(no subject)

[gisue]

This is my place to vent, so I'm sorry if it always sounds like I'm depressed, that isn't the truth at all... I just honestly usually only write in here when something is bottled up inside me and bothering me a lot. That's the only time I make time to write apparently. So, obviously, I'm frustrated right now... school is driving me crazy, I have so much work to get done, I've been working hard all day to get this religion paper done, and have yet to fully complete it. It's close to being done, but I will be finishing it up tomorrow before class. Gah. Then I have journals due for Philosophy on Tuesday, and my final speech. Then I have a soc paper due at the end of the week. I'll be receiving take home finals this week too. Great. Can't wait for that. Then I have to study for my Minority Voices final, which is gonna suck terribly. On top of that, there's a lot going on in my personal life... My Grandma isn't getting any better, and she made this appointment to see a GI doctor, but that's in July. That's not a big help, at all. She really just doesn't want to deal with the problems that she has. I mean, I don't blame her, but I don't want her to suffer any more than she has to, I want her to get better - if that's at all possible, but it's not going to be possible if she doesn't go through with certain procedures, and she pretty much refuses to do so. It's her choice, but it makes me incredibly sad. I fear that if she doesn't do something about it soon, it's going to get extremely bad, fairly quickly. Then, I saw my mom this weekend... I love her to death, but sometimes it just kills me to see her. I just can't help but notice her shakes, and it makes me sad. I don't want her to have to go through it. Place it all on me, but I really don't want her to have to deal with these things. I've been having wierd dreams lately too, one of which has really stuck in my head. It's about my friend's mom. Made me worry, a lot. It's wierd and depressing but I always have dreams about death. I have dreams about people who have passed away, or that people who are still alive pass away. I really dislike that I dream of these things. Though sometimes, I do appreciate the ones that are of my Grandpa, the happy ones, or the ones that he's sharing some message with me. It's all very strange, but I take them to heart. I'm a crazy person apparently. I'm just keeping all the exciting things that are to come in the next few months in mind. Keeps me going. I'm excited to go to Camp!!!! And to go to Texas and be with family!

Just so you know, I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'm not going to put any pressure on you, but please remember that you always have me here for you. When you want to talk or just need company, please don't hesitate. I know you deal with things differently than I do, which is why I'm trying to give you space... but I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers until you're ready to have my company.