(no subject)
I JUST TYPED UP THIS FUCKING ENTRY BUT MY INTERNET IS A FUCKING NIGGER AND SOMEHOW LOST IT. YES, I AM PISSED.
i'm pissed because of mike and i'm scared i'm going to lose him. but that's not the only reason. i hate who i am. i hate every aspect of who i am.
things between me and mike lately have been shit. LOTS of fighting because i'm a stupid fucking cunt. last night was good though. after fighting/yelling on the phone for a long time while he was at work, we finally got to hang out. my curfew is 11 and he finally got to my house at like 11:30. i was told to be home at 1:30 but fuck that. i ended up saying out until like 4. mike really wanted to smoke because he hadn't in 6 months and he was stressed over work and so did i because i'm weird and have smoked, but never gotten high. we wondered around for awhile and we finally got some weed and we ended up smoking with ashmore, justin and jen in justins fucking pimpin old van. i'm weird and didn't get very high but whatever. i like drinking a lot better but mike will never drink with me again because i'm such a fuck up and i'm diabetic. he's going over to karl's on saturday and he's going to be drinking all day and i'm going to be so jealous while i'm sitting at home. but whatever fuck it. i burnt my fingers, lips and tongue smoking the end of the blunt because i'm an idiot. i dunno. it was fun. i felt like i sorta had a life instead of being this invisible quiet cuntface loser. i don't know. i'm incredibly pissed and lonely and sad right now. i hate who i am. and i'm scared that because of who i am, i'm going to lose mike.
that's all. the end.
i'm pissed because of mike and i'm scared i'm going to lose him. but that's not the only reason. i hate who i am. i hate every aspect of who i am.
things between me and mike lately have been shit. LOTS of fighting because i'm a stupid fucking cunt. last night was good though. after fighting/yelling on the phone for a long time while he was at work, we finally got to hang out. my curfew is 11 and he finally got to my house at like 11:30. i was told to be home at 1:30 but fuck that. i ended up saying out until like 4. mike really wanted to smoke because he hadn't in 6 months and he was stressed over work and so did i because i'm weird and have smoked, but never gotten high. we wondered around for awhile and we finally got some weed and we ended up smoking with ashmore, justin and jen in justins fucking pimpin old van. i'm weird and didn't get very high but whatever. i like drinking a lot better but mike will never drink with me again because i'm such a fuck up and i'm diabetic. he's going over to karl's on saturday and he's going to be drinking all day and i'm going to be so jealous while i'm sitting at home. but whatever fuck it. i burnt my fingers, lips and tongue smoking the end of the blunt because i'm an idiot. i dunno. it was fun. i felt like i sorta had a life instead of being this invisible quiet cuntface loser. i don't know. i'm incredibly pissed and lonely and sad right now. i hate who i am. and i'm scared that because of who i am, i'm going to lose mike.
that's all. the end.