(no subject)

Jan 28, 2005 12:28

weird feeling. sitting here on someone else's computer, looking at someone else's memories. very weird feeling.

like standing on an empty beach, watching the sun set, feeling the cold coming on. or maybe the sun is rising. sometimes it's hard to tell. sometimes it's like grabbing everything around you worth saving and squeezing, and thanking god for all you have- and wondering in the back of your head if there's something wrong with the fact you can take everything you love and wrap your arounds around it. back to the beach- i think it's a journey. the beach. that's what it represents to me. that's why when i have this feeling- i think of the beach. like there's this whole world out there, this whole huge fucking world- and i'm standing on the beach. i'm just looking at it. i don't even try to find a fucking boat. i don't even want to find a fucking boat. i want to sit here and look at it and think about it and write about it. i dont want to go anywhere. i don't want to meet anyone. i don't want memories, i don't want files and files and files of all this. of all that. of every wave, every fish, every goddamn beautiful thing there is out there. i don't... there's beauty in lonesomeness, there's beauty in simply standing there; where there's fear of life, there's art. there's interpretation. there's thinking for christ sake. so when i see all this, and i think of what i may have missed, and i think of all i've done, and see and touched and known- i think of a beach. a cold, windy, beautiful beach.
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