"Well, whatever."
I cannot pretend that I am indifferent all of the time, at least not like he does. It's funny because deep down I know that he's in some kind of emotional pain that he has to over-compensate that by being an asshole to everyone. Shit, that's why I end up acting that way. I want to stop, but then again...
Who am I kidding?
Being a jerk sometimes leaves you with some sort of feeling of faux pas accomplishment and gives people something to talk about. People like me, however, crash and burn a few milliseconds after the deed was done. I still feel particularly shitty about everything in the end. Karma is a bitch. We've all heard it before, and we all know that she comes to get us.
Am I really full of disdain? No, not really. Once I become this beautiful, thin swan then maybe things will be easier for me. I hate looking back at the physical aspect of it all, but it will always return on what you look like. I hate having to feel self-conscience about the way I look. I'm waiting for someone to have a mutual attraction with. So far, its been bullocks.
Until there is someone who is particularly dashing, with a good ear for music and isn't an asshole all the time... I just have to continue to self-better myself. No one really likes fat chicks, let's be blunt about this. All the guy friends I find myself I could adore will never feel the same way because I never looked attractive to them in any way imagable. So that's why I constantly bicker and pretend I am cool; to over-compensate that I feel like I am the most unattractive piece of lard that you'll ever rest your weary eyes on.
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