2017 isn't too late to keep going
i've been away along time and now that summer 2017 is buried in the warm arms of 2007/2008 i've finally re-read and re-opened this goddamn mother fucking time machine. everything will changed and in some (many) ways i'm the exact goddamn same but softer, more empathetic, gentler. i always make a new years list so here's another, putting it back where it belongs, and maybe moving back into the structured honesty of private entries, maybe i'll keep it up more, like before, i miss these parts of me.
2017
-body modifications: i miss my belly button, but a tattoo may be order. likely not, i'll stick with bayalage once a year.
-being decisive. one thing they didn't teach you in school is how to deal with people you love when you've outgrown them, or at least gown differently
-balance. you live in extremes, be gentle
-practice gratitude for yourself and your opportunities
-5 year plan is in process, and 10 year plan is developing
-rebuild a sense of connection with my gut, so when people say "trust your gut," i can
-buy adult clothes (i've gotten real pants but i still wear HS girl clothing)
-do one (1) pull up!!! why is this so hard??/general back strength
-accept yourself in relation to the past, don't erase or ignore
-stop being so judgemental
-t r a v e l
-publish again
-back up my computer regularly
-curate your music collection
-think things through, as in potential consequences. great at making plans, harder to predict outcomes
-write more. it's so important and has helped you so much during this summer
get the tattoo i want in replacement of piercing or vice versa. got my lip done in 2011. bored again. i think i'm finally okay with this. maybe redo belly button or tongue, have considered nipple/s, but pretty eh about the whole thing.
-continue to be decisive, especially in regards to school and work, and relationships...must continue to communicate choices better.
-find a balance between decisiveness and sentimentality.
-complete tasks [for the day, the week, the month] and acknowledge that effort.
-start wearing real pants more often.
-be more responsive.
-set goals. do your best to make a concrete 10 year plan that is doable, exciting, and in a satisfying direction. in 10 years you'll be 34! what do you want accomplished? where will you be? what will you be doing?
-declare a major however, double majoring is ruining my life, so might change depending on discussion with FA about law school and trinidad experience...success! great discussion, left with a double major and minor with reasonable direction if not fairly solid plans
-after discussion, appropriate research in decided direction
-continue to enjoy personal oxymoronic tendencies. while this has been steady, i need to shake paranoia, and continue to work on this. rather than shake paranoia, perhaps work on not caring as much?
-play more (harmless!!!!!! and not annoying!!!!!) tricks...still a little overbearing at times, but learning.
-continue my healthy eating and gym routine but not drop my b.m.i. below 18.5 or 122 lbs (currently 19.5-6/129 lbs)...and maintaining personal awareness of potentially compulsive behavior. i want to start being more vegan again (working in an italian restaurant didn't bode well for that lifestyle. healthy eating. success and continue these efforts.
-in that vein, don't be afraid to examine past stresses and issues. remember they cannot hurt you, and you might even be pleasantly surprised with the outcome!
-be more open minded about people and events. stop wrinkling your nose at everything!
-watch more u.c.b
-go on a road trip and have it not fall through. seriously. fuck extenuating circumstances. AGAIN. thinking about turning it into a bike tour though?
-write down music i hear and like and download it asap instead of baking out and forgetting.
-back up my fucking computer! regularly!
-more arts and crafts
-better dental hygiene
-help someone everyday/do something for someone i care about/put energy towards a good cause. while better, i need to do more! animal shelters sound good. volunteered at a shelter, have since adopted two kittens. now that i'm in school i'm continuing working on the rape crisis hotline. when time allows for it (summer?) i'll want to go back to the animal rescue league.
-stop hanging out with people who are unsympathetic. wow! finally! when i do it, it's a good reminder of how much it sucks.
-now, i can work on hanging out with and making serious time for people who are sympathetic and understanding.
-stop hanging out with people who fuck me over on a continued basis and i forgive for no reason...don't forgive entirely just communicate, and be aware of how myself is situated in a given event getting old and not giving as much of a shit has definitely helped with this
-make something i am very proud of. this makes the list every year, but my fall semester papers i am very proud of. so, 2014: make something else i am very proud of.
-write more/read more for leisure. i completed the 5 book goal, but time to read fiction/fantasy/for fun.
-go with my gut. and be okay with what you have done and forgive yourself for what you will do--mistakes are inevitable while i have done this, it has resulted in a lot of impulsive choices. most of which i am happy about, but some just eat away at me. although making the list again this year, i will exercise discretion on what state my "gut" is it when it is trying to do something. repeat for 2014.
-be more observant.
-know the size and the space i occupy.
-expand my already noxious vocabulary...i will continue to simultaneously proliferate and hone my written and verbal capacity to most directly deploy meaning. HA yeah, do this again but no excuse to be an asshat.
-don't be so judgmental. while i have largely gotten better, i find i have become very short with some people who approach me the wrong way. i need to be kinder and remember not everyone has had the same experiences that i have, and me telling someone to "fuck off no ones trying to talk you anyway" doesn't have the greatest potential to catalyze life changing discussions about power and privilege.
-break the romanticized visions i have about living and certain life styles....all but a one really. and it's cuz i haven't tried it yet. while it settles at the bottom of my stomach once and while, it doesn't fester anymore.
-stop making schedules that are over the top. that did NOT happen at all fall semester...2 jobs at 40 hours/week, 5.5 classes, extra curricular, etc. spring will be better! only one job
-success on stop making crazy schedules, now stop making underwhelming schedules. don't be lazy! spring 2014 semester will be big for this!
-sleep more. i'll try again this year.
-dance more
-work and make a lot of cash money dolla bills. something dancing more could help with?
-get and stay confident about what i have to say. this fluctuates, but being asked to speak helps. time to get out of my comfort zone. this has become less pressing.
-introspection is crucial but shouldn't be so critical.
-everything is a learning experience, evaluated objectively as such, et cetra
-everything will change/things fall apart (the harder parts of learning experiences)
-quit smoking. i did between september and finals, i'll try again now.
-branch out. that didn't happen, i branched in, closer to lili, MB, and baby, closer to random belmont kids in my attempt at branching out, i branched in again. and am very grateful for it. now am branching into places surrounded by "safe" people (ie school and research). maybe time to get myself back out there a bit, it's ok to be uncomfortable.
-only smoke good nuggets
-implement full out sex-ed program by the summer. girl's night doesn't count entirely, but a good start.
-travel
-reconnect with CFSers/go to the folk festival in august....again again!
-get inspired: go to art museums, go for walks, look around, explore. i'm am pleased to say i've been more active on this front, but i always want to keep exploring!
-make more art
-take more random mini vacations definitely do this again this year
-get really flexible. i'm doing bikram yoga these days and i'm pretty bendy, but i wanna do some crazy shit by next january!
-go to the UN in february and love every second of it
-better disentangle my thoughts and construct a rational proceeding course of action
-spend a while off facebook. this goal should be a three month stint at a time that it is reasonable for it to occur been facebook free one year!
-spend a while off tumblr. it eats my soul/makes me depressed. the world is a tough place sometimes, and it's okay to take a break.
-spend more time inside my body and interacting with reality then getting lost in my thoughts because 1) it's impossible to have a conversation without sounding like an elitist prick 2) it contributes to my over thinking things 3) i am happier..this is called dissociating! grounding really helps
-cook more! make myself and friends five (5) amazing and complex dinners.
-just because everything has an allegorical meaning doesn't mean everyone wants to talk about it--goes with knowing the space/size i occupy :)
-love people and let them love you back. paranoia, loneliness, and self deprecation do not have a place in relationships. people care about you, believe them, let them know you love them back this i was really concerned about. i'm proud to say i've made progress! always remember and work on this though.
-do not perceive pressure when there isn't any. do not live in your past. it's hard when so much work right now is about dealing with my past. however, i think i'm improving.
-shift general framework from the punitive to the positive, i.e. "perceive warmth and support and embrace it. engage with your present and for your future", rather than what was stated above
-don't be so fucking over dramatic
-let things go. maybe carry around a little book to write in. just something to get the thoughts off your chest in a harmless way. better, but still difficult.
-drink more tea and take multi vitamins
-stop consuming aspertame. no more splenda, decrease diet coke consumption continue this
-figure out why you shifted from "me" and "I" to "you" over the last two years when writing your resolution list. hmm.
-when you move, take care of your room and your space. paint, put pictures up. ideally, rooms are sanctuaries--not storage spaces. haven't moved yet, but did a deep cleaning of my room the other day! remember this for future reference.
-get out of worcester. there's nothing left for you here except a few close (wonderful, dear) friends. you will make new ones
-graduate school
-start that process by dealing with the GREs
-buy a massage table
-learn reiki/better massage techniques. decided i don't want to learn reiki. however, i want to get my massage certification [10 year plan?]
-get personal trainer certification [10 year plan?]
-get a health teacher certification [10 year plan?]
-work on back/arms at the gym.
-make tons of smoothies.
-go to therapy. worst thing that happens is it doesn't work, and you stop great choice! continue
-do month by month planning. the best way to do this is wall calendar. go to staples and explore options
2017
-body modifications: i miss my belly button, but a tattoo may be order. likely not, i'll stick with bayalage once a year.
-being decisive. one thing they didn't teach you in school is how to deal with people you love when you've outgrown them, or at least gown differently
-balance. you live in extremes, be gentle
-practice gratitude for yourself and your opportunities
-5 year plan is in process, and 10 year plan is developing
-rebuild a sense of connection with my gut, so when people say "trust your gut," i can
-buy adult clothes (i've gotten real pants but i still wear HS girl clothing)
-do one (1) pull up!!! why is this so hard??/general back strength
-accept yourself in relation to the past, don't erase or ignore
-stop being so judgemental
-t r a v e l
-publish again
-back up my computer regularly
-curate your music collection
-think things through, as in potential consequences. great at making plans, harder to predict outcomes
-write more. it's so important and has helped you so much during this summer
get the tattoo i want in replacement of piercing or vice versa. got my lip done in 2011. bored again. i think i'm finally okay with this. maybe redo belly button or tongue, have considered nipple/s, but pretty eh about the whole thing.
-continue to be decisive, especially in regards to school and work, and relationships...must continue to communicate choices better.
-find a balance between decisiveness and sentimentality.
-complete tasks [for the day, the week, the month] and acknowledge that effort.
-start wearing real pants more often.
-be more responsive.
-set goals. do your best to make a concrete 10 year plan that is doable, exciting, and in a satisfying direction. in 10 years you'll be 34! what do you want accomplished? where will you be? what will you be doing?
-declare a major however, double majoring is ruining my life, so might change depending on discussion with FA about law school and trinidad experience...success! great discussion, left with a double major and minor with reasonable direction if not fairly solid plans
-after discussion, appropriate research in decided direction
-continue to enjoy personal oxymoronic tendencies. while this has been steady, i need to shake paranoia, and continue to work on this. rather than shake paranoia, perhaps work on not caring as much?
-play more (harmless!!!!!! and not annoying!!!!!) tricks...still a little overbearing at times, but learning.
-continue my healthy eating and gym routine but not drop my b.m.i. below 18.5 or 122 lbs (currently 19.5-6/129 lbs)...and maintaining personal awareness of potentially compulsive behavior. i want to start being more vegan again (working in an italian restaurant didn't bode well for that lifestyle. healthy eating. success and continue these efforts.
-in that vein, don't be afraid to examine past stresses and issues. remember they cannot hurt you, and you might even be pleasantly surprised with the outcome!
-be more open minded about people and events. stop wrinkling your nose at everything!
-watch more u.c.b
-go on a road trip and have it not fall through. seriously. fuck extenuating circumstances. AGAIN. thinking about turning it into a bike tour though?
-write down music i hear and like and download it asap instead of baking out and forgetting.
-back up my fucking computer! regularly!
-more arts and crafts
-better dental hygiene
-help someone everyday/do something for someone i care about/put energy towards a good cause. while better, i need to do more! animal shelters sound good. volunteered at a shelter, have since adopted two kittens. now that i'm in school i'm continuing working on the rape crisis hotline. when time allows for it (summer?) i'll want to go back to the animal rescue league.
-stop hanging out with people who are unsympathetic. wow! finally! when i do it, it's a good reminder of how much it sucks.
-now, i can work on hanging out with and making serious time for people who are sympathetic and understanding.
-stop hanging out with people who fuck me over on a continued basis and i forgive for no reason...don't forgive entirely just communicate, and be aware of how myself is situated in a given event getting old and not giving as much of a shit has definitely helped with this
-make something i am very proud of. this makes the list every year, but my fall semester papers i am very proud of. so, 2014: make something else i am very proud of.
-write more/read more for leisure. i completed the 5 book goal, but time to read fiction/fantasy/for fun.
-go with my gut. and be okay with what you have done and forgive yourself for what you will do--mistakes are inevitable while i have done this, it has resulted in a lot of impulsive choices. most of which i am happy about, but some just eat away at me. although making the list again this year, i will exercise discretion on what state my "gut" is it when it is trying to do something. repeat for 2014.
-be more observant.
-know the size and the space i occupy.
-expand my already noxious vocabulary...i will continue to simultaneously proliferate and hone my written and verbal capacity to most directly deploy meaning. HA yeah, do this again but no excuse to be an asshat.
-don't be so judgmental. while i have largely gotten better, i find i have become very short with some people who approach me the wrong way. i need to be kinder and remember not everyone has had the same experiences that i have, and me telling someone to "fuck off no ones trying to talk you anyway" doesn't have the greatest potential to catalyze life changing discussions about power and privilege.
-break the romanticized visions i have about living and certain life styles....all but a one really. and it's cuz i haven't tried it yet. while it settles at the bottom of my stomach once and while, it doesn't fester anymore.
-stop making schedules that are over the top. that did NOT happen at all fall semester...2 jobs at 40 hours/week, 5.5 classes, extra curricular, etc. spring will be better! only one job
-success on stop making crazy schedules, now stop making underwhelming schedules. don't be lazy! spring 2014 semester will be big for this!
-sleep more. i'll try again this year.
-dance more
-work and make a lot of cash money dolla bills. something dancing more could help with?
-get and stay confident about what i have to say. this fluctuates, but being asked to speak helps. time to get out of my comfort zone. this has become less pressing.
-introspection is crucial but shouldn't be so critical.
-everything is a learning experience, evaluated objectively as such, et cetra
-everything will change/things fall apart (the harder parts of learning experiences)
-quit smoking. i did between september and finals, i'll try again now.
-branch out. that didn't happen, i branched in, closer to lili, MB, and baby, closer to random belmont kids in my attempt at branching out, i branched in again. and am very grateful for it. now am branching into places surrounded by "safe" people (ie school and research). maybe time to get myself back out there a bit, it's ok to be uncomfortable.
-only smoke good nuggets
-implement full out sex-ed program by the summer. girl's night doesn't count entirely, but a good start.
-travel
-reconnect with CFSers/go to the folk festival in august....again again!
-get inspired: go to art museums, go for walks, look around, explore. i'm am pleased to say i've been more active on this front, but i always want to keep exploring!
-make more art
-take more random mini vacations definitely do this again this year
-get really flexible. i'm doing bikram yoga these days and i'm pretty bendy, but i wanna do some crazy shit by next january!
-go to the UN in february and love every second of it
-better disentangle my thoughts and construct a rational proceeding course of action
-spend a while off facebook. this goal should be a three month stint at a time that it is reasonable for it to occur been facebook free one year!
-spend a while off tumblr. it eats my soul/makes me depressed. the world is a tough place sometimes, and it's okay to take a break.
-spend more time inside my body and interacting with reality then getting lost in my thoughts because 1) it's impossible to have a conversation without sounding like an elitist prick 2) it contributes to my over thinking things 3) i am happier..this is called dissociating! grounding really helps
-cook more! make myself and friends five (5) amazing and complex dinners.
-just because everything has an allegorical meaning doesn't mean everyone wants to talk about it--goes with knowing the space/size i occupy :)
-love people and let them love you back. paranoia, loneliness, and self deprecation do not have a place in relationships. people care about you, believe them, let them know you love them back this i was really concerned about. i'm proud to say i've made progress! always remember and work on this though.
-do not perceive pressure when there isn't any. do not live in your past. it's hard when so much work right now is about dealing with my past. however, i think i'm improving.
-shift general framework from the punitive to the positive, i.e. "perceive warmth and support and embrace it. engage with your present and for your future", rather than what was stated above
-don't be so fucking over dramatic
-let things go. maybe carry around a little book to write in. just something to get the thoughts off your chest in a harmless way. better, but still difficult.
-drink more tea and take multi vitamins
-stop consuming aspertame. no more splenda, decrease diet coke consumption continue this
-figure out why you shifted from "me" and "I" to "you" over the last two years when writing your resolution list. hmm.
-when you move, take care of your room and your space. paint, put pictures up. ideally, rooms are sanctuaries--not storage spaces. haven't moved yet, but did a deep cleaning of my room the other day! remember this for future reference.
-get out of worcester. there's nothing left for you here except a few close (wonderful, dear) friends. you will make new ones
-graduate school
-start that process by dealing with the GREs
-buy a massage table
-learn reiki/better massage techniques. decided i don't want to learn reiki. however, i want to get my massage certification [10 year plan?]
-get personal trainer certification [10 year plan?]
-get a health teacher certification [10 year plan?]
-work on back/arms at the gym.
-make tons of smoothies.
-go to therapy. worst thing that happens is it doesn't work, and you stop great choice! continue
-do month by month planning. the best way to do this is wall calendar. go to staples and explore options