VID & FIC - Merlin - "Moment of Truth"
Title: Moment of Truth
Merlin Redux Prompt #4
Rating: G
Character(s): Merlin, Will, Arthur, Hunith
Pairing(s): Gen, although could be read as Merlin/Will past/present and Merlin/Arthur present/future
Word count: 4,500ish
Warnings: none
Summary: "If it comes to a choice between saving peoples' lives and revealing who I really am, there is no choice."
Comments: I claimed the art fill hoping that somebody else would take the fic fill and we could co-lab, but unfortunately that never happened, so I've decided to try the fic fill as well. Sorry you're stuck with me twice.
Click to view"I know magic when I see it. One of you made it happen."
Arthur's looking right at him, accusing and angry. Merlin feels his world ending.
"Arthur..." Merlin starts, but he doesn't know what lie he can tell that could possibly save him. Because Arthur saw. And this is all Will's fault, for forcing Merlin into using his magic, and it's ruined everything. Nothing could be worse than this. Nothing.
And then there's an arrow sticking out of Will's chest.
Then everything is worse.
Merlin can't speak past the shout of Will's name which is stuck painfully in his throat. It lingers there, and he can't seem to draw any air around it. Can no longer see anything but blood. Hear nothing but labored breathing. Everything is a horrible blur until...
"Come on, get him inside," Arthur orders, commanding and golden and instantly obeyed. And Will's the reason for that.
"It was me. I'm the one that used the magic."
The voice should belong to Merlin, but he's still silent and it's Will who speaks. Will who confesses to sorcery.
"Will," Merlin says again, as if that's the only word he remembers how to say. His voice breaks as he forces out, "Don't." Don't use your last words to claim treason. Don't protect me. Don't die for a Prince you don't believe in. Don't do this. Don't leave me. Don't die. Don't.
"It's alright, Merlin," Will says. It's alright, Merlin.
It's alright. Everything is suddenly as it was between him and Arthur. They can still return to Camelot together. When Arthur calls him the worst servant he's ever had, it will still be said with affection and not contempt. His world hasn't ended. It's alright.
It's alright.
You'd rather keep your magic a secret for Arthur's sake, rather than use it to protect your friends and family?
It's alright.
Face it, Merlin, you're living a lie.
It's alright.
He has Will's blood on his hands.
It's...
"Merlin... Merlin, I'm scared."
"Don't be." He makes a decision. "It's going to be alright."
-----
"Do what you can for him," Arthur orders gently. Comfort your dying friend, is what he means.
Something about Merlin changes when he says that, settles heavily. Arthur can only imagine it's some kind of acceptance.
"You're not going to die," Merlin assures Will, and that's not at all what Arthur was expecting. There's no denial in his voice, no waver to accompany the obvious lie, just determination. Arthur's heart breaks a bit for him, because he can't will away the inevitable.
The young man is bleeding to death, but his unfocussed eyes latch his gaze to Merlin as much as possible, and he trembles but it's almost a nod, like he believes Merlin can save him. Yet not even Gaius could heal this wound, much less an apprentice of less than a year (who spends most of his time cleaning up after Arthur).
Merlin looks for a moment to his mother, and although nothing is said, Arthur feels like he's missed something.
Then the arrow embedded in Will's chest begins to glow... until it turns to ash and falls away.
Arthur slowly shifts his gaze back up to Merlin. He waits for a terrible moment that feels far too long, and then Merlin looks up also. He meets Arthur's stare directly, despite that he could have so easily avoided it, could have chosen to keep his head down.
Arthur looks quickly away, looks down at the cauterized wound and listens to easy breathing that a moment ago was full of pain, and now he's the one who needs to accept a difficult truth.
Merlin's eyes were on fire.
He escapes into outside air and forces himself to breathe. Behind him is the faint sound of Will's voice and Merlin's happy laughter.
He thinks Will just told Merlin that it's good to see him again. As if that was the Merlin he'd been waiting to see this whole time. A magical Merlin with blazing eyes who can heal the dying.
He thinks about his bumbling manservant and wonders if today is the first time he's seen the real Merlin.
Morgana and Guinevere finally come outside as well, and Arthur stares at them, waiting for somebody to say something.
"So, that happened," Arthur blurts when the silence drags for too long.
"Yes," Morgana says, and why does she sound almost smug? "It did."
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" he insists.
That earns him a smack to the back of his head. "Idiot," Morgana says, and Arthur thinks she must mean him and not Merlin, because he's the one she just hit. Although he has no idea what she means by that. Because he knows who the idiot is, and clearly it isn't him. He didn't just blatantly commit treason in front of the Crown Prince. Then she promptly marches off, Gwen casting him a short and sympathetic glance before trailing after her.
He sighs in frustration. Here he is, by himself, battle over, and nobody to help him out of his armor. Maybe he shouldn't have started his day by comparing Merlin to a stick-fetching dog. Maybe that wasn't wise. In hindsight.
He paces, waiting for Merlin to come and explain himself, but he fails to appear and his absence gives Arthur unwanted time to think. This is Merlin's home, his turf, and he'd revealed himself by saving a life (of the man who'd saved Arthur's own life). Right after saving everybody. Because Arthur's suddenly thinking that whirlwind probably wasn't William's doing after all. This couldn't have happened any better if Merlin had planned it.
Had he planned it? Is Merlin clever and cunning and not at all the fool he pretends to be?
He goes to demand answers and finds himself standing unnoticed in a doorway and watching as Merlin lifts the chainmail from Will. He goes about undressing him with more competence and reverence than he's ever managed for Arthur. Arthur will have his head for this.
He's about to make his presence known when he notices that Merlin's blood-stained hands are trembling. He takes a half-step forward, but Will is already there, steadying Merlin's hands in his own before pulling Merlin's shaking body fully to him.
It's Will whose shoulder Merlin is crying on. And he doesn't look like a scheming sorcerer who has managed to work his way into King Uther's court. He looks like a frightened boy who's seen his first battle and nearly lost his best friend.
Arthur leaves without a sound. He wanders aimlessly until he comes across Gwen. She's fetching water, and he doesn't ask if it's for Morgana to wash up with or if she's taking it to Merlin and Will. "I could use some help," is what he ends up asking.
"I'm flattered, but perhaps I'm not the best person to ask." She ducks her head and her smile is shy. "Merlin's been nothing but loyal to you, and I don't believe there's evil in him. But I'm just a servant, who am I to say what you should do? It's not my place to have opinions about such things. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry, Sire. You need to follow your heart. Not that I'm telling you what to do. But you have a good heart, Arthur. Sire."
She finishes with a little curtsy or bow or something, and her eyes are on the ground instead of him. He doesn't have the nerve to tell her he'd not been seeking her council, merely the aid of the blacksmith's daughter on matters of armor. Although he wonders if he really was or if she'd just given him what he'd actually wanted - honest advice that he can't get from Morgana whose scorn for Uther's harsh laws has made her equally blinded and stubborn. She would see Arthur appose his father. Perhaps she thinks together they can force Uther to see reason, to rule more justly. Arthur knows the conflict would more likely divide the kingdom as well as their family.
So perhaps it is Gwen's opinion which he values most. The battle is over, and he is actually capable of reaching all his buckles himself. Any mending and polishing can be dealt with once they're home.
She disappears along with the water bucket, and Arthur is left to contemplate his treacherous heart. He'd helped Morgana hide the Druid boy, and doesn't he owe Merlin the same? Merlin who's true and not a sworn enemy. Except Merlin is no child. He has power, and he's wielding it.
Today he stopped the fighting and saved a life. Those are honorable actions. His village, his family, his friend. Uther would say he'd given in to selfish temptation. Magic can corrupt one's soul, Arthur has always been taught that. And Merlin chose to use it.
By law, Merlin must be put to death. Arthur has sworn an oath to uphold that law. He can't turn a blind eye to treason. He cannot.
Merlin's crime wasn't against his King or his country, and maybe Merlin isn't a traitor in that regard, but Arthur's heart still feels betrayed. Merlin put him in this position. Merlin's done something terrible. Arthur can't turn his back on his King, his people, his duty... He can't surrender his crown, all to stand beside a servant. So Merlin's only option is to run. Or fight. He might be able to scare off a handful of bandits, but Uther has an army. Arthur doesn't think he can forgive Merlin for this.
There is no possible circumstance where this ends well.
Long hours pass before Merlin finally seeks him out. The blood, tears, and chainmail are gone, his eyes are blue instead of gold, and he looks like Merlin again. He chooses to sit beside Arthur while he is sharpening his sword, and maybe he is just an idiot with no sense of self-preservation. Maybe he's exactly what he's appeared to be all along.
Or maybe he just thinks Arthur is a friend and trusts him not to run him through with his blade. At least not right in front of his mother's house.
"You're a sorcerer," Arthur states, his stone hitting the edge of his sword rather than sliding smoothly along it as he speaks. Merlin twitches slightly. Yet it's not a question or an accusation, merely acknowledgement. He forces his hands to be steady and resumes his task. "That's what you were going to tell me." Before events had made the confession unnecessary.
Merlin doesn't exactly nod. He blinks, swallows, doesn't deny it.
"You know how dangerous magic is." If Merlin can't control it, it could consume him. If his father finds out, he'll have Merlin bound to a pyre.
"I used to think I was cursed," Merlin answers, and Arthur moves the sharpening block roughly along the blade again and doesn't argue that. "But now I realize that... I have a gift."
Arthur gives up any illusion of being able to focus on his work. He pinches the bridge of his nose in attempt to ward off the headache.
"It's..." Merlin leans closer, looks at Arthur like he needs desperately for him to understand. "That's who I am."
It sounds crazy, but Arthur thinks he does understand, not because of the words but the way Merlin said them. His magic isn't a power that he's casting about on a whim. He made his decision knowing the consequences, and he's placing himself at Arthur's mercy. Merlin once drank poison for Arthur. He's done the exact same thing today for Will. He'll risk his life to protect those he loves and consider it a gift to be able to do so. That's who Merlin is.
He doesn't say anything further. Neither does Arthur.
-----
"Merlin! Where are you going with that thing?"
Will had lingered out of the way while Merlin had spoken with Arthur, but he follows him now. He needs to know how Merlin is handling everything. He's taking an axe with him to get fire wood. Which either means he needs to work off some aggression, or he's hiding. Will knows Merlin well enough to assume it's the latter.
"What's it look like? We need wood."
It looks to Will like he's running away from his problems again.
Arthur with his sword was a tantrum. He's every bit the spoiled Prince who has just discovered that his favorite toy is broken.
But Merlin with the axe... He isn't angry. He is the broken and discarded toy. He's using an axe to chop wood. Undoubtedly for Arthur's sake... and for Arthur's fire.
Will scoffs. "We both know you don't need an axe to fell a tree."
Merlin picks up on his dark mood quickly. "Why are you being like this?"
He jerks his head to motion back over his shoulder. "You know why." Arthur.
"Hmm," Merlin agrees. "He never did like me much anyway."
"And even less after that." Merlin certainly hadn't gone about revealing his magic subtly. They both laugh, even though it's not actually funny. But it's what they do, they joke about things that are too difficult to discuss.
When their expressions both turn somber, Will marches over to Merlin and plops himself down on a nearby log. Merlin sits beside him.
"Have you ever healed a wound like that before? Successfully?" Will sort of needs to know.
"Not exactly..." Merlin mumbles quietly.
"So you let Arthur find out the truth about you - something you said could never happen - for merely the chance to try to save me?"
Merlin shrugs. "Maybe."
"Why?"
"You said it was alright, and it... wasn't. If it comes to a choice between saving peoples' lives and revealing who I really am..."
Will glances toward him nervously, wondering if Merlin regrets his decision.
"There is no choice," Merlin finishes, like it's simple, like it's obvious. Like it didn't tear him apart.
"I never meant to take away your choice." Except he had.
"No, Will, that's not what I meant." Merlin's knee moves to bump against his. "Maybe Arthur is destined to be a great king, and maybe I'm supposed to help him. But if the future is going to turn out alright..." He sighs, shakes his head.
Will selfishly wants to hear how that sentence is supposed to end.
"I never wanted to trade you for him," Merlin says instead.
Will breathes in deeply, brushes the backs of his fingers along Merlin's. He wants to grab his hand and refuse to let go. Yet whether Merlin wanted it or not, Will has been traded, hasn't he? "You're going back to Camelot with him, aren't you?"
Merlin's staring at the ground, shoulders hunched. "He hates me now." That isn't a no.
Reaching over, Will gives the side of Merlin's head a shove. "Still feels attached to me." When Merlin glares at him, Will grabs his neckerchief and peaks under it. "Nope, not held on by this either, and no sword marks. He can't hate you that much."
"I'm serious," Merlin insists.
"Good," Will announces, "we'll stay in Essetir. I'll become a knight and you'll be Cenred's manservant."
"Will..." Merlin groans.
"If you're so fond of fixer-upper royalty, Cenred definitely has Arthur beat. Easily."
The corner of Merlin's mouth twitches upward. "You are going to be a knight?" he says incredulously.
"Yeah, I am." He scoots a little closer to Merlin. If Arthur won't accept him, they can run away together, serve a king who hates everybody and not only those with magic. He almost wishes he wasn't joking. "You won't let anything happen to me."
"I won't," Merlin swears, and it's clear that he means it.
Will nods, no longer teasing either. "And I won't let Arthur hurt you."
"I don't actually think he's going to chop my head off."
"That's not what I meant."
They listen to the rustle of the leaves in the wind. The sun is starting to go down. Merlin eventually stands. "I need to get some wood." He pauses. "I'll tell my mum and Arthur that I'm sleeping with you."
"Yes," Will smirks. "And be sure to phrase it exactly like that." He wants to see the look on Arthur's face. "Only to Arthur! Please don't say it like that to your mother."
Merlin looks innocently confused, then nods and wanders off. Will dusts the bark off the seat of his trousers and heads home.
When he gets back to the village, Arthur is cleaning Kanen's crossbow. "What are you doing with that?" Will demands. Guinevere is heading towards Hunith's house carrying a dead rabbit. Will feels a bit sick.
"I thought I'd take my mind off things, went for a hunt," Arthur answers, and he must be rather skilled since he'd returned so quickly.
"Because while killing things doesn't mend a broken heart, it's apparently good fun," the Lady Morgana adds.
Arthur rolls his eyes at her. "Do shut up," he snaps before looking annoyed. "And my heart does not need mending!"
She makes a very unladylike face at him.
Will returns his attention to the crossbow. "You went hunting with that thing? You're not going to destroy it?"
"It's just a tool," Arthur states simply. "I don't believe it's inherently evil because Kanen chose to use it to kill. I choose to use it for a different purpose and gather food."
Will doesn't think Arthur is actually talking about the crossbow. "That's... an interesting perspective. That something most people would only view as dangerous can be used responsibly. If in the right hands." He doesn't comment about how hunting is still killing things.
"Besides, it's a good weapon, not a lot of craftsmanship but a nice weight and powerful enough to take down a full-grown deer." Or maybe Arthur just really enjoys weapons. And stealing from the dead.
"Bit scrawny and fluffy for a deer," Morgana mutters under her breath.
Will tries not to cringe as he rubs a hand across his chest. "I don't doubt its strength."
"Ah, right..." Arthur at least has the decency to look uncomfortable. "That must have been unpleasant."
Morgana jabs him in the ribs with her elbow. "You're supposed to say 'Thank you,'" she hisses at him.
"I am not. It's an honor to almost die for one's Prince." Will thinks he says it more to argue with Morgana, rather than because he believes it's true.
"You're not my Prince," Will replies, and Arthur's jaw clenches. Will hesitates then for a moment before boldly adding, "I'm not sworn to serve you, but I saved your life, so the way I see it, you owe me."
Arthur raises his eyebrows at him. "You want a reward?"
Will gives a sharp nod of his head. "Yeah, I do."
"The last time somebody saved my life, my father rewarded him by making him my manservant." The way Arthur says it, it sounds like a threat.
Will considers that, then nods again. "Good. That's what I want also."
"You... want to be my manservant?" Arthur asks.
"No!" Will replies instantly. "I want Merlin to be your manservant."
Arthur opens his mouth as if he wants to say that Merlin already is his manservant. Except he can't be anymore, can he? Arthur's expression darkens. "I'm sorry. The use of sorcery is strictly forbidden in Camelot." Morgana visibly tenses. "What Merlin did was treason. I cannot ignore that."
Morgana folds her arms over her chest. "The law is wrong." Will thinks he might be a little bit in love with her.
"Nevertheless," Arthur replies in a warning tone, "it is the law and must be obeyed." They sound as though they've had this conversation before.
Will wonders if Arthur is willing to accept Merlin's magic, but he can't dismiss that Merlin has broken the law. "To the best of your knowledge, has Merlin ever done that?" Will thinks about Merlin performing all the tasks of a servant to a prince, all without the aid of magic, and he rephrases. "I mean, have either of you actually seen him do that?"
"Use sorcery?" Arthur's eyes narrow as he glances from the crossbow to Will. "Today, and I'm fairly certain you were there!"
"And where are we?" Will prods.
Arthur looks around, clearly not understanding. "Ealdor," he finally answers.
Will keeps staring at him, waiting.
"Which is in Essetir," Arthur finally realizes. He looks absolutely dumbstruck. "And not in Camelot."
And the use of sorcery is strictly forbidden in Camelot. Merlin hasn't actually broken any laws.
The Lady Morgana has a smirk on her face now that's positively wicked. She leans over and smacks the back of Arthur's head. Will is pretty sure she's just mouthed "idiot" at him.
If Arthur truly is Merlin's friend, Will's presented him with his solution. He prays that Arthur is the good man Merlin believes him to be. He prays Arthur won't condemn him merely for being born different. Merlin deserves so much better.
-----
Guinevere shows up with a dead rabbit and asks to use her kitchen, and Hunith agrees but isn't sure what to think. Food is scarce, and this could be a sign of good will from Arthur. Yet it could also mean that the Prince refuses to suffer through anymore of her meager cooking.
She'd overheard Arthur talking to her son, and it hadn't gone well. He's clearly fond of Merlin, but he has no love of magic. She's afraid he's too much like his father. Merlin could have changed him, she truly believes that, if he'd had more time.
It had also pained her to hear that Merlin used to think himself cursed. Her poor, sweet boy. She'd known keeping his abilities a secret was hard on him, but he'd always been merely different, or so she'd thought. She'd called him special, but she supposed it didn't mean much coming from his mother who'd love him even if he were actually cursed.
It's late when Merlin comes inside, and she calls him over to sit with her by the fire. The Prince and the Lady Morgana remain outside. She sighs and cups Merlin's face in her hand. "I do love you, my boy."
His eyes study her for a moment. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She drops her hand and looks down. "I should never have gone to Camelot," she admits. "I've ruined everything for you."
"You haven't," Merlin insists. "Why would you say that?"
Because the Prince hadn't come in with him, and yesterday they'd been inseparable. "You belong at Arthur's side."
Merlin nods sadly. "If he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then... he's not the friend I hoped he was."
Arthur, naturally, chooses that moment to enter. Morgana enters behind him and disappears into the other room.
"Merlin, a word," Arthur orders.
Merlin slowly gets to his feet.
The Prince clears his throat, then speaks loudly and clearly. "The use of sorcery in Camelot is considered a crime punishable only by death. As a Knight of Camelot, I'm bound by honor to uphold its laws."
There's a sudden clatter in the kitchen, followed by absolute silence.
A tear streaks Merlin's face as he drops his head and nods. "I know."
Hunith wants nothing more than to gather her boy into her arms.
"There is no such law against magic in Essetir," Arthur continues. Merlin's head pops back up and he's staring at the Prince with wide eyes. "If I were to enforce Camelot's laws on his land, it could be viewed by King Cenred as an act of war. I was expressly forbidden by King Uther to commit any such acts."
A little squeak escapes Merlin, and he slaps a hand over his mouth to cover his wide smile. He now has hope in his eyes. His gaze doesn't waver from Arthur.
"There are those within Camelot who possess the ability to perform spells and enchantments, but they choose to abide by the law and not participate in such practices." Nobody mentions Gaius by name. "If you wish to remain within Camelot as my manservant--"
"Yes!" Merlin interrupts. "I do wish, I want to... I would like that... Sire."
"You realize that if you're ever caught using sorcery inside Camelot before the ban on magic is repealed, you'll be put to death?"
Hunith's breath catches in her chest, yet Merlin is still grinning while he nods. So help her if she gets another letter from Gaius informing her that her son has been using magic to do the laundry.
"I want to go home, Arthur," Merlin says. The Prince grins as well.
Hunith's both worried and also glad to hear him call Camelot home. He's leaving Ealdor once more, but she's seen how much Arthur needs Merlin. How much her son needs him. They're like two sides of the same coin.
For the first time in a long time, there's laughter in her home as the evening meal is shared.
"Where did the rabbit in this stew come from? Were you poaching on Cenred's land?"
"You have to kill a deer for it to count as poaching."
"You tried to kill a deer. You missed."
"That never happened!"
"I'm pretty sure it's still poaching even if it's a rabbit."
"I wasn't poaching, I was hunting. There's a difference."
"Not sure the rabbit would see it that way."
"The rabbit didn't see anything with my arrow through its eye-socket."
"That's disgusting. The soup is delicious, though."
"That's because some people actually know how to cook."
"I could give you some lessons... not that I think your cooking is bad."
Perhaps Hunith shouldn't think of it as letting go of her child. Clearly she's just gained three new ones.
-----
Epilogue
When Merlin still spends their last night in Ealdor with Will, Arthur seems a bit upset, but Merlin thinks he understands.
When Merlin wakes from a nightmare, Will's eyes are sad but his voice is gentle. "It's alright, Merlin. Arthur knows, but he's not going to reject you."
It's alright, Merlin. He breathes sharply. "I wasn't dreaming about Arthur."
Will smiles, clutches his hand and slides it up under his shirt, presses Merlin's fingers against the healed scar. "Better now?"
A calmness settles over Merlin. "Yes." Everything could have gone so dreadfully wrong, but it didn't. All truly is right. He lays his head on Will's chest, listens to his steady heartbeat, and sighs contentedly. "Thump thump..."
Will laughs softly into his hair.
In the morning, Merlin tacks up the horses, and he rides back to Camelot with Arthur, Morgana, and Gwen. Nobody mentions to Uther how Arthur did and Merlin didn't commit any crimes in Essetir.
When Morgana tells them about her dreams, Arthur doesn't mock her, and Merlin doesn't tell her she's imagining things.
When Arthur manages to defeat monsters while unconscious, well, he is the best knight in all of Albion. And when things have a way of mysteriously falling upon his enemies (walls, bridges, tree branches... a dragon), Arthur merely reminds them that the first rule of combat is being aware of your surroundings. And if he sometimes looks fondly at Merlin when he says this, well...
The End