The Difference Between Movies and Reality [B2ST VERSION]
Title: The Different Between Movies and Reality
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: JunSeung/JunSeob
Rating: PG
Summary: Life isn't a movie. The hero doesn't always get their happy ending. They don't always get to be with the person they love in the end. Sometimes, they're the ones who need to be saved, but there's no one there to do it.
Author's Notes: First time writing a Beast fic... Hopefully it doesn't suck. Sorry for the lack of Doojoon, Kikwang, and Dongwoon.
I snuck out of the banquet hall when Doojoon was about to begin his speech. I had put in my obligatory hour and it was time for me to go. I walked over to the coat check and handed the lady my ticket. I turned around and watched everyone laugh as Doojoon told a rather embarrassing story about his younger brother and an accident he had while they were at an arcade.
“Don’t.”
I give a soft laugh and continue to stare forward, my eyes on the happy couple at the front of the room, “Don’t what?”
“Don’t leave yet. He can still remember you know.”
“It’s been six months Kiki, he’s not going to remember.”
“You never know.”
“I do know though. I know him better than anyone in this room and he’s not going to remember.”
“But that’s supposed to be you up there.”
“I know.”
“And you’re okay with being here instead? Sneaking out an hour after their rehearsal dinner?”
I finally turn around to face my best friend and nod, “He’s happy.”
“No he’s not.”
“Yes he is. I know what he looks like when he’s happy,” I look over my shoulder at him, “And that’s him happy.”
The lady returns with my jacket and I bow my thanks to her. I slip it on and am about to leave when Kiki grabs my arm, “Stay.”
“There’s no point for me to stay.”
“He’s going to wonder where you went.”
“I already told him I wouldn’t be able to stay long tonight and would have to leave after giving my speech.”
“How’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Stand up there and give a speech as his best man when you love him so much.”
I let out a sigh and point to the couple who had just shared a sweet kiss after Doojoon’s speech, “You see that.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s how I was able to do it,” I look at Kikwang again and give him a weak smile, “He loves him.”
“No, he loves you. He just doesn’t remember yet and I refuse to give up until he remembers.”
I pull Kikwang into my arms and give him a warm hug, “Thank you for being a great best friend, but it’s time for me to let go.”
“No, it’s not. Why are you giving up so easily,” he pulls away from the hug and holds me arms length, his eyes searching my face for an answer.
“Because he’s happy and because I love him.”
“What?”
“Tomorrow I’m going to stand up there with him, not in front of him but beside him as he marries someone else. It’s going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life and I’m sure my heart is going to break into a million pieces, but I’ll endure it for him.”
“You don’t deserve this Hyunseung. It should be you and you know it.”
“I do, but he doesn’t.”
“And it’s up to you to make him realize it.”
I shake my head and allow a solemn smile to grace my lips, “If he wanted to remember, he would have by now. He’s happy Kiki and I can’t take that from him.”
“So you’ll suffer just so he could be happy?”
I nod, “This isn’t a movie Kiki, the hero doesn’t always get a happy ending.” I give him one last hug and leave the room.
*~*
I look up from my seat just as Hyunseung is leaving the room. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay after he gave his speech, but I couldn’t help the sadness that filled my heart when he walked out the door. I felt incomplete without him here with me. He was my best man, shouldn’t he be celebrating my last night of bachelorhood with me?
I scrunch my eyes close when a sudden pounding starts in my head. I’ve been getting them a lot lately and I don’t know why. The doctor says it’s just a side affect of the accident I was in six months ago and should go away in time. But they’ve gotten worst if you ask me and now whenever I get them I see clips of accident. They’re not very long clips, just bits and pieces. It’s almost like someone took a movie reel of that night and cut it up in random sections and then played them for me. This time all I saw were the bright lights of the oncoming car.
“Baby are you okay?”
I turn to look at my fiancé, “Yeah I’m fine. Just got one of my headaches.”
“Do you need your medicine?” Yoseob rests his hand on my thigh and gently rubs it.
“No, I’m okay. It’s already going away.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Let’s enjoy the rest of tonight as an engaged couple because in less than 24 hours we’ll be married.”
He gives me a bright smile and leans in to softly kiss me on the lips, “And I can’t wait to be married to you.”
“Neither can I,” I return his smile and then slowly turn to look towards the door that Hyunseung had just left through. I should be overcome with happiness right now, but why do I feel like my heart just got sliced open the moment he left?
*~*
I pull back the sheets on my side of the bed while he pulls back his side, “Do you remember when I proposed to you?”
“How could I forget?” he grins widely at me as we climb into bed.
“I was so nervous that night.”
“I could tell.”
“That obvious?”
“Kind of,” I wrapped my arms around Yoseob as he snuggled into me like he did every night. I laid there and waited for sleep to take over my body and thought of that night.
I paced the apartment slowly, waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work and hoping that tonight he wouldn’t be asked to stay late. I had a special evening planned for us and was going to pop the question as well. I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but I also knew that I couldn’t picture my life without him.
I looked at the clock and sighed, he was almost an hour late which could only mean one thing. He was staying late again today. I guess that’s just the price I have to pay for dating someone in the medical field. He was never home when he said he would be, then I’m guilty of the same thing. I’ve been busy with work ever since I became Chief Executive of the marketing department at my company.
I was hoping tonight would be different though. It was supposed to be a special night for the both of us. I take a seat on the couch and continue to wait for him. Hopefully he’ll be home soon.
“Baby,” I hear someone call out and shake me.
“Hm?” I mumble and turn on the couch.
“Wake up baby.”
I slowly open my eyes and smile at Yoseob who’s kneeling beside the couch, “What time is it?”
“It’s almost one in the morning. You fell asleep on the couch.”
“And you were supposed to be home hours ago.”
“I know and I’m sorry,” I open my arms for him to join me on the couch and he smiles before laying down with me.
“It’s okay. I know how much you love your job so I can’t be mad at you for staying. You gotta save lives,” I kiss the top of his head and pull his body closer to me.
“I didn’t save any lives tonight. I was just helping out with a few odds and ends.”
“You saved my life.”
“Stop lying, I didn’t save your life,” he playfully slapped my chest as he giggled.
“Oh but you did.”
“You were perfectly fine when you woke up.”
“Physically I was, but I was always feeling like something was missing. Like I was incomplete and then you changed that when you said you would go on that date with me.”
“You know I was going to say ‘no’ at first. I’m really not supposed to date patients.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
“So am I,” we share a soft kiss and I take that opportunity to pull the velvet box out of my pants pocket.
“And I hope you don’t even think about saying ‘no’ to what I’m about to ask you,” I hold up the box in the small space between our bodies. His eyes widen as he looks at it and then at me.
“Baby… Are you?”
“Yang Yoseob, I love you more than anything in this world. And I promise that for as long as I live nothing will ever come between us. I want you to be by my side for the rest of eternity. So I hope I will only have to ask you this once,” I take a deep breath and open the box to reveal the simple engagement ring I bought, “Will you marry me?”
Yoseob stares at the ring and then turns his head up to look at me. I’m a little afraid that I can’t read his expression, but then tears start to form in his eyes and a smile grows on his mouth, “Yes.”
I lean down and capture his lips in a kiss. I slowly pull away from it and grab his hand, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You know this means that you’ll be stuck with me for life right? Once this ring on your finger, you aren’t allowed to ever take it off.”
He laughs and takes the ring from the box and slips it on his finger, “I’ll take my chances.”
*~*
I looked around the all too familiar office and smiled. This was where Junhyung and I met for the very first time. We were both interns fresh out of college. We both had first day jitters as we sat on the couch and listened to our new boss explain to us what we would be doing. But now it was his name on the door and he was my boss even though he never treated me like his employee. I lean back in the chair behind the desk and stare up at the ceiling.
“This will be the last time I sit in this office,” I say to myself. I had been here since I left the banquet hall, the only light being from the crescent moon that hung in the sky. I turn the chair around to face the window and chuckle when I take a glimpse at the night sky. There were a few stars expertly placed just below the tip of the moon which made it look like it was crying.
“My life must be more pathetic than I though if even the moon is now shedding tears for me,” I get off the chair and take a few steps closer to the cool glass, placing my hand on it, “Thank you old friend. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who will be shedding tears tonight.
I allow the tears to start falling, not bothering to wipe them. They have been pushed aside and erased for months now. I don’t have the energy or the will power to do it anymore. I had to let them fall freely because after tomorrow, they will no longer be able to.
I turn away from the window, letting my hand drop slowly from it and that’s when it catches my eye. My tears continue to fall as I make my way to the couch and pick up the book that was lying on it before taking a seat. I know this scrapbook all too well. It was mine for over a year, but I had given it to Junhyung a month ago when Yoseob left him in charge of planning their wedding. A soft chuckle escapes me when I think back to that time.
“We have a month until the wedding Hyunseung. ONE MONTH!” he said to me as he had a mini break down in his office. I watched him pace back and forth from the couch, trying not to laugh, “And he chose to start picking up extra shifts now. I can’t plan this wedding on my own. You know how I am.”
I just nod my head and continue to watch him pace around like a caged lion, “Will you sit down already? You’re making me dizzy.”
“I can’t help it. You know it hasn’t been long since I asked him and he’s already talked to a caterer, florist, and bakery?” he tells me as he finally takes a seat beside me, his leg starting to bounce up and down.
I place my hand on his knee to stop it, “Calm down.”
“How can I be calm? There’s so much to do and not enough time to do it.”
“It’s okay, I’m here to help you. That’s what a best man does right?” I pat his leg and get up.
“Yah! Where are you going?”
“I just need to get something real quick. I’ll be right back,” I leave the room and go to my own office. I take a deep breath and pull the scrapbook out of the bottom drawer of my desk. I look down at it and run my fingers over the picture in the middle of the cover. A shaky breath escapes me as I pull the picture out and drop it on my desk before returning to Junhyung’s office.
“What is that in your hands?”
“Your lifesaver,” I place it on his lap and he stares at it, “It’s so you can have the perfect wedding.”
“Oh?”
“It’s organized by tabs. Clothes, food, decoration, even songs to play at the reception.”
“Wow,” he looks up at me in amazement. I smile and walk over to his desk, taking the frame that held his and Yoseob’s picture. I quickly pop the picture out and go over to put it in the slot on the front cover.
“You owe me big time.”
“You name it and it’s yours.”
I bite my tongue to refrain myself from saying what I truly want and instead plop down beside him as he starts to go through the book.
“I can’t believe you have this. You must have known I’d be coming to ask for your help.”
“Something like that.”
“Thank you so much,” he wraps his arms around me, giving me a tight hug which I hesitantly return, “This is why you’re my best friend and best man.”
“Yeah, it’s nothing. Really.”
It’s more than nothing, it’s everything Junhyung. It’s everything I wanted our wedding to be. I still can’t believe you don’t remember our relationship, was it really that bad? And if it was, then why did you ask me to marry you that night?
*~*
I can’t sleep. Perhaps it’s just pre-wedding jitters, but I’ve tried everything and I just can’t seem to let myself relax enough to fall asleep. I slowly get out of bed, careful not to wake Yoseob and pad out to the living room. I quietly open the screen door to sit out on the balcony. A soft mid-summer’s night breeze hits me the moment I step out. I inhale a deep breath and smile. It smells just like it does after a spring rain, fresh and calming. I look around me and see no signs of rainfall even though I knew that it didn’t rain one drop since we went to bed.
“And why do you look so sad tonight of all nights?” I ask when I look up at the moon, “You should be happy because tomorrow I’m getting married. It’s only right to be happy for an old friend on a night like tonight.”
I take a seat on the chair and stare up at the sky. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to be marrying Yoseob in just a few short hours. It seems like everything is happening so fast. Probably because it is. We haven’t even been dating for a full year and we’re already getting married. I don’t regret it though. I knew the moment that we met that I was going to marry Yoseob. And I never once thought we were rushing into things.
I slowly opened my eyes and winced when the pain finally set into every last bone and muscle in my body. I look around the room and feel all the air in my lungs escape me as a rather beautiful man comes into my line of sight. He smiles at me and I forget to breathe for a second.
“Oh you’re finally awake Mr. Yong,” he says to me in a soft, melodic voice.
“Y-yes,” is all that comes from my mouth as I continue to stare at him. He looks a little young to be here and I’m tempted to ask him just hold old he is.
“You had a lot of people worried that you wouldn’t pull through, but I knew you were a fighter the moment you were pushed through the doors,” he starts to check my vitals while I continue to stare at him, “Um… Is there something on my face?”
I snap out of my daze and shake my head, “No why?”
“Because you keep staring at me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he bow my head, “It’s just that you seem a little young to be working at a hospital.”
He chuckles and pats my arm, “Well thank you I think.”
“You’re welcome. Um, what’s your name?”
“Yoseob. Yang Yoseob. Do you know who you are?”
“Nice to meet you Yang Yoseob,” I hold out my hand, “I’m Yong Junhyung. Are you sure you’re old enough to be working here?”
He chuckled and finished making notes on my chart, “Would you like me to go get my birth certificate?”
“No, that’s not necessary. I guess I’ll believe you since you have a very trusting face. Not to mention a very cute one as well.”
“Aigo, already hitting on your nurse, you’re definitely going to be okay,” he says to me and I catch a glimpse of the light pink that’s now dusting his cheeks as he turns to leave the room.
*~*
I raise my right hand up so that it’s in my line of vision and stare at my ring finger. A simple platinum band with a diamond set into it wraps around it. He had given the ring to me a couple months before the accident. I moved it from my left to my right when he woke up and only saw Hyunseung, his best friend, not Hyunseung, his fiancé. I’ve kept it on my hand as a sign of hope that he would one day remember just how much we meant to one another, but it doesn’t seem like that day is going to come. He hasn’t even once asked me about the ring since he woke up in the hospital.
I pick my wallet off the coffee table in front of me and open it up. I can already see a bright yellow corner sticking up from one of the card slots. I let out a sigh and pull the small post it out and hold it up as I lean back on the couch.
“Baby, I’m going to head out first. I have a meeting at 8:30 that I want to make sure I’m prepared for,” I hear Junhyung call over the sound of the shower.
“Okay!” I yell back and continue to wash my body. I can hear faint footsteps getting closer to the bathroom instead of further away and I know that he’s coming in to give me a proper good bye. Within seconds the shower curtains are being pulled back to reveal my boyfriend’s face.
“I’ll see you in a little bit?” he says with a grin as he eyes me and I know that he wants nothing more than to hop in the shower with me.
“Of course,” I take the few steps toward him, trying my best not to get him wet.
“Sorry we can’t ride together today. I really do have a lot I need to do before this meeting.”
“It’s okay. I understand. It’s a big project and you have a lot riding on it.”
“I promise to make it up to you.”
“No need,” I lean down and give him a quick kiss, “Now go before you waste all your time here with me instead of reviewing.”
“Time spent with you is never a waste.”
We exchange goofy grins and another quick kiss before he’s gone again. I finish my shower and step out to find one last reminder that Junhyung was just here. He had scrawled a quick ‘I Love You Baby’ on the fogged up bathroom mirror. I quickly ran to get my phone and took a picture of it before all signs of the love letter disappeared. I sent him the picture and a text saying ‘I love you too ♥ ’
I dry myself off and change into the suit I had picked out for the day before heading to the kitchen for my usual morning coffee. I smile when I see my coffee mug already sitting on the counter right next to the fresh pot that Junhyung must have made before he left for work.
“Aw, I have the sweetest boyfriend ever. He stopped to make me coffee before he ran out the door,” I reach down and grab the cup, only to find that it was empty. I turn it around when I feel a piece of paper scratching my hand.
Will you marry me? Check yes or no.
I look at the cup in confusion and twist it around to see if there was anything else written on it. Then I hear something rattle inside of it and slowly look down to spot a ring at the bottom of my cup. I reach in and grab it, setting the cup back on the counter. I lean against it and slowly examine the simple platinum band that has a diamond set into it.
“What is this about?” I say to the empty room, still thoroughly confused about what was going on. I nearly jump out of my skin when out of the corner of my eye I see a body come around the corner and stand in the doorway of the kitchen.
“Yah, that’s not what you’re supposed to say after reading the note and seeing the ring.”
I look up and am even more confused when I see that it’s Junhyung standing there, “Baby, what’s this?” I ask him as I hold up the ring and then grab the post it off my mug.
“What does it look like?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“Aish, my boyfriend is so slow sometimes,” he walks towards me and takes both items out of my hands. A soft gasp escapes my mouth when he gets down on one knee, slaps the post it over his heart, and holds the ring out to me, “Jang Hyunseung.”
“Ne?”
“Yah, wait until I’m finished talking.”
“Oh, mian. I didn’t know you weren’t done speaking.”
“Aish,” he takes a deep breath before continuing, “As I was saying, Jang Hyunseung. You know how much I love you. I try to show you on a daily basis just how much you mean to me. I can’t sleep if you’re not beside me and I can’t start off my day correctly if you’re not the first person I see when I wake up. I want you by my side until we’re both old and gray. And I will use the last breath I take to leave one final kiss with you. Because there is no one else in this world that I can picture myself doing these things with. So I will ask you one more time and I hope you get it this time. Will you, Jang Hyunseung, marry me, Yong Junhyung?”
I slowly slip the ring off my finger and pick up the scrapbook. My feet carry me to his desk and I place the scrapbook on it first then the ring on top. I reach into my pocket and pull out the letter I had written to him. I knew he wouldn’t set foot in this office until he came back from his honeymoon and hopefully I’ll be long gone by then. It’s a cowardly thing to do, running away from your problem, but I know I won’t be able to face him every day without tears in my eyes once he’s married.
*~*
I decide that since I’m not going to be going go sleep anytime soon that I should go for a walk. I need to clear my head and get rid of these pre-wedding jitters. I sneak back into the bedroom and slip on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I give Yoseob a kiss on the forehead and slip out of the room again. Within ten minutes I’m walking down the street, inhaling the sweet scent of the night.
I don’t have a specific destination in mind. I just feel like walking and enjoying the peaceful of the night. I stuff my hands into my pockets and continue to just let my feet drag me wherever they want to go. I end up in front of my office building and decide to go up. I always do my best thinking inside my office and I feel like I have a lot on my mind even though I’m not thinking of anything in particular at the moment.
It doesn’t take me long to reach my office and I plop down on the couch. I didn’t bother to turn on the light since the moon was pretty bright tonight even though it was just a cresent. I rest my hands behind my head and stare up at the darkness above me. I should be ecstatic about my wedding tomorrow and I am, but there’s a part of me that’s saying something isn’t right. And the feeling has been there since I woke up in the hospital after the accident. I just feel like I’m forgetting something really important and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to remember what it is.
I can feel a headache coming and I slowly close my eyes. It’s one of the worst headaches I’ve had yet. I feel like my head is about to explode. Wooziness starts to wash over my body and I start to take deep, slow breaths to work through it. And then I start to see flashes of pictures like I normally do when this happens.
There’s that restaurant on the other side of town that I’ve been wanting to try. Wait, I’m in that restaurant. When did I ever go there? Okay now I’m walking out in a hurry. I have somewhere I need to be and I promised I wouldn’t be late.
Now I’m at the crosswalk. My car is just across the street and I wait for it to be my turn. The ‘walk’ signal comes on and I begin to cross the street. I don’t see the car heading right for me. The driver apparently doesn’t see me either. I hear people yelling something at me and I stop and turn to my right. The last thing I see is a pair of bright headlights and then it goes black. When I wake up, I’m in the hospital.
Where did I have to be that night? Who was waiting for me? I groan and move one of my arms to rest over my eyes. I need to figure out where I was going and why I was in such a rush that I didn’t realize that a car was coming right at me. I keep my eyes closed even after the pain passes and think hard.
I can see a familiar set of eyes and then familiar lips mouthing something to me. I can’t make out what they’re saying. All I can see is their lips moving, but there’s no sound coming out.
Again I do my best to concentrate on the person’s mouth as I attempt to read them. I can only make out the last phrase, I love you, Yong Junhyung. I can’t seem to figure out what else the person is saying.
A groan leaves my mouth and I scrunch my eyes shut even tighter. I’m not going to leave this spot until I finally put all the pieces together. Something tells me that it’s important that I remember this moment. That everything will make sense again once I have it back in my memory. I allow my mind to relax in hopes of making it easier and surprisingly it seems to be working.
I was having dinner with the top executives from my company and a few others at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try for over a year now. I wish that Hyunseung could be here with us, he’s been begging me to take him here. I make a mental note to make a reservation on my out. I was finally going to fulfill my boyfriend’s wish. I know he’s going to absolutely love the food here. I know I enjoyed every last bite of mine.
“So I think it’s safe to say that this business dinner was a success?” Dongwoon, an executive from another company says as our plates are cleared.
“Yes,” I agreed with him, “Not only did we get some work done, but we also got to enjoy amazing food while we did.”
“Oh yes, the food is definitely some of the best I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Same here, I’ll have to be sure to bring Hyunseung here with me next time.”
“I’m sure he’ll love it.”
I glance down at my watch and quickly stand up when I realize what time it is, “Omo… I nee to get going. I promised him I would be home before midnight tonight. That means I have fifteen minutes to get across town. I should be able to make if I leave now.”
“Go, go. We’ve kept you from him all month.”
“Thank you so much,” he bowed to the others at the table, “I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly, but we’re supposed to be celebrating our engagement tonight. It’s been almost three months since I asked him and we haven’t had the time to properly celebrate.”
“Well then stop talking and start moving.”
I laugh and bow once more before quickly exiting the restaurant. I impatiently wait at the crosswalk, tapping my foot, and cursing at it. I need to get home now or I will for sure be sleeping on the couch tonight instead of my comfy bed with my beautiful fiancé.
“Come on. Come on. Come on,” I mumble under my breath and after what feels like an hour, I finally get the signal to walk across the street. I don’t even think about it and start to jog across the street. The only thing on my mind is getting home and getting home quickly. I can faintly hear people yelling, but pay no attention to them. It’s not until I hear screeching that I stop and look to my left.
I feel the car hit me before I actually see it. I lose all control of my body as it gets thrown in the air and rolls over the car before being tossed off the back of the car. My body hits the road harder than I would have expected it to, knocking the wind right out of me. I roll a couple times and when I’m finally laying flat on my back, a low groan leaves my mouth. I try to move, but it hurts. Every inch of my body hurts, especially my head.
I stare up at the night sky and think of Hyunseung. I think of him waiting at home. He’s probably curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, as the tv plays some rerun of an old drama. I’m sure he’s fallen asleep waiting for me. Guilt washes over my body. I should have left a long time ago. I shouldn’t have had that second drink. I should be home with my fiancé right now, not laying here in the street unable to move because of the pain.
There are people crowding around me, unfamiliar faces going in and out of my line of view, none of which matter to me. There’s only one face I want to see right now and he’s all the way on the other side of town. My eyes are starting to get heavy. I need to close them for a little bit. I slowly blink a few times and faintly hear someone telling me that I need to stay awake until the paramedics come, but I can’t. My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton. I can’t hold them up anymore and allow them to close. I finally see his face and do my best to smile even though it hurts to do so.
*~*
I give the flight attendant my ticket and board the plane. I know that running away shows just how weak I am when it comes to Junhyung, but I don’t care. I can’t stand up there with him and watch as he promises to love and cherish someone who isn’t me. I can’t. My heart won’t be able to handle it. I know I promised him that I would there when he first asked me and I had told Kikwang that I would be there, but I never meant it. For once in my life I’m going to be selfish and I’m going to take care of myself first. That’s why I’m running away.
I take my seat beside the window and fold my hands in my lap. My finger feels naked without the ring on it. I raise my left had up and stare at my ring finger. Even though I had been wearing the ring on my right in front of Junhyung, when I was away from him, I would wear it on my left because that’s where it belonged. It belonged there because that’s where Junhyung had put it. It always felt wrong when I had it on my right hand. And now that I’m not wearing it at all, my hands feel so bare. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
My body juts forward a bit when the plane finally starts to move. Once again my eyes go to the window and I let out a sigh. I’ll have been long gone when Junhyung finds that letter. He’ll be married and happy. I’ll hopefully be healing. But then again, it might be hard for me to heal where I’m going. It’s our place. Our paradise. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I don’t think I can properly say ‘good-bye’ to our relationship anywhere else.
I take my iPod out of my bag and put my headphones in. I needed to relax and try to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing. I can’t back out when I get there and hop on the next plane back home. I need to stick with this decision. It’s for the best. It’s the only way I can save my heart. It’s the only way I can save myself.
“You used to be able to find me whenever I needed to be saved. No matter how hard I tried to hide, you’d always find me,” I whisper out to the night sky, “But not this time. This time I’ll be able to hide without having to worry… Because for the first time since we were kids, you won’t be looking for me… Ironic how this is the one time I wish you were…”
*~*
Everything comes back to me in a flash. All the memories of my time with Hyunseung not as my best friend, but as my lover. The feelings start to come back as well. The love I feel deep in my heart for Hyunseung comes back in a big rush. It’s all starting to make sense now. The answer to his question was right in front of him the whole time. Hyunseung was the missing piece.
I quickly jump up from the couch and look around me. I’m not sure where I should go and what I should be doing. Then I see a something shine in the moonlight out of the corner of my eye. I rush over to my desk and see the wedding scrapbook he had given to me earlier. And on top of it was a ring. The ring I had given to him when I proposed. But why was it here and not on his finger where it should he. That’s when I see a letter taped to my computer monitor. I ripe it off and open it.
My dearest Junhyung~
Annyeong. So it’s probably your first day back from your honeymoon. Did you have a good time? I hope you were able to really enjoy New Zealand together. Although, I don’t know why you wouldn’t have. You two just got married and should be happier than ever.
I guess I should apologize for bailing on you right before your wedding. (How was the ceremony, was it beautiful? Everything you expected it to be?) I’m sorry I wasn’t there on your big day. I’m sorry I broke that promise to you. But I hope that you will understand my reasons…
I love you Junhyung. I always have and I always will. More than as my best friend. That’s why I couldn’t stand up there with you on your wedding day. I couldn’t stand there beside you and watch you marry someone else. It would have been wrong to have my heart breaking on the happiest day of your life. I couldn’t let that happen on your best man, so I had to make sure I did what I could to ensure that your wedding day went smoothly. And that meant that I couldn’t be there.
I know that I took the easy way out by running away, but I really didn’t have any other choice. It’s painful to have the person you love remember you, but not remember the love you share. I would have rather you forget about me completely instead of just remembering Hyunseung, your best friend and not Hyunseung, your fiancé. Yes, I’m your fiancé. Or at least I was your fiancé until you got hit by that car. And for some reason after that you forgot all about our relationship. I don’t know why, was it really that bad? I guess it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done and you’re happy with Yoseob. And I truly do wish you all the happiness in the world.
So I guess this is good-bye Junhyung. It’s time for me to start to get over you. And I’m going to the last place that I should probably go to do it. I love you and I probably always will. Be happy Junhyung. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay in time. But for right now, just be happy enough for the both of us okay? Good bye Yong Junhyung. I hope we’re able to meet again one day.
~Jang Hyunseung
*~*
I had just finished unpacking the last of my things when I hear a knock at my door. I look at the clock and frown as I make my way to the door, “That’s strange. No one knows I’m here. Who could be at the door and at this hour too.”
I’m completely thrown off guard when I feel arms wrap around me and lips crash onto mine. My eyes are opened wide in shock, my hands resting on the person’s chest. It all seems so familiar to me and for a moment I think that I’m dreaming. There’s no way this is happening to me in real life. This kind of thing only happens in movies. And life isn’t a movie.
He finally pulls away from me, arms still securely around my waist and I get a good look at him. Even though I see him standing right in front of me and I can feel his arms wrapped around me, I still can’t believe that he’s here.
“Never ever ever run away from me like that again,” he says as he rests his forehead against mine.
“You found me,” is the only thing that I can manage to stay while I continue to stare at him.
“Of course I found you. I always find you.”
“How?”
“No matter where you try to hide, you know that I will find you. You should know that by now.”
“Why? Why did you come looking for me? You’re getting married tomorrow.”
“I had to return some things to you.”
“What?”
He let’s go of me and I frown at the sudden lost of contact. He taps my nose and chuckles. I watch as he digs in his pocket before finally pulling something out, “This.”
I stare at the engagement ring in his hand. The same ring I had left on his desk hours ago. It was now being held up to me for the second time by the person who had originally given it to me. Except this time I wasn’t sure the pretense of our situation. I didn’t know if he was just returning it to me so he can go back to marry Yoseob or if he was returning it to me because he finally remembered.
“I’m sorry,” he says to me and grabs my left hand to slip the ring back on it’s rightful place, “I’m sorry I forgot all about you and about us.”
“It’s okay, you did get hit pretty hard.”
“No, it’s not okay,” he takes my other hand in his and I look up at him. There are tears forming in his eyes, “I can only imagine the pain you’ve been going through since the accident. And it hurts me to know that I was the cause of it all. But not anymore, I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you.”
“Junhyung…”
“I love you Jang Hyunseung. And I always have. So please marry this fool of a man, Yong Junhyung, who forgets all about the love of his life with just one little tap from a car.”
I let out a chuckle and nod my head, “Of course I’ll marry you.” Tears start to fall from my eyes, but for the first time in six months, they are tears of happiness. Our arms wrap around one another and he lifts me off the ground. It’s my turn to rest my forehead against his before closing the small distance between our faces and attaching our lips in a sweet kiss. I guess I was wrong. Life can be just like a movie, but our reality is so much better than any movie will ever be. Why? Because it stars Yong Junhyung and Jang Hyunseung as the lead characters.
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: JunSeung/JunSeob
Rating: PG
Summary: Life isn't a movie. The hero doesn't always get their happy ending. They don't always get to be with the person they love in the end. Sometimes, they're the ones who need to be saved, but there's no one there to do it.
Author's Notes: First time writing a Beast fic... Hopefully it doesn't suck. Sorry for the lack of Doojoon, Kikwang, and Dongwoon.
I snuck out of the banquet hall when Doojoon was about to begin his speech. I had put in my obligatory hour and it was time for me to go. I walked over to the coat check and handed the lady my ticket. I turned around and watched everyone laugh as Doojoon told a rather embarrassing story about his younger brother and an accident he had while they were at an arcade.
“Don’t.”
I give a soft laugh and continue to stare forward, my eyes on the happy couple at the front of the room, “Don’t what?”
“Don’t leave yet. He can still remember you know.”
“It’s been six months Kiki, he’s not going to remember.”
“You never know.”
“I do know though. I know him better than anyone in this room and he’s not going to remember.”
“But that’s supposed to be you up there.”
“I know.”
“And you’re okay with being here instead? Sneaking out an hour after their rehearsal dinner?”
I finally turn around to face my best friend and nod, “He’s happy.”
“No he’s not.”
“Yes he is. I know what he looks like when he’s happy,” I look over my shoulder at him, “And that’s him happy.”
The lady returns with my jacket and I bow my thanks to her. I slip it on and am about to leave when Kiki grabs my arm, “Stay.”
“There’s no point for me to stay.”
“He’s going to wonder where you went.”
“I already told him I wouldn’t be able to stay long tonight and would have to leave after giving my speech.”
“How’d you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Stand up there and give a speech as his best man when you love him so much.”
I let out a sigh and point to the couple who had just shared a sweet kiss after Doojoon’s speech, “You see that.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s how I was able to do it,” I look at Kikwang again and give him a weak smile, “He loves him.”
“No, he loves you. He just doesn’t remember yet and I refuse to give up until he remembers.”
I pull Kikwang into my arms and give him a warm hug, “Thank you for being a great best friend, but it’s time for me to let go.”
“No, it’s not. Why are you giving up so easily,” he pulls away from the hug and holds me arms length, his eyes searching my face for an answer.
“Because he’s happy and because I love him.”
“What?”
“Tomorrow I’m going to stand up there with him, not in front of him but beside him as he marries someone else. It’s going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life and I’m sure my heart is going to break into a million pieces, but I’ll endure it for him.”
“You don’t deserve this Hyunseung. It should be you and you know it.”
“I do, but he doesn’t.”
“And it’s up to you to make him realize it.”
I shake my head and allow a solemn smile to grace my lips, “If he wanted to remember, he would have by now. He’s happy Kiki and I can’t take that from him.”
“So you’ll suffer just so he could be happy?”
I nod, “This isn’t a movie Kiki, the hero doesn’t always get a happy ending.” I give him one last hug and leave the room.
*~*
I look up from my seat just as Hyunseung is leaving the room. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay after he gave his speech, but I couldn’t help the sadness that filled my heart when he walked out the door. I felt incomplete without him here with me. He was my best man, shouldn’t he be celebrating my last night of bachelorhood with me?
I scrunch my eyes close when a sudden pounding starts in my head. I’ve been getting them a lot lately and I don’t know why. The doctor says it’s just a side affect of the accident I was in six months ago and should go away in time. But they’ve gotten worst if you ask me and now whenever I get them I see clips of accident. They’re not very long clips, just bits and pieces. It’s almost like someone took a movie reel of that night and cut it up in random sections and then played them for me. This time all I saw were the bright lights of the oncoming car.
“Baby are you okay?”
I turn to look at my fiancé, “Yeah I’m fine. Just got one of my headaches.”
“Do you need your medicine?” Yoseob rests his hand on my thigh and gently rubs it.
“No, I’m okay. It’s already going away.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Let’s enjoy the rest of tonight as an engaged couple because in less than 24 hours we’ll be married.”
He gives me a bright smile and leans in to softly kiss me on the lips, “And I can’t wait to be married to you.”
“Neither can I,” I return his smile and then slowly turn to look towards the door that Hyunseung had just left through. I should be overcome with happiness right now, but why do I feel like my heart just got sliced open the moment he left?
*~*
I pull back the sheets on my side of the bed while he pulls back his side, “Do you remember when I proposed to you?”
“How could I forget?” he grins widely at me as we climb into bed.
“I was so nervous that night.”
“I could tell.”
“That obvious?”
“Kind of,” I wrapped my arms around Yoseob as he snuggled into me like he did every night. I laid there and waited for sleep to take over my body and thought of that night.
I paced the apartment slowly, waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work and hoping that tonight he wouldn’t be asked to stay late. I had a special evening planned for us and was going to pop the question as well. I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but I also knew that I couldn’t picture my life without him.
I looked at the clock and sighed, he was almost an hour late which could only mean one thing. He was staying late again today. I guess that’s just the price I have to pay for dating someone in the medical field. He was never home when he said he would be, then I’m guilty of the same thing. I’ve been busy with work ever since I became Chief Executive of the marketing department at my company.
I was hoping tonight would be different though. It was supposed to be a special night for the both of us. I take a seat on the couch and continue to wait for him. Hopefully he’ll be home soon.
“Baby,” I hear someone call out and shake me.
“Hm?” I mumble and turn on the couch.
“Wake up baby.”
I slowly open my eyes and smile at Yoseob who’s kneeling beside the couch, “What time is it?”
“It’s almost one in the morning. You fell asleep on the couch.”
“And you were supposed to be home hours ago.”
“I know and I’m sorry,” I open my arms for him to join me on the couch and he smiles before laying down with me.
“It’s okay. I know how much you love your job so I can’t be mad at you for staying. You gotta save lives,” I kiss the top of his head and pull his body closer to me.
“I didn’t save any lives tonight. I was just helping out with a few odds and ends.”
“You saved my life.”
“Stop lying, I didn’t save your life,” he playfully slapped my chest as he giggled.
“Oh but you did.”
“You were perfectly fine when you woke up.”
“Physically I was, but I was always feeling like something was missing. Like I was incomplete and then you changed that when you said you would go on that date with me.”
“You know I was going to say ‘no’ at first. I’m really not supposed to date patients.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
“So am I,” we share a soft kiss and I take that opportunity to pull the velvet box out of my pants pocket.
“And I hope you don’t even think about saying ‘no’ to what I’m about to ask you,” I hold up the box in the small space between our bodies. His eyes widen as he looks at it and then at me.
“Baby… Are you?”
“Yang Yoseob, I love you more than anything in this world. And I promise that for as long as I live nothing will ever come between us. I want you to be by my side for the rest of eternity. So I hope I will only have to ask you this once,” I take a deep breath and open the box to reveal the simple engagement ring I bought, “Will you marry me?”
Yoseob stares at the ring and then turns his head up to look at me. I’m a little afraid that I can’t read his expression, but then tears start to form in his eyes and a smile grows on his mouth, “Yes.”
I lean down and capture his lips in a kiss. I slowly pull away from it and grab his hand, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You know this means that you’ll be stuck with me for life right? Once this ring on your finger, you aren’t allowed to ever take it off.”
He laughs and takes the ring from the box and slips it on his finger, “I’ll take my chances.”
*~*
I looked around the all too familiar office and smiled. This was where Junhyung and I met for the very first time. We were both interns fresh out of college. We both had first day jitters as we sat on the couch and listened to our new boss explain to us what we would be doing. But now it was his name on the door and he was my boss even though he never treated me like his employee. I lean back in the chair behind the desk and stare up at the ceiling.
“This will be the last time I sit in this office,” I say to myself. I had been here since I left the banquet hall, the only light being from the crescent moon that hung in the sky. I turn the chair around to face the window and chuckle when I take a glimpse at the night sky. There were a few stars expertly placed just below the tip of the moon which made it look like it was crying.
“My life must be more pathetic than I though if even the moon is now shedding tears for me,” I get off the chair and take a few steps closer to the cool glass, placing my hand on it, “Thank you old friend. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who will be shedding tears tonight.
I allow the tears to start falling, not bothering to wipe them. They have been pushed aside and erased for months now. I don’t have the energy or the will power to do it anymore. I had to let them fall freely because after tomorrow, they will no longer be able to.
I turn away from the window, letting my hand drop slowly from it and that’s when it catches my eye. My tears continue to fall as I make my way to the couch and pick up the book that was lying on it before taking a seat. I know this scrapbook all too well. It was mine for over a year, but I had given it to Junhyung a month ago when Yoseob left him in charge of planning their wedding. A soft chuckle escapes me when I think back to that time.
“We have a month until the wedding Hyunseung. ONE MONTH!” he said to me as he had a mini break down in his office. I watched him pace back and forth from the couch, trying not to laugh, “And he chose to start picking up extra shifts now. I can’t plan this wedding on my own. You know how I am.”
I just nod my head and continue to watch him pace around like a caged lion, “Will you sit down already? You’re making me dizzy.”
“I can’t help it. You know it hasn’t been long since I asked him and he’s already talked to a caterer, florist, and bakery?” he tells me as he finally takes a seat beside me, his leg starting to bounce up and down.
I place my hand on his knee to stop it, “Calm down.”
“How can I be calm? There’s so much to do and not enough time to do it.”
“It’s okay, I’m here to help you. That’s what a best man does right?” I pat his leg and get up.
“Yah! Where are you going?”
“I just need to get something real quick. I’ll be right back,” I leave the room and go to my own office. I take a deep breath and pull the scrapbook out of the bottom drawer of my desk. I look down at it and run my fingers over the picture in the middle of the cover. A shaky breath escapes me as I pull the picture out and drop it on my desk before returning to Junhyung’s office.
“What is that in your hands?”
“Your lifesaver,” I place it on his lap and he stares at it, “It’s so you can have the perfect wedding.”
“Oh?”
“It’s organized by tabs. Clothes, food, decoration, even songs to play at the reception.”
“Wow,” he looks up at me in amazement. I smile and walk over to his desk, taking the frame that held his and Yoseob’s picture. I quickly pop the picture out and go over to put it in the slot on the front cover.
“You owe me big time.”
“You name it and it’s yours.”
I bite my tongue to refrain myself from saying what I truly want and instead plop down beside him as he starts to go through the book.
“I can’t believe you have this. You must have known I’d be coming to ask for your help.”
“Something like that.”
“Thank you so much,” he wraps his arms around me, giving me a tight hug which I hesitantly return, “This is why you’re my best friend and best man.”
“Yeah, it’s nothing. Really.”
It’s more than nothing, it’s everything Junhyung. It’s everything I wanted our wedding to be. I still can’t believe you don’t remember our relationship, was it really that bad? And if it was, then why did you ask me to marry you that night?
*~*
I can’t sleep. Perhaps it’s just pre-wedding jitters, but I’ve tried everything and I just can’t seem to let myself relax enough to fall asleep. I slowly get out of bed, careful not to wake Yoseob and pad out to the living room. I quietly open the screen door to sit out on the balcony. A soft mid-summer’s night breeze hits me the moment I step out. I inhale a deep breath and smile. It smells just like it does after a spring rain, fresh and calming. I look around me and see no signs of rainfall even though I knew that it didn’t rain one drop since we went to bed.
“And why do you look so sad tonight of all nights?” I ask when I look up at the moon, “You should be happy because tomorrow I’m getting married. It’s only right to be happy for an old friend on a night like tonight.”
I take a seat on the chair and stare up at the sky. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to be marrying Yoseob in just a few short hours. It seems like everything is happening so fast. Probably because it is. We haven’t even been dating for a full year and we’re already getting married. I don’t regret it though. I knew the moment that we met that I was going to marry Yoseob. And I never once thought we were rushing into things.
I slowly opened my eyes and winced when the pain finally set into every last bone and muscle in my body. I look around the room and feel all the air in my lungs escape me as a rather beautiful man comes into my line of sight. He smiles at me and I forget to breathe for a second.
“Oh you’re finally awake Mr. Yong,” he says to me in a soft, melodic voice.
“Y-yes,” is all that comes from my mouth as I continue to stare at him. He looks a little young to be here and I’m tempted to ask him just hold old he is.
“You had a lot of people worried that you wouldn’t pull through, but I knew you were a fighter the moment you were pushed through the doors,” he starts to check my vitals while I continue to stare at him, “Um… Is there something on my face?”
I snap out of my daze and shake my head, “No why?”
“Because you keep staring at me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he bow my head, “It’s just that you seem a little young to be working at a hospital.”
He chuckles and pats my arm, “Well thank you I think.”
“You’re welcome. Um, what’s your name?”
“Yoseob. Yang Yoseob. Do you know who you are?”
“Nice to meet you Yang Yoseob,” I hold out my hand, “I’m Yong Junhyung. Are you sure you’re old enough to be working here?”
He chuckled and finished making notes on my chart, “Would you like me to go get my birth certificate?”
“No, that’s not necessary. I guess I’ll believe you since you have a very trusting face. Not to mention a very cute one as well.”
“Aigo, already hitting on your nurse, you’re definitely going to be okay,” he says to me and I catch a glimpse of the light pink that’s now dusting his cheeks as he turns to leave the room.
*~*
I raise my right hand up so that it’s in my line of vision and stare at my ring finger. A simple platinum band with a diamond set into it wraps around it. He had given the ring to me a couple months before the accident. I moved it from my left to my right when he woke up and only saw Hyunseung, his best friend, not Hyunseung, his fiancé. I’ve kept it on my hand as a sign of hope that he would one day remember just how much we meant to one another, but it doesn’t seem like that day is going to come. He hasn’t even once asked me about the ring since he woke up in the hospital.
I pick my wallet off the coffee table in front of me and open it up. I can already see a bright yellow corner sticking up from one of the card slots. I let out a sigh and pull the small post it out and hold it up as I lean back on the couch.
“Baby, I’m going to head out first. I have a meeting at 8:30 that I want to make sure I’m prepared for,” I hear Junhyung call over the sound of the shower.
“Okay!” I yell back and continue to wash my body. I can hear faint footsteps getting closer to the bathroom instead of further away and I know that he’s coming in to give me a proper good bye. Within seconds the shower curtains are being pulled back to reveal my boyfriend’s face.
“I’ll see you in a little bit?” he says with a grin as he eyes me and I know that he wants nothing more than to hop in the shower with me.
“Of course,” I take the few steps toward him, trying my best not to get him wet.
“Sorry we can’t ride together today. I really do have a lot I need to do before this meeting.”
“It’s okay. I understand. It’s a big project and you have a lot riding on it.”
“I promise to make it up to you.”
“No need,” I lean down and give him a quick kiss, “Now go before you waste all your time here with me instead of reviewing.”
“Time spent with you is never a waste.”
We exchange goofy grins and another quick kiss before he’s gone again. I finish my shower and step out to find one last reminder that Junhyung was just here. He had scrawled a quick ‘I Love You Baby’ on the fogged up bathroom mirror. I quickly ran to get my phone and took a picture of it before all signs of the love letter disappeared. I sent him the picture and a text saying ‘I love you too ♥ ’
I dry myself off and change into the suit I had picked out for the day before heading to the kitchen for my usual morning coffee. I smile when I see my coffee mug already sitting on the counter right next to the fresh pot that Junhyung must have made before he left for work.
“Aw, I have the sweetest boyfriend ever. He stopped to make me coffee before he ran out the door,” I reach down and grab the cup, only to find that it was empty. I turn it around when I feel a piece of paper scratching my hand.
Will you marry me? Check yes or no.
I look at the cup in confusion and twist it around to see if there was anything else written on it. Then I hear something rattle inside of it and slowly look down to spot a ring at the bottom of my cup. I reach in and grab it, setting the cup back on the counter. I lean against it and slowly examine the simple platinum band that has a diamond set into it.
“What is this about?” I say to the empty room, still thoroughly confused about what was going on. I nearly jump out of my skin when out of the corner of my eye I see a body come around the corner and stand in the doorway of the kitchen.
“Yah, that’s not what you’re supposed to say after reading the note and seeing the ring.”
I look up and am even more confused when I see that it’s Junhyung standing there, “Baby, what’s this?” I ask him as I hold up the ring and then grab the post it off my mug.
“What does it look like?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“Aish, my boyfriend is so slow sometimes,” he walks towards me and takes both items out of my hands. A soft gasp escapes my mouth when he gets down on one knee, slaps the post it over his heart, and holds the ring out to me, “Jang Hyunseung.”
“Ne?”
“Yah, wait until I’m finished talking.”
“Oh, mian. I didn’t know you weren’t done speaking.”
“Aish,” he takes a deep breath before continuing, “As I was saying, Jang Hyunseung. You know how much I love you. I try to show you on a daily basis just how much you mean to me. I can’t sleep if you’re not beside me and I can’t start off my day correctly if you’re not the first person I see when I wake up. I want you by my side until we’re both old and gray. And I will use the last breath I take to leave one final kiss with you. Because there is no one else in this world that I can picture myself doing these things with. So I will ask you one more time and I hope you get it this time. Will you, Jang Hyunseung, marry me, Yong Junhyung?”
I slowly slip the ring off my finger and pick up the scrapbook. My feet carry me to his desk and I place the scrapbook on it first then the ring on top. I reach into my pocket and pull out the letter I had written to him. I knew he wouldn’t set foot in this office until he came back from his honeymoon and hopefully I’ll be long gone by then. It’s a cowardly thing to do, running away from your problem, but I know I won’t be able to face him every day without tears in my eyes once he’s married.
*~*
I decide that since I’m not going to be going go sleep anytime soon that I should go for a walk. I need to clear my head and get rid of these pre-wedding jitters. I sneak back into the bedroom and slip on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I give Yoseob a kiss on the forehead and slip out of the room again. Within ten minutes I’m walking down the street, inhaling the sweet scent of the night.
I don’t have a specific destination in mind. I just feel like walking and enjoying the peaceful of the night. I stuff my hands into my pockets and continue to just let my feet drag me wherever they want to go. I end up in front of my office building and decide to go up. I always do my best thinking inside my office and I feel like I have a lot on my mind even though I’m not thinking of anything in particular at the moment.
It doesn’t take me long to reach my office and I plop down on the couch. I didn’t bother to turn on the light since the moon was pretty bright tonight even though it was just a cresent. I rest my hands behind my head and stare up at the darkness above me. I should be ecstatic about my wedding tomorrow and I am, but there’s a part of me that’s saying something isn’t right. And the feeling has been there since I woke up in the hospital after the accident. I just feel like I’m forgetting something really important and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to remember what it is.
I can feel a headache coming and I slowly close my eyes. It’s one of the worst headaches I’ve had yet. I feel like my head is about to explode. Wooziness starts to wash over my body and I start to take deep, slow breaths to work through it. And then I start to see flashes of pictures like I normally do when this happens.
There’s that restaurant on the other side of town that I’ve been wanting to try. Wait, I’m in that restaurant. When did I ever go there? Okay now I’m walking out in a hurry. I have somewhere I need to be and I promised I wouldn’t be late.
Now I’m at the crosswalk. My car is just across the street and I wait for it to be my turn. The ‘walk’ signal comes on and I begin to cross the street. I don’t see the car heading right for me. The driver apparently doesn’t see me either. I hear people yelling something at me and I stop and turn to my right. The last thing I see is a pair of bright headlights and then it goes black. When I wake up, I’m in the hospital.
Where did I have to be that night? Who was waiting for me? I groan and move one of my arms to rest over my eyes. I need to figure out where I was going and why I was in such a rush that I didn’t realize that a car was coming right at me. I keep my eyes closed even after the pain passes and think hard.
I can see a familiar set of eyes and then familiar lips mouthing something to me. I can’t make out what they’re saying. All I can see is their lips moving, but there’s no sound coming out.
Again I do my best to concentrate on the person’s mouth as I attempt to read them. I can only make out the last phrase, I love you, Yong Junhyung. I can’t seem to figure out what else the person is saying.
A groan leaves my mouth and I scrunch my eyes shut even tighter. I’m not going to leave this spot until I finally put all the pieces together. Something tells me that it’s important that I remember this moment. That everything will make sense again once I have it back in my memory. I allow my mind to relax in hopes of making it easier and surprisingly it seems to be working.
I was having dinner with the top executives from my company and a few others at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try for over a year now. I wish that Hyunseung could be here with us, he’s been begging me to take him here. I make a mental note to make a reservation on my out. I was finally going to fulfill my boyfriend’s wish. I know he’s going to absolutely love the food here. I know I enjoyed every last bite of mine.
“So I think it’s safe to say that this business dinner was a success?” Dongwoon, an executive from another company says as our plates are cleared.
“Yes,” I agreed with him, “Not only did we get some work done, but we also got to enjoy amazing food while we did.”
“Oh yes, the food is definitely some of the best I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Same here, I’ll have to be sure to bring Hyunseung here with me next time.”
“I’m sure he’ll love it.”
I glance down at my watch and quickly stand up when I realize what time it is, “Omo… I nee to get going. I promised him I would be home before midnight tonight. That means I have fifteen minutes to get across town. I should be able to make if I leave now.”
“Go, go. We’ve kept you from him all month.”
“Thank you so much,” he bowed to the others at the table, “I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly, but we’re supposed to be celebrating our engagement tonight. It’s been almost three months since I asked him and we haven’t had the time to properly celebrate.”
“Well then stop talking and start moving.”
I laugh and bow once more before quickly exiting the restaurant. I impatiently wait at the crosswalk, tapping my foot, and cursing at it. I need to get home now or I will for sure be sleeping on the couch tonight instead of my comfy bed with my beautiful fiancé.
“Come on. Come on. Come on,” I mumble under my breath and after what feels like an hour, I finally get the signal to walk across the street. I don’t even think about it and start to jog across the street. The only thing on my mind is getting home and getting home quickly. I can faintly hear people yelling, but pay no attention to them. It’s not until I hear screeching that I stop and look to my left.
I feel the car hit me before I actually see it. I lose all control of my body as it gets thrown in the air and rolls over the car before being tossed off the back of the car. My body hits the road harder than I would have expected it to, knocking the wind right out of me. I roll a couple times and when I’m finally laying flat on my back, a low groan leaves my mouth. I try to move, but it hurts. Every inch of my body hurts, especially my head.
I stare up at the night sky and think of Hyunseung. I think of him waiting at home. He’s probably curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, as the tv plays some rerun of an old drama. I’m sure he’s fallen asleep waiting for me. Guilt washes over my body. I should have left a long time ago. I shouldn’t have had that second drink. I should be home with my fiancé right now, not laying here in the street unable to move because of the pain.
There are people crowding around me, unfamiliar faces going in and out of my line of view, none of which matter to me. There’s only one face I want to see right now and he’s all the way on the other side of town. My eyes are starting to get heavy. I need to close them for a little bit. I slowly blink a few times and faintly hear someone telling me that I need to stay awake until the paramedics come, but I can’t. My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton. I can’t hold them up anymore and allow them to close. I finally see his face and do my best to smile even though it hurts to do so.
*~*
I give the flight attendant my ticket and board the plane. I know that running away shows just how weak I am when it comes to Junhyung, but I don’t care. I can’t stand up there with him and watch as he promises to love and cherish someone who isn’t me. I can’t. My heart won’t be able to handle it. I know I promised him that I would there when he first asked me and I had told Kikwang that I would be there, but I never meant it. For once in my life I’m going to be selfish and I’m going to take care of myself first. That’s why I’m running away.
I take my seat beside the window and fold my hands in my lap. My finger feels naked without the ring on it. I raise my left had up and stare at my ring finger. Even though I had been wearing the ring on my right in front of Junhyung, when I was away from him, I would wear it on my left because that’s where it belonged. It belonged there because that’s where Junhyung had put it. It always felt wrong when I had it on my right hand. And now that I’m not wearing it at all, my hands feel so bare. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
My body juts forward a bit when the plane finally starts to move. Once again my eyes go to the window and I let out a sigh. I’ll have been long gone when Junhyung finds that letter. He’ll be married and happy. I’ll hopefully be healing. But then again, it might be hard for me to heal where I’m going. It’s our place. Our paradise. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I don’t think I can properly say ‘good-bye’ to our relationship anywhere else.
I take my iPod out of my bag and put my headphones in. I needed to relax and try to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing. I can’t back out when I get there and hop on the next plane back home. I need to stick with this decision. It’s for the best. It’s the only way I can save my heart. It’s the only way I can save myself.
“You used to be able to find me whenever I needed to be saved. No matter how hard I tried to hide, you’d always find me,” I whisper out to the night sky, “But not this time. This time I’ll be able to hide without having to worry… Because for the first time since we were kids, you won’t be looking for me… Ironic how this is the one time I wish you were…”
*~*
Everything comes back to me in a flash. All the memories of my time with Hyunseung not as my best friend, but as my lover. The feelings start to come back as well. The love I feel deep in my heart for Hyunseung comes back in a big rush. It’s all starting to make sense now. The answer to his question was right in front of him the whole time. Hyunseung was the missing piece.
I quickly jump up from the couch and look around me. I’m not sure where I should go and what I should be doing. Then I see a something shine in the moonlight out of the corner of my eye. I rush over to my desk and see the wedding scrapbook he had given to me earlier. And on top of it was a ring. The ring I had given to him when I proposed. But why was it here and not on his finger where it should he. That’s when I see a letter taped to my computer monitor. I ripe it off and open it.
My dearest Junhyung~
Annyeong. So it’s probably your first day back from your honeymoon. Did you have a good time? I hope you were able to really enjoy New Zealand together. Although, I don’t know why you wouldn’t have. You two just got married and should be happier than ever.
I guess I should apologize for bailing on you right before your wedding. (How was the ceremony, was it beautiful? Everything you expected it to be?) I’m sorry I wasn’t there on your big day. I’m sorry I broke that promise to you. But I hope that you will understand my reasons…
I love you Junhyung. I always have and I always will. More than as my best friend. That’s why I couldn’t stand up there with you on your wedding day. I couldn’t stand there beside you and watch you marry someone else. It would have been wrong to have my heart breaking on the happiest day of your life. I couldn’t let that happen on your best man, so I had to make sure I did what I could to ensure that your wedding day went smoothly. And that meant that I couldn’t be there.
I know that I took the easy way out by running away, but I really didn’t have any other choice. It’s painful to have the person you love remember you, but not remember the love you share. I would have rather you forget about me completely instead of just remembering Hyunseung, your best friend and not Hyunseung, your fiancé. Yes, I’m your fiancé. Or at least I was your fiancé until you got hit by that car. And for some reason after that you forgot all about our relationship. I don’t know why, was it really that bad? I guess it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done and you’re happy with Yoseob. And I truly do wish you all the happiness in the world.
So I guess this is good-bye Junhyung. It’s time for me to start to get over you. And I’m going to the last place that I should probably go to do it. I love you and I probably always will. Be happy Junhyung. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay in time. But for right now, just be happy enough for the both of us okay? Good bye Yong Junhyung. I hope we’re able to meet again one day.
~Jang Hyunseung
*~*
I had just finished unpacking the last of my things when I hear a knock at my door. I look at the clock and frown as I make my way to the door, “That’s strange. No one knows I’m here. Who could be at the door and at this hour too.”
I’m completely thrown off guard when I feel arms wrap around me and lips crash onto mine. My eyes are opened wide in shock, my hands resting on the person’s chest. It all seems so familiar to me and for a moment I think that I’m dreaming. There’s no way this is happening to me in real life. This kind of thing only happens in movies. And life isn’t a movie.
He finally pulls away from me, arms still securely around my waist and I get a good look at him. Even though I see him standing right in front of me and I can feel his arms wrapped around me, I still can’t believe that he’s here.
“Never ever ever run away from me like that again,” he says as he rests his forehead against mine.
“You found me,” is the only thing that I can manage to stay while I continue to stare at him.
“Of course I found you. I always find you.”
“How?”
“No matter where you try to hide, you know that I will find you. You should know that by now.”
“Why? Why did you come looking for me? You’re getting married tomorrow.”
“I had to return some things to you.”
“What?”
He let’s go of me and I frown at the sudden lost of contact. He taps my nose and chuckles. I watch as he digs in his pocket before finally pulling something out, “This.”
I stare at the engagement ring in his hand. The same ring I had left on his desk hours ago. It was now being held up to me for the second time by the person who had originally given it to me. Except this time I wasn’t sure the pretense of our situation. I didn’t know if he was just returning it to me so he can go back to marry Yoseob or if he was returning it to me because he finally remembered.
“I’m sorry,” he says to me and grabs my left hand to slip the ring back on it’s rightful place, “I’m sorry I forgot all about you and about us.”
“It’s okay, you did get hit pretty hard.”
“No, it’s not okay,” he takes my other hand in his and I look up at him. There are tears forming in his eyes, “I can only imagine the pain you’ve been going through since the accident. And it hurts me to know that I was the cause of it all. But not anymore, I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you.”
“Junhyung…”
“I love you Jang Hyunseung. And I always have. So please marry this fool of a man, Yong Junhyung, who forgets all about the love of his life with just one little tap from a car.”
I let out a chuckle and nod my head, “Of course I’ll marry you.” Tears start to fall from my eyes, but for the first time in six months, they are tears of happiness. Our arms wrap around one another and he lifts me off the ground. It’s my turn to rest my forehead against his before closing the small distance between our faces and attaching our lips in a sweet kiss. I guess I was wrong. Life can be just like a movie, but our reality is so much better than any movie will ever be. Why? Because it stars Yong Junhyung and Jang Hyunseung as the lead characters.