reconsruction of my mind
this is the 2nd night under my mother's roof. one day longer than i usually stay - one day longr than i can usually stand. i def couldnt move back here. there is a diffrence in lifestyle and their's makes me feel rotten.
i spent the evening at my aunts house and thought about how she asked me if i'd like to move in to her place. of course she just casually put it out there, not really meaning it. but there was urgency in her voice and it got me thinking bout loneliness. her home went to nuclear family of four, to just her and her almost full of angst 12 year old daughter. it only took 2 years to do it. i think bout those days thtare permanently etched into yr memories, the day when your world wobbles a little but you live each day after that thinking any minute it might collapse on you.
i was amatuerly diagnosed by david today while driving 160 km - to make it to the movies on time. he said i like chase and once i lead the chase - i get disinterested. all his words were floating past me and out the window until he said - cause you werent wanted as a kid and thats really effed you up. it sruck me odd to look at it that way and i shot him a puzzled look but quickly decided that maybe ill take that excuse for the time being. for the reason i have a pattern of receiving angry texts and disappointed looks. and i hate being that girl...that you were warned about... but im justso good at it.
my dreams may not be realized. yet. or ever.
i spent the evening at my aunts house and thought about how she asked me if i'd like to move in to her place. of course she just casually put it out there, not really meaning it. but there was urgency in her voice and it got me thinking bout loneliness. her home went to nuclear family of four, to just her and her almost full of angst 12 year old daughter. it only took 2 years to do it. i think bout those days thtare permanently etched into yr memories, the day when your world wobbles a little but you live each day after that thinking any minute it might collapse on you.
i was amatuerly diagnosed by david today while driving 160 km - to make it to the movies on time. he said i like chase and once i lead the chase - i get disinterested. all his words were floating past me and out the window until he said - cause you werent wanted as a kid and thats really effed you up. it sruck me odd to look at it that way and i shot him a puzzled look but quickly decided that maybe ill take that excuse for the time being. for the reason i have a pattern of receiving angry texts and disappointed looks. and i hate being that girl...that you were warned about... but im justso good at it.
my dreams may not be realized. yet. or ever.