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It is 2:45 in the morning and I'm sitting here, typing an entry while there's a huge party going on downstairs. A party that me and my friends drove two hours to get to. Maybe, I'm a loser, I dunno...if wanting to be alone with my thoughts while a hundred people or so are drunk out of there mind twenty feet away, maybe I am. I dont know, I think I'm just getting tired of slurred sentences, half-remembered nights, and people (of both sexes) searching clumsily for someone to fulfill their need of feeling important, even if its just for one night. I dont mean to come off sounding conceded, but maybe I'm just past all of that. I know I'll probably change my mind by the time someone says lets go to a party, but maybe not, maybe I'm just tired of the party scene, maybe I'm just in an emo mood. Someone who used to be a really good friend of mine, who abstained from all conventional narcotics (yes that includes alcohol) conceded and started fall back into the fold of whats considered the "normal" highschool/college behavior of drinking your ass off and hoping you have a good time. We always had our differances, and I'd even go as far as to say that I hate her from time to time, but one of the consistents was my respect for the fact that no matter how much people around her tried to pressure her to change her beliefs, her boyfriend (at least publicly), and myself included, she never gave in. Maybe its not in our nature as a species to go against the grain, it seems to always be an ever-losing effort, we can only hold out for so long before being overtaken by "popular notion", no matter how ill conceived, or contrived as it may be. It's depressing. So here I sit, drinking another beer, typing about how sick I am of drinking...hypocritical...I think so. There's a strong feeling that all of my aspirations to live a "cleaner" life are in vain. It seems that there will always be that next hit, or that next drink. Oh, well I'm still young, and nights like this breed memories, it doesnt matter if they're a little hazy.
Laurie's and a couple of people came into the room a little bit ago, so at least I'm not as much of a loser anymore since I'm not alone. They're watching "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". I didnt think I'd like it since there was real doubt about whether or not jim carrey could play a serious role, but he does it well. Kirsten dunst is now dancing half naked. Spider-man's a lucky guy. I think I'll watch the rest of it...
Wow, what a beautiful movie. That sentence sounds really gay, but I could care less, it really is. Laurie cried for the entire last half of the movie. I really miss melissa. One more day, hopefully. Anyways, I should probably head downstairs and try and mingle or something before we leave, so I'm off.
later daze
Laurie's and a couple of people came into the room a little bit ago, so at least I'm not as much of a loser anymore since I'm not alone. They're watching "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". I didnt think I'd like it since there was real doubt about whether or not jim carrey could play a serious role, but he does it well. Kirsten dunst is now dancing half naked. Spider-man's a lucky guy. I think I'll watch the rest of it...
Wow, what a beautiful movie. That sentence sounds really gay, but I could care less, it really is. Laurie cried for the entire last half of the movie. I really miss melissa. One more day, hopefully. Anyways, I should probably head downstairs and try and mingle or something before we leave, so I'm off.
later daze