It seems like no matter what I do
Or what time of day I leave this house. Two of the past three weeks, I have managed to run into my incubator. I'm beginning to think this might not be coincidence. Yes, I'm being serious, this woman has a documented history of stalking, she has been arrested for such things in the past. So, I need to vent before I try to sleep.
I doubt you're ever going to see this, but, on the off chance you do, enjoy the following:
Could you please. Please. Just stop. There is nothing you can say or do that's going to make up for everything you have forced me to go through in twenty six years of life on this planet. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask you to get pregnant. I didn't ask you to walk away and leave me with your ex-husband's parents because you wanted to be young and single and free. I didn't ask for any of this, but it's what I fucking got. Until such time as I was big enough to talk plainly and halfway look after myself, that is. When you were pregnant again, this time with a child you actually wanted. And then when you couldn't use me to look after my younger sibling, you decided to use me as means to torture someone else, and really, all it did was torture me. My father didn't suffer, I did, and it's because you kept lying and failing to show up when you, verbatim quote "really want to spend some time with you!". Right, exactly, that's why you ditched me and didn't even bother to call? Thanks. Oh and the kicker, as soon as I got a job, and a car, and your favorite went off to college, you even admitted to me that's the only reason you wanted to be around me. Look, I get it. You don't particularly care for me, and the feeling is mutual. In fact, I can't even bring myself to say I hate you, because that would mean I actually had feelings towards you at all. And you only have yourself to blame for that, for drifting in and out of my life at your convenience and making mine a little bit harder. But your ego can't handle hearing the word "no" when you want something, so being denied access to my life when you desired it resulted in you stalking me to the point of sniffing out my work schedule when I was still working at Hellmart, and hanging on the back of my counter until you got me yelled at. More than once. You even cut your hair like mine and made a point of trying to show it off to me. I've never been happier to be off the radar, and the fact that you weren't throwing a fit when my stepmother died was a refreshing change, usually you look for any reason to pitch a fit. And yet, suddenly you're at it again, and it just reeks of a setup. I'd like to know what you heard and who from, because it sounds to me like you're trying to find out where I'm headed in a couple of weeks when I leave permanently. I just want you to leave me alone, my life is so much more happy and peaceful and fucking serene when you're not around. So I'm asking you, stop trying to walk back into my life again. I don't want you here. I'm tired of the lies, and the drama, and the broken promises, and the bullshit. It's endless with you. And just as soon as I decide I might want you there, you're gonna get tired of me, like you always do, and you're going to be gone. I just. I don't care anymore, I am completely indifferent. I don't give a fuck, you and your problems are not my problem. You are not my problem. Dealing with you, period, is fucking exhausting and I just can't anymore. Caring about you is toxic to me, and you know what? 23 years ago, it was important that you had your life and your freedom, so you could date and fuck and party without a toddler clinging to you. Okay, right now? It's important to me that I have mine, without a teenager stuck in a middle aged woman's body following me around and mooching off me.
I think I might be able to get some shuteye now. I'm a drowsy superheroine, after all.
I remain,
R
I doubt you're ever going to see this, but, on the off chance you do, enjoy the following:
Could you please. Please. Just stop. There is nothing you can say or do that's going to make up for everything you have forced me to go through in twenty six years of life on this planet. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask you to get pregnant. I didn't ask you to walk away and leave me with your ex-husband's parents because you wanted to be young and single and free. I didn't ask for any of this, but it's what I fucking got. Until such time as I was big enough to talk plainly and halfway look after myself, that is. When you were pregnant again, this time with a child you actually wanted. And then when you couldn't use me to look after my younger sibling, you decided to use me as means to torture someone else, and really, all it did was torture me. My father didn't suffer, I did, and it's because you kept lying and failing to show up when you, verbatim quote "really want to spend some time with you!". Right, exactly, that's why you ditched me and didn't even bother to call? Thanks. Oh and the kicker, as soon as I got a job, and a car, and your favorite went off to college, you even admitted to me that's the only reason you wanted to be around me. Look, I get it. You don't particularly care for me, and the feeling is mutual. In fact, I can't even bring myself to say I hate you, because that would mean I actually had feelings towards you at all. And you only have yourself to blame for that, for drifting in and out of my life at your convenience and making mine a little bit harder. But your ego can't handle hearing the word "no" when you want something, so being denied access to my life when you desired it resulted in you stalking me to the point of sniffing out my work schedule when I was still working at Hellmart, and hanging on the back of my counter until you got me yelled at. More than once. You even cut your hair like mine and made a point of trying to show it off to me. I've never been happier to be off the radar, and the fact that you weren't throwing a fit when my stepmother died was a refreshing change, usually you look for any reason to pitch a fit. And yet, suddenly you're at it again, and it just reeks of a setup. I'd like to know what you heard and who from, because it sounds to me like you're trying to find out where I'm headed in a couple of weeks when I leave permanently. I just want you to leave me alone, my life is so much more happy and peaceful and fucking serene when you're not around. So I'm asking you, stop trying to walk back into my life again. I don't want you here. I'm tired of the lies, and the drama, and the broken promises, and the bullshit. It's endless with you. And just as soon as I decide I might want you there, you're gonna get tired of me, like you always do, and you're going to be gone. I just. I don't care anymore, I am completely indifferent. I don't give a fuck, you and your problems are not my problem. You are not my problem. Dealing with you, period, is fucking exhausting and I just can't anymore. Caring about you is toxic to me, and you know what? 23 years ago, it was important that you had your life and your freedom, so you could date and fuck and party without a toddler clinging to you. Okay, right now? It's important to me that I have mine, without a teenager stuck in a middle aged woman's body following me around and mooching off me.
I think I might be able to get some shuteye now. I'm a drowsy superheroine, after all.
I remain,
R