i sometimes get these yearnings
for what, you may ask? Well, it is tough to explain. But as much as I despise other people's children most of the time, sometimes they are just so cute. Glenn and Tracie had their baby just a little over one week ago. I still stop over and see them every now and then, and I usually head out that way when I go out for Happy Hour, I'm the one who usually finds out what's up for Bob&Family. It was funny. I stopped by last Monday, and Glenn had told me that Tracie was scheduled for inducement on Wednesday(it was originally Thursday, the 11th, but she didn't want that day). I was just about to leave when Gillian made Tracie take her outside so she could say bye to me. I mean, if that doesn't melt your heart a little, I don;t know what can. After I found out they had the baby, I didn't stop in b/c I didn't want to start the Cole and Simba barking and possibly disturb the baby. But yesterday, while I was removing the headliner to my car(more on that later), Glenn and Gillian stopped by. Gillian loves all the animals we have here(and who doesn't?). It's so funny watching her pet the horses. She was making Glenn walk her up and down the barn so she could pet each horse like 5 times. So today I was passing by and I saw Glenn in the driveway with a stroller. I stopped quickly and went down the driveway. He is SOOOO cute. This Glenn is Glenn V, which is just so cool. Another thing I didn't mention yet is just how tough Gillian is. Today she was trying to catch a cat that has taken up residence in Glenn's area. Well, she grabbed a thorn bush. Now most kids would cry, but she jerked her hand back, and just kind of looked at it, then went on playing. She came up to Glenn about two minutes later, and she actually had a thorn in her hand. Glenn pulled it out real quick, and she kept on going. The last time she was here, she took a small fall in the mare barn. Most kids would start bawling, but she got up, said "ouchies" and took off running again. So I left Glenn b/c it was getting late, and I like to be home by 8pm when I go out. Well, later on,m after Glenn's, I passed a mother who was with 3 kids. I said "howdy" to them all as we passed, and as I got further away, I heard one of the kids start going, "WOW(not World of Warcraft, BTW), he was nice!".
So what am I accomplishing by all of these stories? I guess I'm trying to give some reasons as to why I think I have been feeling the urge to have kids. Maybe it's b/c I'm getting older. But for some reason, I kind of get all optimistic about what my kids will be like. I will never say I want them to have what I didn't, b/c I had everything I needed as a kid. I do hope my children aren't struck w/the same burdens I had/have to deal with. As much as it makes me who I am, there are times I wish I wasn't who I am. Times I wish I could just be "normal". Not have to deal with all the repercussions of having ADHD, amongst my other problems. Be the person people need me to be. It's so painful to see what you had, but lost, and the only reason for it is you. Especially when you can remember doing things so vividly, and it just drives the stake in deeper. When you walk around an empty house, a house you swear you can feel the energy a family once provided it with. But now the house stands empty. Only one set of footsteps echos through her halls now. And it looks like that's the way it's going to be for awhile.
OK, I need to hit the hay. Try to go to bed not completely depressed.
So what am I accomplishing by all of these stories? I guess I'm trying to give some reasons as to why I think I have been feeling the urge to have kids. Maybe it's b/c I'm getting older. But for some reason, I kind of get all optimistic about what my kids will be like. I will never say I want them to have what I didn't, b/c I had everything I needed as a kid. I do hope my children aren't struck w/the same burdens I had/have to deal with. As much as it makes me who I am, there are times I wish I wasn't who I am. Times I wish I could just be "normal". Not have to deal with all the repercussions of having ADHD, amongst my other problems. Be the person people need me to be. It's so painful to see what you had, but lost, and the only reason for it is you. Especially when you can remember doing things so vividly, and it just drives the stake in deeper. When you walk around an empty house, a house you swear you can feel the energy a family once provided it with. But now the house stands empty. Only one set of footsteps echos through her halls now. And it looks like that's the way it's going to be for awhile.
OK, I need to hit the hay. Try to go to bed not completely depressed.