"And I Don't Think That I Could Ever Remember A Time That This Place Felt Quite Like Home..."
Another dinner ruined. I would assume that it's my fault; as everything these days seems to be... Mom had told me that dinner would be in about an hour, and to cure my partial exhuastion while ridding myself of boredom, I went to lay down... Twenty minutes later I was "awakened" by my brother who told me dinner was ready... Nonetheless, I rolled out of bed, and went to the table... Of course, I had an attitude... I gave my Mom, and a number of my siblings lip, and I was chastised for it... For one, I'm bitter... I spent nearly three hours outside working on the freaking fence, by myself nonetheless... I had left Brian a message to come over when and if he could, and to call me before he left... So I gave my cell phone to my brother, and told him to let me know when Brian called, so I could have an idea of when he was coming... As expected, Brian returned the phone call, and appologized for not being able to make it... Meanwhile, my brother, the lazy ass that he is, couldn't walk the fifteen feet outside to let me know what Brian wasn't coming...
That pissed me off... Then one of my neighbors was working on putting his fence back up with who I'd assume to be his son... I had music on, naturally, and after I changed the CD for the third time, the fucknut decides to yell to turn it down... Needless to say, I ignored him the first three times, but then he came into my yard, and asked me to turn it down... So I walked into the sunroom, lowered it down, proceeded to kick a garbage can, knocking it over in the process, and got a fucking extension cord so I could blast the music from where I was working: a mere fifteen to twenty feet away... Assholes like that fucking piss me off... Anywho, after I removed the gate, I spent twenty minutes trying to get this small piece of stockade out of the pole... Finally, it got to the point to where the stockade wouldn't come out of the pole... I muttered "fuck this" to myself, pulled out a hacksaw, and sawed the nails off the thing... To make matters worse, after digging a hole so I would be able to pull the pole out of the ground, the damn thing wouldn't come out... Wouldn't budge an inch...
I nearly killed myself trying to get the damn thing out, and finally resolved to leave it alone, because I was on the verge of seriously hurting myself... I just wish I would have gotten some form of fucking help... But, as Willie said yesterday, "If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself..." My brother is a lazyass who doesn't do jack shit around the house... He could have came out and gave me a hand today... That would have been too easy... Instead, I moved huge pieces of stockade myself, and had a few of them fall on myself... I just can't take this shit anymore... On top of that, Mom said that she could come over this afternoon, but after finding out that I needed her to do some stuff outside the house, she told me otherwise... Instead of her coming over around five, Mom said that she could come over around seven or seven thirty... Honestly, when it's that late, what is the fucking point? She'd be here for an hour at the most before Mom got tired and wanted to sleep, or I passed out from exhaustion...
So I went to bed to spite myself, and woke up, and spited myself even more, by ruining what should have been a great meal... Now she is away... I want to leave a message, applogizing for my stupidity, but I couldn't do such a thing... At the rate I'm going, I'm never going to see her outside of school, and even then, without a lunch, how many sparks can fly? I'm looking forward to getting back to the grind, and having my semi-sane life back... At the same time, I don't want to be a part of the stress again, and I don't want to see her... I've had to refuse her company so many times, for reasons beyond my control mind you, but... *Sigh* Even I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore... I give up. I concede. I need to go fix up my freaking English Project because I forgot to include one freaking thing... Excuse the profanity... It explodes from my mouth when I'm pissed off... I feel better though... Talking to her has that affect...
Goodnight All... The subject explains it best...
EDIT: So she couldn't come anyway... Her Mom has her car... I feel slightly better...