3 Vanilla Candles
Title: 3 Vanilla Candles
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: MinKey/OnKey
Rating: PG-15
Wordcount: 3, 382
Prompt: both
Disclaimer: character death, hint of smut
Summary: I stand up from my spot across from him. I know he can’t see me and I really shouldn’t be here. But I needed to see him one last time before I left for good. I kiss the top of his head knowing that it’ll only feel like the wind to him. Take care of him Onew. Love him enough for the both of us. Love him until I can love him myself. Saranghae Kim Kibum. Until we meet again.
A/N: So this is my entry to shawol_haven 's 10th challenge. It's a little different than what I normally write. So let me know what you think. And if you like it please vote of for it starting Friday, March 25th! THANKIES!!!
“Ganbatte ne!” was all the text said, but it was still able to put the biggest smile on my face. It had become a ritual for him to send me the message whenever I was away. I quickly type my usual response, “We’re Korean NOT Japanese Kibum.”
“Fine. HWAITING! Kekeke^^”
“Thanks!”
There’s another beep telling me the second part of the ritual has just arrived in my inbox. I look around me to make sure no one was paying me any attention. This part was kind of embarrassing to say the least. Not that any of the other guys didn’t have any pre game rituals that were questionable though. I just preferred to keep mine a secret, I didn’t need to give them ammo to black mail me with. When I see that the coast is clear, I open my phone and view the new message.
A familiar scene starts to play in front of me. I don’t realize the cheesy grin that’s forming on my face like it always does when I see this footage.
“Are you recording this?” the shorter, slightly feminine man asks the man whose lap he was currently sitting on.
“Yea. I need it for my away games.”
“Seriously?”
“Come on. Please? For me?”
“Fine,” then sneer on his face is quickly replaced with a Cheshire grin.
“A kiss in the north,” he kisses the taller’s forhead.
“A kiss in the south,” his chin.
“A kiss in the east,” his right cheek.
“A kiss in the west,” his left cheek.
“Makes a kiss around the world so you can do your best,” a light kiss is placed on the other’s lips and I unconsciously bring my hand up to my own as it tingles like I had just received the kiss myself, “Yeobo saranghae,” and then the screen goes black. The video is done, but I can still faintly feel his lips all over my face.
“Minho!” Eunhyuk calls me and I quickly shut my phone before shoving it back into my bag, “Come on! The game’s about to start!”
*~*
“Yeobo,” he mumbles against my lips as I continue to nibble on his bottom lip. It’s been exactly one year since we started dating and I couldn’t have asked for a better way of celebrating this day.
I lift myself off of him just enough so that I can get a good look at him. There were small beads of sweat forming on his brow and I wipe it off with the back of my hand. He gives me a warm smile and lifts his head to kiss the tip of my nose. His hands start to travel down my bare back just barely reaching my butt before they move up again. I can feel a soft tingling sensation in the wake of his warm hands.
“You’re beautiful,” I softly say just loud enough for the two of us to hear. My hand brushes the fringe out of his face so it’s no longer obstructing my view of his amazing face. I start to trail my index finger down his face, tracing over all the features I love as if to burn them into my memory.
He brings his hand up to rest on my cheek, caressing my face lovingly. His thumb just barely goes over my cheekbone. The gaze we’re sharing seems to be doing all the speaking to us.
“I love you Minho,” he says to me before bringing me down so our lips can meet. We pick up where we left off, our bodies sliding against one another as the sweat begins to build. Neither one of us are in a rush, we just want to savor the moment we’re currently having. Nothing else matters, the world that exists outside our bedroom door is of no concern to us. The only thing that’s on our minds is one another.
Our voices fill the room in a soft song of love and pleasure. His slightly higher tone blending perfectly with my deep tone to create almost a perfect harmony. Our bodies melt together, filling out every crevice in each other’s body as we begin to move as one body instead of two separate bodies.
“M-Minho,” he stutters and it’s the most beautiful sound I could ever hear. I caress his face lovingly as he reaches his limit. He has a death grip on my biceps and his eyes are scrunched close. I bring my head down and kiss his open mouth. Our movements stagger a bit as we try to adjust to the frantic need for one another. It isn’t long before I too reach my limit and the only thing that keeps me grounded is his hold on me.
“I love you too Kibum,” I breath out, collapsing beside him. His body curls into mine and I wrap my arms around him.
“I know,” he replies, “You didn’t have to say it.”
“Hm?”
“You just showed me,” I nod my head even though I know he can’t see it. My hands rub his back and his body completely relaxes in my arms. The last thing I see before I close my eyes are the vanilla scented white candles he had set up on our nightstand. They were still burning strong and as cliché as it may sound, it reminded me of the fire we held for one another deep in our hearts. I just hope that unlike those flames, ours would never go out.
*~*
“What the hell?!” I shout and jump up from my chair. It pains me a little when I see him flinch from my actions.
“Minho, please calm down,” he says to me as he makes his way towards me. His hands come up to rest on my arms, but I quickly shake them off.
“No, I am not going to calm down. Not after you drop that kind of shit on me.”
“What do you want me to say then? Would you rather I lie? That I kept all of this from you and wait until you find out on your own? Or would you rather I tell you the truth from the get go?”
“I’d rather you not say or do any of this. I’m your boyfriend damnit! I’m the one who you go to sleep next to every night and wake up beside every morning not him! So don’t fucking tell me that you still love him after he left you without a single word!”
“Minho please! Try and see things from my perspective! I was in love with him for five years! FIVE FUCKING YEARS! That’s not something you can let go just like that,” he snaps his finger.
“So what are you trying to say? That the year and some odd months we’ve spent together means nothing to you? That the love we share is nothing?”
“No,” he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, “No. No. No. Don’t put words in my mouth. I love you Minho, you know that. And what we have means so much to me, don’t ever think otherwise. I’m just telling you that Onew is back and I can’t not see him. I owe it to myself and to our relationship.”
“What do you mean?” I pull away from him and he flinches again.
“I know that I love you Minho, but I also love Onew. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I do,” I start to turn away but he stops me, “But I want to be with you Minho not him.”
“Then why the hell do you need to see him?”
“Because I never got to say good-bye. I never got closure in our relationship. He robbed me of that opportunity. So I’ve been stuck with this gash in my heart that only he can fix.”
“I can fix it too you know.”
“No you can’t Minho. He was the cause of this and only he can mend it.”
“Then let me go with you at least.”
“I have to do this on my own. I’m afraid that if you’re there I won’t get the answers that I need.”
“Whatever. Do what you have to do. Just remember who you’ll be coming home to afterwards,” I turn and start to walk to our bedroom. I’ve only walked about three steps when I’m stopped in my tracks. Kibum’s arms are wrapped around my waist, his body flush against my back.
“You. I’ll come home to you. The only person I want to see when I step through the door.”
“Just remember that.”
“I will. I love you and thank you.”
“Uh huh,” I wanted to believe him. With everything that’s in me, I wanted to believe him. But there was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that kept on telling me this wasn’t a good idea.
*~*
“What are you doing?! Get your hands off my boyfriend!” I yell and grab Kibum’s arm, yanking him away from the other man.
“Are you threatened by me?” Onew, Kibum’s ex boyfriend, snaps back.
“No, I just don’t want some filthy good-for-nothing asshole touching him!”
“Whatever. Kibum loves me, so deal with it. You were just a stand in for me until I came back.”
“You’re the one who has this all mistakened. YOU left him over a year ago. YOU didn’t leave any kind of note or anything. So YOU have no right to his heart. It belongs to me now. So fuck off!” I pull Kibum’s arm to leave, but he stays rooted where he is, “Babe?”
“Minho,” he starts and I’m afraid of what words will be coming out of his mouth next, “Onew and I talked. He explained everything to me.”
“So you’re’ going back to this jerk? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! After what he did to you, you’re willing to forgive him and just take him back?!”
“It’s not like that. And yes, I have forgiven him for what he’s done. Like I said, he explained everything to me.”
“So you’re dumping me for him then?”
“No.”
“Then what? You can’t date both of us. I won’t let you. It’s either me or him.”
“You expect me to decide right here right now?”
“Yes.”
“Minho.”
“I mean it Key. You either leave with me right now or don’t see me ever again.”
“I-I can’t,” he says just barely above a whisper, head bowing down.
“Fine. It’s your choice. Good-bye Kim Kibum,” I turn and walk out the door only to be greeted by harsh pellets of water pouring down from the dark night sky. How fitting. All I want to do is cry from the pain of my heart breaking inside of me, but the tears don’t fall. I guess the sky will be crying for me tonight.
*~*
My love for Kibum was too strong, I couldn’t just let him go without fighting for him. And that’s exactly what I did. I fought for him with everything I had in me. I know that his history with Onew was far more complex than his history with me, but I had faith in what we shared. I knew that even though our love was still a baby compared to the love he shared with Onew, it was still just as strong. And for that reason alone, I couldn’t give up without trying my best to salvage what we had.
“Yoboseyeo?” I say into my phone.
“Minho.”
“Kibum?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s going on? Is something wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?” I jump up from my desk and try to keep calm. I didn’t like the way his voice was. It made me uneasy to say the least.
“I’m fine Minho. Calm down. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh okay,” I slowly take my seat again and let out a sigh of relief.
“But not on the phone. I want to talk to you in person.”
“Oh? Is it important?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk right now?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, where are you?”
“I’m at our apartment.”
“Oh okay. I’ll just let them know I’m leaving then I’ll head home.”
“Okay. Just drive safely, it’s coming down pretty hard out there.”
“I will.”
“Come home soon. I miss you,” the last sentence is barely audible, but I hear it nonetheless. My heart is pounding and the only thing stopping it from completely jumping out of my body is my ribcage. And then I run over the words he had just said to me and my heart starts to fill with hope. He called it ‘our’ apartment and said that he missed me. This had to be good. Could it be that he had finally made up his mind and was choosing me over Onew?
I quickly gather my things and run over to my boss. I tell him I have a sudden emergency and need to get going. I don’t wait for him to reply to me as I book it to the elevator and of course since I’m in a rush, it takes forever for one to reach my floor and even longer for it to get to the lobby. I ran as fast as my long legs will go to get to my car. I needed to get home to my Kibum.
He wasn’t lying when he said that it was pouring outside. I have to turn my windshield wipers on high just to keep up with the intense rainfall. It’s almost like someone is constantly throwing a bucketful of water right on my windshield. I try my best to drive as slow as I can, but it’s hard when all I want to do is get home.
And then everything seems to happen in a flash, ironically a flash of lightning actually occurs when it happens. My car hydroplanes and I temporarily loose control of it. Thankfully I’m able to get it back on track without hitting another car or running off the road. I bring my car to a stop at the light and sigh in relief. I rest my head on the steering wheel as I wait for my green light. I never saw the other car coming until it was too late.
I temporarily black out and when I come too I can hear a lot of commotion going on around me. There’s a warm sticky liquid dripping down my forehead, I want to wipe it off, but my arms are restrained by something. And then the pain starts to set in, it starts off in my head and then travels south in my body. I want to scream out because I can’t bear the feeling, but for some reason my mouth doesn’t comprehend the commands from my brain. My eyes are starting to get heavy again and I’m really tired. I can faintly hear someone talking, I’m not sure if they’re talking to me though. They’re saying something about staying awake, but I can’t. My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton.
“Kibum,” is the last thing that comes out of my mouth before the world goes completely black around me.
*~*
“Candles?” Onew asks.
“Yeah, it was kind of our thing. I don’t know how or why it started, but we always kept at least three of these candles in the apartment at all times,” Kibum answers, he brings his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on it, “I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”
“Time is a funny thing. It seems to fly on by when you want it to stop so you can savor the moment, but when you want it to speed up it seems to take its time,” Onew joins Kibum on the ground and wraps a comforting arm around the other.
“Life is a funny thing. Everyone knows just how precious it is, yet we still take it for granted. We still treat it like we have more to spare. Like it’s something that’s given out whenever your old one seems broken and you need a new one. But it’s not like that. It’s never like that and we all know it. For some reason we refuse to acknowledge it. We still let ourselves believe that we’re unbreakable. Why is that?”
“I don’t know. There are questions in life that no one has the answer to and that is one of the questions. We shouldn’t dwell on it though. Yes, life is precious and we should cherish it, but the only way to do that is to make sure we live it to it’s fullest.”
“I feel like I’m just starting to live again though. I mean after it happened I was here, but not. I knew that I was alive because my heart was beating and my lungs needed oxygen, but I didn’t feel like I was truly living. I felt like I was just going through the motions of my everyday life. I was doing things just because I’ve been doing them all of life.”
“Key…”
“I died with him that day. I was sitting right there in the passenger seat the whole time.”
“Please don’t say that. You’re still alive and I still love you. So please. Don’t say such things.”
Kibum turns to Onew and lifts his hand to wipe away the tears that were now steadily falling from the older’s face, “I know you love me and it’s your love for me that is keeping me here. Just give me some time. That’s all I ask.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need.”
Kibum feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulls it out. A text message from an unknown number is flashing on the display of his phone. He opens it and reads what it says Ganbatte ne! Tears are starting to form in his eyes as he receives another text from the mystery number. He’s afraid to open in because he’s afraid of what will appear on the small screen in front of him. He does it anyways. A shaky hand comes up to his mouth as the video starts to play in front of him. Onew leans over and watches at the couple on the screen share a special moment.
Onew is there to hold him close the moment his phone drops from his hand. The tears are falling much like they did the night he lost the person he loved more than life itself. Onew began to rock their bodies back and forth in hopes of soothing the other. His mouth opens and he starts to sing. The only action he knows that will calm the crying boy in his arms.
I’ll wait for you until the heaven’s fall
I’ll wait for you until the end of the world
I’ll wait for you until I no longer breathe
I know that it’s not impossible
I’ll wait for you until you finish your fight
I’ll wait for you until the timing is right
I’ll wait for you until you knock on my door
*~*
I stand up from my spot across from him. I know he can’t see me and I really shouldn’t be here. But I needed to see him one last time before I left for good. I kiss the top of his head knowing that it’ll only feel like the wind to him.
“Ganbatte ne Kibum!” I say in his ear and proceed with our usual ritual, kissing him all over his face before I take a step away from him, “Please don’t cry for me anymore. We’ll be together one day and maybe then you can tell me what you wanted to tell me a year ago. But until then, live and love for me.”
I force myself to walk away from him. It’s the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, but I need to do it. It wasn’t meant to be in this life, but perhaps our love is meant to be after this. I can only hope, but for now I’ll let him go. Just for now though.
Take care of him Onew. Love him enough for the both of us. Love him until I can love him myself. Saranghae Kim Kibum. Until we meet again.
Author: giveitupjessica
Pairing: MinKey/OnKey
Rating: PG-15
Wordcount: 3, 382
Prompt: both
Disclaimer: character death, hint of smut
Summary: I stand up from my spot across from him. I know he can’t see me and I really shouldn’t be here. But I needed to see him one last time before I left for good. I kiss the top of his head knowing that it’ll only feel like the wind to him. Take care of him Onew. Love him enough for the both of us. Love him until I can love him myself. Saranghae Kim Kibum. Until we meet again.
A/N: So this is my entry to shawol_haven 's 10th challenge. It's a little different than what I normally write. So let me know what you think. And if you like it please vote of for it starting Friday, March 25th! THANKIES!!!
“Ganbatte ne!” was all the text said, but it was still able to put the biggest smile on my face. It had become a ritual for him to send me the message whenever I was away. I quickly type my usual response, “We’re Korean NOT Japanese Kibum.”
“Fine. HWAITING! Kekeke^^”
“Thanks!”
There’s another beep telling me the second part of the ritual has just arrived in my inbox. I look around me to make sure no one was paying me any attention. This part was kind of embarrassing to say the least. Not that any of the other guys didn’t have any pre game rituals that were questionable though. I just preferred to keep mine a secret, I didn’t need to give them ammo to black mail me with. When I see that the coast is clear, I open my phone and view the new message.
A familiar scene starts to play in front of me. I don’t realize the cheesy grin that’s forming on my face like it always does when I see this footage.
“Are you recording this?” the shorter, slightly feminine man asks the man whose lap he was currently sitting on.
“Yea. I need it for my away games.”
“Seriously?”
“Come on. Please? For me?”
“Fine,” then sneer on his face is quickly replaced with a Cheshire grin.
“A kiss in the north,” he kisses the taller’s forhead.
“A kiss in the south,” his chin.
“A kiss in the east,” his right cheek.
“A kiss in the west,” his left cheek.
“Makes a kiss around the world so you can do your best,” a light kiss is placed on the other’s lips and I unconsciously bring my hand up to my own as it tingles like I had just received the kiss myself, “Yeobo saranghae,” and then the screen goes black. The video is done, but I can still faintly feel his lips all over my face.
“Minho!” Eunhyuk calls me and I quickly shut my phone before shoving it back into my bag, “Come on! The game’s about to start!”
*~*
“Yeobo,” he mumbles against my lips as I continue to nibble on his bottom lip. It’s been exactly one year since we started dating and I couldn’t have asked for a better way of celebrating this day.
I lift myself off of him just enough so that I can get a good look at him. There were small beads of sweat forming on his brow and I wipe it off with the back of my hand. He gives me a warm smile and lifts his head to kiss the tip of my nose. His hands start to travel down my bare back just barely reaching my butt before they move up again. I can feel a soft tingling sensation in the wake of his warm hands.
“You’re beautiful,” I softly say just loud enough for the two of us to hear. My hand brushes the fringe out of his face so it’s no longer obstructing my view of his amazing face. I start to trail my index finger down his face, tracing over all the features I love as if to burn them into my memory.
He brings his hand up to rest on my cheek, caressing my face lovingly. His thumb just barely goes over my cheekbone. The gaze we’re sharing seems to be doing all the speaking to us.
“I love you Minho,” he says to me before bringing me down so our lips can meet. We pick up where we left off, our bodies sliding against one another as the sweat begins to build. Neither one of us are in a rush, we just want to savor the moment we’re currently having. Nothing else matters, the world that exists outside our bedroom door is of no concern to us. The only thing that’s on our minds is one another.
Our voices fill the room in a soft song of love and pleasure. His slightly higher tone blending perfectly with my deep tone to create almost a perfect harmony. Our bodies melt together, filling out every crevice in each other’s body as we begin to move as one body instead of two separate bodies.
“M-Minho,” he stutters and it’s the most beautiful sound I could ever hear. I caress his face lovingly as he reaches his limit. He has a death grip on my biceps and his eyes are scrunched close. I bring my head down and kiss his open mouth. Our movements stagger a bit as we try to adjust to the frantic need for one another. It isn’t long before I too reach my limit and the only thing that keeps me grounded is his hold on me.
“I love you too Kibum,” I breath out, collapsing beside him. His body curls into mine and I wrap my arms around him.
“I know,” he replies, “You didn’t have to say it.”
“Hm?”
“You just showed me,” I nod my head even though I know he can’t see it. My hands rub his back and his body completely relaxes in my arms. The last thing I see before I close my eyes are the vanilla scented white candles he had set up on our nightstand. They were still burning strong and as cliché as it may sound, it reminded me of the fire we held for one another deep in our hearts. I just hope that unlike those flames, ours would never go out.
*~*
“What the hell?!” I shout and jump up from my chair. It pains me a little when I see him flinch from my actions.
“Minho, please calm down,” he says to me as he makes his way towards me. His hands come up to rest on my arms, but I quickly shake them off.
“No, I am not going to calm down. Not after you drop that kind of shit on me.”
“What do you want me to say then? Would you rather I lie? That I kept all of this from you and wait until you find out on your own? Or would you rather I tell you the truth from the get go?”
“I’d rather you not say or do any of this. I’m your boyfriend damnit! I’m the one who you go to sleep next to every night and wake up beside every morning not him! So don’t fucking tell me that you still love him after he left you without a single word!”
“Minho please! Try and see things from my perspective! I was in love with him for five years! FIVE FUCKING YEARS! That’s not something you can let go just like that,” he snaps his finger.
“So what are you trying to say? That the year and some odd months we’ve spent together means nothing to you? That the love we share is nothing?”
“No,” he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, “No. No. No. Don’t put words in my mouth. I love you Minho, you know that. And what we have means so much to me, don’t ever think otherwise. I’m just telling you that Onew is back and I can’t not see him. I owe it to myself and to our relationship.”
“What do you mean?” I pull away from him and he flinches again.
“I know that I love you Minho, but I also love Onew. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I do,” I start to turn away but he stops me, “But I want to be with you Minho not him.”
“Then why the hell do you need to see him?”
“Because I never got to say good-bye. I never got closure in our relationship. He robbed me of that opportunity. So I’ve been stuck with this gash in my heart that only he can fix.”
“I can fix it too you know.”
“No you can’t Minho. He was the cause of this and only he can mend it.”
“Then let me go with you at least.”
“I have to do this on my own. I’m afraid that if you’re there I won’t get the answers that I need.”
“Whatever. Do what you have to do. Just remember who you’ll be coming home to afterwards,” I turn and start to walk to our bedroom. I’ve only walked about three steps when I’m stopped in my tracks. Kibum’s arms are wrapped around my waist, his body flush against my back.
“You. I’ll come home to you. The only person I want to see when I step through the door.”
“Just remember that.”
“I will. I love you and thank you.”
“Uh huh,” I wanted to believe him. With everything that’s in me, I wanted to believe him. But there was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that kept on telling me this wasn’t a good idea.
*~*
“What are you doing?! Get your hands off my boyfriend!” I yell and grab Kibum’s arm, yanking him away from the other man.
“Are you threatened by me?” Onew, Kibum’s ex boyfriend, snaps back.
“No, I just don’t want some filthy good-for-nothing asshole touching him!”
“Whatever. Kibum loves me, so deal with it. You were just a stand in for me until I came back.”
“You’re the one who has this all mistakened. YOU left him over a year ago. YOU didn’t leave any kind of note or anything. So YOU have no right to his heart. It belongs to me now. So fuck off!” I pull Kibum’s arm to leave, but he stays rooted where he is, “Babe?”
“Minho,” he starts and I’m afraid of what words will be coming out of his mouth next, “Onew and I talked. He explained everything to me.”
“So you’re’ going back to this jerk? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! After what he did to you, you’re willing to forgive him and just take him back?!”
“It’s not like that. And yes, I have forgiven him for what he’s done. Like I said, he explained everything to me.”
“So you’re dumping me for him then?”
“No.”
“Then what? You can’t date both of us. I won’t let you. It’s either me or him.”
“You expect me to decide right here right now?”
“Yes.”
“Minho.”
“I mean it Key. You either leave with me right now or don’t see me ever again.”
“I-I can’t,” he says just barely above a whisper, head bowing down.
“Fine. It’s your choice. Good-bye Kim Kibum,” I turn and walk out the door only to be greeted by harsh pellets of water pouring down from the dark night sky. How fitting. All I want to do is cry from the pain of my heart breaking inside of me, but the tears don’t fall. I guess the sky will be crying for me tonight.
*~*
My love for Kibum was too strong, I couldn’t just let him go without fighting for him. And that’s exactly what I did. I fought for him with everything I had in me. I know that his history with Onew was far more complex than his history with me, but I had faith in what we shared. I knew that even though our love was still a baby compared to the love he shared with Onew, it was still just as strong. And for that reason alone, I couldn’t give up without trying my best to salvage what we had.
“Yoboseyeo?” I say into my phone.
“Minho.”
“Kibum?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s going on? Is something wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?” I jump up from my desk and try to keep calm. I didn’t like the way his voice was. It made me uneasy to say the least.
“I’m fine Minho. Calm down. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh okay,” I slowly take my seat again and let out a sigh of relief.
“But not on the phone. I want to talk to you in person.”
“Oh? Is it important?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk right now?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, where are you?”
“I’m at our apartment.”
“Oh okay. I’ll just let them know I’m leaving then I’ll head home.”
“Okay. Just drive safely, it’s coming down pretty hard out there.”
“I will.”
“Come home soon. I miss you,” the last sentence is barely audible, but I hear it nonetheless. My heart is pounding and the only thing stopping it from completely jumping out of my body is my ribcage. And then I run over the words he had just said to me and my heart starts to fill with hope. He called it ‘our’ apartment and said that he missed me. This had to be good. Could it be that he had finally made up his mind and was choosing me over Onew?
I quickly gather my things and run over to my boss. I tell him I have a sudden emergency and need to get going. I don’t wait for him to reply to me as I book it to the elevator and of course since I’m in a rush, it takes forever for one to reach my floor and even longer for it to get to the lobby. I ran as fast as my long legs will go to get to my car. I needed to get home to my Kibum.
He wasn’t lying when he said that it was pouring outside. I have to turn my windshield wipers on high just to keep up with the intense rainfall. It’s almost like someone is constantly throwing a bucketful of water right on my windshield. I try my best to drive as slow as I can, but it’s hard when all I want to do is get home.
And then everything seems to happen in a flash, ironically a flash of lightning actually occurs when it happens. My car hydroplanes and I temporarily loose control of it. Thankfully I’m able to get it back on track without hitting another car or running off the road. I bring my car to a stop at the light and sigh in relief. I rest my head on the steering wheel as I wait for my green light. I never saw the other car coming until it was too late.
I temporarily black out and when I come too I can hear a lot of commotion going on around me. There’s a warm sticky liquid dripping down my forehead, I want to wipe it off, but my arms are restrained by something. And then the pain starts to set in, it starts off in my head and then travels south in my body. I want to scream out because I can’t bear the feeling, but for some reason my mouth doesn’t comprehend the commands from my brain. My eyes are starting to get heavy again and I’m really tired. I can faintly hear someone talking, I’m not sure if they’re talking to me though. They’re saying something about staying awake, but I can’t. My eyelids feel like they weigh a ton.
“Kibum,” is the last thing that comes out of my mouth before the world goes completely black around me.
*~*
“Candles?” Onew asks.
“Yeah, it was kind of our thing. I don’t know how or why it started, but we always kept at least three of these candles in the apartment at all times,” Kibum answers, he brings his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on it, “I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”
“Time is a funny thing. It seems to fly on by when you want it to stop so you can savor the moment, but when you want it to speed up it seems to take its time,” Onew joins Kibum on the ground and wraps a comforting arm around the other.
“Life is a funny thing. Everyone knows just how precious it is, yet we still take it for granted. We still treat it like we have more to spare. Like it’s something that’s given out whenever your old one seems broken and you need a new one. But it’s not like that. It’s never like that and we all know it. For some reason we refuse to acknowledge it. We still let ourselves believe that we’re unbreakable. Why is that?”
“I don’t know. There are questions in life that no one has the answer to and that is one of the questions. We shouldn’t dwell on it though. Yes, life is precious and we should cherish it, but the only way to do that is to make sure we live it to it’s fullest.”
“I feel like I’m just starting to live again though. I mean after it happened I was here, but not. I knew that I was alive because my heart was beating and my lungs needed oxygen, but I didn’t feel like I was truly living. I felt like I was just going through the motions of my everyday life. I was doing things just because I’ve been doing them all of life.”
“Key…”
“I died with him that day. I was sitting right there in the passenger seat the whole time.”
“Please don’t say that. You’re still alive and I still love you. So please. Don’t say such things.”
Kibum turns to Onew and lifts his hand to wipe away the tears that were now steadily falling from the older’s face, “I know you love me and it’s your love for me that is keeping me here. Just give me some time. That’s all I ask.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need.”
Kibum feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulls it out. A text message from an unknown number is flashing on the display of his phone. He opens it and reads what it says Ganbatte ne! Tears are starting to form in his eyes as he receives another text from the mystery number. He’s afraid to open in because he’s afraid of what will appear on the small screen in front of him. He does it anyways. A shaky hand comes up to his mouth as the video starts to play in front of him. Onew leans over and watches at the couple on the screen share a special moment.
Onew is there to hold him close the moment his phone drops from his hand. The tears are falling much like they did the night he lost the person he loved more than life itself. Onew began to rock their bodies back and forth in hopes of soothing the other. His mouth opens and he starts to sing. The only action he knows that will calm the crying boy in his arms.
I’ll wait for you until the heaven’s fall
I’ll wait for you until the end of the world
I’ll wait for you until I no longer breathe
I know that it’s not impossible
I’ll wait for you until you finish your fight
I’ll wait for you until the timing is right
I’ll wait for you until you knock on my door
*~*
I stand up from my spot across from him. I know he can’t see me and I really shouldn’t be here. But I needed to see him one last time before I left for good. I kiss the top of his head knowing that it’ll only feel like the wind to him.
“Ganbatte ne Kibum!” I say in his ear and proceed with our usual ritual, kissing him all over his face before I take a step away from him, “Please don’t cry for me anymore. We’ll be together one day and maybe then you can tell me what you wanted to tell me a year ago. But until then, live and love for me.”
I force myself to walk away from him. It’s the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, but I need to do it. It wasn’t meant to be in this life, but perhaps our love is meant to be after this. I can only hope, but for now I’ll let him go. Just for now though.
Take care of him Onew. Love him enough for the both of us. Love him until I can love him myself. Saranghae Kim Kibum. Until we meet again.