Third story!
Title: Wary of Water
Author/Artist: Kata Avalon
E-mail: kata_avalon@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: barely R
Pairing: kind of J/B
Warnings: Sappy, angsty
Disclaimer: still not mine
Summary: Choices can be scary
Prompt by: Sheila
Prompt: Jim asks/tells Blair to leave, saying he doesn’t need him any more. Not linked to SenToo
A pensive looking man was walking along the beach, looking around, seeing everything, but not really looking at anything. The sun was setting and Mother Nature splashed and mixed colours with abandon on a cloudy evening sky, but that was all irrelevant to the sentinel.
Jim sighed. He had to admit that Blair had been a good guide, though different than Jack. Jack had been all about learning as you do, about learning to swim so you can avoid drowning. Blair was all about learning to swim so you can enjoy the water. At first, Jim had not been interested in the water, he just did not want to drown, but Blair’s genuine enthusiasm was catching and he had just shrugged and gone with the flow. After all, it was temporary. It always was.
Even Jim could see that he and Blair got along well, as friends and as a search and rescue-pair. They even lived together, since Blair’s rental apartment had been sold to cover the owner’s credit card bills. Life was going smoothly now, but Jim was getting anxious, antsy. Something was going to happen, had to happen. He and long-term relations did not mix, and this one was already beyond its due date. Still, he had hoped.
Jim chuckled bitterly. Yes, the idiot that he was, he had hoped it could last. Well, at least last for a few more months, but that was not to be, as usual. Blair had been temporarily paired with Alex since her guide caught a bad stomach flu, and Jim had been paired with Daniel, a new guide. Jim had felt like he was drowning as he watched Blair guide Alex; it had gone so smoothly, there was none of the commentary and, yes, negotiations that were so customary between him and Blair. Why would Blair settle for Jim? No reason, no reason at all. So, what was Blair waiting for? Why had he not done or said something already?
Jim was getting nervous, he wanted the good-byes done and over with, so he could move on to licking his wounds. He was pretty good at licking his wounds, but not so good with waiting. Let’s get this started then. He turned and started the walk back to the parking lot, and his warm car. The autumn evenings were getting chilly, like his heart.
***
Blair was nervous. He felt like cooking a six-course meal, repainting the walls of the loft and canoeing down the Mississippi. Instead, he was standing by the loft’s fireplace, waiting for his sentinel. Jim had said barely two words since the guide swap a couple of days ago. The guide could have understood jealousy or sulking, as their pairing was getting stronger by the day, but silence was just creepy. That was not how it was supposed to go, not at all. Something was wrong.
Blair sighed. He had fallen in love with his sentinel. They were a true pairing, but Jim held back. The sentinel could not trust their bond, or his guide. At first Blair had taken it personally, but then he realised that Jim was like that with everyone. Insecurity can be a real pain in the ass. Blair did not know what had caused Jim to be so suspicious, so certain that he would always be left alone, and, in the end, it did not much matter. All that mattered was convincing his sentinel that Blair could be trusted, that his guide would stay. But how to do that?
Blair turned to look out the balcony windows. Jim had told him he would go for a walk, alone, which meant that the sentinel was out there on his own, thinking. Tonight would be a crossroads in their pairing. Blair hoped he would be strong enough, and quick-tongued enough, to get it through Jim’s thick skull that they were a fated pair. Maybe I should just drag him into bed.
Blair sighed. No, Jim would probably agree, out of duty, but in this case Blair would wait until Jim made the first move. Their first time would be special, a seal of their pairing, and most probably far in the future. If it happened at all.
Blair sensed Jim approaching the loft door. He took a deep breath. Okay, shoulders back, straighten up.
***
Jim walked through the door to the loft. Blair was standing by the large windows, looking at him expectantly. Jim took off his coat and put it up.
Jim straightened his spine, and walked to his guide. This had to be done, sooner rather than later.
“Blair, I - I do not need you anymore. I want you to leave.” Jim’s heart was aching, but it would heal. It always had.
Blair blinked. It was odd to see the guide so quiet and still.
“If you want me out, you’ll have to carry me out that door,” Blair stated. “I refuse to leave my fated sentinel, for any reason.”
Jim felt baffled and confused, this was not how he had envisioned this going. Could it be Blair was different? Different from all the other guides, family members and friends who had just left? But, no, such things did not happen to him. Did they? Could they?
“As I said on the first day, we’re a pair, we belong together.” Blair narrowed his eyes; Jim could almost feel that stare. “Is this about you being insecure or is there something else I should know about?”
The sentinel could feel the flow of the evening shifting. When had he turned left into the Twilight Zone? “No, this is not about - We’re kind of just going though routines nowadays. I’m doing fine with my senses, you’re a grown man living in a spare room. I thought you were, waiting for me to say something.”
Blair sighed. “You’re being insecure. Yes, I was waiting, waiting for you to see the damn graffiti on the wall, you lunkhead.” Blair walked to stand two feet from his sentinel. “I was waiting for you to realise that we truly are a pair, and should be so in every way.”
Jim stared at his guide, hoping. He could practically feel that Blair meant it, that he was serious. Maybe Jim had been wrong, this time. “You make it sound so simple”
Blair nodded. “Simple and complicated.”
Jim turned and walked to the couch. He sat down on it, still feeling confused. If Blair was really telling the truth, as his senses were telling him, what did it mean?
“Few relationships have worked for me,” he said after a minute of silence.
“I can only promise never to hurt you intentionally,” Blair said as he sat next to Jim. “As your permanent guide, I’d stay by you, with you.”
Jim nodded. In a way, it would have been easy if Blair had just walked out. But no, the guide had stayed and upped the stakes. Blair was offering him commitment, permanence, companionship. Blair was asking trust, faith, loyalty. Those were not easy to offer, not by any measure.
Trust was the key issue. To trust that Blair would stay, that he would not change his mind, that he would still want Jim years and decades from now.
Jim looked at Blair who was sitting quietly, still waiting, still looking at him unflinchingly. Blair had already decided.
The sentinel stared at the coffee table. The guide had made his decision, Blair was the only one who had actually chosen him. So why was he hesitating? Why was he still scared? Could it be that he was actually more terrified of being chosen than being left alone?
Jim took a deep breath, and decided to take the plunge. Maybe he’d drown, but not falling would haunt him for the rest of his life.
“I know you’d never hurt me, I trust you. And I choose you as my guide, ‘til death do us part.”
***
Don't forget to leave feedback for the author!
Author/Artist: Kata Avalon
E-mail: kata_avalon@yahoo.co.uk
Rating: barely R
Pairing: kind of J/B
Warnings: Sappy, angsty
Disclaimer: still not mine
Summary: Choices can be scary
Prompt by: Sheila
Prompt: Jim asks/tells Blair to leave, saying he doesn’t need him any more. Not linked to SenToo
A pensive looking man was walking along the beach, looking around, seeing everything, but not really looking at anything. The sun was setting and Mother Nature splashed and mixed colours with abandon on a cloudy evening sky, but that was all irrelevant to the sentinel.
Jim sighed. He had to admit that Blair had been a good guide, though different than Jack. Jack had been all about learning as you do, about learning to swim so you can avoid drowning. Blair was all about learning to swim so you can enjoy the water. At first, Jim had not been interested in the water, he just did not want to drown, but Blair’s genuine enthusiasm was catching and he had just shrugged and gone with the flow. After all, it was temporary. It always was.
Even Jim could see that he and Blair got along well, as friends and as a search and rescue-pair. They even lived together, since Blair’s rental apartment had been sold to cover the owner’s credit card bills. Life was going smoothly now, but Jim was getting anxious, antsy. Something was going to happen, had to happen. He and long-term relations did not mix, and this one was already beyond its due date. Still, he had hoped.
Jim chuckled bitterly. Yes, the idiot that he was, he had hoped it could last. Well, at least last for a few more months, but that was not to be, as usual. Blair had been temporarily paired with Alex since her guide caught a bad stomach flu, and Jim had been paired with Daniel, a new guide. Jim had felt like he was drowning as he watched Blair guide Alex; it had gone so smoothly, there was none of the commentary and, yes, negotiations that were so customary between him and Blair. Why would Blair settle for Jim? No reason, no reason at all. So, what was Blair waiting for? Why had he not done or said something already?
Jim was getting nervous, he wanted the good-byes done and over with, so he could move on to licking his wounds. He was pretty good at licking his wounds, but not so good with waiting. Let’s get this started then. He turned and started the walk back to the parking lot, and his warm car. The autumn evenings were getting chilly, like his heart.
***
Blair was nervous. He felt like cooking a six-course meal, repainting the walls of the loft and canoeing down the Mississippi. Instead, he was standing by the loft’s fireplace, waiting for his sentinel. Jim had said barely two words since the guide swap a couple of days ago. The guide could have understood jealousy or sulking, as their pairing was getting stronger by the day, but silence was just creepy. That was not how it was supposed to go, not at all. Something was wrong.
Blair sighed. He had fallen in love with his sentinel. They were a true pairing, but Jim held back. The sentinel could not trust their bond, or his guide. At first Blair had taken it personally, but then he realised that Jim was like that with everyone. Insecurity can be a real pain in the ass. Blair did not know what had caused Jim to be so suspicious, so certain that he would always be left alone, and, in the end, it did not much matter. All that mattered was convincing his sentinel that Blair could be trusted, that his guide would stay. But how to do that?
Blair turned to look out the balcony windows. Jim had told him he would go for a walk, alone, which meant that the sentinel was out there on his own, thinking. Tonight would be a crossroads in their pairing. Blair hoped he would be strong enough, and quick-tongued enough, to get it through Jim’s thick skull that they were a fated pair. Maybe I should just drag him into bed.
Blair sighed. No, Jim would probably agree, out of duty, but in this case Blair would wait until Jim made the first move. Their first time would be special, a seal of their pairing, and most probably far in the future. If it happened at all.
Blair sensed Jim approaching the loft door. He took a deep breath. Okay, shoulders back, straighten up.
***
Jim walked through the door to the loft. Blair was standing by the large windows, looking at him expectantly. Jim took off his coat and put it up.
Jim straightened his spine, and walked to his guide. This had to be done, sooner rather than later.
“Blair, I - I do not need you anymore. I want you to leave.” Jim’s heart was aching, but it would heal. It always had.
Blair blinked. It was odd to see the guide so quiet and still.
“If you want me out, you’ll have to carry me out that door,” Blair stated. “I refuse to leave my fated sentinel, for any reason.”
Jim felt baffled and confused, this was not how he had envisioned this going. Could it be Blair was different? Different from all the other guides, family members and friends who had just left? But, no, such things did not happen to him. Did they? Could they?
“As I said on the first day, we’re a pair, we belong together.” Blair narrowed his eyes; Jim could almost feel that stare. “Is this about you being insecure or is there something else I should know about?”
The sentinel could feel the flow of the evening shifting. When had he turned left into the Twilight Zone? “No, this is not about - We’re kind of just going though routines nowadays. I’m doing fine with my senses, you’re a grown man living in a spare room. I thought you were, waiting for me to say something.”
Blair sighed. “You’re being insecure. Yes, I was waiting, waiting for you to see the damn graffiti on the wall, you lunkhead.” Blair walked to stand two feet from his sentinel. “I was waiting for you to realise that we truly are a pair, and should be so in every way.”
Jim stared at his guide, hoping. He could practically feel that Blair meant it, that he was serious. Maybe Jim had been wrong, this time. “You make it sound so simple”
Blair nodded. “Simple and complicated.”
Jim turned and walked to the couch. He sat down on it, still feeling confused. If Blair was really telling the truth, as his senses were telling him, what did it mean?
“Few relationships have worked for me,” he said after a minute of silence.
“I can only promise never to hurt you intentionally,” Blair said as he sat next to Jim. “As your permanent guide, I’d stay by you, with you.”
Jim nodded. In a way, it would have been easy if Blair had just walked out. But no, the guide had stayed and upped the stakes. Blair was offering him commitment, permanence, companionship. Blair was asking trust, faith, loyalty. Those were not easy to offer, not by any measure.
Trust was the key issue. To trust that Blair would stay, that he would not change his mind, that he would still want Jim years and decades from now.
Jim looked at Blair who was sitting quietly, still waiting, still looking at him unflinchingly. Blair had already decided.
The sentinel stared at the coffee table. The guide had made his decision, Blair was the only one who had actually chosen him. So why was he hesitating? Why was he still scared? Could it be that he was actually more terrified of being chosen than being left alone?
Jim took a deep breath, and decided to take the plunge. Maybe he’d drown, but not falling would haunt him for the rest of his life.
“I know you’d never hurt me, I trust you. And I choose you as my guide, ‘til death do us part.”
***
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