An evenings contemplation
Well, I was never very regular at keeping up with my journaling. But I was attempting to keep some kind of regular schedule of meditation that might lead to some thoughts that I would want to write down. I was recording ideas as they moved me, just to get the idea on “paper.” Ever the narcissistic bastard, I was enjoying the fact that I was recording my thoughts so that I could read them in the future and see if I still thought or felt the same way.
I didn’t realize nearly 2 years have gone by in the blink of my eye. I was preoccupied with work and school and along the way I fell in love with the right woman. Life consumed me for a while and didn’t leave me time to contemplate my thoughts and record them. Oh, I forgot to add “competing with a 9 year old for use of the laptop” was kind of tricky, too. I continued to read and lurk on LJ from my smartphone, but was not conducive to meditation or exposition.
I had the greatest pleasure reading my own post from February 9th, 2011. The woman in my life, who so graciously has agreed to marry me, turns 51 this year, has lovely Cary Grantish salt and pepper hair, and is of Welsh descent. She also is hell of a cook, having worked in restaurants in her youth, can hem pants, repair broken machinery, has construction and carpentry skills (let’s not talk about when she was a blacksmith here) and plays multiple musical instruments. I can tell you I am continually amused by her many talents. She has many skills. I haven’t found anything she can’t do. Sometimes I am just in awe of her and I wonder how she could possibly be interested in boring, pragmatic and overly earnest (don’t forget Narcissistic) little me.
The thing about my Love is that she is like me, but different. We have similar beliefs and background, but so very different experiences. Had we met as younger women we would have clashed. We’ve aged into milder women and been molded by life into a shape that fits together like we were made for each other. Fortuitous for us both to have met at precisely the time in our lives when we did match together. Taught me that really, this life is about the shape we are in by the time we give up the ghost and slip the mortal coil for the spiritual plane. The outside environment shapes us as surely as water tumbles rocks and carves a canyon through the land. We also shape ourselves with the decisions we make within our hearts and minds. We make choices and we take chances that shape us all the way until we end. Pretty powerful to imagine. Well I do believe in the power of imagery and I guess I really mean to say that it’s pretty heavy to recognize the power we have to make ourselves. Make our destiny come into fruition.
All we have to do is decide what we want or what we want to believe and we can have it. Isn’t that the Secret? Know what you want, say to the universe “I want this!” and believe you can have it and be open to receive the thing you want? I believe it.
Just like Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic, I told the universe a thousand little things about the person I wanted to love and the person I fell in love with has so many of those attributes that it makes me just smile and smile. I tell my Love that I was always looking for her and she doesn’t quite believe me. She thinks I’m being romantic and using flowery language to flatter her ego. Perhaps I will let her read my journals here one day and she’ll see that all those things I told her really were true.
And I’m sitting here 2 years later, on my new used laptop (got tired of fighting the 9 year old) and I’m learning how to contemplate myself into being a writer again. And I’m trying to sort out in my mind how to escape a big formal wedding and just elope with the Girl before we spend too much money on pomp and circumstance. I just need to decide what I really, really want.
I didn’t realize nearly 2 years have gone by in the blink of my eye. I was preoccupied with work and school and along the way I fell in love with the right woman. Life consumed me for a while and didn’t leave me time to contemplate my thoughts and record them. Oh, I forgot to add “competing with a 9 year old for use of the laptop” was kind of tricky, too. I continued to read and lurk on LJ from my smartphone, but was not conducive to meditation or exposition.
I had the greatest pleasure reading my own post from February 9th, 2011. The woman in my life, who so graciously has agreed to marry me, turns 51 this year, has lovely Cary Grantish salt and pepper hair, and is of Welsh descent. She also is hell of a cook, having worked in restaurants in her youth, can hem pants, repair broken machinery, has construction and carpentry skills (let’s not talk about when she was a blacksmith here) and plays multiple musical instruments. I can tell you I am continually amused by her many talents. She has many skills. I haven’t found anything she can’t do. Sometimes I am just in awe of her and I wonder how she could possibly be interested in boring, pragmatic and overly earnest (don’t forget Narcissistic) little me.
The thing about my Love is that she is like me, but different. We have similar beliefs and background, but so very different experiences. Had we met as younger women we would have clashed. We’ve aged into milder women and been molded by life into a shape that fits together like we were made for each other. Fortuitous for us both to have met at precisely the time in our lives when we did match together. Taught me that really, this life is about the shape we are in by the time we give up the ghost and slip the mortal coil for the spiritual plane. The outside environment shapes us as surely as water tumbles rocks and carves a canyon through the land. We also shape ourselves with the decisions we make within our hearts and minds. We make choices and we take chances that shape us all the way until we end. Pretty powerful to imagine. Well I do believe in the power of imagery and I guess I really mean to say that it’s pretty heavy to recognize the power we have to make ourselves. Make our destiny come into fruition.
All we have to do is decide what we want or what we want to believe and we can have it. Isn’t that the Secret? Know what you want, say to the universe “I want this!” and believe you can have it and be open to receive the thing you want? I believe it.
Just like Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic, I told the universe a thousand little things about the person I wanted to love and the person I fell in love with has so many of those attributes that it makes me just smile and smile. I tell my Love that I was always looking for her and she doesn’t quite believe me. She thinks I’m being romantic and using flowery language to flatter her ego. Perhaps I will let her read my journals here one day and she’ll see that all those things I told her really were true.
And I’m sitting here 2 years later, on my new used laptop (got tired of fighting the 9 year old) and I’m learning how to contemplate myself into being a writer again. And I’m trying to sort out in my mind how to escape a big formal wedding and just elope with the Girl before we spend too much money on pomp and circumstance. I just need to decide what I really, really want.