only bad news
My dad died yesterday.
I'm doing ok. I feel sad, but at the same time, I can't feel too sad, because I was just so damned lucky to have him. I hit the fucking jackpot when it came to parents. I miss him, but at the same time, I feel this warm glow inside me. All those years of love and sweetness and making me laugh-- everything he gave to me is still in there. Love is real and goodness is real, and I still feel all his goodness in me, as solid and heavy as my own bones, and I hold it inside me and it is nowhere near as good as if he were here and I could talk to him... but it's still pretty damn good. I got 25 years with him-- how is that not a gift? It was given to me free, and the joy I had from it is more than enough to keep the sorrow down to a manageable level.
Anyways, I love you guys. Sorry that I've been so full of doom and gloom in my recent, uber-infrequent posts here. *grin*
I'm doing ok. I feel sad, but at the same time, I can't feel too sad, because I was just so damned lucky to have him. I hit the fucking jackpot when it came to parents. I miss him, but at the same time, I feel this warm glow inside me. All those years of love and sweetness and making me laugh-- everything he gave to me is still in there. Love is real and goodness is real, and I still feel all his goodness in me, as solid and heavy as my own bones, and I hold it inside me and it is nowhere near as good as if he were here and I could talk to him... but it's still pretty damn good. I got 25 years with him-- how is that not a gift? It was given to me free, and the joy I had from it is more than enough to keep the sorrow down to a manageable level.
Anyways, I love you guys. Sorry that I've been so full of doom and gloom in my recent, uber-infrequent posts here. *grin*