(no subject)
i probably shouldn't even admit this. keep your mouth shut. there will be consequences i'm sure. be honest you keep saying. are my words not at all believable to you? my mouth is pure and white and fresh and not at all tarnished by lies that you tell.
your lies, not mine.
here's a lie. i love you. here's a truth. i don't. i may have said it enough times for you to believe me. i may have tricked even myself. maybe. maybe not. not it just feels like a marble rolling around in my mouth. cold. hard. transparent. i hold it there. curled in my tongue. clanging up against my perfect white teeth.
i don't know what is real and what is not anymore. did i ever feel the way your skin feels? did i ever run my fingers through your hair? were those lips really ever on my fingertips. my lips. the back of my neck.
but your side of the bed is still warm. occupied by you although you are thousands of miles away, occupying the other side of a different bed.
now i have the freedom to splay my legs out. now i have an excuse for stealing all the pillows.
your lies, not mine.
here's a lie. i love you. here's a truth. i don't. i may have said it enough times for you to believe me. i may have tricked even myself. maybe. maybe not. not it just feels like a marble rolling around in my mouth. cold. hard. transparent. i hold it there. curled in my tongue. clanging up against my perfect white teeth.
i don't know what is real and what is not anymore. did i ever feel the way your skin feels? did i ever run my fingers through your hair? were those lips really ever on my fingertips. my lips. the back of my neck.
but your side of the bed is still warm. occupied by you although you are thousands of miles away, occupying the other side of a different bed.
now i have the freedom to splay my legs out. now i have an excuse for stealing all the pillows.