suicide

[githoniel]

how many times have i thought of dying?

every once in a while
the thought just pops
into my head

every once in a while
i sit there
and wonder what would happen
if i was standing near a glass
as it broke
and pierce my neck
my arms
and i bled

every once in a while
i stand there
and wonder what would happen
if i was near an open window
and fell over
and fell down
story after story
and landed on my head
and my head meats scattered

every once in a while
i lie there
and wonder what would happen
if i was washing in the bathtub
and i went under
to rinse my hair
and i didn't rise
i couldn't rise
and my breath failed me
and i breathed in

every once in a while
i sit there
and wonder what would happen
if i was playing with my knife
and it was in hand
and i fell
and the blade dug into me
under my ribs
piercing my heart

every once in a while
i cry there
and i wonder what would happen
if i died

would anyone miss me?
does my life count?
do i matter?
people have changed me
but i have not changed them
i have not made a difference
in their lives
i do not matter

would anyone miss me
if i died?