Injustices.
I'm looking at this summer to be long, and stressful. I'm going to do my best doing all the summer assignments, along with getting a job and volunteering my time for community service.
I just really want to give up hanging out with people. Not that I don't like it, I absolutely enjoy people's company towards an extent. However, everyone I want to make plans with basically ditch me. I don't know why, it's really hurtful. I'm not trying to be all whiny about the situations, but seriously, nothing I want to plan out, ever goes through. Fucking ever. I mean, the lengths I go to hang out with people only shrivels up and doesn't happen.
I'm breaking inside. It's getting towards the point. What the fuck? Why are you so naive. You let these things happen to you, you're so fucking stupid. Is it just human nature, that these things happen? I mean, I can't even talk to anyone about how angry and distraught I feel, because there's no one there to listen to me. Jesus Christ, guys. Everyone else has a different agenda than I. I mean, I finally fucking realized that I need to get out of here, out of the monotony I call my life. The people I knew the longest, don't even want to talk to me anymore. It's like, you know, I don't even give a fuck if I want to go to Pinole Valley High School. I'm becoming content staying at De Anza, even if I don't have any friends there. It's like, I'm invisible, which I can tolerate sometimes. However, I want to feel important. No one ever makes me feel important, just useless, or someone to be used. It's just the same old story always, but rewritten as time goes on. With more elaborate words, and more understanding. I mean, I could understand that other people have agendas too, yet, why does it feel like, that whoever thought I was happy is wrong. I love helping people, I really do. On the contrary, when I offer my help, it's abused. Like, with Sarah and the senior shirts... You asked me to design it, and I did. Wait, it's not good enough. It's not flashy enough. Not everyone likes it, I know most, but not me. Artists deserve to show integrity in their work. I believe that, what's the point of asking someone else to do it, if you're just going to throw it away.
It's actually surprising, that I'm not more emotional about these type of things anymore. I'm just tired of it. This is life. This is how it's going to be, for a long while. I understand that. I'm working my hardest, to not be another tool. Basically everyone who does what the other person does is happy. They don't think, I do. Maybe I just over-analyze. Not that I want to, it just happens. It's hard to want to like me, I get it. Whatever, I'm not going to change myself for someone else. I won't let you take that away from me. I have my own fucking mind, and what I put to use for. Actually, I really got to stop saying that I understand, or it's okay. It's not. I mean, when this shit just keeps bottling up, something dreadful is going to happen.
I really wish I had someone here for me. Right here.
I just really want to give up hanging out with people. Not that I don't like it, I absolutely enjoy people's company towards an extent. However, everyone I want to make plans with basically ditch me. I don't know why, it's really hurtful. I'm not trying to be all whiny about the situations, but seriously, nothing I want to plan out, ever goes through. Fucking ever. I mean, the lengths I go to hang out with people only shrivels up and doesn't happen.
I'm breaking inside. It's getting towards the point. What the fuck? Why are you so naive. You let these things happen to you, you're so fucking stupid. Is it just human nature, that these things happen? I mean, I can't even talk to anyone about how angry and distraught I feel, because there's no one there to listen to me. Jesus Christ, guys. Everyone else has a different agenda than I. I mean, I finally fucking realized that I need to get out of here, out of the monotony I call my life. The people I knew the longest, don't even want to talk to me anymore. It's like, you know, I don't even give a fuck if I want to go to Pinole Valley High School. I'm becoming content staying at De Anza, even if I don't have any friends there. It's like, I'm invisible, which I can tolerate sometimes. However, I want to feel important. No one ever makes me feel important, just useless, or someone to be used. It's just the same old story always, but rewritten as time goes on. With more elaborate words, and more understanding. I mean, I could understand that other people have agendas too, yet, why does it feel like, that whoever thought I was happy is wrong. I love helping people, I really do. On the contrary, when I offer my help, it's abused. Like, with Sarah and the senior shirts... You asked me to design it, and I did. Wait, it's not good enough. It's not flashy enough. Not everyone likes it, I know most, but not me. Artists deserve to show integrity in their work. I believe that, what's the point of asking someone else to do it, if you're just going to throw it away.
It's actually surprising, that I'm not more emotional about these type of things anymore. I'm just tired of it. This is life. This is how it's going to be, for a long while. I understand that. I'm working my hardest, to not be another tool. Basically everyone who does what the other person does is happy. They don't think, I do. Maybe I just over-analyze. Not that I want to, it just happens. It's hard to want to like me, I get it. Whatever, I'm not going to change myself for someone else. I won't let you take that away from me. I have my own fucking mind, and what I put to use for. Actually, I really got to stop saying that I understand, or it's okay. It's not. I mean, when this shit just keeps bottling up, something dreadful is going to happen.
I really wish I had someone here for me. Right here.