Misguided Angel 1/??
Title: Misguided Angel 1/??
Author: giveitupjessica
Rating: PG-NC-17 (depending on the chapter)
Pairings: 2min, jongkey, kangteuk, minkhun
Genre: AU (kind of), romance, fantasy
Summary: I shouldn't be falling for him like this. I've never fallen for anyone but the one I have been bound to since I was created. So why am I suddenly doing whatever I can to protect him, to make sure no harm every comes his way. I shouldn't be by his side like this. I shouldn't be holding him in my arms as he sleeps. But the fire that I feel when our skin touches is something I've never experienced before. What does this all mean? I know I'm only putting him in more danger by staying with him, but for some reason I can't leave him. I can't just walk away from him. I want to mark him as mine. I need to mark him as mine.
A/N: So since I've gotten nothing but good feed back from the prologue, I've decided to try and pursue this story. It's so different from what I normally write, so forgive me if it's not as good as my other work. I wanna try this one out though. The idea is definitely intriguing. I'll probably update either Paper Roses or Misguided Angel every day, most likely not both. We'll see. I kind of want to focus on this one right now, but I'm afraid that if I do Paper Roses will never see it's end. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear. Anyways, please comment and let me know what you think of this so far.
CHAPTER ONE
“Good morning,” I say, stretching my arms high above my head as I join the rest of the members in the kitchen. Key was standing in front of the stove as usual, cooking us breakfast. I smile at the sight. All the past lives that we’ve known one another, he’s always been the same. A very comforting and motherly person.
“Good morning Minho hyung,” Taemin smiles up at me, “Did you get a lot of rest?”
“Yes, thank you for asking,” I ruffle his hair as I pass him to get a cup of coffee.
“That’s good. I hate seeing you so drained like you have been the past few days.”
“I’m sorry for worrying you. Now eat up, you need your energy as well.”
“Ne hyung,” he turns back to his food and starts to shovel it in his mouth.
“YAH! Taemin-ah, not so fast! You’ll choke!” Key yells as he brings the rest of the food to the table.
“But ish sho gwood ummwa,” he says around his mouthful.
“Aish, Taeminnie,” Key takes a napkin and wipes the younger’s face, “Sometimes I wonder if you’re really your age. Smaller bites hm?”
“Okay.”
I take a seat next to Key at the table. And just like before, he serves me before serving himself. A loyal friend and ally. Memories of lives before flooding my mind. They don’t hurt though, just a mild sting from the amount of memories. Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you that when we start to remember our past lives, it’s painful. Excruciatingly painful. Imagine trying to stuff millions of papers into a box that can fit in the palm of your hand. But instead of a box, it’s your brain, and instead of papers it’s images of things you don’t quite remember, but do at the same time.
It was particularly painful for me a few months ago. Right around the time of our Lucifer comeback. It was like the floodgates to my mind were just busted open and my past lives came pouring through. Images upon images were forcing themselves into my head, not giving me time to digest one before another was thrown at me. And my back, the markings on my back got deeper and pain was there as well. Although the pain from my back was enough to drown out a good portion of the pain in my mind. That was the actual reason why I sat out on a lot of the promotional events. It wasn’t because I had ruptured a muscle, well that did happen but that was healed within the day it occurred. (An upside to being an angel, I heal from physically injuries in almost a blink of an eye, depending on it the severity of the injury.)
Leeteuk and Key were concerned about my sudden influx of memories though. They knew about the pain, they’ve experienced the pain, so they wanted me to take it easy. They knew that if I participated 100% during the schedules, I’d drain myself quickly. So they made me take it easy, using the ruptured muscle as an excuse. It wasn’t until the memories had died down that they let me go back to my normal routine.
You don’t have to serve me Seraphiel. I can do it myself you know.
It’s a habit centuries in the making. You really can’t expect me to break it now.
You can at least try. You’re my friend in this life, not my servant.
You are sill my superior though.
But I’m your friend first.
When did you become so modest. Before you’d be waving around your ranking like it was a shiny new toy that only you had and only you could play with.
Centuries of living, my friend, centuries of living.
I like you better this way.
Thank you.
“Key?” Jonghyun was shaking his shoulder.
“Hm?”
“We need to go. We’ll be late for our schedule.”
“Oh right. Sorry, I guess I spaced out.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“I guess I just need a break from all the schedules.”
“Well don’t start the break yet, we still a few more weeks to go. So come on,” he grabs Key’s hand and pulls him to the door. I notice the blush on Key’s face as he’s being pulled along.
Behave yourself Seraphiel.
Don’t I always?
Do you really want me to answer that?
No.
That’s what I thought.
“We’ll see you all later at the Star King taping,” Jonghyun yells as they walk out the door.
“Bye hyungs!” Taemin waves at their backs.
“Where’s Jinki hyung?” I ask him.
“I think he had to go and do something for his musical. A costume fitting or something.”
“Ah, I see. Well we better get ready for our radio schedule Taemin-ah. They will probably be back to pick us up after they drop off Jonghyun hyung and Key.”
“It probably won’t be for at least another 45 minutes hyung. So eat some more. You’ve barely touched the food on your plate.”
“I think you’ve eaten enough for the both of us,” I reach over and ruffle his hair again.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that hyung,” he pouts at me and puffs out his cheeks.
“It’s hard not to. You’re just too cute,” I pinch his cheeks which only causes the pout on his face to deepen.
“I wish people would take me seriously. I’m not cute. I’m a man.”
“If you say so Taemin-ah.”
“You’re so mean hyung.”
“Finish your food,” I point to the last few bites on his plate with my fork.
“You finish your food.”
“I will.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
The rest of the time is spent in silence. The only sound in the room is the clock ticking and our forks scraping across out plates. I eat half of the pancakes that were given to me, knowing that it was more than enough so that Taemin wouldn’t scold me. Imagine a kid a couple years younger than me, scolding me. It’s a quite amusing actually.
But again, I don’t really need food to nourish me. I only eat it for the taste really. My nourishment comes in the form of liquid. One that I have to make sure I keep hidden from the other members. Why? Because to the human eye, it looks like plain old water. And I guess you can say that it’s pretty much like water to us angels. We can’t survive for very long without it. Three, maybe four days tops, five if absolutely necessary. Anyways, for us it rejuvenates our bodies and souls with it’s sweet taste, but if someone who isn’t an angel drinks it, it does the opposite. It would be like downing a bottle of arsenic. Literally, the feel and the taste of it for a human would mimic that.
I had made the mistake one day of leaving it out in the open during our dance practice. Taemin, of course mistook it for water and was going to drink it. Thankfully, I caught him before even a drop landed on his lips and snatched the bottle from his hands. He complained and called me selfish because I wouldn’t share it with him. I just told him that I thought I was coming down with a cold and it would be best not to drink out of the same bottle lest he gets sick as well. Now I make sure to keep them hidden and out of reach.
“Don’t worry about the dishes Taemin-ah. We’ll get them when we come home tonight. Go get ready now,” I tell him as he places our dishes in the sink.
“Are you sure? Key umma might get mad if we don’t do them.”
“Don’t worry about it. If anything, I’ll take the blame. Now go get ready.”
“Ne,” I watch him go his room before getting up and going to mine. I was sharing a room with Key now, it was better this way. I knew what that he was getting his memories back mostly during the night, so it was best that I was there when it happened and not the other three. They would panic and call the ambulance or something along those lines. There was nothing modern medicine could do though. We just had to deal with the pain and wait for it to subside.
I grab a pair of jeans and a plaid button up shirt from my closet before walking into the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before I changed. It didn’t really take long for me to do my hair since it was cut so short for our Hello comeback. I wasn’t a fan of it though. It remained me of the days I spent as a roman warrior. A time that I would rather not relive. A time when Azrael and I were separated.
The thought of that name brought back more memories. Memories I already knew about. Most of the images were happy ones. Holding her in my arms. Caressing her cheek. Kissing her lovingly. I miss her. I need her back in my life. There had to be a way for me to get that connection started. I needed to find her. If not to be reunited, then at least to know if she’s been experiencing the same things as me. If her memories have been coming back faster than normal.
If there really was something for us to be worried about then it was best that we were reunited. Azrael and I were both strong on our own. We could easily take on our enemies without the assistance of others. But together, we were an unbeatable force. The angel of death and the angel of destruction. Our power was one that could not be easily overcome. Not to mention, our skills and minds were more finely tuned and of better use.
Azrael. If you can hear me. Come back to me my love. I’m waiting for you.
*~*
We arrive at the radio station just in time. We were almost late due to some accident that had blocked two of the lanes on the way here.
Azrael. If you can hear me. Come back to me my love. I’m waiting for you.
“What the?” I say as we walk into the room, “Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” Wooyoung asks as he pushes past me and takes a seat.
“You didn’t hear someone calling a person just now?”
“No. I didn’t hear a thing. Are you okay? You’ve been acting so weird lately.”
“Hm. I guess I’m just hearing things,” I sit down next to him and he raises a hand to my forehead.
“You don’t feel warm. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off after this Khunnie.”
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Are you sure? I mean you’ve been getting a lot of migraines lately and you said your back has been hurting too. Maybe you need to take it easy. Too much stress. I’m sure manager hyung will understand.”
“I’m okay,” I know I’m not though. I’m everything but okay. I’ve never felt such pain in my life. A migraine doesn’t even begin to describe the pain I’ve been feeling in my head. And my back, I nearly scared myself shitless when I took a shower yesterday and the water stung as it hit my back. When I got out of the shower and checked out my back in the mirror, I was shocked to see markings all over it. They were purple, but they varied in hue and then they just disappeared. All of it just vanished, well not really vanished it was like the markings seeped into my skin and left a burning sensation in it’s place.
That was nothing though. It was nothing compared to the vivid dreams and sometimes even daydreams I was having. And they weren’t like figments of my imagination and subconscious. They were like actual memories. Like they had really happened to me. And I felt them too. I felt all the events occurring in my blood. And that’s when the pain in my head would come about. The unbearable pain. I went to the doctor to see what he could do about it and they prescribed me Imitrex. It did nothing for me though. Didn’t even touch at it. So I’ve long since abandoned the stupid drug. I guess I would just have to deal with it.
This name though. It’s been stuck in my head since this all started at the beginning of the year. Azrael. It seemed so familiar, yet foreign at the same time. And then just recently, another name has been accompanying it. Abaddon. Azrael and Abaddon. It’s been bothering me for weeks now. Who were these people and why did I feel like I knew them? That I was perhaps one of them. So last night when I couldn’t sleep, I googled it just to see if there was anything I could find. And boy did I find a lot.
I found out that both, Azrael and Abaddon, were fallen angels. The right hand men to Lucifer during the battle of good and evil long long ago. They were twin souls, destined to be together. Without one, the other could not exist. Azrael, the angel of death. And her lover Abaddon, the angel of destruction. I wondered why those names kept on coming back to me. Why Azrael seemed to be etched into my mind. Why I thought I was that fallen angel. But then, how could I be Azrael. All the things I’ve read have depicted the angel to be a beautiful female. And I am anything but female. I had the genitals to prove it. But then why was I always a female in the dreams I’ve been having. The dreams that seem like distant lives of mine.
I’m brought out of my thoughts when I feel a hand clap my back, “Hyung, long time no see.”
“Yes Minho-ssi, it has been quite a long time. How have you been? Is your muscle better?”
“It’s still healing, but the worst is behind me now. How are you though? I’ve heard that you’ve been feeling unwell lately. I hope you’re not straining yourself.”
“Always the caring dongsaeng.”
“How can I not worry about my hyungs well-being?”
“I’m fine Minho-ssi. Just take care of yourself hm?”
“I will, as long as you take care of yourself.”
“It’s a deal,” I turn to the boy next to him who seems to be trying to hide a dirty look behind his smile, “Hello Taemin-ah. How are you?”
“Fine,” he says and doesn’t make to elaborate at all.
“Okay. Well I’m glad we get to do this radio schedule together.”
“Whatever.”
“Taemin-ah,” Minho says to the younger and that’s all he says. The rest of his words are expressed through the hand that’s placed on the other’s shoulder. I can’t help but feel a little jealous at the sight. I don’t know why, but a part of me doesn’t want Minho to be touching anyone else but me. Wait, whoa. What am I saying? Minho can touch whoever he wants. I don’t why I’m being so protective of him all of a sudden.
Abaddon.
Yes? Who’s there? Reveal yourself.
What the fuck?! I don’t think I said that name out loud. But the response, it was so clear and loud. I turn to the others beside me, they don’t show any signs of hearing that voice.
Who called me? Show yourself.
“Hyung,” Minho says to me.
“Huh?”
“It’s time for the program to start.”
“Oh.”
“Here,” he hands me my headphones and when our fingers brush I feel a surge of fire run through my body. But it doesn’t hurt at all. It’s comforting and familiar. I look over to him and he’s staring at me. Talk about flaming charisma. I quickly withdraw my hand and give him an uneasy smile. I turn my gaze away from him and catch the dirty look that Taemin is giving me again. This time he doesn’t do anything to mask it. I wonder what his problem is. Have I don’t something to make him mad? I haven’t seen him in months though.
Azrael? Is that you? If it is, please come out. Don’t be frightened. I’m here.
I want to answer that voice. I want to tell him that I’m here and I’m scared. I want to tell him that I don’t know what’s happening to me. That I need him by my side. But I don’t know how to answer him. I don’t know how to get through to him. All I can do is listen to his voice.
Abaddon.
Azrael, it is you. Where are you my love?
Abaddon.
*~*
Her voice seems so weak. I’m scared. Is she in pain? Is she in trouble? I need to get to her. I need to save her. I reach out, but her presence is fading.
Azrael! Don’t leave! You can’t leave! I just found you. Please hold on. I’ll come and find you. Just hold on!
But she’s gone before I can finish what I’m saying. I no longer can feel her presence. She’s slipped through my fingers. I want to slam my fists on the table, but think better of it. That’s not how an idol is supposed to act. Instead, I let out a silent scream, a scream only other angels can hear.
Author: giveitupjessica
Rating: PG-NC-17 (depending on the chapter)
Pairings: 2min, jongkey, kangteuk, minkhun
Genre: AU (kind of), romance, fantasy
Summary: I shouldn't be falling for him like this. I've never fallen for anyone but the one I have been bound to since I was created. So why am I suddenly doing whatever I can to protect him, to make sure no harm every comes his way. I shouldn't be by his side like this. I shouldn't be holding him in my arms as he sleeps. But the fire that I feel when our skin touches is something I've never experienced before. What does this all mean? I know I'm only putting him in more danger by staying with him, but for some reason I can't leave him. I can't just walk away from him. I want to mark him as mine. I need to mark him as mine.
A/N: So since I've gotten nothing but good feed back from the prologue, I've decided to try and pursue this story. It's so different from what I normally write, so forgive me if it's not as good as my other work. I wanna try this one out though. The idea is definitely intriguing. I'll probably update either Paper Roses or Misguided Angel every day, most likely not both. We'll see. I kind of want to focus on this one right now, but I'm afraid that if I do Paper Roses will never see it's end. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear. Anyways, please comment and let me know what you think of this so far.
CHAPTER ONE
“Good morning,” I say, stretching my arms high above my head as I join the rest of the members in the kitchen. Key was standing in front of the stove as usual, cooking us breakfast. I smile at the sight. All the past lives that we’ve known one another, he’s always been the same. A very comforting and motherly person.
“Good morning Minho hyung,” Taemin smiles up at me, “Did you get a lot of rest?”
“Yes, thank you for asking,” I ruffle his hair as I pass him to get a cup of coffee.
“That’s good. I hate seeing you so drained like you have been the past few days.”
“I’m sorry for worrying you. Now eat up, you need your energy as well.”
“Ne hyung,” he turns back to his food and starts to shovel it in his mouth.
“YAH! Taemin-ah, not so fast! You’ll choke!” Key yells as he brings the rest of the food to the table.
“But ish sho gwood ummwa,” he says around his mouthful.
“Aish, Taeminnie,” Key takes a napkin and wipes the younger’s face, “Sometimes I wonder if you’re really your age. Smaller bites hm?”
“Okay.”
I take a seat next to Key at the table. And just like before, he serves me before serving himself. A loyal friend and ally. Memories of lives before flooding my mind. They don’t hurt though, just a mild sting from the amount of memories. Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you that when we start to remember our past lives, it’s painful. Excruciatingly painful. Imagine trying to stuff millions of papers into a box that can fit in the palm of your hand. But instead of a box, it’s your brain, and instead of papers it’s images of things you don’t quite remember, but do at the same time.
It was particularly painful for me a few months ago. Right around the time of our Lucifer comeback. It was like the floodgates to my mind were just busted open and my past lives came pouring through. Images upon images were forcing themselves into my head, not giving me time to digest one before another was thrown at me. And my back, the markings on my back got deeper and pain was there as well. Although the pain from my back was enough to drown out a good portion of the pain in my mind. That was the actual reason why I sat out on a lot of the promotional events. It wasn’t because I had ruptured a muscle, well that did happen but that was healed within the day it occurred. (An upside to being an angel, I heal from physically injuries in almost a blink of an eye, depending on it the severity of the injury.)
Leeteuk and Key were concerned about my sudden influx of memories though. They knew about the pain, they’ve experienced the pain, so they wanted me to take it easy. They knew that if I participated 100% during the schedules, I’d drain myself quickly. So they made me take it easy, using the ruptured muscle as an excuse. It wasn’t until the memories had died down that they let me go back to my normal routine.
You don’t have to serve me Seraphiel. I can do it myself you know.
It’s a habit centuries in the making. You really can’t expect me to break it now.
You can at least try. You’re my friend in this life, not my servant.
You are sill my superior though.
But I’m your friend first.
When did you become so modest. Before you’d be waving around your ranking like it was a shiny new toy that only you had and only you could play with.
Centuries of living, my friend, centuries of living.
I like you better this way.
Thank you.
“Key?” Jonghyun was shaking his shoulder.
“Hm?”
“We need to go. We’ll be late for our schedule.”
“Oh right. Sorry, I guess I spaced out.”
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“I guess I just need a break from all the schedules.”
“Well don’t start the break yet, we still a few more weeks to go. So come on,” he grabs Key’s hand and pulls him to the door. I notice the blush on Key’s face as he’s being pulled along.
Behave yourself Seraphiel.
Don’t I always?
Do you really want me to answer that?
No.
That’s what I thought.
“We’ll see you all later at the Star King taping,” Jonghyun yells as they walk out the door.
“Bye hyungs!” Taemin waves at their backs.
“Where’s Jinki hyung?” I ask him.
“I think he had to go and do something for his musical. A costume fitting or something.”
“Ah, I see. Well we better get ready for our radio schedule Taemin-ah. They will probably be back to pick us up after they drop off Jonghyun hyung and Key.”
“It probably won’t be for at least another 45 minutes hyung. So eat some more. You’ve barely touched the food on your plate.”
“I think you’ve eaten enough for the both of us,” I reach over and ruffle his hair again.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that hyung,” he pouts at me and puffs out his cheeks.
“It’s hard not to. You’re just too cute,” I pinch his cheeks which only causes the pout on his face to deepen.
“I wish people would take me seriously. I’m not cute. I’m a man.”
“If you say so Taemin-ah.”
“You’re so mean hyung.”
“Finish your food,” I point to the last few bites on his plate with my fork.
“You finish your food.”
“I will.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
The rest of the time is spent in silence. The only sound in the room is the clock ticking and our forks scraping across out plates. I eat half of the pancakes that were given to me, knowing that it was more than enough so that Taemin wouldn’t scold me. Imagine a kid a couple years younger than me, scolding me. It’s a quite amusing actually.
But again, I don’t really need food to nourish me. I only eat it for the taste really. My nourishment comes in the form of liquid. One that I have to make sure I keep hidden from the other members. Why? Because to the human eye, it looks like plain old water. And I guess you can say that it’s pretty much like water to us angels. We can’t survive for very long without it. Three, maybe four days tops, five if absolutely necessary. Anyways, for us it rejuvenates our bodies and souls with it’s sweet taste, but if someone who isn’t an angel drinks it, it does the opposite. It would be like downing a bottle of arsenic. Literally, the feel and the taste of it for a human would mimic that.
I had made the mistake one day of leaving it out in the open during our dance practice. Taemin, of course mistook it for water and was going to drink it. Thankfully, I caught him before even a drop landed on his lips and snatched the bottle from his hands. He complained and called me selfish because I wouldn’t share it with him. I just told him that I thought I was coming down with a cold and it would be best not to drink out of the same bottle lest he gets sick as well. Now I make sure to keep them hidden and out of reach.
“Don’t worry about the dishes Taemin-ah. We’ll get them when we come home tonight. Go get ready now,” I tell him as he places our dishes in the sink.
“Are you sure? Key umma might get mad if we don’t do them.”
“Don’t worry about it. If anything, I’ll take the blame. Now go get ready.”
“Ne,” I watch him go his room before getting up and going to mine. I was sharing a room with Key now, it was better this way. I knew what that he was getting his memories back mostly during the night, so it was best that I was there when it happened and not the other three. They would panic and call the ambulance or something along those lines. There was nothing modern medicine could do though. We just had to deal with the pain and wait for it to subside.
I grab a pair of jeans and a plaid button up shirt from my closet before walking into the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before I changed. It didn’t really take long for me to do my hair since it was cut so short for our Hello comeback. I wasn’t a fan of it though. It remained me of the days I spent as a roman warrior. A time that I would rather not relive. A time when Azrael and I were separated.
The thought of that name brought back more memories. Memories I already knew about. Most of the images were happy ones. Holding her in my arms. Caressing her cheek. Kissing her lovingly. I miss her. I need her back in my life. There had to be a way for me to get that connection started. I needed to find her. If not to be reunited, then at least to know if she’s been experiencing the same things as me. If her memories have been coming back faster than normal.
If there really was something for us to be worried about then it was best that we were reunited. Azrael and I were both strong on our own. We could easily take on our enemies without the assistance of others. But together, we were an unbeatable force. The angel of death and the angel of destruction. Our power was one that could not be easily overcome. Not to mention, our skills and minds were more finely tuned and of better use.
Azrael. If you can hear me. Come back to me my love. I’m waiting for you.
*~*
We arrive at the radio station just in time. We were almost late due to some accident that had blocked two of the lanes on the way here.
Azrael. If you can hear me. Come back to me my love. I’m waiting for you.
“What the?” I say as we walk into the room, “Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” Wooyoung asks as he pushes past me and takes a seat.
“You didn’t hear someone calling a person just now?”
“No. I didn’t hear a thing. Are you okay? You’ve been acting so weird lately.”
“Hm. I guess I’m just hearing things,” I sit down next to him and he raises a hand to my forehead.
“You don’t feel warm. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off after this Khunnie.”
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Are you sure? I mean you’ve been getting a lot of migraines lately and you said your back has been hurting too. Maybe you need to take it easy. Too much stress. I’m sure manager hyung will understand.”
“I’m okay,” I know I’m not though. I’m everything but okay. I’ve never felt such pain in my life. A migraine doesn’t even begin to describe the pain I’ve been feeling in my head. And my back, I nearly scared myself shitless when I took a shower yesterday and the water stung as it hit my back. When I got out of the shower and checked out my back in the mirror, I was shocked to see markings all over it. They were purple, but they varied in hue and then they just disappeared. All of it just vanished, well not really vanished it was like the markings seeped into my skin and left a burning sensation in it’s place.
That was nothing though. It was nothing compared to the vivid dreams and sometimes even daydreams I was having. And they weren’t like figments of my imagination and subconscious. They were like actual memories. Like they had really happened to me. And I felt them too. I felt all the events occurring in my blood. And that’s when the pain in my head would come about. The unbearable pain. I went to the doctor to see what he could do about it and they prescribed me Imitrex. It did nothing for me though. Didn’t even touch at it. So I’ve long since abandoned the stupid drug. I guess I would just have to deal with it.
This name though. It’s been stuck in my head since this all started at the beginning of the year. Azrael. It seemed so familiar, yet foreign at the same time. And then just recently, another name has been accompanying it. Abaddon. Azrael and Abaddon. It’s been bothering me for weeks now. Who were these people and why did I feel like I knew them? That I was perhaps one of them. So last night when I couldn’t sleep, I googled it just to see if there was anything I could find. And boy did I find a lot.
I found out that both, Azrael and Abaddon, were fallen angels. The right hand men to Lucifer during the battle of good and evil long long ago. They were twin souls, destined to be together. Without one, the other could not exist. Azrael, the angel of death. And her lover Abaddon, the angel of destruction. I wondered why those names kept on coming back to me. Why Azrael seemed to be etched into my mind. Why I thought I was that fallen angel. But then, how could I be Azrael. All the things I’ve read have depicted the angel to be a beautiful female. And I am anything but female. I had the genitals to prove it. But then why was I always a female in the dreams I’ve been having. The dreams that seem like distant lives of mine.
I’m brought out of my thoughts when I feel a hand clap my back, “Hyung, long time no see.”
“Yes Minho-ssi, it has been quite a long time. How have you been? Is your muscle better?”
“It’s still healing, but the worst is behind me now. How are you though? I’ve heard that you’ve been feeling unwell lately. I hope you’re not straining yourself.”
“Always the caring dongsaeng.”
“How can I not worry about my hyungs well-being?”
“I’m fine Minho-ssi. Just take care of yourself hm?”
“I will, as long as you take care of yourself.”
“It’s a deal,” I turn to the boy next to him who seems to be trying to hide a dirty look behind his smile, “Hello Taemin-ah. How are you?”
“Fine,” he says and doesn’t make to elaborate at all.
“Okay. Well I’m glad we get to do this radio schedule together.”
“Whatever.”
“Taemin-ah,” Minho says to the younger and that’s all he says. The rest of his words are expressed through the hand that’s placed on the other’s shoulder. I can’t help but feel a little jealous at the sight. I don’t know why, but a part of me doesn’t want Minho to be touching anyone else but me. Wait, whoa. What am I saying? Minho can touch whoever he wants. I don’t why I’m being so protective of him all of a sudden.
Abaddon.
Yes? Who’s there? Reveal yourself.
What the fuck?! I don’t think I said that name out loud. But the response, it was so clear and loud. I turn to the others beside me, they don’t show any signs of hearing that voice.
Who called me? Show yourself.
“Hyung,” Minho says to me.
“Huh?”
“It’s time for the program to start.”
“Oh.”
“Here,” he hands me my headphones and when our fingers brush I feel a surge of fire run through my body. But it doesn’t hurt at all. It’s comforting and familiar. I look over to him and he’s staring at me. Talk about flaming charisma. I quickly withdraw my hand and give him an uneasy smile. I turn my gaze away from him and catch the dirty look that Taemin is giving me again. This time he doesn’t do anything to mask it. I wonder what his problem is. Have I don’t something to make him mad? I haven’t seen him in months though.
Azrael? Is that you? If it is, please come out. Don’t be frightened. I’m here.
I want to answer that voice. I want to tell him that I’m here and I’m scared. I want to tell him that I don’t know what’s happening to me. That I need him by my side. But I don’t know how to answer him. I don’t know how to get through to him. All I can do is listen to his voice.
Abaddon.
Azrael, it is you. Where are you my love?
Abaddon.
*~*
Her voice seems so weak. I’m scared. Is she in pain? Is she in trouble? I need to get to her. I need to save her. I reach out, but her presence is fading.
Azrael! Don’t leave! You can’t leave! I just found you. Please hold on. I’ll come and find you. Just hold on!
But she’s gone before I can finish what I’m saying. I no longer can feel her presence. She’s slipped through my fingers. I want to slam my fists on the table, but think better of it. That’s not how an idol is supposed to act. Instead, I let out a silent scream, a scream only other angels can hear.