Lost In Love Because Of You Pt. 1
TITLE: Lost In Love Because Of You
AUTHOR: giveitupjessica
RATING: PG-15
GENRE: Angst
PAIRING: JongKey, MinKey, bff!2min
WARNING: Mention of cutting, severely depressed Minho
SUMMARY: I can't sleep at night. Every day and every night, I'm frantically searching for you. I can't believe it, no never. Tell me if this is really the end. It hurts so bad, but no matter how I'm going to hold onto you. Because without you, I'm just so lost in love.
A/N: Broke this into two parts so it'll be easier to read. Link to the second part is down at the bottom. Hope you like it. I was in the mood to write angst yesterday and finally finished it today. For those of you who read RIGHT HERE I'll be starting on the next chapter and hopefully have it posted by tomorrow. I'm so happy my muse is back! I've even been thinking about MISGUIDED ANGEL and how to continue it. Does anyone even remember that fic? keke.
LOST IN LOVE BECAUSE OF YOU PT. 1
Minho was curled into a tight ball in the shower. The water was nice and hot when he first stepped in, but was now ice cold. He shivered under the stinging drops of water that hit his bare body. His teeth were chattering and his body was trembling, but he didn’t notice any of it. The only thing he was aware of were the warm tears that were spilling from his eyes, mixing with the tap water coming from above.
“YAH!” Jonghyun yelled as he banged on the door, “Minho-ssi! Come on! You’ve already used all the hot water, what else could you be doing in there? I need to pee! COME ON!”
Minho paid no attention to the yelling and banging coming from the other side of the door. He actually couldn’t hear any of it. His heart was pounding in his ears, drowning out all other noise. And even if he did hear Jonghyun, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. He couldn’t move, his body was locked in place. All the energy was drained from his body. The only thing he could do was cry.
“Jonghyun hyung, stop yelling,” Taemin said as he placed a hand on the older’s shoulder.
“He’s been in there for almost forty five minutes though! I have to fucking pee! I’m about to piss my pants,” Jonghyun turns back to the door and continues his banging, “MINHO IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO SUCKER PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN THE GUT!”
“Hyung, please. The neighbors will start to complain.”
“So what? He needs to come out already.”
“Let me take care of it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll get him out of the bathroom.”
“How long?”
“Five minutes tops.”
“Fuck this, I’m going down to the lobby to pee. I can barely hold it anymore.”
“Fine,” Taemin watches his hyung walk down the hall and out the dorm before he turns back to the door in front of him. He was thankful that Key and Onew were covering for Leeteuk and Eunhyuk at Kiss the Radio today. He grabbed the key for the bathroom and unlocked the door before slowly opening it. The silent sobs of the older immediately fill his ears, he’s heard it so many times that it’s now like he’s hearing it in surround sound. The door closes slowly behind him. His steps towards the shower are timid and careful. He was afraid of what he would see once he pulled the curtains aside.
His hand reaches into the shower, turning off the water before he pulled away the fabric blocking him from Minho. He was just buying time at this point even though he knew that he shouldn’t be. The images of the last time this happened flood his mind. He hopes that this time things will be different. His hand grips the shower curtains and pulls it away to reveal a naked Minho curled up into a ball, crying his eyes out. Taemin quickly grabs the towel from the rack and covers his hyung with it. He could see the body trembling from the cold and hear the chattering teeth.
“Hyung, come on,” he says barely above a whisper, rubbing the towel up and down the naked body in hopes of warming it up. The fact that he could feel the coldness of the skin beneath the towel scared him, “You’ve been in here long enough. We need to get you out of the tub and into some nice warm clothes or you’ll catch a cold.”
Minho doesn’t respond, he continues to just lay there. No matter how much he wanted his body to move, it wouldn’t listen to him. He was slowly getting feeling back as the maknae continued to rub his body with the now slightly damp towel. Minho turned his head a few centimeters to look at his best friend. The person who has been with him since all of this happened. The only person who knew about the severity of his condition. The person who promised to keep all of this a secret if he promised to take better care of himself and Minho was trying. He was honestly trying to keep his promise to his best friend, but it was so hard at times. And this was one of those times.
“Hyung, please get up before the others come back. I don’t know if you’ll keep buying my excuses. Onew hyung is starting to seem a little suspicious,” Taemin pleaded, he wasn’t really afraid of the others finding them, but more afraid of the possibility of hypothermia. No matter how hard he tried to warm Minho up, it seemed like his temperature was remaining the same. It looked like he was going to have to try and carry the tall boy on his own. He slung the towel over his shoulder and reached down to the rapper. He placed his hands under Minho’s arms and made sure he had a good grip on the other before he started to heave him upwards. If he can get Minho to a standing position, he should be able to swing the older’s arm around his shoulder and half drag/half carry him to his bedroom.
It took them a few minutes and thankfully no one had entered their dorm. Jonghyun must have gotten side tracked or went out to get some food before coming back upstairs. It was working out perfectly for Taemin and Minho. The maknae was able to get Minho to his room in no time and laid him down on the bed. He wrapped the older in his comforter before sneaking back out to get some dry clothes for him.
“Ah!” he jumps back right when Onew is about to enter their room, “Hyung don’t scare me like that.” Taemin clutched at his chest that was heaving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. His heart was beating extremely fast as well. He didn’t forget to block the door from their leader though. The last thing he needed was for Onew to see the current state Minho was in. There wasn’t an excuse he could use to explain it. Sure he could tell Onew that Minho was just in the shower for a long time, but there was no reason as to why the rapper was there for so long and now seemed to be half-conscious and on the brink of hypothermia.
“Sorry Minnie, didn’t mean to scare you like that. Are you okay?” Onew placed a hand on the youngest’s shoulder and gently squeezed it.
“Y-yeah hyung. I’m okay. Just trying to steady my breath and calm down my heart.”
“Okay, now can you move so I can get into our room. I need to grab some clothes so I can go and work out for a little bit before dinner,” Onew tries to move around Taemin, but his passage is blocked, “Minnie, seriously? I don’t have time to play games with you. Can you please move so I can get my stuff?”
“Hyung, you can’t go in there!” Taemin said as he tried to think of a quick answer to the question that would inevitably follow.
“Why not?”
“Because Minho hyung is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him. You know since he’s been so restless and lethargic lately.”
“Minnie,” the look their leader gave him told him that he didn’t buy a single word he just said, “I know that you and Minho are keeping something from us. What’s going on? I’m starting to worry myself since Minho seems to be progressively getting worst. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“Hyung,” Taemin started to shuffle his feet and wring his hands together. He though long and hard about what he should do. Onew was right, things were getting worst with Minho. He thought he would be able to handle it, but he wasn’t so sure now. Perhaps telling Onew would be a good thing, he was older and wiser. He would be able to help Minho a lot more than Taemin could, “Okay. I’ll tell you, but on one condition.”
“Okay.”
“You can’t tell Jonghyun and Key about this. Especially Key.”
“Why?”
“You’ll understand when I tell you everything. And I mean everything. It’ll take some time, you probably won’t be able to get your work out in.”
“That’s okay. As long as you tell me what’s going on.”
“I will, but first I need to get him some clothes. Keep an eye on him for me?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll be right back,” Taemin finally moved to the side and let Onew step into their room. The moment he stepped foot into the quiet room, he could already seeing Minho’s body shaking on the maknae’s bed. Onew quickly made his way over to the rapper and sat down beside him, “Minho-yah,” he shook the taller’s shoulder but got no response. He continued to shake the other and breathed out a sigh of relief when he finally got a groan just as Taemin returns with sweats in hand. They work together to help the lead rapper into the clothes, flinching at the feeling of the cold skin beneath their finger tips.
“He’s freezing Minnie!” Onew tries not to yell as they wrap several blankets around Minho, “How long was he in the shower?”
“About forty minutes or so.”
“WHAT?! You better start telling me everything now. What’s going on with him?” Onew brushes the still damp hair out of Minho’s face. His teeth were no longer chattering which was a good sign, he was finally warming up, slowly but surely. Taemin climbed onto the bed beside Minho and cuddle up next to him in hopes of his own body warmth helping to thaw his hyung.
“It’s a long story hyung.”
“We have the time Minnie.”
“You should lock the door, I don’t want the others walking in and hearing this.”
“Okay,” Onew got up and locked the door before going back to his seat next to Minho on the bed. He grabbed Minho’s hand and started to warm it between his own. He was really starting to worry about his dongsaeng. Minho was never one to care so little about his health, he was the one that was always telling the members to exercise and eat healthy. But the state he was currently in showed little to no signs of that, “Okay Minnie, tell me what’s going on.”
Taemin took a deep breath, getting closer to Minho and hugging him tight, “You remember when Minho and Key used to date right?”
“Yeah it was during our trainee days and it lasted until Amigo promotions right?”
“Yeah. Do you remember why they broke up?”
“Hm,” Onew thought about it, he really thought about it, but couldn’t come up with an answer. All he knew was that one day the two were dating and happy and the next they had broken up, “No, I don’t.”
“Probably because neither of them really talked about their break up. Well until recently at least. Minho told me everything when I found him in the bathroom hyung like I did not too long ago, except it was different. It was worst,” Taemin said the last sentence barely loud enough for Onew to hear it.
“How was it worst?”
“He was bleeding hyung.”
“What?!” Onew shouted.
“Shh, hyung please keep your voice down.”
“Yah!” Key yelled from the other room, he was probably working on dinner at the moment, “What’s going on in there? Onew you better not be throwing Minnie on the bed again! Remember what happened last time? We had to rush him to the hospital after he hit his head on the floor!”
“Don’t worry umma!” Taemin shouts back, “We’re just talking.” He turns back to their leader whose attention was back on Minho. He was staring at the other with nothing but concern in his eyes. Taemin also turned his attention to Minho and brushed his hand against the older’s cheek, it wasn’t as cold as it was before, another good sign. And it seems as though the rapper had fallen asleep, exhaustion finally taking over his body. At least the tears had finally stopped.
“Go on Minnie,” Onew finally says.
“They broke up because Key umma told him that he was falling in love with Jonghyun hyung and that Jonghyun hyung had confessed to him. So Minho let him go. He said it was because he wanted umma to be happy and if it no longer was with him then he’d have to be okay with it. But I saw the pain he was going through at the time. Anyone could see it if they really looked in his eyes. He was really good at concealing it. I mean everyone bought his happy, go lucky front, but I knew otherwise. I knew just how badly his heart was aching on the inside. I knew just how much he truly loves umma and how much it pains him to see umma with Jonghyun hyung. But as time passed I thought he was getting better, I wasn’t seeing the sadness I used to in his eyes. I was wrong though, he just got better at hiding it,” Taemin goes silent as tears start to well up in his eyes. He hated seeing his best friend like this and not being able to do anything about it. It was like he was stuck behind an unbreakable glass wall, able to look in on his friend and see everything he was going through but unable to do anything to help him get out. He was completely useless to Minho and he hated that feeling.
“Minnie?”
“Yes hyung?”
“You said you found Minho bleeding before.”
“Yeah.”
“Why was he bleeding?” Taemin doesn’t answer the question right away, but instead grabs the hand that was sandwiched between Onew’s. He turns it so that the wrist is facing him. He can still see the line that ran down the slim wrist. It was finally starting to fade now, but Taemin still saw the angry red cut that seeped blood the first time he found Minho in the tub. He finally turns the wrist to Onew, tears blurring his vision now, “What is it?”
“Do you see that white line?” he’s able to trace over the faint scar without looking at it now. That’s how badly the imagine was burned into his mind.
“Yes.”
“Minho hyung cut himself. It wasn’t deep enough to do damage, but it wasn’t shallow. He was bleeding steadily when I found him.” Onew studied the scar and ran his one finger over it. How could he not know about this? How could he not have seen just how badly his member was getting? He silent cursed and beat himself up inside as his eyes and finger kept tracing over the scar. How did things get so bad for Minho and was there any way they could help him? Onew didn’t know and he was afraid to think that Minho was on the brink of no return. He was wavering that fine line, no one knowing which way he would fall. The only thing Onew could hope for was that Minho was still straddling the line evenly. Half his body on the side where he completely lets go and the other half still fighting to hold on.
*~*
Key walked into the bedroom, everyone was already awake and ready for the day except one person. It was weird walking into the room he shared with Taemin and Onew. He actually hasn’t slept in this room in months, he was normally in Jonghyun’s bed. Guilt normally filled his heart at night because he knew that his ex-boyfriend was laying in the bed beside them, but then again Minho was starting to make a habit of falling asleep on the couch. No one was able to move him from that spot until morning came, so Key would just brush off the guilt like it was nothing.
He stayed by the door watching the sleeping form on Taemin’s bed. The slow and steady movement of the body going up and down as the tall boy slept soundly, curled up in blankets. Key finally snapped out of his daze and walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside Minho as he started to shake the other boy, “Minho-ssi wake up! We have to leave in an hour and you can’t sleep in anymore. I should have come to wake you up sooner, but Onew and Taemin insisted that we let you sleep a little bit more. So it’s time to wake up. Come on.” Key’s face scrunched up when he got absolutely no response from the younger. Minho was hard to wake up, but he wasn’t this hard. Normally if you shook him long enough he’d slowly start to wake up, but not this time. Key continued to shake him, but the body remained limp and heavy.
He looked up at Minho’s face and noticed that his hair was plastered to his face from sweat. A pout forms on the diva’s lips as he brings his hand up to Minho’s forehead. He quickly withdraws it with a gasp. Minho was burning up, no wonder he wasn’t responding to his attempts at waking him up. How did he get so sick so fast? He seemed perfectly healthy yesterday, what happened? Key rushed out of the room and into the bathroom in search of the thermometer. He almost runs right into Jonghyun on his way back to the room.
“Whoa, baby where’s the fire?” Jonghyun says as he catches his boyfriend in his arms.
“On Minho’s forehead,” Key pushes past the shorter and back to his room, the other right on his heels.
“What do you mean on Minho’s forehead? That question was hypothetical,” Jonghyun watched as Key coaxed Minho’s mouth open and slips the thermometer in, “What are you doing babe?”
“He’s burning up yeobo,” Key watches Minho intently, waiting for the beep so he can find out the actual temperature of the younger. Jonghyun walks over and places his own hand on Minho’s forehead, quickly extracting it after the briefest touch.
“You’re not kidding. When did he get sick?”
“I don’t know. He seemed perfectly okay yesterday,” just then Taemin comes walking into the room, but quickly speeds up his step when he sees the other two crowding Minho.
“Yah, what are you doing?” he says when he reaches them, “He’s asleep, let him be.”
“Minnie, do you know how Minho got so sick so fast?” Key asked, pulling the thermometer out and checking the display, “OMO! 105 degrees!”
“Hmph, he’s probably sick from his long ass shower yesterday,” Jonghyun says under his breath as he gets up off the bed to make his way back to the kitchen.
“Umma, I’ll take care of Minho hyung. You go and finish eating,” Taemin says attempting to push the older back out the door.
“I think we need to take Minho to the hospital Minnie. His temperature is way too high. And his fever came out of nowhere. I’ll go call manager hyung,” Key gives the sleeping boy one last worried look before stepping out of the room.
“Hyung,” Taemin grabs a tissue from the nightstand and starts to pat the sweat off of Minho’s forehead, “Why are you letting yourself get this bad? What happened? I thought you were getting better. You told me you were getting better. Did you lie to me?” He continued to talk to his hyung not knowing that Key was standing at the door the entire time.
*~*
Minho sat in bed, covers pulled up on his lap, staring out the window. He ended up spending the night at the hospital, not only was he running a high fever but he was also dehydrated. So the doctors insisted that he stay over night so they can hook him up to an IV. But now he was back at their dorm, still running a fever, but it wasn’t as high as yesterday. Manager and the rest of his members decided that it would be best if he took a few days to rest. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and let out a deep, long sigh. He had no idea when things got so bad for him. He tried to think of when his life took a turn for the worst, but came up with nothing.
His life seemed to have gone downhill ever since Key broke up with him for Jonghyun. Even though Minho did his best to be happy for Key and get over him, he couldn’t. His heart ached and longed for the slightly older man or at least what was left of it. Because when they broke up, Key took his heart with him. It was kind of pathetic just how much he actually needed the diva in his life. But he didn’t care, all he knew was that no matter what happened he was in love with Key and there was nothing he could do to change it. He tried to like other people, he truly did. He even tried to date a little, but it never went past a second date. Every single person he met, he found himself comparing to Key unconsciously. The kid has ruined him for other people because when it all came down to it, no one could compare to the almighty Key.
“Minho-yah,” comes a voice from the door, but he doesn’t bother to look at who it could be. He didn’t care, he just wanted to be left alone. There was a soft click from the door followed by shuffling footsteps. It wasn’t until he felt something placed over his lap that he finally turned away from the window. He was met by the sight of the last person he wanted to see or was he the only person Minho wanted to see, “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” Minho crossed his arms across his chest and turned back to the window. He couldn’t look at Key without feeling this sharp pain in his chest. He couldn’t look at Key without feeling the need to cry until he felt like throwing up, not like he had anything in his stomach to throw up.
“Come on Minho, you haven’t really eaten since the day before yesterday. The only nutrients you’ve gotten is from the IV that you were hooked up to. You really should eat,” Key pushed the tray closer to Minho before stirring the soup he had cooked just for the other.
“I told you that I’m not hungry.”
“And I told you that you need to eat. How do you expect to get better if you don’t eat hm? Why are you even letting yourself get this way? Aren’t you the one who’s always nagging us about our health and here you are totally ignoring your own,” Minho could hear the irritation in Key’s voice, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Key to leave. The pain in his chest was so much worst when the diva was close to him. Why couldn’t Key see that? Why couldn’t he see how much just his presence pains Minho? “So quit being a brat and eat your damn food.”
“Flattery isn’t going to work on me.”
“Minho,” Key’s voice is soft now and he reaches out to grab one of Minho’s hands. He notices the way the lead rapper flinches when their hand meets and his heart sinks. Minho turns to look at their hands and then up at Key. They ensue in a rather intense staring contest.
“Baby! I need your help!” Jonghyun calls from outside the room causing Minho to snatch his hand away and turn back to the window.
“You should go,” he says rather coldly.
“Jjongie can get Onew or Taemin to help him,” Key replies and moves to grab the taller’s hand again, but he turns his body away. A frown starts to form on Key’s lips, he wanted to know why Minho was acting like this all of a sudden. Well it’s actually been going on for months now, but whenever Key tried to get alone with Minho so they can talk about it, the taller always manages to escape from it. Maybe now was the time to finally get some answers out of him, not like he could go anywhere, he was confined to his bed, “Minho please look at me.”
“Baby! Please! I need your help!” Jonghyun continues to yell.
“Get Onew or Taemin to help you!” Key yells back.
“Shiro! I want you to help me!”
“Aish,” Key bows his head, he knows that Jonghyun won’t let up until he got what he wanted. But he didn’t want to just leave Minho here, they needed to talk.
“KEY!!!!”
“Fine, fine, fine! I’m coming! Quit your whining already! I swear you’re worst than a kid sometimes Kim Jonghyun!” Key complains as he gets off the bed and makes his way to the door, “Sometimes I wonder why I’m even dating you!”
“Because you love me and I do that thing that makes your blood boil, but in a good way.”
“Will you quit telling everyone our business!” Key looks back to the boy in the bed. He was still staring out the window, arms crossed over his chest, food long forgotten. A sigh escapes his lips as he walks out the room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t see the tears streaming down Minho’s face.
“It will always be him over me huh Kibum? Even when I’m sick, you’ll always go running to his side the moment he calls for you. Why can’t I just stop loving you? Why can’t I just let you go and end this hell that I’ve been living in since we broke up? I love you Kim Kibum, why can’t you see that?”
*~*
Key was cleaning the dorm while everyone else was out. Minho was off recording Dream Team, Taemin and Onew were at Star King, and Jonghyun was at his physical therapy appointment. Normally, Key would go with his boyfriend but he didn’t feel like it today. He wanted to be left alone so he could think about the things that happened in the past week. There was only one member in particular he was really worried about. And that was Choi Minho. The group’s flaming charisma seemed to be slowly losing his spark. Key noticed that Minho was different when they were out in public and when they were in the dorms as well. The lead rapper was always smiling and laughing whenever they were at their schedules, but the moment they were back the dorm he would change. He would slump to his room and not come out until it was time for dinner. Key also saw how Onew and Taemin were keeping a closer eye on the rapper, especially Taemin. There was rarely a time that he wasn’t by Minho’s side, treating him as though he was a porcelain doll.
Key moved from Jonghyun’s side of the room to Minho’s. There really wasn’t much to clean on the rapper’s side since he didn’t really spend time in that room anyways. A little bit of dusting and Key would be able to move on to the next room. He started to fix the bed, the one that Minho hasn’t slept in in months, but for some reason Key still felt the need to straighten it. He lifts the pillow and a soft thud catches his attention. He looks down at the floor to find a book, “Must be Minho’s journal.” He bent down and picked up with intentions to place it right where he had found it, but then the urge to read it came over him. He knew that he shouldn’t invade the other’s privacy, but he needed to know what was going on. He was worried and since Minho always avoided his attempts at talking, this was the only way.
Key settled on the bed and slowly opened the book to the first page. His eyes scanned over the words that the rapper had written and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Minho was mostly writing about their schedules and promoting their second full length album. It looks like he started this journal before he ruptured his muscle. Key continued to read and was about to stop because the journal wasn’t helping him at all. Everything he’s read didn’t explain what was going on now. Then he read this:
I still love him. No matter what I do. I still love him just like I did before, if not more.
Who did Minho still love? Key continued to read in hopes of finding his answer.
It hurts so much to see him sometimes. Especially when he’s with Jonghyun.
Wait, was Minho talking about him? Was he the person that the rapper still loved?
How come it hurts so much more now than it did when we first broke up? Why is the pain I feel whenever I see them together almost unbearable for me now?
Minho was definitely talking about Key. He was sure of it now.
I wish I didn’t love him. I wish I never did in the first place. I regret it. I regret all of it. Our whole relationship, the time we spent together, the love we shared. All of it, I wish it never happened.
Key didn’t know why his heart just shattered as he read that last part. He knew that Minho was heart broken after their break up, but he didn’t expect the other to feel this way about them. He still cherished all his memories of when they were together, probably a little too much. Jonghyun really didn’t like the fact that Key still wore the necklace that Minho had given him on their 100th day anniversary. But the diva just couldn’t bear to part with it. It was special to him and he could still feel the love that they shared whenever he wore it.
“Key! Baby! Where are you?” Jonghyun called as he entered the dorm. Key quickly stuffed the journal back under the pillow and wiped away the tears he didn’t know had fallen just as Jonghyun walked into the room, “Oh there you are baby.”
“Hi honey, how was your appointment?” Key got up from the bed and walked to his boyfriend, placing a quick kiss on the shorter’s lips.
“Good, the doctor said I should be able to rejoin schedules soon. Until then,” Jonghyun wrapped his arms around the diva and started to place kisses all over his neck, “We have some time before the other’s get home and we haven’t done it in week.”
“Jjongie, we shouldn’t,” Key tries to push him away, but isn’t successful, “What if they come home early.”
“Baby come one. Please I need you.”
“Jjongie,” Key’s voice hitches as he says the other’s name.
“Are you saying that you don’t want to have sex with me at all?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then come on baby. We rarely ever get the dorm to ourselves and I really want to show you just how much I love you,” they were laying on Jonghyun’s bed now. The shorter was hovering above the other as he started to kiss his neck again. Key tried to shove Jonghyun off of him again and this time he was successful, the older falling to the floor with a loud thud, “What the hell baby?!”
“Omo! I’m sorry,” Key climbed off the bed and helped his boyfriend up, dusting the invisible dirt off of him.
“What’s going on baby? Normally you’d jump at the opportunity to spend some alone time with me,” they move back to the bed and snuggle up, arms wrapped around one another.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not in the mood. I have other things on my mind.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you take your mind off of them?” Jonghyun turns Key to face him and brings their lips together. Key doesn’t fight him this time and gives into the lips he’s grown so accustomed to these past few years. They moved with ease around each other and soon enough they were laying down on the bed. Jonghyun was on top slowly trying to take things further as he nipped at the younger’s bottom lip for entrance. The diva complied and opened his mouth. Their hands started to wander over each other’s body and underneath clothes.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t know you guys were home,” Minho’s deep voice came from the door. Key immediately pushed Jonghyun away as if he was just caught cheating on his boyfriend. Wait, Jonghyun is his boyfriend not Minho so why was he feeling guilty all of a sudden.
“Geez Minho! I swear you have the worst timing,” Jonghyun whined as he rolled off of Key.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll just grab my sweats and leave you two alone,” Key watched as Minho blinded grabbed the closest pair of sweats to him and quickly left the room.
“Now where were we?” Jonghyun moves to pick up where they had left off, but Key pushes him away.
“Don’t. I have a headache now,” he rubs his forehead for added affect.
“Ugh, did you want me to get you some ibuprofen then?” Jonghyun says as he gets up from the bed, Key can see the bulge that was already growing in his pants. He felt a little bad for leaving him high and dry, but then decided he’d make it up to him later. He just didn’t feel like doing it right now, not when Minho just walked in on them and not after what he just read in Minho’s journal.
“Do you mind?”
“Nope, not at all. It might be awhile though, I have to take care of something else first.”
“Uh huh, sure, whatever you say honey,” Key was lost in his thoughts again, completely oblivious to the other in the room. His mind was still on Minho and the look on his face just now. There was pain written all over it and the guilt he was feeling increased tenfold. He needed to talk to Minho tonight no matter what. Even if he had to tie the other down to a chair. He decided that the moment that Minho came back from his jog, they were going to talk.
CLICKY TO GO TO PART TWO!!!!
AUTHOR: giveitupjessica
RATING: PG-15
GENRE: Angst
PAIRING: JongKey, MinKey, bff!2min
WARNING: Mention of cutting, severely depressed Minho
SUMMARY: I can't sleep at night. Every day and every night, I'm frantically searching for you. I can't believe it, no never. Tell me if this is really the end. It hurts so bad, but no matter how I'm going to hold onto you. Because without you, I'm just so lost in love.
A/N: Broke this into two parts so it'll be easier to read. Link to the second part is down at the bottom. Hope you like it. I was in the mood to write angst yesterday and finally finished it today. For those of you who read RIGHT HERE I'll be starting on the next chapter and hopefully have it posted by tomorrow. I'm so happy my muse is back! I've even been thinking about MISGUIDED ANGEL and how to continue it. Does anyone even remember that fic? keke.
LOST IN LOVE BECAUSE OF YOU PT. 1
Minho was curled into a tight ball in the shower. The water was nice and hot when he first stepped in, but was now ice cold. He shivered under the stinging drops of water that hit his bare body. His teeth were chattering and his body was trembling, but he didn’t notice any of it. The only thing he was aware of were the warm tears that were spilling from his eyes, mixing with the tap water coming from above.
“YAH!” Jonghyun yelled as he banged on the door, “Minho-ssi! Come on! You’ve already used all the hot water, what else could you be doing in there? I need to pee! COME ON!”
Minho paid no attention to the yelling and banging coming from the other side of the door. He actually couldn’t hear any of it. His heart was pounding in his ears, drowning out all other noise. And even if he did hear Jonghyun, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything. He couldn’t move, his body was locked in place. All the energy was drained from his body. The only thing he could do was cry.
“Jonghyun hyung, stop yelling,” Taemin said as he placed a hand on the older’s shoulder.
“He’s been in there for almost forty five minutes though! I have to fucking pee! I’m about to piss my pants,” Jonghyun turns back to the door and continues his banging, “MINHO IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO SUCKER PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN THE GUT!”
“Hyung, please. The neighbors will start to complain.”
“So what? He needs to come out already.”
“Let me take care of it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll get him out of the bathroom.”
“How long?”
“Five minutes tops.”
“Fuck this, I’m going down to the lobby to pee. I can barely hold it anymore.”
“Fine,” Taemin watches his hyung walk down the hall and out the dorm before he turns back to the door in front of him. He was thankful that Key and Onew were covering for Leeteuk and Eunhyuk at Kiss the Radio today. He grabbed the key for the bathroom and unlocked the door before slowly opening it. The silent sobs of the older immediately fill his ears, he’s heard it so many times that it’s now like he’s hearing it in surround sound. The door closes slowly behind him. His steps towards the shower are timid and careful. He was afraid of what he would see once he pulled the curtains aside.
His hand reaches into the shower, turning off the water before he pulled away the fabric blocking him from Minho. He was just buying time at this point even though he knew that he shouldn’t be. The images of the last time this happened flood his mind. He hopes that this time things will be different. His hand grips the shower curtains and pulls it away to reveal a naked Minho curled up into a ball, crying his eyes out. Taemin quickly grabs the towel from the rack and covers his hyung with it. He could see the body trembling from the cold and hear the chattering teeth.
“Hyung, come on,” he says barely above a whisper, rubbing the towel up and down the naked body in hopes of warming it up. The fact that he could feel the coldness of the skin beneath the towel scared him, “You’ve been in here long enough. We need to get you out of the tub and into some nice warm clothes or you’ll catch a cold.”
Minho doesn’t respond, he continues to just lay there. No matter how much he wanted his body to move, it wouldn’t listen to him. He was slowly getting feeling back as the maknae continued to rub his body with the now slightly damp towel. Minho turned his head a few centimeters to look at his best friend. The person who has been with him since all of this happened. The only person who knew about the severity of his condition. The person who promised to keep all of this a secret if he promised to take better care of himself and Minho was trying. He was honestly trying to keep his promise to his best friend, but it was so hard at times. And this was one of those times.
“Hyung, please get up before the others come back. I don’t know if you’ll keep buying my excuses. Onew hyung is starting to seem a little suspicious,” Taemin pleaded, he wasn’t really afraid of the others finding them, but more afraid of the possibility of hypothermia. No matter how hard he tried to warm Minho up, it seemed like his temperature was remaining the same. It looked like he was going to have to try and carry the tall boy on his own. He slung the towel over his shoulder and reached down to the rapper. He placed his hands under Minho’s arms and made sure he had a good grip on the other before he started to heave him upwards. If he can get Minho to a standing position, he should be able to swing the older’s arm around his shoulder and half drag/half carry him to his bedroom.
It took them a few minutes and thankfully no one had entered their dorm. Jonghyun must have gotten side tracked or went out to get some food before coming back upstairs. It was working out perfectly for Taemin and Minho. The maknae was able to get Minho to his room in no time and laid him down on the bed. He wrapped the older in his comforter before sneaking back out to get some dry clothes for him.
“Ah!” he jumps back right when Onew is about to enter their room, “Hyung don’t scare me like that.” Taemin clutched at his chest that was heaving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. His heart was beating extremely fast as well. He didn’t forget to block the door from their leader though. The last thing he needed was for Onew to see the current state Minho was in. There wasn’t an excuse he could use to explain it. Sure he could tell Onew that Minho was just in the shower for a long time, but there was no reason as to why the rapper was there for so long and now seemed to be half-conscious and on the brink of hypothermia.
“Sorry Minnie, didn’t mean to scare you like that. Are you okay?” Onew placed a hand on the youngest’s shoulder and gently squeezed it.
“Y-yeah hyung. I’m okay. Just trying to steady my breath and calm down my heart.”
“Okay, now can you move so I can get into our room. I need to grab some clothes so I can go and work out for a little bit before dinner,” Onew tries to move around Taemin, but his passage is blocked, “Minnie, seriously? I don’t have time to play games with you. Can you please move so I can get my stuff?”
“Hyung, you can’t go in there!” Taemin said as he tried to think of a quick answer to the question that would inevitably follow.
“Why not?”
“Because Minho hyung is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him. You know since he’s been so restless and lethargic lately.”
“Minnie,” the look their leader gave him told him that he didn’t buy a single word he just said, “I know that you and Minho are keeping something from us. What’s going on? I’m starting to worry myself since Minho seems to be progressively getting worst. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“Hyung,” Taemin started to shuffle his feet and wring his hands together. He though long and hard about what he should do. Onew was right, things were getting worst with Minho. He thought he would be able to handle it, but he wasn’t so sure now. Perhaps telling Onew would be a good thing, he was older and wiser. He would be able to help Minho a lot more than Taemin could, “Okay. I’ll tell you, but on one condition.”
“Okay.”
“You can’t tell Jonghyun and Key about this. Especially Key.”
“Why?”
“You’ll understand when I tell you everything. And I mean everything. It’ll take some time, you probably won’t be able to get your work out in.”
“That’s okay. As long as you tell me what’s going on.”
“I will, but first I need to get him some clothes. Keep an eye on him for me?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll be right back,” Taemin finally moved to the side and let Onew step into their room. The moment he stepped foot into the quiet room, he could already seeing Minho’s body shaking on the maknae’s bed. Onew quickly made his way over to the rapper and sat down beside him, “Minho-yah,” he shook the taller’s shoulder but got no response. He continued to shake the other and breathed out a sigh of relief when he finally got a groan just as Taemin returns with sweats in hand. They work together to help the lead rapper into the clothes, flinching at the feeling of the cold skin beneath their finger tips.
“He’s freezing Minnie!” Onew tries not to yell as they wrap several blankets around Minho, “How long was he in the shower?”
“About forty minutes or so.”
“WHAT?! You better start telling me everything now. What’s going on with him?” Onew brushes the still damp hair out of Minho’s face. His teeth were no longer chattering which was a good sign, he was finally warming up, slowly but surely. Taemin climbed onto the bed beside Minho and cuddle up next to him in hopes of his own body warmth helping to thaw his hyung.
“It’s a long story hyung.”
“We have the time Minnie.”
“You should lock the door, I don’t want the others walking in and hearing this.”
“Okay,” Onew got up and locked the door before going back to his seat next to Minho on the bed. He grabbed Minho’s hand and started to warm it between his own. He was really starting to worry about his dongsaeng. Minho was never one to care so little about his health, he was the one that was always telling the members to exercise and eat healthy. But the state he was currently in showed little to no signs of that, “Okay Minnie, tell me what’s going on.”
Taemin took a deep breath, getting closer to Minho and hugging him tight, “You remember when Minho and Key used to date right?”
“Yeah it was during our trainee days and it lasted until Amigo promotions right?”
“Yeah. Do you remember why they broke up?”
“Hm,” Onew thought about it, he really thought about it, but couldn’t come up with an answer. All he knew was that one day the two were dating and happy and the next they had broken up, “No, I don’t.”
“Probably because neither of them really talked about their break up. Well until recently at least. Minho told me everything when I found him in the bathroom hyung like I did not too long ago, except it was different. It was worst,” Taemin said the last sentence barely loud enough for Onew to hear it.
“How was it worst?”
“He was bleeding hyung.”
“What?!” Onew shouted.
“Shh, hyung please keep your voice down.”
“Yah!” Key yelled from the other room, he was probably working on dinner at the moment, “What’s going on in there? Onew you better not be throwing Minnie on the bed again! Remember what happened last time? We had to rush him to the hospital after he hit his head on the floor!”
“Don’t worry umma!” Taemin shouts back, “We’re just talking.” He turns back to their leader whose attention was back on Minho. He was staring at the other with nothing but concern in his eyes. Taemin also turned his attention to Minho and brushed his hand against the older’s cheek, it wasn’t as cold as it was before, another good sign. And it seems as though the rapper had fallen asleep, exhaustion finally taking over his body. At least the tears had finally stopped.
“Go on Minnie,” Onew finally says.
“They broke up because Key umma told him that he was falling in love with Jonghyun hyung and that Jonghyun hyung had confessed to him. So Minho let him go. He said it was because he wanted umma to be happy and if it no longer was with him then he’d have to be okay with it. But I saw the pain he was going through at the time. Anyone could see it if they really looked in his eyes. He was really good at concealing it. I mean everyone bought his happy, go lucky front, but I knew otherwise. I knew just how badly his heart was aching on the inside. I knew just how much he truly loves umma and how much it pains him to see umma with Jonghyun hyung. But as time passed I thought he was getting better, I wasn’t seeing the sadness I used to in his eyes. I was wrong though, he just got better at hiding it,” Taemin goes silent as tears start to well up in his eyes. He hated seeing his best friend like this and not being able to do anything about it. It was like he was stuck behind an unbreakable glass wall, able to look in on his friend and see everything he was going through but unable to do anything to help him get out. He was completely useless to Minho and he hated that feeling.
“Minnie?”
“Yes hyung?”
“You said you found Minho bleeding before.”
“Yeah.”
“Why was he bleeding?” Taemin doesn’t answer the question right away, but instead grabs the hand that was sandwiched between Onew’s. He turns it so that the wrist is facing him. He can still see the line that ran down the slim wrist. It was finally starting to fade now, but Taemin still saw the angry red cut that seeped blood the first time he found Minho in the tub. He finally turns the wrist to Onew, tears blurring his vision now, “What is it?”
“Do you see that white line?” he’s able to trace over the faint scar without looking at it now. That’s how badly the imagine was burned into his mind.
“Yes.”
“Minho hyung cut himself. It wasn’t deep enough to do damage, but it wasn’t shallow. He was bleeding steadily when I found him.” Onew studied the scar and ran his one finger over it. How could he not know about this? How could he not have seen just how badly his member was getting? He silent cursed and beat himself up inside as his eyes and finger kept tracing over the scar. How did things get so bad for Minho and was there any way they could help him? Onew didn’t know and he was afraid to think that Minho was on the brink of no return. He was wavering that fine line, no one knowing which way he would fall. The only thing Onew could hope for was that Minho was still straddling the line evenly. Half his body on the side where he completely lets go and the other half still fighting to hold on.
*~*
Key walked into the bedroom, everyone was already awake and ready for the day except one person. It was weird walking into the room he shared with Taemin and Onew. He actually hasn’t slept in this room in months, he was normally in Jonghyun’s bed. Guilt normally filled his heart at night because he knew that his ex-boyfriend was laying in the bed beside them, but then again Minho was starting to make a habit of falling asleep on the couch. No one was able to move him from that spot until morning came, so Key would just brush off the guilt like it was nothing.
He stayed by the door watching the sleeping form on Taemin’s bed. The slow and steady movement of the body going up and down as the tall boy slept soundly, curled up in blankets. Key finally snapped out of his daze and walked towards the bed, taking a seat beside Minho as he started to shake the other boy, “Minho-ssi wake up! We have to leave in an hour and you can’t sleep in anymore. I should have come to wake you up sooner, but Onew and Taemin insisted that we let you sleep a little bit more. So it’s time to wake up. Come on.” Key’s face scrunched up when he got absolutely no response from the younger. Minho was hard to wake up, but he wasn’t this hard. Normally if you shook him long enough he’d slowly start to wake up, but not this time. Key continued to shake him, but the body remained limp and heavy.
He looked up at Minho’s face and noticed that his hair was plastered to his face from sweat. A pout forms on the diva’s lips as he brings his hand up to Minho’s forehead. He quickly withdraws it with a gasp. Minho was burning up, no wonder he wasn’t responding to his attempts at waking him up. How did he get so sick so fast? He seemed perfectly healthy yesterday, what happened? Key rushed out of the room and into the bathroom in search of the thermometer. He almost runs right into Jonghyun on his way back to the room.
“Whoa, baby where’s the fire?” Jonghyun says as he catches his boyfriend in his arms.
“On Minho’s forehead,” Key pushes past the shorter and back to his room, the other right on his heels.
“What do you mean on Minho’s forehead? That question was hypothetical,” Jonghyun watched as Key coaxed Minho’s mouth open and slips the thermometer in, “What are you doing babe?”
“He’s burning up yeobo,” Key watches Minho intently, waiting for the beep so he can find out the actual temperature of the younger. Jonghyun walks over and places his own hand on Minho’s forehead, quickly extracting it after the briefest touch.
“You’re not kidding. When did he get sick?”
“I don’t know. He seemed perfectly okay yesterday,” just then Taemin comes walking into the room, but quickly speeds up his step when he sees the other two crowding Minho.
“Yah, what are you doing?” he says when he reaches them, “He’s asleep, let him be.”
“Minnie, do you know how Minho got so sick so fast?” Key asked, pulling the thermometer out and checking the display, “OMO! 105 degrees!”
“Hmph, he’s probably sick from his long ass shower yesterday,” Jonghyun says under his breath as he gets up off the bed to make his way back to the kitchen.
“Umma, I’ll take care of Minho hyung. You go and finish eating,” Taemin says attempting to push the older back out the door.
“I think we need to take Minho to the hospital Minnie. His temperature is way too high. And his fever came out of nowhere. I’ll go call manager hyung,” Key gives the sleeping boy one last worried look before stepping out of the room.
“Hyung,” Taemin grabs a tissue from the nightstand and starts to pat the sweat off of Minho’s forehead, “Why are you letting yourself get this bad? What happened? I thought you were getting better. You told me you were getting better. Did you lie to me?” He continued to talk to his hyung not knowing that Key was standing at the door the entire time.
*~*
Minho sat in bed, covers pulled up on his lap, staring out the window. He ended up spending the night at the hospital, not only was he running a high fever but he was also dehydrated. So the doctors insisted that he stay over night so they can hook him up to an IV. But now he was back at their dorm, still running a fever, but it wasn’t as high as yesterday. Manager and the rest of his members decided that it would be best if he took a few days to rest. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and let out a deep, long sigh. He had no idea when things got so bad for him. He tried to think of when his life took a turn for the worst, but came up with nothing.
His life seemed to have gone downhill ever since Key broke up with him for Jonghyun. Even though Minho did his best to be happy for Key and get over him, he couldn’t. His heart ached and longed for the slightly older man or at least what was left of it. Because when they broke up, Key took his heart with him. It was kind of pathetic just how much he actually needed the diva in his life. But he didn’t care, all he knew was that no matter what happened he was in love with Key and there was nothing he could do to change it. He tried to like other people, he truly did. He even tried to date a little, but it never went past a second date. Every single person he met, he found himself comparing to Key unconsciously. The kid has ruined him for other people because when it all came down to it, no one could compare to the almighty Key.
“Minho-yah,” comes a voice from the door, but he doesn’t bother to look at who it could be. He didn’t care, he just wanted to be left alone. There was a soft click from the door followed by shuffling footsteps. It wasn’t until he felt something placed over his lap that he finally turned away from the window. He was met by the sight of the last person he wanted to see or was he the only person Minho wanted to see, “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” Minho crossed his arms across his chest and turned back to the window. He couldn’t look at Key without feeling this sharp pain in his chest. He couldn’t look at Key without feeling the need to cry until he felt like throwing up, not like he had anything in his stomach to throw up.
“Come on Minho, you haven’t really eaten since the day before yesterday. The only nutrients you’ve gotten is from the IV that you were hooked up to. You really should eat,” Key pushed the tray closer to Minho before stirring the soup he had cooked just for the other.
“I told you that I’m not hungry.”
“And I told you that you need to eat. How do you expect to get better if you don’t eat hm? Why are you even letting yourself get this way? Aren’t you the one who’s always nagging us about our health and here you are totally ignoring your own,” Minho could hear the irritation in Key’s voice, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Key to leave. The pain in his chest was so much worst when the diva was close to him. Why couldn’t Key see that? Why couldn’t he see how much just his presence pains Minho? “So quit being a brat and eat your damn food.”
“Flattery isn’t going to work on me.”
“Minho,” Key’s voice is soft now and he reaches out to grab one of Minho’s hands. He notices the way the lead rapper flinches when their hand meets and his heart sinks. Minho turns to look at their hands and then up at Key. They ensue in a rather intense staring contest.
“Baby! I need your help!” Jonghyun calls from outside the room causing Minho to snatch his hand away and turn back to the window.
“You should go,” he says rather coldly.
“Jjongie can get Onew or Taemin to help him,” Key replies and moves to grab the taller’s hand again, but he turns his body away. A frown starts to form on Key’s lips, he wanted to know why Minho was acting like this all of a sudden. Well it’s actually been going on for months now, but whenever Key tried to get alone with Minho so they can talk about it, the taller always manages to escape from it. Maybe now was the time to finally get some answers out of him, not like he could go anywhere, he was confined to his bed, “Minho please look at me.”
“Baby! Please! I need your help!” Jonghyun continues to yell.
“Get Onew or Taemin to help you!” Key yells back.
“Shiro! I want you to help me!”
“Aish,” Key bows his head, he knows that Jonghyun won’t let up until he got what he wanted. But he didn’t want to just leave Minho here, they needed to talk.
“KEY!!!!”
“Fine, fine, fine! I’m coming! Quit your whining already! I swear you’re worst than a kid sometimes Kim Jonghyun!” Key complains as he gets off the bed and makes his way to the door, “Sometimes I wonder why I’m even dating you!”
“Because you love me and I do that thing that makes your blood boil, but in a good way.”
“Will you quit telling everyone our business!” Key looks back to the boy in the bed. He was still staring out the window, arms crossed over his chest, food long forgotten. A sigh escapes his lips as he walks out the room, closing the door behind him. He didn’t see the tears streaming down Minho’s face.
“It will always be him over me huh Kibum? Even when I’m sick, you’ll always go running to his side the moment he calls for you. Why can’t I just stop loving you? Why can’t I just let you go and end this hell that I’ve been living in since we broke up? I love you Kim Kibum, why can’t you see that?”
*~*
Key was cleaning the dorm while everyone else was out. Minho was off recording Dream Team, Taemin and Onew were at Star King, and Jonghyun was at his physical therapy appointment. Normally, Key would go with his boyfriend but he didn’t feel like it today. He wanted to be left alone so he could think about the things that happened in the past week. There was only one member in particular he was really worried about. And that was Choi Minho. The group’s flaming charisma seemed to be slowly losing his spark. Key noticed that Minho was different when they were out in public and when they were in the dorms as well. The lead rapper was always smiling and laughing whenever they were at their schedules, but the moment they were back the dorm he would change. He would slump to his room and not come out until it was time for dinner. Key also saw how Onew and Taemin were keeping a closer eye on the rapper, especially Taemin. There was rarely a time that he wasn’t by Minho’s side, treating him as though he was a porcelain doll.
Key moved from Jonghyun’s side of the room to Minho’s. There really wasn’t much to clean on the rapper’s side since he didn’t really spend time in that room anyways. A little bit of dusting and Key would be able to move on to the next room. He started to fix the bed, the one that Minho hasn’t slept in in months, but for some reason Key still felt the need to straighten it. He lifts the pillow and a soft thud catches his attention. He looks down at the floor to find a book, “Must be Minho’s journal.” He bent down and picked up with intentions to place it right where he had found it, but then the urge to read it came over him. He knew that he shouldn’t invade the other’s privacy, but he needed to know what was going on. He was worried and since Minho always avoided his attempts at talking, this was the only way.
Key settled on the bed and slowly opened the book to the first page. His eyes scanned over the words that the rapper had written and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Minho was mostly writing about their schedules and promoting their second full length album. It looks like he started this journal before he ruptured his muscle. Key continued to read and was about to stop because the journal wasn’t helping him at all. Everything he’s read didn’t explain what was going on now. Then he read this:
I still love him. No matter what I do. I still love him just like I did before, if not more.
Who did Minho still love? Key continued to read in hopes of finding his answer.
It hurts so much to see him sometimes. Especially when he’s with Jonghyun.
Wait, was Minho talking about him? Was he the person that the rapper still loved?
How come it hurts so much more now than it did when we first broke up? Why is the pain I feel whenever I see them together almost unbearable for me now?
Minho was definitely talking about Key. He was sure of it now.
I wish I didn’t love him. I wish I never did in the first place. I regret it. I regret all of it. Our whole relationship, the time we spent together, the love we shared. All of it, I wish it never happened.
Key didn’t know why his heart just shattered as he read that last part. He knew that Minho was heart broken after their break up, but he didn’t expect the other to feel this way about them. He still cherished all his memories of when they were together, probably a little too much. Jonghyun really didn’t like the fact that Key still wore the necklace that Minho had given him on their 100th day anniversary. But the diva just couldn’t bear to part with it. It was special to him and he could still feel the love that they shared whenever he wore it.
“Key! Baby! Where are you?” Jonghyun called as he entered the dorm. Key quickly stuffed the journal back under the pillow and wiped away the tears he didn’t know had fallen just as Jonghyun walked into the room, “Oh there you are baby.”
“Hi honey, how was your appointment?” Key got up from the bed and walked to his boyfriend, placing a quick kiss on the shorter’s lips.
“Good, the doctor said I should be able to rejoin schedules soon. Until then,” Jonghyun wrapped his arms around the diva and started to place kisses all over his neck, “We have some time before the other’s get home and we haven’t done it in week.”
“Jjongie, we shouldn’t,” Key tries to push him away, but isn’t successful, “What if they come home early.”
“Baby come one. Please I need you.”
“Jjongie,” Key’s voice hitches as he says the other’s name.
“Are you saying that you don’t want to have sex with me at all?”
“It’s not that.”
“Then come on baby. We rarely ever get the dorm to ourselves and I really want to show you just how much I love you,” they were laying on Jonghyun’s bed now. The shorter was hovering above the other as he started to kiss his neck again. Key tried to shove Jonghyun off of him again and this time he was successful, the older falling to the floor with a loud thud, “What the hell baby?!”
“Omo! I’m sorry,” Key climbed off the bed and helped his boyfriend up, dusting the invisible dirt off of him.
“What’s going on baby? Normally you’d jump at the opportunity to spend some alone time with me,” they move back to the bed and snuggle up, arms wrapped around one another.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not in the mood. I have other things on my mind.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you take your mind off of them?” Jonghyun turns Key to face him and brings their lips together. Key doesn’t fight him this time and gives into the lips he’s grown so accustomed to these past few years. They moved with ease around each other and soon enough they were laying down on the bed. Jonghyun was on top slowly trying to take things further as he nipped at the younger’s bottom lip for entrance. The diva complied and opened his mouth. Their hands started to wander over each other’s body and underneath clothes.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t know you guys were home,” Minho’s deep voice came from the door. Key immediately pushed Jonghyun away as if he was just caught cheating on his boyfriend. Wait, Jonghyun is his boyfriend not Minho so why was he feeling guilty all of a sudden.
“Geez Minho! I swear you have the worst timing,” Jonghyun whined as he rolled off of Key.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll just grab my sweats and leave you two alone,” Key watched as Minho blinded grabbed the closest pair of sweats to him and quickly left the room.
“Now where were we?” Jonghyun moves to pick up where they had left off, but Key pushes him away.
“Don’t. I have a headache now,” he rubs his forehead for added affect.
“Ugh, did you want me to get you some ibuprofen then?” Jonghyun says as he gets up from the bed, Key can see the bulge that was already growing in his pants. He felt a little bad for leaving him high and dry, but then decided he’d make it up to him later. He just didn’t feel like doing it right now, not when Minho just walked in on them and not after what he just read in Minho’s journal.
“Do you mind?”
“Nope, not at all. It might be awhile though, I have to take care of something else first.”
“Uh huh, sure, whatever you say honey,” Key was lost in his thoughts again, completely oblivious to the other in the room. His mind was still on Minho and the look on his face just now. There was pain written all over it and the guilt he was feeling increased tenfold. He needed to talk to Minho tonight no matter what. Even if he had to tie the other down to a chair. He decided that the moment that Minho came back from his jog, they were going to talk.
CLICKY TO GO TO PART TWO!!!!