An update, but not anything remotely interesting
Last week I took a road trip to Mohegan Sun with a friend. We went up for two nights (left on Sunday, came back on Tuesday). This is a friend I've had for several years now that I've hung out with a few times in the past. We originally met online but we've had dinner a few times so we were both very comfortable in each other's company. To be clear, it's a completely platonic friendship (as are pretty much all of my relationships with women, even those that think I'm normal) and nothing went on or has gone on between us. Even though I'm attracted to her I'm pretty certain she doesn't feel the same way about me. In addition to this she's also got a lot of drama going on in her life (mostly of the baby daddy kind) so she's not really in a position to be dating people at this point in time.
In any event, I went on this little road trip with her with absolutely no expectations going into it. Really, I just wanted to get away for two days and I hoped for the two of us to enjoy the time we spent together. And I have to say that it really was a fantastic two days, so much so that I don't think things really could have gone any better. We gambled, shopped together in a few stores, ate great food, did some drinking and just generally had a good time. We had long, random conversations on the rides and on the first night we were lying in bed (separate queen beds) and just talking about random things that close friends would talk about. It just felt really, really good to be with a woman and have her (at least appear) to genuinely enjoy my company. We even kidded around with the woman behind the counter in Tiffany's, pretending that we were shopping for an expensive engagement ring together. All in all, it was a grand time.
It turns out there was just one small problem. See for the past 5 days I've felt like there's been this big letdown. It's almost like the trip was like a high you would get on drugs, only to have the high wear off and end up crashing back down. I had to go back to work and back to the mostly boring life that is mine. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is experiencing something like that and knowing that it would have been an even better time to do it with someone that I was in a relationship with. And thinking about how much I've missed out on things like this throughout my life not having been in any sort of relationship since I was 19 or 20 years old.
I could have never anticipated that such a wonderful time could turn into these thoughts and this total sense of melancholy. I never in a million years thought I would say this, but I'm almost wondering if I would have been better off not going with her at all. At least I wouldn't be feeling all of this emptiness.
I have a lot of other thoughts swirling around in my head but I'm not sure I can articulate them correctly and I'm also kind of feeling emotionally exhausted over all of this today. I think I'm just going to head to bed in a few, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
In any event, I went on this little road trip with her with absolutely no expectations going into it. Really, I just wanted to get away for two days and I hoped for the two of us to enjoy the time we spent together. And I have to say that it really was a fantastic two days, so much so that I don't think things really could have gone any better. We gambled, shopped together in a few stores, ate great food, did some drinking and just generally had a good time. We had long, random conversations on the rides and on the first night we were lying in bed (separate queen beds) and just talking about random things that close friends would talk about. It just felt really, really good to be with a woman and have her (at least appear) to genuinely enjoy my company. We even kidded around with the woman behind the counter in Tiffany's, pretending that we were shopping for an expensive engagement ring together. All in all, it was a grand time.
It turns out there was just one small problem. See for the past 5 days I've felt like there's been this big letdown. It's almost like the trip was like a high you would get on drugs, only to have the high wear off and end up crashing back down. I had to go back to work and back to the mostly boring life that is mine. But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is experiencing something like that and knowing that it would have been an even better time to do it with someone that I was in a relationship with. And thinking about how much I've missed out on things like this throughout my life not having been in any sort of relationship since I was 19 or 20 years old.
I could have never anticipated that such a wonderful time could turn into these thoughts and this total sense of melancholy. I never in a million years thought I would say this, but I'm almost wondering if I would have been better off not going with her at all. At least I wouldn't be feeling all of this emptiness.
I have a lot of other thoughts swirling around in my head but I'm not sure I can articulate them correctly and I'm also kind of feeling emotionally exhausted over all of this today. I think I'm just going to head to bed in a few, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day.