lips meet in a soft kiss. He doesn’t pull away so I take that as my cue to push my lips against his just a little bit more. We stay like that for a few seconds, our lips just touching in a sweet kiss neither one of us moving to take it further until his hand comes to rest on my chest. He softly pushes on it and our lips leave one another, “Minho… We shouldn’t…”
“I know, but…” I caress his cheek lovingly and his eyes close while he leans into my touch, “I think I’m falling in love with you Key.”
“Really?” he looks up at me with surprise in his eyes.
“Yeah,” he looks down and I can see the red on his cheeks getting brighter. I place my hand under his chin and lift his head so he’s looking at me again. I can see tears starting to build up in his eyes and I brush my thumb over his cheekbone, “Why are you tearing up?”
“You don’t know how long I have been waiting to hear you say that…”
“What?”
“I love you Minho. Always have… Do you know how much it hurts to see you and Taemin all lovey dovey together when I’ve been in love with you since before you two got together?” Tears started to fall from Key’s eyes and I wiped them away.
“Mianhe Key,” I say and rest my forehead against his, “But I am starting to fall in love with you.”
“I’ve already fallen in love with you,” he replied and brings his lips to meet mine again. This time our mouths start to move against one another and I completely lose myself in the kiss. I wrapped my arms securely around Key’s waist and I felt his arms wrap around my neck, pulling my head down just a little more so he can deepen the kiss. And that’s what we do until we hear someone start to stir in the dorm. We reluctantly pull away from one another, sharing one final quick and sweet kiss before he goes back to cooking and I leave for my morning jog.
We both pretend like nothing happened that morning as we all sit down for breakfast. For the weeks following that incident, I try to get up at the same time as Key so that we can spend those first few moments of the day together; Completely alone and able to enjoy each other’s company and kisses. Ever since then, there’s no other way I would rather start my day than with Key in the kitchen.
A smile crossed my face as I thought of all the mornings I’ve spent with Key. Most mornings, I would hold him from behind while he cooked breakfast and I’d occasionally steal a kiss or two from him. I checked my watch to see what time it was and realized that Key would be up soon and I wasn’t going to be home to spend those few moments alone with him. This was more important thought. I needed to make his decision.
“Shall I continue?” Bora asked me.
“Of course, why wouldn’t you?”
“No reason,” she gave me a knowingly smile and I wondered what she was thinking, “So the next card, the obstacles that lie between you and Key being together.”
“The Queen of Cups?”
“Yes,” she nods, “She represents creativity and imagination.”
“Key is probably the most creative person I know. He just opened an art exhibit with his uncle’s help not too long ago. And his works are amazing. It surprises me just how talented he is,” I smile when I think of the art that Key created.
“I’m sure he is, but that’s not all this card represents. She is also a symbol of balance and harmony.”
“So how is all of this an obstacle? I mean from what you’ve told me, she stands for a lot of good things.”
“They are good things, but aren’t at the same time.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like you said, Key is very creative and perhaps you’re afraid that you might hold him back from reaching his full potential. It happens often that people get faced with choosing their passion or love. Most people choose love and their passion gets lost somewhere along the lines. Of course they will be happy, but not as happy as they could be if they followed their passion.”
“So you’re saying that a person’s passion should come before love?”
“No, I’m saying that people always think that they can only have one or the other. And I’m not saying that Key will think that, but he might. How would you feel if he chose you and then somehow forgot about how much he loved to create new things with his bare hands?”
“I’d fee horrible.”
“And that’s a risk you would take if you got together with him.”
“I don’t want Key to forget about just how creative he is. I don’t think he gives himself enough credit, neither do the rest of us. I do my best to encourage him to keep going for whatever he wants and not to let anyone stop him. I guess that ‘anyone’ includes me as well.”
“And now do you see how it’s an obstacle?”
“Yeah, I do, but it can be a good thing too right?”
“Perhaps,” she shrugged her shoulders, “If he can find a balance between the two.”
“And doesn’t this card also represent balance?” I ask, placing my index finger on the card.
“It does,” she smiles at me, “You’re obviously paying attention to every word I say.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because people tend to only hear what they want to hear, but you’re different. You listen to every word a person says and slowly digest it so that you can comprehend the words to its fullest.”
“I guess so.”
“Let’s move on.”
“Sure.”
“The Queen of Wands,” she points to the card, “She’s a generous and fair homemaker, but also very protective of the people close to her. The perfect person you would want to start a life with.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Why? Can you not picture a future with Key? If you can’t then perhaps you should choose Taemin instead. Isn’t that the point of dating and falling in love? The ultimate goal is to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with right?”
“Right.”
“So can you see a life with Key?”
“Yes,” I nod and think about just how easily I can picture a life with Key. The mornings we spend together helping me see just what it would be like.
“Kibummie?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist like I always do every morning.
“Hm?”
“I love you,” I whisper into his ear and kiss up and down his neck.
“I love you too,” he reaches a free hand back to caress my face, “But what’s the real reason why you’re snuggling with me instead of going out for your morning jog?”
“I just feel like it.”
“Oh?”
“Uh huh. Is that okay with you? Am I distracting you from making breakfast?”
“No, not at all.”
“Okay,” I rest my head on his shoulder and watch as he continues to cook.
“Is Yoogeunnie awake?” he asks a few minutes later.
“No, I checked on him before I came over here. He’s still sound asleep.”
“That’s good. Mind keeping an ear out for him? I’m sure he’ll be up before the others.”
“Of course not. He’s like our son right?”
Key nodded and turned his head to kiss my cheek, “You are going to make an amazing appa one day. You’re so good with Yoogeunnie.”
“And you will make a good umma,” I return his kiss and we rest our foreheads against one another. We stay in that position until he needs to turn back to the food. It’s another few minutes before I hear stirring coming from Yoogeun’s room and a soft whine.
“Minho, can you?”
“I’m going,” I steal a kiss from Key’s lips before going to get Yoogeun. I return to the kitchen with him after we go use the bathroom and brush our teeth.
“Good morning honey,” Key says when he sees a half awake Yoogeun clinging to my neck. I walk closer to Key and gently shake Yoogeun to wake him up a little more. He gives me a dirty look then turns to Key. His arms automatically go out to Key as he makes grabby hands at him.
“Looks like he wants his umma,” I joke as I hand him over to Key.
“Aw, come here honey,” Key hugs him close and motions for me to take over cooking. I nod and take Key’s place in front of the stove. I flip the pancakes and the sausage that’s cooking before turning around to watch Key and Yoogeun.
I smile as I watch Key walk around the kitchen, gently rocking Yoogeun back to sleep. He definitely looks like an umma right now. I take my phone out of my pocket and take a candid picture of the two, immediately making it my wallpaper.
“I figured we can let him sleep a little more since breakfast isn’t ready yet,” he tells me and I nod.
“Sounds good to me. He is a growing boy so he needs to get the right amount of rest.”
“He does,” Key kisses Yoogeun’s forehead and starts to walk out of the kitchen, “I’ll just go set him down on the couch.”
“Okay, I’ll watch the food,” I turn back to the stove and tend to breakfast again. I feel arms wrap around my waist a few minutes later and look over my shoulder to see Key pressed up against my back.
“Can you picture yourself having a family with me?” he mumbles against my back and I turn around to face him.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because when Yoogeun is around, I feel like the three of us are a family, even if the rest of the group is around. It’s obvious that we’re his bias.”
“Is it?”
“Uh huh. So can you see us having a little family of our own?”
I wrap my arms around him and lean down to kiss his lips, “I can.”
“And you’re not just saying that?”
“Of course not. You know I always mean what I say.”
“Then choose me.”
I lean back to get a better look at Key, “What?”
“Choose me over Taemin. You know I’m better for you.”
“Kibummie…”
“Admit it Minho.”
“I…” and thankfully Yoogeun decides to wake back up at that precise moment. I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for my two band mates. I kiss Key one more time before motioning over my shoulder and handing Key back the spatula. We don’t discuss our future together for another month or so after that moment.
“It’s actually a lot easier for me to picture a life with Key than you might think,” I say under my breath, thinking about how I still had that picture of Yoogeun and Key as my wallpaper on my phone.
“Hm,” she gives me that same knowing smile again, “Why don’t I find that hard to believe?”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. Let’s continue,” she moves onto the next card, “So what do you need to do to keep Key in your life? The Chariot has that answer. And the answer is quite simple.”
“Is it?”
“It is,” she pauses and I wait for her to finish her sentence.
“Well aren’t you going to tell me?”
“Of course,” she laughs, “All you have to do is make a decision.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“I make a decision and that’s how I keep Key in my life.”
“Uh huh.”
“That simple?”
“That simple.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps because you think that nothing in life can be that simple.”
“Well after what I’ve been through, I just can’t believe that it could be that easy to keep Key in my life.”
“But it is. You see, Key seems like the kind of person who just wants you to be happy. He loves you and will be by your side no matter what,” she motions back to the Queen of Wands card, “Like I said he is very protective of the people he cares for and in turn will remain by them until he is told otherwise or feels like they no longer need him.”
“So as long as I feel like I need him in my life, he’ll be there?”
“Yes.”
“Even if I decide choose Taemin over him?”
“Yes. His heart may break because of it, but as long as you feel like you made the right choice and that Taemin makes you happy then he’ll accept it.”
“Really? You think so?”
“It’s just my perception of the type of character he is. Do you think I’m wrong?”
“No, the opposite actually. I think you have all three of us figured out to a ‘t’. And it’s kind of scary since you just met me and haven’t even met the others.”
“It isn’t hard to figure a person out when you have someone who is describing them to you.”
“But I haven’t.”
“Oh you have, you just don’t realize it.”
“Oh, I guess I have,” I agree as I think back on the reading.
She just nods her head then motions to the final card in the reading, the Three of Cups, “The question you want to know the answer to the most.”
“Will I be happy with him,” I say softly and stare down at the card then at the card that Taemin had to answer the same question. His seems more promising than Key’s and I don’t even know what Key’s card means.
“The Three of Cups,” she pushes the card towards me. It’s actually the first card she pushed to me during this whole reading, “A card of celebration.”
“Celebration?”
“Yes, normally to one due to a birth.”
“Birth? Um, I don’t know if that’s possible between me and Key since we’re both of the same gender. And last time I checked guys can’t get pregnant.”
“Well it doesn’t always have to mean a literal birth. It could also mean a birth to something new, which can lead back to the card that started his reading,” she points to the Fool, “His card means new beginnings and this card is the birth of a new beginning.”
“So is the new beginning a good thing?”
“Well of course it is, why else would you celebrate?”
“I don’t know.”
“Great happiness due to marriage.”
“What?!” I sit up in my seat and stare at Bora, “What did you just say?”
“Great happiness due to marriage.” Bora repeats.
“What? Where? Why? How?”
“That’s another thing this card represents.”
“M-marriage? We’re not even thinking about marriage right now. We’re way too young.”
“Calm down Minho,” she places a comforting hand on top of mine, “It doesn’t need to happen now. This card is kind of like what your future with Key would be like. And it foretells that marriage is part of it; a happy one at that.”
“Oh,” I relax again, “Okay.”
She sits back in her chair and starts to gather the cards on the table. I take those few moments to digest my reading about Key. It’s only when I feel her eyeing me that I turn my attention back to her, “Do you mind if I say something to you? It has nothing to do with the reading. Well it does, but doesn’t at the same time.”
“Sure.”
“When you walked through my door, I knew you had a lot on your mind. And when we started this reading it confirmed my thoughts.”
“Is it really that obvious?”
She nods, “But at the same time, you already had your mind made up.”
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t need this reading to make your decision. You already made it a long time ago. You just needed someone or rather something to encourage you to take that step to make it final.”
I give her a quizzical look and she laughs at me.
“Be honest with me Minho. Completely honest. You already know who you want to choose right?”
I slowly nod my head, “Yes. I’ve known for awhile now.”
“But you’re afraid to make the wrong decision?”
“Yes and that’s why I’m here.”
“Did you get the answer you wanted?”
“Yes.”
“But what if you didn’t? Would it have changed your decision? Would you have chosen the other instead?”
I think long and hard before I answer, “No, I probably would have thought that this was a load of bullshit and stayed with my decision.”
“So either way, you would have stood by your decision?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“But you’re afraid to break his heart?”
“Whose?”
“The person you don’t want to be with.”
I nod my head, “I don’t like to hurt people I care about.”
“None of us do, but it’s just as bad to string him along isn’t it? Especially when you’ve had your mind made up for so long.”
“I know, but I just don’t know how to tell him,” I lean back in my chair and bring my hands up to my face. A frustrated groan lives my mouth.
“Just tell him the truth. That’s the only way.”
“I know,” I let out another sigh and she reaches over to grab my hand.
“If he loves you, he’ll understand and want you to be happy.”
“I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me to do.”
She pats my hand, “It’ll be okay. He’ll hurt at first, but will grow to accept your decision.”
“I should tell him soon huh?”
“It’s better to do it now than wait. You may lose the courage to do it.”
I stand up from my chair and she does as well. I stretch my hand out to her, “Thank you. You helped me a lot.”
“I didn’t help you at all. I just gave you the little push you needed to make your decision final.”
“That’s still more help than anyone else was able to give me.”
“I suppose,” she walks me out to the entrance of the shop, “Don’t worry about hurting him. He’ll survive.”
“I know,” I give her a hug before I pull open the door, “Thank you again.”
“You’re welcome and be happy. You deserve it and he’s the perfect person to give it to you.”
“I know he is,” I give her one last smile and a wave before jogging back to the dorms. I’m a little surprised when I walk in and no one is awake. I check my watch and see that even though it’s still early, someone is normally awake by now. Maybe it’s for the best though.
I kick off my shoes and walk to my room where I know he’ll be since that’s where he was when I left this morning. Sure enough, when I step into the room he’s still there. I smile at his form that’s curled up in my blankets, just the top of his head visible to me. I pull off my hoodie and my sweat soaked shirt since he hates it when I don’t change my shirt before hugging him. This time I don’t bother to put on a shirt and lift the blanket off the bed. He shivers when the cool air hits his body.
“Minho,” he grumbles, “I’m cold.”
“Let me fix that,” I climb in beside him and wrap an arm around his slim waist. I pull him towards me so that his back is flush with my chest.
“You’re all sweaty.”
“Sorry.”
“Did you have a good run?”
“Uh huh. It helped me a lot.”
“Did it?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good,” he pats my arm and wiggles back into me. I rest my head on his shoulder and inhale his scent.
“I love you,” I whisper into his ear.
“I love you too.”
“I want to spend my life with you.”
He turns around in my arms, eyes wide open as his hand comes up to caress my cheek. I lean into his touch, “Really?”
“Yes.”
“What about?”
“I’ll tell him later,” I grab his hand and kiss it, “I wanted to tell you first.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’m positive. You’re the only person I can see a future with.”
“Minho,” he leans in and kisses me on the lips and when he pulls away it’s my turn to caress his cheek.
“Someone told me that if I love two people, pick the second person.”
“Why?”
“Because if I really loved the first, then I never would have fallen in love with the second."
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing/Focus: 2minkey
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Minho is torn between two amazing people. One is his soulmate, the other is the love of his life. He needs to choose between the two of them. But he can't, at least not until he stumbles into a shop where he meets someone who will help him make the biggest decision of his life. Sometimes all you need is an outsider's point of view to know what, or in Minho’s case ‘who’, you truly want in life.
A/N: This fic is for my daughter's, patzmelody01, birthday! HAPPY BIRFDAY HONEY!!!!
I had just finished my usual morning jog, but didn’t want to go back to my apartment just yet. My morning jogs were starting to last longer and longer these days as my problems started to pile up on me. I used to use run two to three miles. I’m up to almost six now. Perhaps it’s because my jogs are the only time during my day that I can actually think about what’s going on. I can think about what I should do and who I should be with. But I never get anywhere near a final decision. If anything, I end up more confused than when took the first few steps to start my jog. Today wasn’t any different.
“Good morning Minho,” Hyorin greets me with a big smile as I enter the coffee shop.
“Morning Hyorin,” I reply, walking up the counter and return her smile with a small one of my own.
“The usual?”
“Of course.”
“How was the jog?” she asks as she starts to prepare my usual morning drink of choice.
“It was nice, not long enough though.”
“Really? How many miles did you run?”
“Six.”
“And that’s not long enough?”
“No.”
“That’s six miles too long if you ask me,” she says with a laugh and places my drink in front of me. I pay for my drink and wave her off when she tries to give me the change, “Thanks Minho.”
“No problem Hyorin. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be here, that is unless my lazy brother decides he wants to open the shop for once which I doubt will happen,” she laughs again and I join her this time.
“Okay, well you have a great day.”
“You too, I hope you figure out whatever you need to figure out soon. I’m afraid you’ll end up jogging right out of the city one day.”
“That won’t happen, I have too much tying me here for that to happen,” she smiles at me and we exchange waves before I exit the shop. And it’s true what I said to her. I have too much tying me to this city for me to just up and leave. And they’re the reason for my long jogs every morning.
I start to stretch out my muscles as I slowly make my way back to my apartment. I’m about halfway home when something catches my eye. Well if I’m totally honest, it catches my eye every morning while I’m walking home. It isn’t the bright yellow sign or the black letters that spell out ‘Tarot Reading’ on it that draws me towards it; it’s the promise of knowing my future. I know that fortune telling is a bunch of bullshit for the most part, but I could use all the help I can get to solve my problem. I never go in though. I always somehow talk myself out of it and end up going right home for a shower and some breakfast.
Today is different as I am now running across the street to the shop and throwing open the door. I’m surprised to see that the shop is even open this early. I take a few tentative steps inside before a soft voice greets me.
“I’m not open yet, how did you get in?” a lady who didn’t look any older than 30 asks as she walks out of a back room.
“The door,” I point behind me, “Was unlocked.”
“That’s odd. I could have sworn I locked it after I got here five minutes ago. Oh well, I guess I am open earlier than usual today,” she gives me a warm smile and I nod.
“I can leave and come back if you want. I didn’t realize you weren’t open.”
“Nonsense, You were led here and it’s obvious that I am supposed to help you. I’ve seen you look at my shop every morning on your way home. I’m glad to see that you have finally decided to come in. I think I can help you with your problem.”
“How did you know?”
“Your aura gives you away,” she smiles at me again and motions for me to come further in the shop, “Come on in. There’s no need for you to be nervous.”
I take a few more steps in, my body relaxing as I got further into the store. I took a look at the odd knick knacks around me before looking up at the lady again, “I’d like a tarot reading.”
“Of course you do,” she holds back the curtains to the back room she had walked out of when I first got her, “Come on back.”
I follow her into the room and instantly get a big whiff of vanilla and lavender. Whatever tension that was left in my body quickly dissolves. There’s a table in the middle of the room, a chair on each side, and a deck of cards with a crystal sitting in the middle of it.
“Have a seat.”
I nod and take a seat and wait for her to join me. She doesn’t immediately come to sit across from me and I turn around to look at the entrance to the room. I hear the front door being closed and the soft click of the lock. I should be nervous, but surprisingly I’m not. I turn around in my chair and study the room. It’s dimly lit and I can barely make out the intricate design that goes across the ceiling of the room.
The lady returned to the room and sat across from me. She gave me a warm smile and took the crystal off the cards before beginning to shuffle them, “My name is Bora. And what is your name? You don’t have to tell if you don’t want to, but it does help me give you a more accurate reading.”
“Minho,” I answer, my eyes watching as the cards mix together, catching a glimpse of the cards every once in awhile.
“It’s nice to meet you Minho. And what brings you here today? Is it your health? You look pretty healthy to me, though, so it can’t be that. Maybe it’s your job? Your face doesn’t show the usual lines that come with a stressful job, though. Or is it matters of the heart that brings you here…” she’s silent for awhile as she studies me. She hums and smile at me again, “I see. So it’s your heart that brings you here.”
“H-how did you k-know?” I ask as I try to swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat.
“By the way you reacted when I mentioned it.”
“O-oh?”
“Yes, you flinched and your eyes got dark. It seems as though that’s where your stress lies. Your shoulders have tensed up a bit and I can see that they are still tense. Relax or you will get a crick in your neck.”
“I didn’t realize I reacted.”
“Most people don’t. Our bodies give us away more than we like to admit. Even though our brain and mouths refuse to admit certain things, our bodies aren’t. They have their own agenda and react without our approval and without us knowing it. What’s that famous poker saying?” she stopped her movements and looked up, deep in thought, “Ah that’s right. Everyone has a tell. And it’s very true regardless of whether or not you play poker. Our bodies betray us more than we know and quite stealthily at that.”
“Hm, I never really thought of that.”
“Think about it, you’ll realize I’m correct,” she places the cards back in the middle of the table, the crystal going back to rest on it, “Now does your heart want to know?”
“I want to know what’s in store for me,” I pause and wonder whether or not to tell her more. It doesn’t take me long to decide to tell her. It’s not like I’ll be seeing her again after this and she does seem to have a trusting face.
“You can trust me. I won’t repeat what is said within this room. It’s a silent agreement I have with all of my customers. So please don’t hesitate to tell me a little bit of your problems. Think of this as another form of therapy if you want.”
“Would it help if you knew more about my situation?”
“It wouldn’t help, but if you feel uncomfortable telling me then you don’t have to. All I ask is that you think about it while we do the reading. Clear your mind of all your other thoughts and problems and just think about the one you want an answer to.”
“That won’t be hard since it’s the only think I can think about these days.”
“Would you like to tell me?”
I nod my head at her, “Yes. I’ll tell you.”
“You don’t need to tell me everything. Names are not necessary.”
“I’m in love with two guys. They’re the complete opposite of each other. One is younger than me and can still be childish at times, but it’s one of the traits that I love most about him. He reminds me to take it easy sometimes and to slow down and enjoy life. The other is a couple months older than me, but likes to take care of me. He can act like an umma sometimes, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone who is looking out for my well being. And in return I look out for him.”
“Ah, I see. They are quite different.”
“You wouldn’t believe how different they are,” I tell her.
“Well then, let’s begin shall we?”
“Okay.”
“Let’s start with a more general reading. A past, present, and future one.”
“You’re the expert here. I’ll go with whatever you say.”
Past, Present, Future
Bora took the crystal off of the deck of cards and motioned towards them, “Cut the deck please. As many times as you like.”
“Okay,” I took the deck and cut into three before piling it back into one stack. I do that a few more times before pushing it back towards the center of the table.
“Done?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she grabs the deck and flips over the top three cards. I look over each one and read the title to each, wondering what exactly they mean. Wheel of Fortune, Seven of Cups, and Death. Wait… Death? That can’t be a good thing. I start to get nervous and feel my palms begin to sweat. I wipe them on my sweats and take a deep breath, my eyes never leaving the cards in front of my. The ‘Death’ card standing out the most. I’m starting to think that coming in here wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Could I just leave?
“You’re nervous,” her voice cuts through my thoughts and I look up at her, “Relax.”
“How’d you?”
“Your body gave you away again,” she gives me a warm smile, “It’s best that you don’t take the titles of all the cards to heart. Just because the name normally has a negative connotation to it, doesn’t always mean something bad.”
“Oh,” I still can’t help the nervousness that’s boiling in the pit of my stomach. I look back at the cards.
“Shall we begin?” she asks me and all I can do is nod. I’m already here, so I might as well stay and see what she has to say. There’s no harm to it right? I mean I don’t have to believe what she says either. I just came in here to see if I can have a little more light shed onto my situation.
“So as you have already read for yourself we have the Wheel of Fortune, Seven of Cups, and Death cards for this first reading. And they represent Past, Present, and Future respectively,” she motions from left to right. “We’ll begin with the Past of course.”
She pushes the first card towards me and I study the card. The background consists of different sized gears; it’s almost like looking into a watch. In the middle of the card there is a man holding a large gear in his hands the center piece to all the rest of them it seems.
“The wheel of fortune has been spun,” Bora tells me and I look up at her, “This is one of the few cards that is exactly as its title. As you probably have guessed this card has to do with luck. And it seems like it has been on your side for quite some time, am I right?”
I nod my head, “I guess you can say that I’ve been lucky. I mean, I definitely am blessed to live the life I have and to have an amazing job that I love to do.”
“Did you have to work hard at achieving your goals in the past?”
“Of course, I make sure I work just as hard as everyone else to succeed in life. I don’t think I’m exempt from hard work just because of who I am.”
“Oh, you have misunderstood my question. What I mean is that, do you think you’re where you are today with little effort on your part?”
“Perhaps,” I stop to think about my answer, “I mean I didn’t really have to go to so many different companies to get the job I have. It almost just fell into my lap.”
“And hence the wheel of fortune has been spun. It can also mean a beginning to a new cycle. Either way, this card is a good sign regardless of where it shows up. And perhaps it’s best that it shows up in your past.”
I nod and continue to look at the card. I guess this is a good start. I’m still afraid of what she’ll say when she gets to that third card. Death… I don’t care what she says there can’t be anything good about that card. But I’ll just think about that later, she’s about to start talking about the second card: The Seven of Cups. This card seems a little dark and I’m nervous again. There are six people on the card, dressed all in black. There’s one that is facing forward while the rest have their backs towards you. The one facing forward seems to be holding a card in his hand. I’m curious to see what this one means.
“Next we have the seven of cups,” again she pushes the card towards me, “This card represents the present. After what you told me about your reason for being here, I’m not surprised to see this card in your reading.”
“Why is that?”
“This is a card of reflection.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that there is a choice to be made by this person,” she points to the one person that’s facing forward in the picture, “Most of the time when this card shows up, the question has to do with love. Much like your situation you described to me earlier. Would you like to elaborate on it more? If not we can just continue on. ”
I nod my head and stare at the card, “Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”
“Yes I do. I also believe that just because you meet your soul mate, doesn’t mean that you have to spend the rest of your life involved with them. Sometimes the love of your life and your soul mate are two different people.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Yes,” she nods at me, “Soul mates are misconstrued by most people. Yes there are times when that person is the love of your life, but most of the time a person ends up giving up that person to be with their soul mate. So I’m glad to hear that you’re really thinking this through. Do you have an idea who is who in your situation?”
“I think Taemin is my soul mate and Key is the love of my life. I’m not sure, though, because it changes sometimes. There are times where I love one so much that I can’t see my life without them, so it goes back and forth.”
“I see, well let’s discuss this last card and then move onto a more specific reading okay?”
“Sure. I am a little scared of what you have to say about this card though,” I motion to the third and final card. The card labeled ‘Death.’
“There’s no reason to be scared. Like I said before don’t pay attention to the title. It’s not always what you think. Death doesn’t mean something bad,” she pushes the last card in front of me and I stare at it, “This card is actually more positive than you think. It symbolizes a new beginning.”
I look up at her in confusion, “New beginning?”
“Yes, something has to die or rather end before something new can begin right?” I nod my head in agreement, “That’s what this card means. It means the end of a cycle that has served its purpose and the beginning of a new one. So in a way it’s a phase in your life. This is you making your decision and starting your life with one of the two people you’re in love with. That doesn’t sound too bad, right?”
“No, it’s not. It actually makes a lot of sense now,” she gives me a warm smile and gathers up the cards. I sit back in my chair and watch as she starts to shuffle the cards again. She places the stack in front of me and motions towards it. I cut the deck a few times before pushing it back towards her.
Two Lovers Reading
There are now eleven cards on the table between us. Ten of the cards make a cross while one is off to the side. I point to that card first and Bora just smiles at me.
“Normally that card isn’t part of the reading, but I decided to add it in for you. I think any kind of insight will be able to help you with your decision.”
“You have no idea. I have been going through this for almost a year now. I need to finally make a decision and soon would be ideal. I don’t want to keep stringing one along.”
“So this card,” she pushes the loan card towards me, “This is you.”
“M-me?” I point to myself and then down at the card.
“Yes,” she seems to giggle a little at my reaction, but I pay no attention to it. I want to know what this card means, “Now it may not be a spot on description of you, but I think you’ll find a little truth in its meaning. However, in the few minutes we have spent together, I can tell that this card describes you well.”
“Really?” I look at her and she gives me a warm smile, “What does this card mean?”
“This is the King of Wands,” she taps a finger on the card, “He is a charming and responsible man. He’s vaulted for his loyalty and generosity.”
I slowly take in what she’s saying, digesting each word carefully as she seems to be describing exactly who I am. I think back to the way other people have described me and the four words she used were ones that I hear often. Key always tells me how generous I am, maybe not out right, but in more subtle ways. Like when the way he would act surprised when I would give him a shirt or something I knew he had been eyeing. The way he would jump into my arms and kiss all over my face as a way to show his gratitude. A small smile crosses my face when I think of the last time that happened.
“He is also very honest and passionate. The type of person you go for moral support and encouragement.”
Taemin then pops into my head. He often comments, well more like teases, me on the amount of passion I have when it comes to sports. It’s not unknown that I have a very competitive spirit. Most people say that it’s a flaw, but Taemin likes it. He likes that I can be so passionate about the smallest of things. How my passion can go from the field into the bedroom. He’s also told me on various occasions that he likes to come to me when he needs reassurance and support. Apparently, he knows that I mean every word I say and though they may not be the most elaborate of words, they are truthful and hold a lot of meaning to them. The smile Taemin would always give me after I would say such words to him flood my mind. That soft smile was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.
“He is also a very family oriented person,” I finally look up at her and I nod my head. My members know that I consider them part of my family. I’ve even been teased once about my answer on a variety. I was asked what I would do with a free day and I said I wanted to go to the movies with my members. A few of the other guys on the variety said that I was only saying that to protect my image, but like Bora had just said, I am an honest person. I meant what I said. I still want to go out and just have a relaxing day with my members. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your family. Onew, Jonghyun, Key, and Taemin are my family.
“Now let’s get to the real part of this reading,” Bora motions to each one of the crosses on the table, “Which one would you like to learn about first?”
I look at them. She told me to think of a specific person when she laid each one out. I thought about Taemin when she was laying out the cards on the left and Key when she was laying out the cards on the right. I motion to the cross on the left, “This one.”
“Okay. So before I start to decipher each card, I will tell you what question it answers,” she points to the card that’s closest to her, “This card asks of person #1.”
“Taemin,” I say without thinking.
“Okay, Taemin, has a potential of being a true love to you,” I nod my understanding and she continues, “He is the hanged man. He stands at the doorway of your life looking in, wondering what it will be like to be with you… Exclusively.
The hanged man shows devotion and willingness to adapt to whatever changes that may occur. He symbolizes a waiting period to be followed by a kind of rebirth or transformation. Normally a sacrifice has to be made to achieve this change.”
“Minho hyung,” Taemin says as he sits beside me on the couch. His hand lands on my knee and gives it a light squeeze.
“Yeah?”
“I know that you and I aren’t exclusive, and that we haven’t been for almost a year now,” I nod my head for him to continue, “I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t miss it just being you and me. But I understand that you have started to develop feelings for Key hyung as well. And I know that you owe it to yourself to see just what they are.”
“I’m sorry Taemin,” I cut him off. “I know it’s wrong for me to be dating the both of you at the same time. It’s not fair to either of you. You should be able to have my undivided attention without having to worry about someone else occupying my thoughts.”
Taemin lifts his hand and shakes his head, “It’s okay Minho hyung. Key hyung and I have talked about it. We both understand your situation. Although we don’t like our arrangement, we’re both willing to keep it up. I mean this seems like the only way for us to be able to come to a solution right?”
“I still feel bad for doing this to the both of you. I just,” I take a deep breath and place my hand on top of his, “I just love you both so much. I know it’s selfish, but I can’t help it. My heart is torn in two; half lies in your hands and the other in Key’s.”
Taemin turns his hand that is on my knee over and laces our fingers together, “And we love you too. Believe me when I say that neither one of us wants to share you with the other, but at the same time… Neither one of us want to let you go. We love you that much. I just want you to know that I’m willing to wait. I know that the potential our love has is great. That we can have something amazing together… even more amazing than how things were before. I’m here for the long haul Minho hyung. I’m not going to give up on our love anytime soon. I’m completely devoted to it and to you.”
“I love you too Taemin,” I lean down and place a soft kiss on his lips that he happily returns.
“Now we have the ace of cups, the one and only card in your reading that is reversed.”
“What does that mean?”
“It just means that it has the reversed meaning of an upright card.”
“Oh okay,” I wipe the sweat on my hands off on my pants and wait for her to continue with the reading.
“This card represents the possible obstacles facing you being with Taemin. It’s odd to see this card in this position after seeing the Hanged Man.”
“Why is that?”
“This card’s reverse meaning is change for the worst. A failure of love and possibly a loss of faith as well,” I gulped down the lump that had formed in my throat.
I was just getting back from the gym, Onew and Key were filling in for Eunhyuk and Leeteuk at Kiss the Radio and Jonghyun was at a physical therapy appointment. So that left me and Taemin. Taemin had been spending a lot of time in our practice room, so I might have the dorm to myself for once. I was looking forward to it. It was easier to really think when I was alone and there wasn’t anyone barging into the room asking me where something was or what I wanted to eat for breakfast.
I slipped off my shoes and made my way to the kitchen to grab some water when I heard something. A sound I was awfully familiar with. It was panting, more specifically it was Taemin I heard panting. I started to make my way towards his room and the sound got louder as I got closer to it.
“Youngwon,” he moaned, “I’m so close.”
“Me too baby,” a voice I’ve never heard before responds. And then I can hear the familiar sound of his bed squeaking and the soft sound of it hitting the wall. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what they’re doing in there. And yet, here I am standing outside their door listening to it happen. Listening to the man I love having sex with another guy. I sink down the wall opposite the door and just stare at it. It doesn’t take long for Taemin to reach his climax and his partner follows right afterwards. Tears are streaming down my face as I listen to their conversation.
“Taemin…”
“Yeah?”
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, these past couple months have been amazing.”
“They have.”
“Leave him.”
“What?”
“Leave him and be with me. I can make you so much happier and you don’t have to worry about me loving another person. I just want to love you.”
“Youngwon…”
“Just think about it baby. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I can’t stay to hear anything else. I have a feeling that they’ll be going at it again and I don’t want to be around when that happens. I force myself to get off the floor, brushing the tears from my eyes, and leave he dorm. I’ve never felt this kind of pain and betrayal before. How could he do this to me? To us? And yet I still love him so very much…
“Let’s move on,” she says and points to the card to the next card. The card is in the center of the whole cross and I’m getting more nervous to find out what each one means. The last card brought up a bad memory as it is, but I nod my head for her to continue anyways, “This card stands for the benefits of being with Taemin. The Ten of Cups, which again is funny that it shows up. He’s a walking contradiction according to this card.”
“Oh? What does it mean?”
“It means security and lasting happiness.”
“So that’s a good thing.”
“Yes, but it also depends on how you view it. Sometimes this can mean being stuck in a rut.”
“But I like security and I like being happy.”
“So then it’s all just a good thing and we can continue on with the reading?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she gives me a look that I can’t decipher, but it’s gone before I can ask about it, “This card here asks what you should do to keep Taemin in your life.”
“He’s already in my life and I know that he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”
“You know what I mean Minho. What you need to do to keep him as your lover and it kind of corresponds to this card,” she goes back to the reversed Ace of Cups.
“How so?”
“The Two of Swords is a resolution of differences. You need to forgive Taemin for what he did to make you lose faith in him,” she points to the Ace of Cups again, “You won’t be able to do move on with him until you do.”
“I don’t know if I can. He hurt me pretty badly.”
“Yes, but if you want to be with him and love him enough, you’ll do it. That’s the only way for you two to be together. You need to resolve you issues with him,” I can feel her eyes on me, “Have you even talked to him about what he did?”
“N-no,” I stutter out,” H-he doesn’t know that I know.”
“And why is that?”
“Because if I tell him, I’ll have to stop pretending that it didn’t really happened. At least if I keep it to myself, I can convince myself that none of it actually occurred. That I was just hearing things, and that my brain was playing tricks on me.”
“Do you truly believe that?”
I shake my head, “But I want to.”
“Minho, you need to talk to him about it, regardless of whether or not you choose to be with him over Key. You need to talk to him just to get that weight lifted off your shoulders.”
“I can’t do that to him. It’ll break his heart if he knew that I know about him and Youngwon. I don’t want him to feel guiltier than he already does.”
“But it’s already breaking your heart to know about it.”
“I’m willing to hurt for both of us.”
“You truly are the King of Wands.”
“What’s this last card?” I point a shaky finger at the card that’s closest to me, hoping to get off the subject. The pain in my chest was starting to intensify and I needed a distraction, any kind of distraction.
She seems to get the point and sends me a soft smile before looking down at the card, “This is the card that I think you want to know the most about. Will you be happy with Taemin?”
“I’m not sure if I want to know the answer to that question.”
“We can skip it and move onto the next part of the reading if you like. Although, I think you really want to know the answer.”
“I do, but I’m also afraid of knowing it.”
“Well nothing is definite when it comes to the future. That’s the good thing about it; it’s not set in stone. It’s constantly changing and even the smallest decision can set off a chain reaction. So do you want to forgo this card and continue?”
“I want to know what it means,” I finally manage to choke out. I stepped into the shop for answers and I had to get them, even if I don’t believe them. Bora has been spot on so far, and I need to see this thing out all the way through.
“The Four of Wands, your hard work will pay off. Although this is more of a card with a professional meaning, but I think it works in your case as well.”
“Is it because Taemin and I work together?”
“Well that and the fact that you have obviously put in a lot of work into your relationship with him. And by the cards around it, romance plays an important role in your relationship.”
“So I’ll be happy with Taemin?”
“Perhaps, but like I said, the future isn’t set in stone. And this,” she motions to her cards, “Are just a way to give you insight into your life and what could happen in it. Shall we move onto Key’s portion?”
“Give me a moment. I need to digest all of this before we proceed,” I sit back in my chair and take a few deep breaths. I stare at the cards that were laid out for Taemin. There was a lot to take in and it’s all just flooding my mind right now.
“I’ll go get us some tea,” she says and I see her leave the table out of the corner of my eyes. I reach my hand out and touch the last card she explained to me. The Four of Wands. Is it weird that I’m kind of letting the fate of not only mine but Key and Taemin’s hearts lie in the hands of these cards? It is, I know it is, but I’m running out of options here. I’ve talked to so many people and all of them keep telling me the same damn thing. They can’t make the decision for me. That I need to make the choice myself, but all I want is some insight. I want someone’s opinion. What they would do if they were in my position, but no one wants to put themselves in my shoes it seems. I wouldn’t want to either though.
“Are you ready to continue Minho?” Bora asks as she reenters the room and sets a tea cup in front of me. I grab the cup and take a sip of the warm, soothing liquid.
“No, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to continue. You gave me a lot to think over already as it is.”
“We can wait a little longer, I don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t want to hold you up.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I want to help you, so please don’t feel like you need to rush on my account.”
I nod my head and take another sip of my tea, “We can continue.”
“Okay,” she pushes Taemin’s cross to the side and slides Key’s in front of us, “So the cards in this formation mean the same thing as the other.”
“Okay.”
“This top card once again asks if Key has the potential to be your true love.”
“The Fool?” I read the title and she nods at me, “I know I shouldn’t automatically attach the definition that I think of when I hear the word to this card, but I can’t help it. Being called a fool is never a good thing.”
She chuckles at me and I have to give her a look, “In this case, being called a ‘fool’ isn’t so bad.”
“I figured as much. So what does the card mean?”
“Well first of all it tells me that an important decision is to be made. So that part we know is true from what you told me when we started this whole thing. But more importantly this card symbolizes new beginnings.”
“New beginnings?”
“Yes, it may seem weird that this card means that.”
“Just a little.”
“But when you think about it, new beginnings are a mystery to us all. None of us start something completely ready and knowing all we need to know.”
“That’s true.”
“New beginnings aren’t always bad right? Sometimes it’s exactly what we need in our life. And normally with The Fool, it’s a beginning filled with optimism and the promise of happiness.”
“Hm,” I lean back and cover my mouth with my right hand, massaging the sides of my face a little, “A new beginning with Key…”
I’m not sure when, why, or even how it happened, but all I know is that I woke up one morning and wandered into the kitchen in a half awake state to see Key busy cooking our breakfast. His back was towards me and he was moving around the room, completely unaware of my presence. So I leaned against the entrance to the kitchen and just watched him, a small smile forming on my lips. I thought Key always looked his best when he first woke up in the morning with his bed hair and face devoid of any type of make up. And I know it seems cheesy, but he kind of glows when the early morning sun hit his soft, milky white skin.
“Oh Minho,” Key said as he turned around to face me, his hand gripping his chest, “You scared me. When did you wake up?”
“Not too long ago.”
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Just a couple minutes.”
“Why were you being so quiet?”
“I didn’t want to disturb you, you seemed like you were in the zone,” I finally take a step towards him and I can see that there’s a light brushing of pink on his high cheekbones.
“Oh, well I’m normally in my own little world when I’m cooking breakfast. It’s really the only time that I have to myself to really think since the rest of you are asleep and the dorm is quiet.”
“Well if you need peace and quiet, just let me know. I can always think of a way to get all of us out of the dorm so you can have your alone time,” I take the last few steps to him and instinctively wrap my arms around his slim waist.
“Minho, what are you doing?”
“Just let me hold you for a minute,” I tell him as I pull his body closer to mine, “I just want to hold you right now.”
“Oh okay,” he rests his hands on my elbows, his gaze on the floor underneath our feet, “Are you feeling okay though?”
I nod my head and he finally looks up to me. Key lifts one of his hands and rests it on my forehead to check if I was feeling warm. I grab his hand and place a soft kiss on the back of it, “I’m okay. I just want to hold you.”
“But why?” our eyes are locked and he hasn’t tried to remove his hand from mine.
I squeeze his hand and place it over my heart, wanting him to know just how fast he was making it beat, “Because you look absolutely breathtaking right now.”
“Minho…” he murmured as he tried to pull away from me. I know exactly what or rather who he’s thinking about right now because he entered my mind as well. But I didn’t want to think about him right now and I don’t want Key to think about him either. I just want us to have each other on our minds.
“Key… Don’t,” I say and pull him closer again, “Just don’t think about it.”
“But Minho…” and that’s when I pull him right up against me and our lips meet in a soft kiss. He doesn’t pull away so I take that as my cue to push my lips against his just a little bit more. We stay like that for a few seconds, our lips just touching in a sweet kiss neither one of us moving to take it further until his hand comes to rest on my chest. He softly pushes on it and our lips leave one another, “Minho… We shouldn’t…”
“I know, but…” I caress his cheek lovingly and his eyes close while he leans into my touch, “I think I’m falling in love with you Key.”
“Really?” he looks up at me with surprise in his eyes.
“Yeah,” he looks down and I can see the red on his cheeks getting brighter. I place my hand under his chin and lift his head so he’s looking at me again. I can see tears starting to build up in his eyes and I brush my thumb over his cheekbone, “Why are you tearing up?”
“You don’t know how long I have been waiting to hear you say that…”
“What?”
“I love you Minho. Always have… Do you know how much it hurts to see you and Taemin all lovey dovey together when I’ve been in love with you since before you two got together?” Tears started to fall from Key’s eyes and I wiped them away.
“Mianhe Key,” I say and rest my forehead against his, “But I am starting to fall in love with you.”
“I’ve already fallen in love with you,” he replied and brings his lips to meet mine again. This time our mouths start to move against one another and I completely lose myself in the kiss. I wrapped my arms securely around Key’s waist and I felt his arms wrap around my neck, pulling my head down just a little more so he can deepen the kiss. And that’s what we do until we hear someone start to stir in the dorm. We reluctantly pull away from one another, sharing one final quick and sweet kiss before he goes back to cooking and I leave for my morning jog.
We both pretend like nothing happened that morning as we all sit down for breakfast. For the weeks following that incident, I try to get up at the same time as Key so that we can spend those first few moments of the day together; Completely alone and able to enjoy each other’s company and kisses. Ever since then, there’s no other way I would rather start my day than with Key in the kitchen.
A smile crossed my face as I thought of all the mornings I’ve spent with Key. Most mornings, I would hold him from behind while he cooked breakfast and I’d occasionally steal a kiss or two from him. I checked my watch to see what time it was and realized that Key would be up soon and I wasn’t going to be home to spend those few moments alone with him. This was more important thought. I needed to make his decision.
“Shall I continue?” Bora asked me.
“Of course, why wouldn’t you?”
“No reason,” she gave me a knowingly smile and I wondered what she was thinking, “So the next card, the obstacles that lie between you and Key being together.”
“The Queen of Cups?”
“Yes,” she nods, “She represents creativity and imagination.”
“Key is probably the most creative person I know. He just opened an art exhibit with his uncle’s help not too long ago. And his works are amazing. It surprises me just how talented he is,” I smile when I think of the art that Key created.
“I’m sure he is, but that’s not all this card represents. She is also a symbol of balance and harmony.”
“So how is all of this an obstacle? I mean from what you’ve told me, she stands for a lot of good things.”
“They are good things, but aren’t at the same time.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like you said, Key is very creative and perhaps you’re afraid that you might hold him back from reaching his full potential. It happens often that people get faced with choosing their passion or love. Most people choose love and their passion gets lost somewhere along the lines. Of course they will be happy, but not as happy as they could be if they followed their passion.”
“So you’re saying that a person’s passion should come before love?”
“No, I’m saying that people always think that they can only have one or the other. And I’m not saying that Key will think that, but he might. How would you feel if he chose you and then somehow forgot about how much he loved to create new things with his bare hands?”
“I’d fee horrible.”
“And that’s a risk you would take if you got together with him.”
“I don’t want Key to forget about just how creative he is. I don’t think he gives himself enough credit, neither do the rest of us. I do my best to encourage him to keep going for whatever he wants and not to let anyone stop him. I guess that ‘anyone’ includes me as well.”
“And now do you see how it’s an obstacle?”
“Yeah, I do, but it can be a good thing too right?”
“Perhaps,” she shrugged her shoulders, “If he can find a balance between the two.”
“And doesn’t this card also represent balance?” I ask, placing my index finger on the card.
“It does,” she smiles at me, “You’re obviously paying attention to every word I say.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because people tend to only hear what they want to hear, but you’re different. You listen to every word a person says and slowly digest it so that you can comprehend the words to its fullest.”
“I guess so.”
“Let’s move on.”
“Sure.”
“The Queen of Wands,” she points to the card, “She’s a generous and fair homemaker, but also very protective of the people close to her. The perfect person you would want to start a life with.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Why? Can you not picture a future with Key? If you can’t then perhaps you should choose Taemin instead. Isn’t that the point of dating and falling in love? The ultimate goal is to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with right?”
“Right.”
“So can you see a life with Key?”
“Yes,” I nod and think about just how easily I can picture a life with Key. The mornings we spend together helping me see just what it would be like.
“Kibummie?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist like I always do every morning.
“Hm?”
“I love you,” I whisper into his ear and kiss up and down his neck.
“I love you too,” he reaches a free hand back to caress my face, “But what’s the real reason why you’re snuggling with me instead of going out for your morning jog?”
“I just feel like it.”
“Oh?”
“Uh huh. Is that okay with you? Am I distracting you from making breakfast?”
“No, not at all.”
“Okay,” I rest my head on his shoulder and watch as he continues to cook.
“Is Yoogeunnie awake?” he asks a few minutes later.
“No, I checked on him before I came over here. He’s still sound asleep.”
“That’s good. Mind keeping an ear out for him? I’m sure he’ll be up before the others.”
“Of course not. He’s like our son right?”
Key nodded and turned his head to kiss my cheek, “You are going to make an amazing appa one day. You’re so good with Yoogeunnie.”
“And you will make a good umma,” I return his kiss and we rest our foreheads against one another. We stay in that position until he needs to turn back to the food. It’s another few minutes before I hear stirring coming from Yoogeun’s room and a soft whine.
“Minho, can you?”
“I’m going,” I steal a kiss from Key’s lips before going to get Yoogeun. I return to the kitchen with him after we go use the bathroom and brush our teeth.
“Good morning honey,” Key says when he sees a half awake Yoogeun clinging to my neck. I walk closer to Key and gently shake Yoogeun to wake him up a little more. He gives me a dirty look then turns to Key. His arms automatically go out to Key as he makes grabby hands at him.
“Looks like he wants his umma,” I joke as I hand him over to Key.
“Aw, come here honey,” Key hugs him close and motions for me to take over cooking. I nod and take Key’s place in front of the stove. I flip the pancakes and the sausage that’s cooking before turning around to watch Key and Yoogeun.
I smile as I watch Key walk around the kitchen, gently rocking Yoogeun back to sleep. He definitely looks like an umma right now. I take my phone out of my pocket and take a candid picture of the two, immediately making it my wallpaper.
“I figured we can let him sleep a little more since breakfast isn’t ready yet,” he tells me and I nod.
“Sounds good to me. He is a growing boy so he needs to get the right amount of rest.”
“He does,” Key kisses Yoogeun’s forehead and starts to walk out of the kitchen, “I’ll just go set him down on the couch.”
“Okay, I’ll watch the food,” I turn back to the stove and tend to breakfast again. I feel arms wrap around my waist a few minutes later and look over my shoulder to see Key pressed up against my back.
“Can you picture yourself having a family with me?” he mumbles against my back and I turn around to face him.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because when Yoogeun is around, I feel like the three of us are a family, even if the rest of the group is around. It’s obvious that we’re his bias.”
“Is it?”
“Uh huh. So can you see us having a little family of our own?”
I wrap my arms around him and lean down to kiss his lips, “I can.”
“And you’re not just saying that?”
“Of course not. You know I always mean what I say.”
“Then choose me.”
I lean back to get a better look at Key, “What?”
“Choose me over Taemin. You know I’m better for you.”
“Kibummie…”
“Admit it Minho.”
“I…” and thankfully Yoogeun decides to wake back up at that precise moment. I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for my two band mates. I kiss Key one more time before motioning over my shoulder and handing Key back the spatula. We don’t discuss our future together for another month or so after that moment.
“It’s actually a lot easier for me to picture a life with Key than you might think,” I say under my breath, thinking about how I still had that picture of Yoogeun and Key as my wallpaper on my phone.
“Hm,” she gives me that same knowing smile again, “Why don’t I find that hard to believe?”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. Let’s continue,” she moves onto the next card, “So what do you need to do to keep Key in your life? The Chariot has that answer. And the answer is quite simple.”
“Is it?”
“It is,” she pauses and I wait for her to finish her sentence.
“Well aren’t you going to tell me?”
“Of course,” she laughs, “All you have to do is make a decision.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“I make a decision and that’s how I keep Key in my life.”
“Uh huh.”
“That simple?”
“That simple.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps because you think that nothing in life can be that simple.”
“Well after what I’ve been through, I just can’t believe that it could be that easy to keep Key in my life.”
“But it is. You see, Key seems like the kind of person who just wants you to be happy. He loves you and will be by your side no matter what,” she motions back to the Queen of Wands card, “Like I said he is very protective of the people he cares for and in turn will remain by them until he is told otherwise or feels like they no longer need him.”
“So as long as I feel like I need him in my life, he’ll be there?”
“Yes.”
“Even if I decide choose Taemin over him?”
“Yes. His heart may break because of it, but as long as you feel like you made the right choice and that Taemin makes you happy then he’ll accept it.”
“Really? You think so?”
“It’s just my perception of the type of character he is. Do you think I’m wrong?”
“No, the opposite actually. I think you have all three of us figured out to a ‘t’. And it’s kind of scary since you just met me and haven’t even met the others.”
“It isn’t hard to figure a person out when you have someone who is describing them to you.”
“But I haven’t.”
“Oh you have, you just don’t realize it.”
“Oh, I guess I have,” I agree as I think back on the reading.
She just nods her head then motions to the final card in the reading, the Three of Cups, “The question you want to know the answer to the most.”
“Will I be happy with him,” I say softly and stare down at the card then at the card that Taemin had to answer the same question. His seems more promising than Key’s and I don’t even know what Key’s card means.
“The Three of Cups,” she pushes the card towards me. It’s actually the first card she pushed to me during this whole reading, “A card of celebration.”
“Celebration?”
“Yes, normally to one due to a birth.”
“Birth? Um, I don’t know if that’s possible between me and Key since we’re both of the same gender. And last time I checked guys can’t get pregnant.”
“Well it doesn’t always have to mean a literal birth. It could also mean a birth to something new, which can lead back to the card that started his reading,” she points to the Fool, “His card means new beginnings and this card is the birth of a new beginning.”
“So is the new beginning a good thing?”
“Well of course it is, why else would you celebrate?”
“I don’t know.”
“Great happiness due to marriage.”
“What?!” I sit up in my seat and stare at Bora, “What did you just say?”
“Great happiness due to marriage.” Bora repeats.
“What? Where? Why? How?”
“That’s another thing this card represents.”
“M-marriage? We’re not even thinking about marriage right now. We’re way too young.”
“Calm down Minho,” she places a comforting hand on top of mine, “It doesn’t need to happen now. This card is kind of like what your future with Key would be like. And it foretells that marriage is part of it; a happy one at that.”
“Oh,” I relax again, “Okay.”
She sits back in her chair and starts to gather the cards on the table. I take those few moments to digest my reading about Key. It’s only when I feel her eyeing me that I turn my attention back to her, “Do you mind if I say something to you? It has nothing to do with the reading. Well it does, but doesn’t at the same time.”
“Sure.”
“When you walked through my door, I knew you had a lot on your mind. And when we started this reading it confirmed my thoughts.”
“Is it really that obvious?”
She nods, “But at the same time, you already had your mind made up.”
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t need this reading to make your decision. You already made it a long time ago. You just needed someone or rather something to encourage you to take that step to make it final.”
I give her a quizzical look and she laughs at me.
“Be honest with me Minho. Completely honest. You already know who you want to choose right?”
I slowly nod my head, “Yes. I’ve known for awhile now.”
“But you’re afraid to make the wrong decision?”
“Yes and that’s why I’m here.”
“Did you get the answer you wanted?”
“Yes.”
“But what if you didn’t? Would it have changed your decision? Would you have chosen the other instead?”
I think long and hard before I answer, “No, I probably would have thought that this was a load of bullshit and stayed with my decision.”
“So either way, you would have stood by your decision?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“But you’re afraid to break his heart?”
“Whose?”
“The person you don’t want to be with.”
I nod my head, “I don’t like to hurt people I care about.”
“None of us do, but it’s just as bad to string him along isn’t it? Especially when you’ve had your mind made up for so long.”
“I know, but I just don’t know how to tell him,” I lean back in my chair and bring my hands up to my face. A frustrated groan lives my mouth.
“Just tell him the truth. That’s the only way.”
“I know,” I let out another sigh and she reaches over to grab my hand.
“If he loves you, he’ll understand and want you to be happy.”
“I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me to do.”
She pats my hand, “It’ll be okay. He’ll hurt at first, but will grow to accept your decision.”
“I should tell him soon huh?”
“It’s better to do it now than wait. You may lose the courage to do it.”
I stand up from my chair and she does as well. I stretch my hand out to her, “Thank you. You helped me a lot.”
“I didn’t help you at all. I just gave you the little push you needed to make your decision final.”
“That’s still more help than anyone else was able to give me.”
“I suppose,” she walks me out to the entrance of the shop, “Don’t worry about hurting him. He’ll survive.”
“I know,” I give her a hug before I pull open the door, “Thank you again.”
“You’re welcome and be happy. You deserve it and he’s the perfect person to give it to you.”
“I know he is,” I give her one last smile and a wave before jogging back to the dorms. I’m a little surprised when I walk in and no one is awake. I check my watch and see that even though it’s still early, someone is normally awake by now. Maybe it’s for the best though.
I kick off my shoes and walk to my room where I know he’ll be since that’s where he was when I left this morning. Sure enough, when I step into the room he’s still there. I smile at his form that’s curled up in my blankets, just the top of his head visible to me. I pull off my hoodie and my sweat soaked shirt since he hates it when I don’t change my shirt before hugging him. This time I don’t bother to put on a shirt and lift the blanket off the bed. He shivers when the cool air hits his body.
“Minho,” he grumbles, “I’m cold.”
“Let me fix that,” I climb in beside him and wrap an arm around his slim waist. I pull him towards me so that his back is flush with my chest.
“You’re all sweaty.”
“Sorry.”
“Did you have a good run?”
“Uh huh. It helped me a lot.”
“Did it?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s good,” he pats my arm and wiggles back into me. I rest my head on his shoulder and inhale his scent.
“I love you,” I whisper into his ear.
“I love you too.”
“I want to spend my life with you.”
He turns around in my arms, eyes wide open as his hand comes up to caress my cheek. I lean into his touch, “Really?”
“Yes.”
“What about?”
“I’ll tell him later,” I grab his hand and kiss it, “I wanted to tell you first.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’m positive. You’re the only person I can see a future with.”
“Minho,” he leans in and kisses me on the lips and when he pulls away it’s my turn to caress his cheek.
“Someone told me that if I love two people, pick the second person.”
“Why?”
“Because if I really loved the first, then I never would have fallen in love with the second."