(no subject)
It's been a good while since I made any sort of meaningful post. I've tried a few times but everytime I sit down to write I lost the concentration and desire to do so. So many different things have been going on lately I don't think I've been able to organize my thoughts enough to sit down and put them on paper.
First and foremost I am almost done with school. I have one last test to take on May, 4th then my GED will be completed. I'm a little nervous about this very last test because it's math. I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare the hell out of me. Hopefully with any luck I will get through it though. I have also contacted the college and will be going in to fill out an admissions application and financail aid forms because I have decided I am going to take college courses. I plan on going into criminal justice with the intent of working with in the juvinile system. I've checked on some on some of the educatinal requirements I would need for certain jobs I'm really interested in. With that being said looks like my best bet is to go for my bachlors degree.
I'm just as excited as I am scared to death but also extremely happy with my decision. I feel as if though I have come to a crucial point in my life. I need my own indendence away from being dependent on another person. It's become something I want so bad that me being a person with little to no patience can't wait to get going. There are other reasons for that as well. I literally feel my marriage slowly but surely slipping away. They sometimes a woman "just knows" or it's that "female intution". I was never quite so sure about all that but in the past few months I believe it whole heartdly. I don't really know how to explain in words what it is I'm seeing at home in my relationship. I just know I'm not happy with it. I feel as if though the more steps I take into being my own person I want to let go of this relationship that has caused me so much heartache in the past and sometimes still in the present. Some people would say Karma is a bitch but you know what so is resentment.
When somone has hurt you, done you wrong, or mistreated you in whatever way, sometimes no matter how hard you try you never forget it, never look at that person the same way again. It's kinda like the old saying goes I can forgive but I don't forget. And it's hard to be in a relationship with a person that you have resentment towards. I honestly, truly think that if I had been in a positin to do so I would have left a long time ago. Now that I'm setting myself up to get into that position the thought crosses my mind more often than not.
There are other thngs going on as well I just really don't have the energy to get into them right now. I do know one thing, I feel like I'm finally starting to live MY own life, and not live my life for somone else all the time. It's a great and empowering feeling. I feel like all the injustices that were done to me over the past 11 yrs of my marriage and I just sat back and took it is now bubbling up to the surface and I'm taking up for myself in a whole new way. Yea my life is chaging and changing fast but you know what, I think I kinda like it:)
First and foremost I am almost done with school. I have one last test to take on May, 4th then my GED will be completed. I'm a little nervous about this very last test because it's math. I'd be lying if I said that didn't scare the hell out of me. Hopefully with any luck I will get through it though. I have also contacted the college and will be going in to fill out an admissions application and financail aid forms because I have decided I am going to take college courses. I plan on going into criminal justice with the intent of working with in the juvinile system. I've checked on some on some of the educatinal requirements I would need for certain jobs I'm really interested in. With that being said looks like my best bet is to go for my bachlors degree.
I'm just as excited as I am scared to death but also extremely happy with my decision. I feel as if though I have come to a crucial point in my life. I need my own indendence away from being dependent on another person. It's become something I want so bad that me being a person with little to no patience can't wait to get going. There are other reasons for that as well. I literally feel my marriage slowly but surely slipping away. They sometimes a woman "just knows" or it's that "female intution". I was never quite so sure about all that but in the past few months I believe it whole heartdly. I don't really know how to explain in words what it is I'm seeing at home in my relationship. I just know I'm not happy with it. I feel as if though the more steps I take into being my own person I want to let go of this relationship that has caused me so much heartache in the past and sometimes still in the present. Some people would say Karma is a bitch but you know what so is resentment.
When somone has hurt you, done you wrong, or mistreated you in whatever way, sometimes no matter how hard you try you never forget it, never look at that person the same way again. It's kinda like the old saying goes I can forgive but I don't forget. And it's hard to be in a relationship with a person that you have resentment towards. I honestly, truly think that if I had been in a positin to do so I would have left a long time ago. Now that I'm setting myself up to get into that position the thought crosses my mind more often than not.
There are other thngs going on as well I just really don't have the energy to get into them right now. I do know one thing, I feel like I'm finally starting to live MY own life, and not live my life for somone else all the time. It's a great and empowering feeling. I feel like all the injustices that were done to me over the past 11 yrs of my marriage and I just sat back and took it is now bubbling up to the surface and I'm taking up for myself in a whole new way. Yea my life is chaging and changing fast but you know what, I think I kinda like it:)