Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow...no tomarow; no tomarow

[girlygirl7]

I had a shitload of homework last night. My school pictures came out horrible, and I was proud of myself until my mom sat over me while I ate pasta. I know I not supposed to be happy when I do “Good”, but its only one more bit of ugliness on its way. I got really hungry around 6 though. Today I had an apple this morning so I wouldn’t get hunger pains again. Yes. Good. I hate not having anyone to talk to - All people do is yell at me, now its come to the point that I just try to avoid it all. Hence the “I have or haven’t eaten” entries becoming lesser. I’ve come to the realization that if I eat I am depressed and if I don’t eat I am depressed too. Either way I feel like shit. I have a reason to cry or cut no matter how good things go. How pathetic. I am hungry if I don’t eat, but I also feel like my stomach is shrinking at night, when im lying in bed - I can physically feel it. Only I know that’s just a mind set.
I cant express the hatred I have towards this. And myself too. Ever since I started getting my periods again and staying at a static weight, I just feel hopeless. I know I shouldn’t, because all of this is a good thing…
Through your eyes.
Maybe if you lived in mine, you’d understand.
Oh well, nice for the negative note.
I’ll write later.
"Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds"
- StoneSour