(no subject)

[girlstick]

hurting the closest ones to me is something that i've excelled at. always. it's as if it's the price you pay to get close to me.

Making it better gives me this sort of satisfaction......

as if i took someone, someone who hates me.... because of the greif and sadness i've enjected into their lives by the words i say, which usually is the way i've felt and masked for a long time....

and then it comes at them like a sharp edge...

and to me...

i already knew it before it started...and the only hurt i feel is what i did to you.

i've always cried for others. if you want to look at it that way.

this time .... is a little bit different.

this time...she was my friend.

and i really couldnt' get past the friendship... nor could i get past how much love was between us.

but i never could can and will...so therefore lets just save us the grief as each day passes on ...

for everything i gave her, i made a note of how it was giving myself away.

i needed a way out..and i created one.

i've done so many people wrong...and it's so hard to keep it real...when you don't have the balls to confess to the truth. the truth is... i never wanted everything that you put on me.

truth is i could hardly careless when you are not in front of me. and that feeling...plagues my life.

so i'm free. sorry. and ready.