Faccia Bella 13/15
TITLE: Faccia Bella 13/15
AUTHOR: giveitupjessica
GENRE: AU, Romance, a little angst, comedy
PAIRINGS: Minkey, 2min, Jongkey/Onkey, Jongyu
RATING: G-NC-17 (depending on chapter.. as always)
SUMMARY: You love me the way I've always wanted to be loved but I am merely just a stand in because he's still somewhere out there. The one who you truly love but but I'll take what I can get for now because I've fallen in love with you and you loved me because you gave me his face.
A/N: So this one is almost over. And I'm sorry to say, but there will just be one ending. I don't think I can write both endings. So you'll just have to wait and see what will happen. Sorry if this chapter is kind of shitty, I had to use a chapter to set up what will happen in the next. Hope you like it :P
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
There was only one place I could go now and I know that visiting hours are over, but hopefully the nurses will make an exception for me. I take my time going to the hospital. I wasn’t in any big rush, I needed some fresh air to clear my mind. I had just done the hardest thing ever in my life. I left the person I’m in love with. I’ve been regretting my decision since I started writing that letter. I wanted to go back to the apartment. I wanted to curl up in bed beside Minho and pretend like none of it ever happened. I wanted to make love to him right when the sun was coming up. There were all these things I wanted to do, but can’t. I can’t because I have a conscious. Minho doesn’t love me, he loves the person who’s face he gave me. I want him to love me, Lee Taemin.
I wipe the tears from my eyes before they have a chance to fall and continue on my journey. I had no idea how far the hospital was or even if I was going in the right direction. I’ve kind of been walking blindly since I’ve left the apartment. I guess I’ll find my way eventually, once it’s light out again. I just felt like walking at this point, I needed to get some distance between me and Minho. The further away I got from him, the less chance that I’ll go running back to him. I need to get my life back, I can’t live someone else’s life anymore. Unfortunately, my life isn’t the life that I want anymore. Because my life doesn’t involve him whatsoever. In my life, we don’t exist to one another. I don’t want my life.
It must have been a good couple hours before I finally reach the hospital. I guess I was walking in the right direction after all. I walk through the automatic doors and my feet automatically carry me to my brother’s room. I didn’t even have to think about where to go. I’m sure I was getting strange and concerning looks from the staff since I was kind of just walking around in a daze. I didn’t care though. I didn’t care about anything at this point. Gosh, I’m so pathetic. I’ve completely lost myself all because of one person. Why did this happen to me? I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. This was all supposed to be a few days thing. Damnit, I hate myself right now. I’m so screwed up. I groan and rub at my temples. I just want to turn back time and make sure none of this ever happened. Stop myself from getting on that plane in the first place.
I’m surprised when no one stops me as I walk into my brother’s room, softly closing the door behind me. I don’t think about it and just climb into the hospital bed beside his sleeping form. I feel him shift a little when I curl myself into the small space between his body and the bed railing.
“Minnie?” he whispers and I nod my head, “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go hyung,” I tell him and close my eyes, I was so tired all of a sudden. My eyes refused to stay open for some reason. I guess all that walking finally hit my body and I could feel exhaustion in every cell.
“Why don’t you go back home?” he asks me, wrapping his arms around my and pulling me closer to him. He brings the blanket around me as well and starts to pet the back of my head.
“I don’t have the keys. All my stuff either burned in the crash or is in New York.”
“Oh I see. Well I’m sure they still have my stuff here at the hospital. You know from when I was admitted. We still have our house right?”
“Yes. After mom and dad passed away, their life insurance took care of the house and everything else. It’s all paid off.”
“You didn’t take my things did you?”
“From the crash?”
“Yeah.”
“No, they wouldn’t let me take them. For some reason they didn’t want to release them to me even though I’m the only family you have left.”
“That is strange, but a blessing in disguise. I’ll see if I can get them back in the morning. Then you can go back home and stay in your bed and shower and stuff.”
“I’m fine here hyung.”
“That’s what you say now, but you can’t stay here with me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not sick Minnie.”
“I feel like my heart is going to explode.”
“What do you mean?” he pulls away from me to look at my face. I feel his fingers wipe away the tears I didn’t know had fallen from my eyes.
“I told him hyung. I told him everything.”
“Oh is that the real reason why you’re here? Did he hurt you Minnie? Did he hit you or anything?”
“No, he didn’t do anything like that.”
“Well how did he react when you told him?”
“I don’t know, I wrote it all in a letter. I couldn’t tell him to his face hyung. I don’t want to see the disappointment and anger when he finds out the truth. I don’t want that to be the last memory I have of him. I want it to be happy. I want the last thing I saw on his face to be a smile, not tears.”
“Minnie, you did the right thing. You can’t live a lie for the rest of your life. Besides, it would only have been a matter of time before the real Kibum came back. Then what would you have done hm?”
“I know I made the right choice hyung. I know because it hurts so much. My heart hurts so much.”
“I know Minnie, I know,” he starts to rub my back and I curl into him more.
“I’m so tired hyung.”
“Then get some sleep. I’m here.”
“I know hyung. I know. Thank you.”
“Shh, go to sleep Minnie.”
“Okay hyung. Good night.”
“Good night,” the last thing I feel is my brother kissing the top of my head before I drift off into a bittersweet dream of the man I love.
*~*
When I woke up in the morning, my house felt empty. I couldn’t feel Kibum’s presence. He must have left the moment he woke up. He was still debating on what to do when we had finally gone to bed last night. I sit down on the edge of my bed and the memory of our last few minutes together rushed into my mind.
“Really Jonghyun hyung,” Kibum says to me as we continue to sit outside, “I don’t know what I would have done without you these past few days. You’ve helped me so much.”
“It’s really nothing Kibummie. I really wish you’d stop thanking me. I was more than happy to help you out.”
“I know, I can’t help it though. I don’t think I’ll be able to thank you enough for the rest of my life.”
“Well as long as we remain friends, consider the favor repaid,” I pat his thigh and he grabs my hand and holds it in his.
“Of course we’ll remain friends. Even though I scold you a lot and you can at plain stupid sometimes.”
“Geez, thanks Kibummie. Love you too,” I say sarcastically, but secretly mean the last sentence I made.
“Let me finish dino boy. I do like you. You’ve become one of my closest friends in this short period of time that I’ve known you. So you don’t have anything to worry about.”
We continue to sit in silence, just enjoying each other’s company and the refreshing night air. He never lets go of my hand and I don’t move to take my hand back. The simple gesture was giving me hope that he might have feelings for me as well. Feelings that were more than platonic. I really didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t know how to tell him to stay with me.
“It’s getting late,” I finally say, “Or rather, early.”
“Yeah. Thanks for staying out here with me.”
“What did I tell you about thanking me?”
“Sorry,” he smiles at me and it’s probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. He hasn’t really genuinely smiled since I brought him here. Sure he’s smiled, but there was always something missing when he did. The smile he just gave me though, was a true ‘Kim Kibum smile.’ I smile back at him and squeeze his hand.
“Let’s go back inside and get some sleep hm?” we both stand from our chairs, his hand finally leaves mine. I can still feel the warmth of his hand enveloping mine though. I grab the plate with his sandwich and make to grab the rest of his food, but he slaps my hand away.
“You don’t have to clean up after me you know,” he tells me, taking his discarded food and drink from my hands before walking back inside. I follow after him, sliding the door close and locking it. I take a seat on a stool and watch as he cleans the dishes he uses, “Just go to bed Jonghyun hyung. No need to wait for me. Besides, you have work in the morning. The last thing your patients need is a half asleep doctor checking up on them.”
“It’s okay. I can wait a few minutes.”
“What are you afraid that I’ll run away the moment you turn your back?” he says jokingly, but that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I wanted to soak up every last minute I had with him. Who knows when he’ll be leaving and when he does leave, who knows how often we’ll see each other. Better to enjoy him while I still can.
“Well if you’re going to sit there, could you at least not stare at me like that? You’re making me nervous,” he’s wiping off the counters now and I didn’t even know that I had been staring in the first place. I quickly shake my head and turn my eyes down to the counter. I start to draw random shapes on the cool granite, “Let’s go dino boy. I’m done here.”
“Oh okay,” I get up from my seat and we begin to make our way back to our respective rooms. I stop with him in front of the room that has become his and we just stand there. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something different about the air between us now. Both of us are hesitant to move or say anything. He’s wringing his hands and shuffling his feet. I feel like I was dropping him off at home after our first date. We’re standing on his porch, afraid to do anything just in case his dad is watching from the window. But we’re not on a date, we’re just two people whose lives happened to cross paths by chance.
“Good night,” he finally says, hand coming up to rest on the doorknob.
“Good night,” I turn to head to my own room, but his hand catches my arm before I get anywhere. I turn to face him again and he gives me a weak smile.
“I know you don’t want me to say this anymore. But just let me say it one last time.”
“Huh?”
“Thank you Jonghyun hyung,” and that’s when I feel his lips brush against my cheek before he slips into his room, leaving me stunned in the hallway. I bring my hand up to my cheek, wondering if what happened was real or not.
*~*
I was able to have one of the nurses to get my personal things when she came to check my morning vitals. Taemin had gone down to the cafeteria to get us something to drink. I was sifting through my wallet, reminiscing about my life before the coma when he came back.
“Minnie,” I say and pat the space beside me on the bed, I had pulled out a strip of photos. It was from when we went to the amusement park one weekend when our parents were away. The money they had left was supposed to be for food, but since we had just gone grocery shopping before they left, I had decided we could spend it on something else. I let him decide what we would do and he chose the amusement part. I had never seen my brother smile so much in one day.
“I remember that day,” he says as he takes the photo from my hand, “It was the best day of my life and I’m not just saying that. Thank you hyung.”
“Don’t thank me. I was just a hyung doing what his dongsaeng wanted.”
“I know, but still. I feel like you’ve done so much for me and nothing for yourself. You’ve been too busy watching over me to think about what you want.”
“Well you are my brother, my only family now. I want to make sure you’re okay before I worry about myself. There wasn’t anyone to take care and watch over you when we were little. So I took it upon myself to be that person.”
“I know and I’m grateful to have you as my brother. But now it’s my turn to take care of you.”
“I don’t know about that. Can you even cook?”
“I’ve learned how to cook during the past two years. I’ve kind of had to become self-sufficient you know.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” I take the photo back from him and place it in my wallet. I grab my keys from the side table and hand it to him, “Now why don’t you go home and get some proper sleep and clean up as well.”
“You’ll be okay here?”
“I’ve been okay for the past two years, I think I can survive another day,” I tell him sarcastically. He climbs off the bed and turns to face me.
“Have they told you when you’ll be discharged?”
“They’re thinking in a couple days so keep your fingers crossed.”
“I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“Take your time. No rush, not like I’ll be going anywhere.”
“I know, I just don’t want to leave you alone.”
“I don’t be alone. I’ve made friends with some of the people here. So you just take your time and relax. You’ve had a long past few days.”
“I’ll be back in a few hours,” he says before giving me a quick hug and leaving. I lay back in bed and turn on the T.V. it was still weird seeing my brother with someone else’s face. What made it worst is that I’ve met the person whose face he has and I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know why. Perhaps I’ve never really found the right time to tell him. Maybe when he comes back later will be a good time.
A voice interrupts my thoughts as my door is thrown open, “Good morning!”
I turn to the door and smile at who it is, “Good morning Dr. Kim.”
“Please, I told you to call me Jonghyun,” he says as he walks into my room and immediately starts to read my chart, “Looks like you’re recovering quite nicely.”
“That’s good to hear. So does that mean I’ll be going home today?”
“Not quite. I already told you that you have a few more days of physical therapy before you’ll be ready to leave the hospital. I know that you want to go now, but that’s a no go,” he hangs my chart at the end of my bed and takes a seat beside me, “So how have you been feeling?”
“Same old, same old,” I reply, turning my attention to the T.V.
“No aches or pains or anything?”
“Nope, if I had any aches, pains, or anything you’d be the first to know.”
“I better to be the first to know. You ready for our morning walk?”
“Always,” I start to shift around in bed and he quickly gets up from the chair to help me out. It was funny that I had gotten so close to my doctor. I never would have thought that the first major thing, well besides my brother having someone else’s face, to happen to me after I woke up would be developing a crush on a doctor. A doctor who knew the person whose face my brother had. Talk about a drama in real life.
“Oh and before I forget,” he leaves the room for a couple minutes, only to return with a duffle bag in his hand, “I brought you some of my old sweats. The pants might be a little short for you, but I think you’ll like them better than the hospital scrubs.”
“You didn’t have to do that Jonghyun-ssi.”
“I know, but I’m a very giving person which is the reason why I got into the medical field in the first place.”
“Well thank you,” I grab the duffle bag from his outstretched hand and walk over to the bathroom.
“Did you need me to help you? You know the last few times you changed didn’t end nicely.”
“I think I’ll be okay,” I reply and slowly make my way into the bathroom. It isn’t long before I somehow get stuck in the scrub top that I was wearing. I didn’t even know how it happened, but it did. My arms somehow were bound by the fabric and were now stuck above my head which was also obstructed by the top. I stumble around the bathroom and end up running into the door or what I think is the door, it could have just been the wall. All I know is that it was hard and it hurt.
“Um, are you okay in there?” I hear Jonghyun call from outside.
“I’m stuck,” I mumble.
“You’re what?”
“I’M STUCK!”
“You’re… Hold on. I’m coming in. Are you decent?”
“Am I breezing? What does that mean?”
“No, not breezing, oh whatever,” I hear the door open and footsteps enter the small room. I stop moving around figuring that I’ll probably end up hurting us both if I did.
*~*
I walk into the bathroom and Jinki’s back is towards me and I’m surprised at the sight in front of me. It didn’t even look like this guy was in a coma for two years. His back was lean and toned. I take a big gulp of air as I walk the few steps forward to him.
“How exactly did you end up like this?” I ask, trying to hold back a laugh.
“Are you going to help me? I think I’m losing all feeling in my arms,” he mumbles behind the fabric. I walk over to him and turn him to face me. I grab the bottom of the top and start to lift it up. He’s grunting and panting beside me as we try to untangle him from the scrub top. I was seriously baffled with how he ended up like this. After a couple minutes the top finally comes off and he’s standing there breathing hard and hunched over. I toss the scrub top on the sink and pat his back. His skin was really smooth.
“Breathe in and out slowly,” I tell him, placing hands on his arms to coax him to stand up straight, “It’s better if you stand up straight. It opens the airways more. Deep, slow breaths.”
“Thanks. I don’t know how that happened.”
“It’s okay. Good thing I was here right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you said you wouldn’t need my help.”
“I guess I just ate my own words,” he laughs at me and I smile back at him. He looks so innocent when he smiles like this. The way the smile stretches across his face and his eyes squint until you can barely see them, it was hard not to return it. I’m glad that he was the first patient I get to see today. I was still a little down with the whole Kibum thing, but Jinki is making it a little more bearable.
“I think you did as well. You feeling better now? Can you breathe okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.”
“Part of the job,” we end up standing in a weird not really awkward, but kind of at the same time, silence. He’s shuffling from foot to foot, eyes on the ground. And I’m just staring at him. Seriously, has he been in a coma for two years because it really didn’t look like it at all.
“Um, I think I can take it from here,” he finally says to me.
“Oh yeah, right,” I can feel the blush forming on my cheeks and slowly back out of the bathroom. It takes him another five minutes to get changed and thankfully he doesn’t get tangled or anything again.
“So how are you this lovely morning Jonghyun-ssi?” he asks me as we start to make our way down for our daily outdoor walks. He’s not as wobbly and unsteady as he was when we first started these walks. I could tell that his muscles were finally getting back their mobility. There was still a little stiffness in his walk and sometimes his legs would kind of give out from under him, but I was there to help him catch his balance again.
“I’m doing okay. Could be better, could be worst,” I say just as his legs give out and I’m at his side, holding him up. His arm is slung around my shoulder and mine around his waist as we continue to walk the corridor, “I was surprised to see you up so early today.”
“Probably because my brother came to visit me early this morning.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he had a tough night. So I was doing my best to comfort him.”
“I see. Well I’m sorry he wasn’t here when I came. I would love to meet him.”
“I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough. I actually sent him back to our home so he could wash up and get some proper sleep. He looked like hell. I feel so bad.”
“Why?”
“Because I kind of feel helpless right now. I can’t really do much to help him out. I mean I’m stuck here and I would love to take him away. I’m tired of him hurting. He’s spent most of his life in pain and it’s time for him to finally find his happiness.”
“He’s really lucky to have you as a brother.”
“Thanks. That’s what he told me this morning.”
“Well it’s true. I wish I had an older brother like you. Unfortunately, I have an older sister. Not that I don’t love her, I do. But there are some things that are better to share with brothers.”
“Yeah. How are things going with you and Kibum-ssi? Have you confessed to him yet?”
I hang my head a little and thankfully he doesn’t seem to notice. I don’t know why I told Jinki all about Kibum. There was something about him, he had a very trusting face. I knew that he wouldn’t judge me. I mean, from what Kibum tells me, him and his brother are gay as well, “Well he got back all his memories.”
“That’s good. I know the last time I saw him, he was frustrated with not knowing anything about himself. He must feel relieved. Is he going to come back to the hospital with you after lunch again? I like talking to him.”
“He was relieved, but confused as well. I guess he felt like he has two different lives now.”
“Pre-crash and post-crash?”
“Exactly. So he was a little conflicted last night and we ended up talking into the early morning hours. But I guess he was able to figure out what he wanted this morning.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
“Because he left when he woke up.”
“Oh.”
“He went back to his fiancé.”
“He has a fiancé?”
“Yeah, Minho.”
“I’m sorry Jonghyun-ssi,” he rubs my back and gives me that smile again. And once again, the pain isn’t so bad. I think I know why his brother ran to him whenever he was down. Jinki probably doesn’t know it, but he’s good at dulling down pain with just one of his smiles. I mean any other person would have been freaking out and stressing about being in a coma for two years, but not him. He kind of just rolled with it. Yes, he was shocked, but he didn’t let it get to him. He even told me that there wasn’t any point of him dwelling on it, what’s done is done. It’s in the past and you can’t change the past. I guess that mentality doesn’t always apply though. Not when your past involves your future.
“It’s okay. I mean, I guess I knew that he would eventually have to go back to his life. I was like his layover before he continued onto his final destination.”
“Well I’m sure you were more than just a layover, which by the way sounds really wrong.”
I let out a laugh and pat his back, “Yeah, it does, but it came out of my mouth before I could stop it. At least he still wants to be friends.”
“That’s good. Friends is better than nothing right?”
“Right.”
“It’s nice out today, let’s take the long way.”
“Sounds good to me,” we quickly ease into a comfortable conversation and my mind is far from Kibum. Jinki has my full and undivided attention.
*~*
“Lee Taemin,” I say out loud after both of us silently read the letter in my hands. My arms tighten around Kibum and I look up at him, “Lee Taemin. Do you know someone with that name?”
“Yeah,” he replies, snuggling closer to me and I’m surprised we haven’t come toppling down from the stool, “He was the kid I was sitting next to on the plane.”
“Oh,” I stare down at the letter and I’m thoroughly confused. So Kibum isn’t the person I’ve been spending the past few days with. It was someone else, a complete stranger. But how? I can feel a headache coming on and I rest my head on Kibum’s shoulder.
“Aw, yeobo, why don’t you go lay down hm?” he caresses my cheek and I smile.
“Come with me?”
“Of course. I’m not leaving your side at all. Not after being away from you for so long. You’re going to be get tired of me. I’m going to stick to you like glue.”
“No complaints here,” I feel him kiss the top of my head before climbing out of my lap. His hand finds mine and our finger intertwine as he pulls me off the stool. I look down at our hands, letting him pull me to our bedroom. Kibum wasn’t the one I made love to last night. That was Taemin. Oh god, I cheated on Kibum. I cheated on him and I enjoyed it. But then I thought he was the one I was doing it with, so would that really be considered cheating? God, my head is hurting even more now. He pulls me down onto the bed and we immediately curl up to one another. The letter was still in my hand and he grabs it from me. He holds it up above us and starts to read it out loud.
“Bummie, there’s no need for you to read it out loud,” I complain to him, hiding my head in his neck, “I just want to lay here with you right now. I have a pounding headache and I’m confused as hell.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“What?” I sit up and look down at him.
“Did you sleep with Taemin?”
“Where did this question come from?”
“I just want to know Minho.”
“You haven’t called me Minho since we started dating.”
“Please just answer the question.”
“I’m sorry Bummie,” I look away from him and scoot to the edge of the bed. I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my head in my hands. My life was so screwed up right now. I can feel him make his way over to me, his arms going under mine, hands resting on my shoulders followed by his head. I turn to look at him and he smiles at me.
“I’m not mad yeobo. You thought he was me,” he tells me, kissing my shoulder and smiling at me, “And it doesn’t surprise me that he fell in love with you. It’s hard not to. I mean I never thought I’d fall in love with you, but I did.”
“Geez, thanks,” we share a short laugh.
“You know what I mean,” he playfully pushes my head.
“Yeah I do. I’m sorry though. I cheated on you Bummie.”
“Well yes and no.”
“Are you mad? If you are, I totally understand. I give you permission to hit me if you want.”
“I am mad, but I miss you more. And I’d rather spend my energy getting reacquainted with my fiancé,” I turn to look at him again and he smirks at me. His arms slowly leave my body and he backs up the bed, smirk never leaving his face. His eyes are giving me a ‘Come here’ look and I just smile. My headache magically gone now as I follow him further up the bed. He’s laying back on the mound of pillows and my hands are on either side of his face, supporting my weight.
“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” I ask him, his arms coming up to wrap around my neck.
“I told you that I was, but it’s understandable what happened. You thought he was me. He fell in love with you and blah blah blah. But I’m here now, the real me. And we did just get engaged officially. Have I told you how much I love my ring?”
“No, but if you want to show me then I won’t object,” I bring my head down and our lips meet in a sweet, but passionate kiss.
“How’s your headache?” he mumbles against my lips.
“What headache?”
“Mm, exactly what I want to hear. Means your treatment is working perfectly,” he brings my head down more to deepen the kiss. I can’t help but think that something is missing. I mean, I still feel the chemistry, love, and passion that I’ve always felt when I kissed Kibum, but something was lacking. I just couldn’t put my fingers on it.
AUTHOR: giveitupjessica
GENRE: AU, Romance, a little angst, comedy
PAIRINGS: Minkey, 2min, Jongkey/Onkey, Jongyu
RATING: G-NC-17 (depending on chapter.. as always)
SUMMARY: You love me the way I've always wanted to be loved but I am merely just a stand in because he's still somewhere out there. The one who you truly love but but I'll take what I can get for now because I've fallen in love with you and you loved me because you gave me his face.
A/N: So this one is almost over. And I'm sorry to say, but there will just be one ending. I don't think I can write both endings. So you'll just have to wait and see what will happen. Sorry if this chapter is kind of shitty, I had to use a chapter to set up what will happen in the next. Hope you like it :P
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
There was only one place I could go now and I know that visiting hours are over, but hopefully the nurses will make an exception for me. I take my time going to the hospital. I wasn’t in any big rush, I needed some fresh air to clear my mind. I had just done the hardest thing ever in my life. I left the person I’m in love with. I’ve been regretting my decision since I started writing that letter. I wanted to go back to the apartment. I wanted to curl up in bed beside Minho and pretend like none of it ever happened. I wanted to make love to him right when the sun was coming up. There were all these things I wanted to do, but can’t. I can’t because I have a conscious. Minho doesn’t love me, he loves the person who’s face he gave me. I want him to love me, Lee Taemin.
I wipe the tears from my eyes before they have a chance to fall and continue on my journey. I had no idea how far the hospital was or even if I was going in the right direction. I’ve kind of been walking blindly since I’ve left the apartment. I guess I’ll find my way eventually, once it’s light out again. I just felt like walking at this point, I needed to get some distance between me and Minho. The further away I got from him, the less chance that I’ll go running back to him. I need to get my life back, I can’t live someone else’s life anymore. Unfortunately, my life isn’t the life that I want anymore. Because my life doesn’t involve him whatsoever. In my life, we don’t exist to one another. I don’t want my life.
It must have been a good couple hours before I finally reach the hospital. I guess I was walking in the right direction after all. I walk through the automatic doors and my feet automatically carry me to my brother’s room. I didn’t even have to think about where to go. I’m sure I was getting strange and concerning looks from the staff since I was kind of just walking around in a daze. I didn’t care though. I didn’t care about anything at this point. Gosh, I’m so pathetic. I’ve completely lost myself all because of one person. Why did this happen to me? I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him. This was all supposed to be a few days thing. Damnit, I hate myself right now. I’m so screwed up. I groan and rub at my temples. I just want to turn back time and make sure none of this ever happened. Stop myself from getting on that plane in the first place.
I’m surprised when no one stops me as I walk into my brother’s room, softly closing the door behind me. I don’t think about it and just climb into the hospital bed beside his sleeping form. I feel him shift a little when I curl myself into the small space between his body and the bed railing.
“Minnie?” he whispers and I nod my head, “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go hyung,” I tell him and close my eyes, I was so tired all of a sudden. My eyes refused to stay open for some reason. I guess all that walking finally hit my body and I could feel exhaustion in every cell.
“Why don’t you go back home?” he asks me, wrapping his arms around my and pulling me closer to him. He brings the blanket around me as well and starts to pet the back of my head.
“I don’t have the keys. All my stuff either burned in the crash or is in New York.”
“Oh I see. Well I’m sure they still have my stuff here at the hospital. You know from when I was admitted. We still have our house right?”
“Yes. After mom and dad passed away, their life insurance took care of the house and everything else. It’s all paid off.”
“You didn’t take my things did you?”
“From the crash?”
“Yeah.”
“No, they wouldn’t let me take them. For some reason they didn’t want to release them to me even though I’m the only family you have left.”
“That is strange, but a blessing in disguise. I’ll see if I can get them back in the morning. Then you can go back home and stay in your bed and shower and stuff.”
“I’m fine here hyung.”
“That’s what you say now, but you can’t stay here with me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not sick Minnie.”
“I feel like my heart is going to explode.”
“What do you mean?” he pulls away from me to look at my face. I feel his fingers wipe away the tears I didn’t know had fallen from my eyes.
“I told him hyung. I told him everything.”
“Oh is that the real reason why you’re here? Did he hurt you Minnie? Did he hit you or anything?”
“No, he didn’t do anything like that.”
“Well how did he react when you told him?”
“I don’t know, I wrote it all in a letter. I couldn’t tell him to his face hyung. I don’t want to see the disappointment and anger when he finds out the truth. I don’t want that to be the last memory I have of him. I want it to be happy. I want the last thing I saw on his face to be a smile, not tears.”
“Minnie, you did the right thing. You can’t live a lie for the rest of your life. Besides, it would only have been a matter of time before the real Kibum came back. Then what would you have done hm?”
“I know I made the right choice hyung. I know because it hurts so much. My heart hurts so much.”
“I know Minnie, I know,” he starts to rub my back and I curl into him more.
“I’m so tired hyung.”
“Then get some sleep. I’m here.”
“I know hyung. I know. Thank you.”
“Shh, go to sleep Minnie.”
“Okay hyung. Good night.”
“Good night,” the last thing I feel is my brother kissing the top of my head before I drift off into a bittersweet dream of the man I love.
*~*
When I woke up in the morning, my house felt empty. I couldn’t feel Kibum’s presence. He must have left the moment he woke up. He was still debating on what to do when we had finally gone to bed last night. I sit down on the edge of my bed and the memory of our last few minutes together rushed into my mind.
“Really Jonghyun hyung,” Kibum says to me as we continue to sit outside, “I don’t know what I would have done without you these past few days. You’ve helped me so much.”
“It’s really nothing Kibummie. I really wish you’d stop thanking me. I was more than happy to help you out.”
“I know, I can’t help it though. I don’t think I’ll be able to thank you enough for the rest of my life.”
“Well as long as we remain friends, consider the favor repaid,” I pat his thigh and he grabs my hand and holds it in his.
“Of course we’ll remain friends. Even though I scold you a lot and you can at plain stupid sometimes.”
“Geez, thanks Kibummie. Love you too,” I say sarcastically, but secretly mean the last sentence I made.
“Let me finish dino boy. I do like you. You’ve become one of my closest friends in this short period of time that I’ve known you. So you don’t have anything to worry about.”
We continue to sit in silence, just enjoying each other’s company and the refreshing night air. He never lets go of my hand and I don’t move to take my hand back. The simple gesture was giving me hope that he might have feelings for me as well. Feelings that were more than platonic. I really didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t know how to tell him to stay with me.
“It’s getting late,” I finally say, “Or rather, early.”
“Yeah. Thanks for staying out here with me.”
“What did I tell you about thanking me?”
“Sorry,” he smiles at me and it’s probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. He hasn’t really genuinely smiled since I brought him here. Sure he’s smiled, but there was always something missing when he did. The smile he just gave me though, was a true ‘Kim Kibum smile.’ I smile back at him and squeeze his hand.
“Let’s go back inside and get some sleep hm?” we both stand from our chairs, his hand finally leaves mine. I can still feel the warmth of his hand enveloping mine though. I grab the plate with his sandwich and make to grab the rest of his food, but he slaps my hand away.
“You don’t have to clean up after me you know,” he tells me, taking his discarded food and drink from my hands before walking back inside. I follow after him, sliding the door close and locking it. I take a seat on a stool and watch as he cleans the dishes he uses, “Just go to bed Jonghyun hyung. No need to wait for me. Besides, you have work in the morning. The last thing your patients need is a half asleep doctor checking up on them.”
“It’s okay. I can wait a few minutes.”
“What are you afraid that I’ll run away the moment you turn your back?” he says jokingly, but that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I wanted to soak up every last minute I had with him. Who knows when he’ll be leaving and when he does leave, who knows how often we’ll see each other. Better to enjoy him while I still can.
“Well if you’re going to sit there, could you at least not stare at me like that? You’re making me nervous,” he’s wiping off the counters now and I didn’t even know that I had been staring in the first place. I quickly shake my head and turn my eyes down to the counter. I start to draw random shapes on the cool granite, “Let’s go dino boy. I’m done here.”
“Oh okay,” I get up from my seat and we begin to make our way back to our respective rooms. I stop with him in front of the room that has become his and we just stand there. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something different about the air between us now. Both of us are hesitant to move or say anything. He’s wringing his hands and shuffling his feet. I feel like I was dropping him off at home after our first date. We’re standing on his porch, afraid to do anything just in case his dad is watching from the window. But we’re not on a date, we’re just two people whose lives happened to cross paths by chance.
“Good night,” he finally says, hand coming up to rest on the doorknob.
“Good night,” I turn to head to my own room, but his hand catches my arm before I get anywhere. I turn to face him again and he gives me a weak smile.
“I know you don’t want me to say this anymore. But just let me say it one last time.”
“Huh?”
“Thank you Jonghyun hyung,” and that’s when I feel his lips brush against my cheek before he slips into his room, leaving me stunned in the hallway. I bring my hand up to my cheek, wondering if what happened was real or not.
*~*
I was able to have one of the nurses to get my personal things when she came to check my morning vitals. Taemin had gone down to the cafeteria to get us something to drink. I was sifting through my wallet, reminiscing about my life before the coma when he came back.
“Minnie,” I say and pat the space beside me on the bed, I had pulled out a strip of photos. It was from when we went to the amusement park one weekend when our parents were away. The money they had left was supposed to be for food, but since we had just gone grocery shopping before they left, I had decided we could spend it on something else. I let him decide what we would do and he chose the amusement part. I had never seen my brother smile so much in one day.
“I remember that day,” he says as he takes the photo from my hand, “It was the best day of my life and I’m not just saying that. Thank you hyung.”
“Don’t thank me. I was just a hyung doing what his dongsaeng wanted.”
“I know, but still. I feel like you’ve done so much for me and nothing for yourself. You’ve been too busy watching over me to think about what you want.”
“Well you are my brother, my only family now. I want to make sure you’re okay before I worry about myself. There wasn’t anyone to take care and watch over you when we were little. So I took it upon myself to be that person.”
“I know and I’m grateful to have you as my brother. But now it’s my turn to take care of you.”
“I don’t know about that. Can you even cook?”
“I’ve learned how to cook during the past two years. I’ve kind of had to become self-sufficient you know.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” I take the photo back from him and place it in my wallet. I grab my keys from the side table and hand it to him, “Now why don’t you go home and get some proper sleep and clean up as well.”
“You’ll be okay here?”
“I’ve been okay for the past two years, I think I can survive another day,” I tell him sarcastically. He climbs off the bed and turns to face me.
“Have they told you when you’ll be discharged?”
“They’re thinking in a couple days so keep your fingers crossed.”
“I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“Take your time. No rush, not like I’ll be going anywhere.”
“I know, I just don’t want to leave you alone.”
“I don’t be alone. I’ve made friends with some of the people here. So you just take your time and relax. You’ve had a long past few days.”
“I’ll be back in a few hours,” he says before giving me a quick hug and leaving. I lay back in bed and turn on the T.V. it was still weird seeing my brother with someone else’s face. What made it worst is that I’ve met the person whose face he has and I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know why. Perhaps I’ve never really found the right time to tell him. Maybe when he comes back later will be a good time.
A voice interrupts my thoughts as my door is thrown open, “Good morning!”
I turn to the door and smile at who it is, “Good morning Dr. Kim.”
“Please, I told you to call me Jonghyun,” he says as he walks into my room and immediately starts to read my chart, “Looks like you’re recovering quite nicely.”
“That’s good to hear. So does that mean I’ll be going home today?”
“Not quite. I already told you that you have a few more days of physical therapy before you’ll be ready to leave the hospital. I know that you want to go now, but that’s a no go,” he hangs my chart at the end of my bed and takes a seat beside me, “So how have you been feeling?”
“Same old, same old,” I reply, turning my attention to the T.V.
“No aches or pains or anything?”
“Nope, if I had any aches, pains, or anything you’d be the first to know.”
“I better to be the first to know. You ready for our morning walk?”
“Always,” I start to shift around in bed and he quickly gets up from the chair to help me out. It was funny that I had gotten so close to my doctor. I never would have thought that the first major thing, well besides my brother having someone else’s face, to happen to me after I woke up would be developing a crush on a doctor. A doctor who knew the person whose face my brother had. Talk about a drama in real life.
“Oh and before I forget,” he leaves the room for a couple minutes, only to return with a duffle bag in his hand, “I brought you some of my old sweats. The pants might be a little short for you, but I think you’ll like them better than the hospital scrubs.”
“You didn’t have to do that Jonghyun-ssi.”
“I know, but I’m a very giving person which is the reason why I got into the medical field in the first place.”
“Well thank you,” I grab the duffle bag from his outstretched hand and walk over to the bathroom.
“Did you need me to help you? You know the last few times you changed didn’t end nicely.”
“I think I’ll be okay,” I reply and slowly make my way into the bathroom. It isn’t long before I somehow get stuck in the scrub top that I was wearing. I didn’t even know how it happened, but it did. My arms somehow were bound by the fabric and were now stuck above my head which was also obstructed by the top. I stumble around the bathroom and end up running into the door or what I think is the door, it could have just been the wall. All I know is that it was hard and it hurt.
“Um, are you okay in there?” I hear Jonghyun call from outside.
“I’m stuck,” I mumble.
“You’re what?”
“I’M STUCK!”
“You’re… Hold on. I’m coming in. Are you decent?”
“Am I breezing? What does that mean?”
“No, not breezing, oh whatever,” I hear the door open and footsteps enter the small room. I stop moving around figuring that I’ll probably end up hurting us both if I did.
*~*
I walk into the bathroom and Jinki’s back is towards me and I’m surprised at the sight in front of me. It didn’t even look like this guy was in a coma for two years. His back was lean and toned. I take a big gulp of air as I walk the few steps forward to him.
“How exactly did you end up like this?” I ask, trying to hold back a laugh.
“Are you going to help me? I think I’m losing all feeling in my arms,” he mumbles behind the fabric. I walk over to him and turn him to face me. I grab the bottom of the top and start to lift it up. He’s grunting and panting beside me as we try to untangle him from the scrub top. I was seriously baffled with how he ended up like this. After a couple minutes the top finally comes off and he’s standing there breathing hard and hunched over. I toss the scrub top on the sink and pat his back. His skin was really smooth.
“Breathe in and out slowly,” I tell him, placing hands on his arms to coax him to stand up straight, “It’s better if you stand up straight. It opens the airways more. Deep, slow breaths.”
“Thanks. I don’t know how that happened.”
“It’s okay. Good thing I was here right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you said you wouldn’t need my help.”
“I guess I just ate my own words,” he laughs at me and I smile back at him. He looks so innocent when he smiles like this. The way the smile stretches across his face and his eyes squint until you can barely see them, it was hard not to return it. I’m glad that he was the first patient I get to see today. I was still a little down with the whole Kibum thing, but Jinki is making it a little more bearable.
“I think you did as well. You feeling better now? Can you breathe okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.”
“Part of the job,” we end up standing in a weird not really awkward, but kind of at the same time, silence. He’s shuffling from foot to foot, eyes on the ground. And I’m just staring at him. Seriously, has he been in a coma for two years because it really didn’t look like it at all.
“Um, I think I can take it from here,” he finally says to me.
“Oh yeah, right,” I can feel the blush forming on my cheeks and slowly back out of the bathroom. It takes him another five minutes to get changed and thankfully he doesn’t get tangled or anything again.
“So how are you this lovely morning Jonghyun-ssi?” he asks me as we start to make our way down for our daily outdoor walks. He’s not as wobbly and unsteady as he was when we first started these walks. I could tell that his muscles were finally getting back their mobility. There was still a little stiffness in his walk and sometimes his legs would kind of give out from under him, but I was there to help him catch his balance again.
“I’m doing okay. Could be better, could be worst,” I say just as his legs give out and I’m at his side, holding him up. His arm is slung around my shoulder and mine around his waist as we continue to walk the corridor, “I was surprised to see you up so early today.”
“Probably because my brother came to visit me early this morning.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he had a tough night. So I was doing my best to comfort him.”
“I see. Well I’m sorry he wasn’t here when I came. I would love to meet him.”
“I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough. I actually sent him back to our home so he could wash up and get some proper sleep. He looked like hell. I feel so bad.”
“Why?”
“Because I kind of feel helpless right now. I can’t really do much to help him out. I mean I’m stuck here and I would love to take him away. I’m tired of him hurting. He’s spent most of his life in pain and it’s time for him to finally find his happiness.”
“He’s really lucky to have you as a brother.”
“Thanks. That’s what he told me this morning.”
“Well it’s true. I wish I had an older brother like you. Unfortunately, I have an older sister. Not that I don’t love her, I do. But there are some things that are better to share with brothers.”
“Yeah. How are things going with you and Kibum-ssi? Have you confessed to him yet?”
I hang my head a little and thankfully he doesn’t seem to notice. I don’t know why I told Jinki all about Kibum. There was something about him, he had a very trusting face. I knew that he wouldn’t judge me. I mean, from what Kibum tells me, him and his brother are gay as well, “Well he got back all his memories.”
“That’s good. I know the last time I saw him, he was frustrated with not knowing anything about himself. He must feel relieved. Is he going to come back to the hospital with you after lunch again? I like talking to him.”
“He was relieved, but confused as well. I guess he felt like he has two different lives now.”
“Pre-crash and post-crash?”
“Exactly. So he was a little conflicted last night and we ended up talking into the early morning hours. But I guess he was able to figure out what he wanted this morning.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
“Because he left when he woke up.”
“Oh.”
“He went back to his fiancé.”
“He has a fiancé?”
“Yeah, Minho.”
“I’m sorry Jonghyun-ssi,” he rubs my back and gives me that smile again. And once again, the pain isn’t so bad. I think I know why his brother ran to him whenever he was down. Jinki probably doesn’t know it, but he’s good at dulling down pain with just one of his smiles. I mean any other person would have been freaking out and stressing about being in a coma for two years, but not him. He kind of just rolled with it. Yes, he was shocked, but he didn’t let it get to him. He even told me that there wasn’t any point of him dwelling on it, what’s done is done. It’s in the past and you can’t change the past. I guess that mentality doesn’t always apply though. Not when your past involves your future.
“It’s okay. I mean, I guess I knew that he would eventually have to go back to his life. I was like his layover before he continued onto his final destination.”
“Well I’m sure you were more than just a layover, which by the way sounds really wrong.”
I let out a laugh and pat his back, “Yeah, it does, but it came out of my mouth before I could stop it. At least he still wants to be friends.”
“That’s good. Friends is better than nothing right?”
“Right.”
“It’s nice out today, let’s take the long way.”
“Sounds good to me,” we quickly ease into a comfortable conversation and my mind is far from Kibum. Jinki has my full and undivided attention.
*~*
“Lee Taemin,” I say out loud after both of us silently read the letter in my hands. My arms tighten around Kibum and I look up at him, “Lee Taemin. Do you know someone with that name?”
“Yeah,” he replies, snuggling closer to me and I’m surprised we haven’t come toppling down from the stool, “He was the kid I was sitting next to on the plane.”
“Oh,” I stare down at the letter and I’m thoroughly confused. So Kibum isn’t the person I’ve been spending the past few days with. It was someone else, a complete stranger. But how? I can feel a headache coming on and I rest my head on Kibum’s shoulder.
“Aw, yeobo, why don’t you go lay down hm?” he caresses my cheek and I smile.
“Come with me?”
“Of course. I’m not leaving your side at all. Not after being away from you for so long. You’re going to be get tired of me. I’m going to stick to you like glue.”
“No complaints here,” I feel him kiss the top of my head before climbing out of my lap. His hand finds mine and our finger intertwine as he pulls me off the stool. I look down at our hands, letting him pull me to our bedroom. Kibum wasn’t the one I made love to last night. That was Taemin. Oh god, I cheated on Kibum. I cheated on him and I enjoyed it. But then I thought he was the one I was doing it with, so would that really be considered cheating? God, my head is hurting even more now. He pulls me down onto the bed and we immediately curl up to one another. The letter was still in my hand and he grabs it from me. He holds it up above us and starts to read it out loud.
“Bummie, there’s no need for you to read it out loud,” I complain to him, hiding my head in his neck, “I just want to lay here with you right now. I have a pounding headache and I’m confused as hell.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“What?” I sit up and look down at him.
“Did you sleep with Taemin?”
“Where did this question come from?”
“I just want to know Minho.”
“You haven’t called me Minho since we started dating.”
“Please just answer the question.”
“I’m sorry Bummie,” I look away from him and scoot to the edge of the bed. I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my head in my hands. My life was so screwed up right now. I can feel him make his way over to me, his arms going under mine, hands resting on my shoulders followed by his head. I turn to look at him and he smiles at me.
“I’m not mad yeobo. You thought he was me,” he tells me, kissing my shoulder and smiling at me, “And it doesn’t surprise me that he fell in love with you. It’s hard not to. I mean I never thought I’d fall in love with you, but I did.”
“Geez, thanks,” we share a short laugh.
“You know what I mean,” he playfully pushes my head.
“Yeah I do. I’m sorry though. I cheated on you Bummie.”
“Well yes and no.”
“Are you mad? If you are, I totally understand. I give you permission to hit me if you want.”
“I am mad, but I miss you more. And I’d rather spend my energy getting reacquainted with my fiancé,” I turn to look at him again and he smirks at me. His arms slowly leave my body and he backs up the bed, smirk never leaving his face. His eyes are giving me a ‘Come here’ look and I just smile. My headache magically gone now as I follow him further up the bed. He’s laying back on the mound of pillows and my hands are on either side of his face, supporting my weight.
“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” I ask him, his arms coming up to wrap around my neck.
“I told you that I was, but it’s understandable what happened. You thought he was me. He fell in love with you and blah blah blah. But I’m here now, the real me. And we did just get engaged officially. Have I told you how much I love my ring?”
“No, but if you want to show me then I won’t object,” I bring my head down and our lips meet in a sweet, but passionate kiss.
“How’s your headache?” he mumbles against my lips.
“What headache?”
“Mm, exactly what I want to hear. Means your treatment is working perfectly,” he brings my head down more to deepen the kiss. I can’t help but think that something is missing. I mean, I still feel the chemistry, love, and passion that I’ve always felt when I kissed Kibum, but something was lacking. I just couldn’t put my fingers on it.